


A Spanish Rebellion

by Accal1a



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: (These chapters are CLEARLY marked, Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arachnophobia, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Claustrophobia, Dreams vs. Reality, Flangsmut, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Hand Jobs, Hostage Situations, I blame Lemon Squad, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapping, Kissing, Lightwood Siblings, Lightwood Siblings Feels, M/M, Magic, Mild Smut, Neck Kissing, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Ritual Magic, Runes, Torture, Ultimatum Angst, and you will be able to skip or read the alternate chapter, questionable parenting, without losing the jist of the story)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-26 11:30:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 50
Words: 130,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13856895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accal1a/pseuds/Accal1a
Summary: Lorenzo Rey breezes back into town wanting to help Magnus Bane with a new revolution, after Magnus' failed attempt with the Seelies. What he wasn't prepared for was a contrite Magnus who wanted nothing to do with him. He decides to convince him, using Magnus' love against him. Can Magnus keep everyone he loves safe while still trying to convince Lorenzo this is a bad idea? Can love win out when the chips all fall after the battle is over?Written for:Shadowhunters Hiatus Bang 2018





	1. Trailer

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely could not have created this without the amazing [TeachMePatience](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TeachMePatience). She's been there though the excited moments, she's been there though the horrendous "why am I writing this? My writing sucks!" moments, and everything in between. Her unending ability to break me with her edits, as well as change around a sentence when all she got was a margin comment of "ugh" was legendary. I could not have asked for a better beta (or friend), so thank you.
> 
> The trailer at the beginning of this was made by the stupidly talented [Causteek](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Causteek). Having a FanVid made for/from a Fic of mine has been on my Fandom bucket list for at least 18 years so I'm not ashamed to admit I cried when I first watched it.
> 
> The artwork interspersed throughout this is by the fantastic [MichelleMisfit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleMisfit). Michelle has been so fantastic, including a piece of artwork at the end of Ch8 which made me shout at her in ALLCAPS and a piece of artwork in Ch32 which actually made me change the flow of the chapter entirely. :D
> 
> Coincidentally, [MarieMarion](http://mariemarion.tumblr.com) drew and posted a picture of Magnus dressed in almost exactly the outfit I'd written for Ch25, so it is also attached to that Chapter. I _loved_ it so cheekily asked if I could link to it and was told I could. 
> 
> Coincidentally (again) [Max_Maks_Art](https://www.instagram.com/max_maks_art/) made a Manip and posted it _just_ as I finished Ch42 and it was what I'd just written...so I again cheekily asked if I could attach it here and they said yes. 
> 
> This Fandom is so talented it's unreal.
> 
> Lemon Squad have also been instrumental in their love and support for this fic and I guarantee that this wouldn't be nearly as long, and I wouldn't be nearly as proud of this as I am, without them. ( **Evidence:** This was supposed to be Tier 4 (20K)).
> 
> Written for [SHHiatusBang 2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ShHiatusBang_2018).
> 
> Here's to a wonderful Season 3...I'm sorry if this makes you pre-hate Lorenzo. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Subtitle #1: 'Dear Gods, we're really doing this, what the hell have we done?')  
> (Subtitle #2: ‘Hell Puppies & Rainbows of Doom’)  
> (Subtitle #3: ‘Tea and Tears’)  
> (Subtitle #4: ‘I'm sorry, this just turned into an angry rant at Lorenzo” - [alistoney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alistoney))

Just in case you weren't quite sure what you were getting yourself into from the tags, here's a trailer, created by the amazing [Causteek](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Causteek).

  
  



	2. Prologue

  
  
_Spain 1868_  


Magnus loved being a revolutionary. 

There was never a dull moment, occasional sword fights and running from the law made his life that much more interesting; and that was something desirable in an immortals’ life. In any case, all regimes needed a shake up every now and then...added to which the hats were just terrific. Meeting Lorenzo had been a blessing. The friendship allowed him to sate his appetite for adventure, send ridiculous letters to Catarina (making her smile), gave Ragnor the ability to moan at him from thousands of miles away and offered Lorenzo a partner in crime for all of his activist exploits. It was a win, win, win, win situation. 

Today, Magnus was sporting a dark blue tri-cornered hat with an ostentatious peacock feather poking out of the side. 

Lorenzo had taken one look at it and burst out laughing. 

Magnus had responded by making the feather even bigger; and then turning Lorenzo's hat into a small lemur who promptly messed up his friend’s perfectly coiffed hair. 

Lorenzo had responded in kind, and it was only after several minutes of ridiculous spell casting that they could get their laughter under control enough to realise that the apartment now resembled a small zoo. 

Eventually, they vanished the animals back to where they'd come from, causing a minor stampede which may have trampled several fences and which Magnus categorically refused to be blamed for, even after Ragnor sent him a bill. 

Magnus turned his hat back to its original shape, feather slightly larger than its original incarnation. 

Lorenzo just rolled his eyes. 

~~~ 

In the end, the revolution was so short-lived Magnus found himself thinking it wasn't worth it. 

Lorenzo took it really hard and Magnus spent at least a week listening to him rant about how the royalists should have fought harder to keep Queen Isabella II on the throne and that the Italian prince they'd put in her stead was an affront to all of Spain. He explained that if he had been in charge, Juan Bautisa's head would have been on a spike outside the castle, and the navy would have been brought to heel before the conflict got out of hand. 

Magnus nodded along, knowing that Lorenzo just needed to vent all of the pent-up rage he had about the situation. He'd learnt from past experiences that playing devil's advocate in this situation and trying to have a debate only ended in some form of violence. The last time he'd tried, Lorenzo had broken half of the items in the apartment and turned everything else a dull grey colour, stating that that was the colour of failure. 

At long last, Magnus was able to coax Lorenzo into answering his persistent questioning about where they should go next. It took a while. Magnus thought it was actually better if they went somewhere that _didn't_ have a revolution going on, to have a bit of a holiday, so to speak. So, Magnus took Lorenzo to Canada and they spent several decades out in the wilderness, hunting and fishing, talking and laughing, drinking and eating. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. 

Some decades later, Lorenzo started to get antsy and Magnus knew that they would have to move. 

Lorenzo had a revolutionary’s spirit and that wasn't something that Magnus was going to be able to change. He knew that it wouldn't be long before they were following another cause. Apart from the revolution in Spain, Magnus wasn't sure how Lorenzo picked which side they would be on. Sometimes he wondered whether he just flipped a coin, not caring who he was championing, just that he was championing _something_. 

  


_France 1917_

"I hear there's a rebellion going on in St. Petersburg right now." Lorenzo said, walking into the living room of his plush Parisian apartment. 

He was getting a bit fed up with the décor if he was honest with himself. It was definitely time for a change of scenery. He couldn't remember how long they'd been in Paris, but France was starting to get old. It was definitely time for them to find a new country to enjoy. 

They had mostly been avoiding the war. It wasn't theirs to fight in, and as far as Magnus was aware, the entire Downworld was lying low. He had heard that there were some vampires taking advantage of the wounded soldiers, which he found pretty reprehensible; but it wasn't like he could do anything about it. He idly wondered what Camille was doing. 

The mundanes would have to deal with it, after all it was their mess to begin with. It seemed so senseless to Magnus. One Duke was killed and half the world went to pieces. He hadn't realised mundanes were so fragile. Or so petty. 

Occasionally they did help wounded soldiers who returned home; but as neither of them had Catarina's healing skill, Magnus thought they weren't that helpful. Afterwards, they had to remove the memories from the mundanes they had healed, so it ended up being more trouble than it was worth. 

Magnus was lying on a Chaise Longue, coffee in one hand, an almond croissant in the other. He looked impeccably dressed as always, even the beret jauntily balanced on his head matched his clothes perfectly. It should have looked ridiculous; but Magnus, annoyingly, made it work. 

“Living the French stereotype, I see.” Lorenzo said, looking Magnus up and down. Lorenzo would never tell him he thought his friend had style. Magnus really didn't need a bigger head than he currently sported. 

“When in Rome.” Magnus answered immediately, and was rewarded with a short bark of laughter and an eye roll from Lorenzo. If he was honest, that was the reaction he had wanted to elicit, so he was happy. He liked to see Lorenzo laughing. 

“I'm bored.” Lorenzo almost whined. He heard it in his voice, but Magnus was kind enough not to mention it, which he was grateful for. 

Magnus sat up immediately “I thought you'd _never_ come to that realisation.” 

“Wait, how long have _you_ been bored?” Lorenzo asked, exasperation tingeing his tone. 

Magnus waved his hand dismissively. “About a decade? Give or take a few years.” 

“A decade? A _decade_? Why didn't you say anything?” 

Magnus shrugged. “You were having fun.” 

Lorenzo smiled at that, this was true friendship right here. Staying in a country far after it was interesting was not something he was good at; but Magnus had always been more compassionate than he was. 

“Okay, so. Russia?” Magnus asked, seeing no reason to delay the move now Lorenzo had made the decision. 

"Ugh, no, too cold. And fur coats are so passé." 

Magnus laughed. He loved it when his fashion sense rubbed off on Lorenzo. It happened about once a decade. They often picked up each other's mannerisms and he knew they both played the 'I'm not going to tell them until they notice, and then I'm going to mock them mercilessly' game. It had got them in trouble more than once too, which kept things interesting. 

"England then?" Magnus asked. He always suggested his favourite country when they had these conversations. He reckoned he got his wish about once a century. Lorenzo hated the weather and he wasn't going to force it on him. 

"After last time? Better not, I'm not sure if there's still an arrest warrant out on me." 

"Okay, fine. You pick!" Magnus answered, two suggestions was all he had. 

“Peru?” 

Magnus just looked at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Oh, right.” Lorenzo finished. 

“Honestly, I'm almost _offended_ you forgot about one of my greatest accomplishments.” 

“Well some of us behave enough not to be banned from entire countries.” Lorenzo mocked, a small smile ghosting his lips. 

Magnus rolled his eyes. 

“So?” 

“I hear there might be a revolution in Ireland soon.” Lorenzo said, after a moment of thought. 

“Done.” 

Magnus stood as soon as he'd spoken, throwing his arms up, dramatically shifting the entire apartment from one country to another. At the same time, Lorenzo re-decorated, so when they arrived in their new destination everything was different. Magnus loved it when they moved and worked in tandem like this. 

“It’s a good job we both like potatoes.” Magnus said after a moment, walking towards the drinks cabinet. Lorenzo had changed the style of the wooden cabinet; but mercifully the alcohol had stayed the same. A century ago, Lorenzo had the bright idea to change the liquor to whatever the local delicacy was and then it got messy. Magnus couldn't even _look_ at a bottle of Sake these days, without feeling a little queasy. 

“And the stereotypes just keep coming...” Lorenzo said, rolling his eyes, it was a gesture that he did often (although that might be due to the company he kept). 

“When in...” Magnus started, smirking. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Lorenzo replied, chuckling.


	3. Chapter 1

_Present Day_

“Nice, 'almost revolution', Bane. What happened? You lost your touch?” 

“Lorenzo?” Magnus asked, shocked. His friend never was one for knocking; but Magnus felt that there really should be a protocol for someone walking back into your life after half a century, as if no time had passed. 

“No, it's the Queen of Sheba.” 

Recovering, Magnus rolled his eyes, a smile ghosting his lips despite himself. He walked towards the kitchen. “Coffee?” 

Lorenzo followed, surprise evident on his face. Magnus was making coffee by hand. He couldn't fathom one reason for him needing or _wanting_ to do that. 

When Magnus handed him a plain green mug (and Lorenzo thought it was sweet, although ridiculously sentimental, that Magnus remembered what his favourite colour was after all these years), he cupped his hands around it, blowing on the liquid a little before raising it to his lips. 

That was when he noticed the mug that Magnus was using. 

It was white in colour and had three check boxes in black running vertically down its side. The text next to the boxes said 'Single, Taken, Dating a sexy warlock'. The box next to 'Dating a Sexy Warlock' was ticked. Lorenzo couldn't stop staring at it. 

Magnus blushed when he realised what Lorenzo was staring at. “It was a gag gift.” He said, smiling fondly. “But don't tell him I'm using it. He's oddly attached to it.” 

Lorenzo wondered which 'he' had caused the sappy grin that was evident on his friend's face. He'd seen Magnus in love before. It was always absolutely disgusting. He turned into a wet blanket, and it was very frustrating, often derailing carefully laid out plans. No wonder the revolution hadn't been successful. Still, he was here now, it was going to work this time, he'd make sure of it. 

“So,” Lorenzo started, moving back into the living area and taking a seat, “what happened?” 

Magnus heard the underlying accusation to Lorenzo's tone but refused to rise to the bait. 

Lorenzo raised an eyebrow, electing to let the lack of words speak for him. 

The silence stretched, until finally Magnus answered, speaking softly. “I was wrong.” 

“Start from the beginning.” Lorenzo said immediately. 

Magnus thought it almost sounded like and order, and he only narrowly avoided giving his old friend a sharp salute. 

It took hours to explain what had been happening recently, partially because Lorenzo kept interjecting with questions as well as suggestions of what he _should_ have done. 

Magnus couldn't help feeling a little like a child receiving a scolding. When Lorenzo explained what should have happened, what Warlocks stood for, he found himself nodding along, wondering whether he had been wrong. Lorenzo was right, there was still a threat. They still weren't safe. Valentine might be dead but that didn't mean that there weren't Shadowhunters who agreed with his doctrine, if not his actions. Anyone could be the next Valentine. 

He opened his mouth to say something, unsure of what he was actually going to say, but then he heard the front door open and the moment was over. 

Lorenzo saw Magnus' face light up in a blinding smile and he rolled his eyes. His friend had it _bad_. He vaguely wondered whether the Warlock Magnus had so clearly fallen for was going to see Lorenzo's side of the story, or whether he was so in love with Magnus that he was going to have to convince two people instead of one. It was challenge he was absolutely up for, he just hadn't expected it. The last time he'd seen Magnus he was still pining over Camille. Lorenzo thought Magnus was never going to get over it, so he wasn't expecting to have this potential hurdle. He supposed this was a step in the right direction for his friend. Maybe a Warlock was too much to hope for though. Lorenzo just hoped it wasn't another vampire. 

Lorenzo heard the voice by the door, clearly taking off boots, hanging up items and babbling to Magnus about his day. Lorenzo refused to turn around, not giving Magnus or the unidentified voice the upper hand. Showing his cards this early on would only put him on the wrong foot, so he stayed staring out of the window, the third (fourth?) cup of coffee cooling in his hand. 

“I'm covered in Shax Demon Ichor, so I'm going to jump in the shower. I thought we could order in tonight and finish reading that book instead of going out? My legs feel like they're going to fall off.” 

“Alec.” 

There was something in the way Magnus spoke that made Alec pause in his ramblings. There was a slight edge to his voice and Alec's senses were immediately on alert for any trouble. He looked over into the living area and noticed that Magnus wasn't alone. His gaze swept over Magnus to check that he was okay. There didn't seem to be any injuries, and he let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. 

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise you had a client. I'll go in the other room. You won't even know I'm here.” Alec replied, walking towards the bedroom. 

“He's an old friend, not a client. Come and meet him when you've cleaned up.” Magnus said with a bright tone to his voice. He couldn't help feeling guilty about the admission he'd almost made to Lorenzo. He'd forgotten about his friend's way with words. 

Alec assumed that the edge to Magnus' voice was due to the fact he'd walked in on a confidential conversation. The Ichor was starting to burn his skin a little and his gear was solidifying as he stood there, staring at the other man. He still hadn't turned around, which Alec thought was a little odd. 

After about ten minutes, Alec came back into the living area and sat down. Magnus got a whiff of Sandalwood when Alec sat down in the chair opposite him and he smiled. Alec smelt so good, all he wanted to do was kiss him senseless. The lust must have shown a little on his face because Alec blushed in that gorgeous way he always did. Magnus couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. He loved making Alec realise the effect he had on him, it never ceased to amaze him. Despite Alec knowing that he loved him, Magnus got the impression that Alec still didn't quite let himself believe it. A long time ago, Magnus had vowed to make sure Alec always knew how much he meant to him. 

Magnus clicked his fingers and Alec felt a takeaway coffee cup in his hand. The smell of Chai wafted up towards him. There were so many things that Magnus did, that Magnus knew about him; but things like this were the best. It made Alec feel completely loved. Magnus knew that if he’d had a hard day he didn't want caffeine or sugar. He wanted a latte with Chai flavouring. It was a little thing but it made Alec's stomach flip nonetheless. 

The silence stretched to breaking point. 

“Lorenzo, this is Alec. Alec, Lorenzo.” Magnus said, gesturing at them both in turn. 

That was when the man, Lorenzo, finally turned towards him from the perpendicular chair on the third side of the coffee table. 

Alec didn't miss the widening of the man's eyes, the look of surprise on his face. Maybe Magnus' friend hadn't known he was bi. Alec didn't think he had the energy for a conversation about sexuality right now. He just wanted to curl up on the sofa with Magnus and listen to him read, getting drowsy, until Magnus closed the book and said they should go to bed. 

“A _Shadowhunter_?” Lorenzo said, whirling on Magnus. 

Magnus' smile faltered. It hadn't even occurred to him that Lorenzo would have a problem with Alec. Magnus didn't categorise Alec as 'a Shadowhunter' any more. That might be what he was; but it wasn't something that defined him. This was the man that he loved. This was just _Alec_. 

Alec saved Magnus the trouble of trying to answer, clearly seeing that Magnus was at a loss for words. Magnus smiled softly when he saw Alec take a deep breath. 

“Yes, I am a Shadowhunter. What are you?” Alec asked. 

Magnus spluttered on his coffee. He'd seen this Alec before. This was the Alec that wasn't taking any crap. This was the Alec that didn't have the energy for anyone being ignorant right now. This was the Alec who had told his own mother off; and ultimately the Alec who had changed her mind about their relationship. This was a side of Alec that Magnus wouldn't want to cross. 

“I'm a Warlock. Obviously.” Lorenzo drawled, conjuring an off-green orb of glowing light in his hand, not intimidated in the slightest. 

“Great, now we've both played the race card, it's nice to meet you.” 

Magnus hid his smile behind his cup and watched Alec bring his own to his mouth, taking a long drink. 

Lorenzo looked mutinous but Magnus couldn't bring himself to care. He'd started the conversation by being rude and he'd been shut down. It didn't happen very often, and although Magnus loved his friend, he did occasionally need to be taken down a peg or two. 

He just hadn't expected Alec to be the one to do it.


	4. Chapter 2

Alec was quiet after Lorenzo left Magnus' loft.

Magnus left him in the living area, taking the cups back to the kitchen and washing them by hand. The fact that Alec hadn't made a joke about Magnus using his mug was telling. The easy going patter that he'd been delivering when he walked through the door earlier was gone. In its stead was a hunch to his boyfriend's shoulders and an almost impenetrable silence. Magnus knew that it didn't do to let Alec brood for too long in that state; but getting him to talk straight away also wasn't possible. So he made himself scarce for 20 minutes, allowing Alec the time he usually needed to reflect. 

Alec relinquished the grip on his disposable cup when Magnus eventually pried it from his fingers. He was mildly surprised at its emptiness. He couldn't remember finishing it, a direct result of the uneasy conversation that the three of them had just had. 

After the introductions had been made, all their discussion had been stilted and overly polite; and Alec found himself thinking back to all the formal dinners that he had been forced to sit through when he was younger. As soon as he'd received his first rune he was no longer excused from the stuffy dinners, and woe betide him if his focus wavered during them. If he wasn't able to repeat back what was said by the older Shadowhunters, when commanded to, he was severely punished. Alec had always taken his status as a Shadowhunter seriously but he had been a quiet and thoughtful child. Even he knew that it was unfair to view an individual as a child one day and a fully functioning adult the next. Isabelle used to peer round the door and act out, with great exaggeration, the expressions of their sombre dinner guests just to get him to smile. Once, he'd been unable to contain his laughter and his father had been so furious that he hadn't spoken to him for a week. As he aged, Alec realised that the frostier the reception, the politer the tone, the more things were on a knife edge. His parents would never say anything outright but Alec could tell by the way his mother offered wine to a guest just what her feelings were. Diplomacy was as much reading people as it was negotiating skills. 

Alec wasn't going to say anything about Lorenzo to Magnus. This man was Magnus' friend and he didn't want to dictate who Magnus spent time with; but privately, he thought he was a dick. Thank the Angel he didn't have to actually spend any length of time with the man...at least he hoped he didn't. He couldn't imagine Magnus would want a repeat of the evening either. 

“Well, that was awkward.” Magnus said, breaking the silence and sitting down on the sofa, leaving his original chair vacant. 

Alec smiled slightly, then picked himself up and moved so that he could sit next to Magnus. He crossed one leg under the other so that he could sit sideways on and take both of Magnus' hands in his. 

Magnus turned towards him but didn't say anything more, rubbing his thumbs across the back of their now joined hands. 

“Is this what it's like?” Alec asked quietly, looking up through his too long, thick black hair. 

Whatever Magnus had been expecting Alec to say to his comment, it wasn't that. He tried, but couldn't begin to fathom what Alec was talking about. He desperately wanted to stroke the hair out of Alec's eyes but he knew that this wasn't the time. Alec needed grounding with firm hands and support, not soft gestures right now. 

“You've lost me.” 

Alec shifted slightly, getting even closer, which basically meant his knee was half off the sofa, resting on the top of Magnus' thigh. 

Alec looked deeply into Magnus' eyes. 

“Is this what it's like...for you, I mean?” 

Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Alec cut him off. 

“I'm not expl...I mean. Um.” 

Magnus hadn't heard Alec stutter like this for a long time and his heart clenched uncomfortably. This was clearly something that Alec was having trouble vocalising, so he wanted to show as much support as he could. He squeezed Alec's hands, sending encouragement for whatever was needed. It didn't matter what it was, the support was unconditional. 

“Is that...” Alec almost visibly shook himself, as if by doing so he could shake the words loose in his head and get them to fall out of his mouth. He sat up straighter and then spoke again. 

Alec used the commanding voice that he used when he needed to be Head of the Institute and that worried Magnus more. That meant that Alec was lacquering his feelings behind his 'official' voice. Magnus himself also sat up straighter, waiting for the blow to fall, the issue that would need fixing. 

“Is this what it's always like for you? That derision about who you are? Do we...have...is that what we've been saying all this time?” 

“Alexander.” Magnus said, almost without conscious thought. The outpouring of love he suddenly had for the man seemed to spill out in the form of an utterance of his name. This was one of the reasons he loved Alec. His compassion for others was like very few people Magnus had ever met; but Magnus knew that it was a double-edged sword. Having compassion caused you pain, and the fact that Alec was in pain was something Magnus could try to fix. 

Magnus pulled one of his hands free and cupped Alec's cheek, softly rubbing his thumb across it. 

Alec slightly leant into the touch, his eyelids fluttering closed. 

“Alexander.” Magnus repeated. 

Alec opened his eyes again, making eye contact with his boyfriend. 

“You don't need to apologise for years of institutional racism; but I do appreciate it. If more people think like you, things will change. It just won't happen overnight.” 

Alec had never felt so small in his life, or so useless. He wished he could fix this immediately. No people should have to deal with this, no-one should have their entire existence questioned or belittled. The fact that until this very moment, when he himself had been slandered, he hadn't thought about it properly made him sick. He should have thought about this more deeply than he had. Of course he had known that this racism existed between the different species in the Downworld, Mundane and Shadow World, but until this moment he hadn't _known_ it. 

Alec made a non-committal noise. 

Magnus leant in towards him and kissed him softly, pulling away slowly so that they could look into each other's eyes again. 

Alec gave Magnus a soft smile. “What was that for?” he whispered. 

“For asking the question.”


	5. Chapter 3

Magnus heard a clattering outside of his bedroom and he groaned, noting by the light that it couldn't be much past dawn.

Alec had slept at the Institute after a late night patrol. Magnus had said that it didn't matter, that he would rather he came home, whatever time of night it was; but Alec had insisted that Magnus needed his sleep too. Magnus thought that that was sweet, but in his half-awake state he still felt himself pout. He could have been cuddling right now. 

It was much too early to be fussing with whatever Chairman Meow wanted right now. He lazily flicked a hand towards the door and the sound diminished, the light dimming in the room too. _That was better_. 

~~~ 

When Magnus pulled himself from sleep the second time, he felt much more rested. He was no longer churlish due to the lack of Alec, (although he did rather embarrassingly miss him already). He was now grateful that his boyfriend hadn't given in to his pleas to stay over. He really hadn't been sleeping much recently due to stress; and Alec being there wasn't conducive to sleep in other ways. 

When he got out of bed, he cocked his head to the side, thinking. Once he'd worked out what colour he felt like, he clicked his fingers once and he was immediately dressed in a beautiful navy jacket with almost imperceptible burgundy swirls throughout. Magnus knew that, when caught in the right light, they sparkled. It was just the sort of outfit he liked to wear when he had clients. It was sombre enough to look professional, but fun enough that it stopped him being bored. The burgundy shirt and perfectly tailored suit trousers finished off the ensemble well. 

Magnus walked over to the dressing table and sat down. His hands reached for the many make up items littering the table-top. He very rarely dressed by hand; but make up and accessories were always done in a mundane way. He may be the High Warlock of Brooklyn but even he couldn't apply flawless eyeshadow with magic. He had thought, once upon a time, that it was just because he was trying to put make up on himself, and that was why his magic couldn't live up to the accuracy of his actual hand. He'd tried putting mascara on Ragnor once, whilst he'd slept. It had not gone down well. Ragnor hadn't been able to open his eyes because they were so caked with the black liquid and Magnus had to hastily explain that it had been an accident and that he'd been trying to put the make up on himself. He wasn't sure Ragnor believed him. 

Once he was presentable, the perfect jewellery accompanying his outfit, Magnus went out into the living room so that he could look over his appointment book for the day. He'd remembered that he had clients and that he therefore had to look smart; but couldn't remember for the life of him who they were, and whether they were house calls or whether he was expected to host. He hoped he needed to be elsewhere. He enjoyed the flexibility of having people come to him but that also meant that he had the tendency to not leave his work 'at the office'. Numerous times, Alec had left him in the morning only to find him in exactly the same position in the evening, muttering about potion ingredients, surrounded by paper. 

“No hat?” A voice asked from the vicinity of the coffee table, currently strewn with pastries and its liquid namesake. 

“Not for the last few decades, haven't been any I've really liked.” Magnus answered automatically, re-adjusting his cuff. 

It was only after several seconds that it hit him why the brief conversation had felt so odd. 

“ _Lorenzo_?” 

“Still not the Queen of Sheba.” Lorenzo answered in slightly irritated tone. 

“No. What I _meant_ was, what are you doing here?” 

“I'm hurt! And after I brought coffee and everything.” Lorenzo said with mock solemnity. 

Magnus rolled his eyes in spite of himself. “Lorenzo.” He carried on, patiently, his voice laden with decades of practice. 

“Early bird catches the worm...or whatever that stupid phrase is.” Lorenzo said, waving in the direction of some free-standing boards that were blocking out some of the light into the loft. 

Magnus couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. The boards were covered in writing, not all of it in English, some bits and pieces of paper were tacked to them as well, with maps and pentagrams festooned everywhere. 

“Coffee.” Magnus said, more for something to say than anything else. He was actually feeling well rested and not needing his requisite caffeine dose. He just needed time for his brain to catch up with what he was seeing, because what he thought he was seeing was Lorenzo creating a base of operations for a revolution _in his loft_. 

Lorenzo waved in the direction of the table, as if Magnus had just walked into his house and he was being a dutiful host. 

Magnus had settled down into one of the chairs, holding a coffee cup in one hand. He banished his beautiful suit back to the hanger in his bedroom and was now sporting no less fashionable, but eminently more practical clothing for sitting around the house. 

Lorenzo turned back towards Magnus and smirked. “Crisis of fashion conscience?” 

“This doesn't really seem like a suit and tie occasion.” Magnus replied with a slight edge to his tone. 

“No appointments?” 

Magnus very deliberately conjured a letter and then set fire to it. “Apparently not.” 

“Good.” Lorenzo said, turning back to his boards. 

~~~ 

Lorenzo had been speaking for several minutes before Magnus realised that there was a fundamental misunderstanding between them both. He let him continue briefly whilst he tried to figure out how to break the news to his old friend. 

In the end, he went for an oldie but a goodie. 

“Stop.” 

Lorenzo carried on speaking and Magnus didn't know whether it was because he hadn't heard him or if he didn't care. 

“Stop!” 

That time Magnus _knew_ Lorenzo had heard him but still continued speaking for a few more sentences before he stopped. Magnus found himself wondering whether Lorenzo had always been this inconsiderate. 

“What?” Lorenzo asked, clearly irritated by the interruption. 

“What do you mean, what? You come in here, set up shop and then start giving a presentation all without the prerequisite discussion about said presentation.” 

Lorenzo looked genuinely confused by what Magnus had said, which made Magnus baffled in turn. Clearly they were speaking across purposes somewhere. 

“Let’s start again, shall we?” Magnus said pointedly. “Good Morning, Lorenzo! How nice to see you again!” 

Lorenzo sighed. “Good Morning, Magnus! How are you on this fine day? Would you like to have a working breakfast?” 

“Why yes, that would be wonderful. What are we working on?” 

Magnus didn't think this was a stupid question; but the look that Lorenzo furnished him with clearly showed that he, at least, did. 

“What?” 

“What are we working on?” Lorenzo asked, advancing on Magnus. “We're working on what you failed to deliver. This is the plan for the revolution you _should_ have been able to achieve.” 

Magnus laughed. 

Lorenzo was not laughing. 

“Wait, you're serious?” 

“Of course I'm serious.” Lorenzo replied, scowling. 

“Why would yo...oh.” Magnus finished lamely. “You were giving me notes on my failed revolution yesterday, not just mocking me.” 

“I mean, I was mocking you; but that's because you clearly can't pull off a revolution without me.” 

Magnus' brain was starting to hurt. 

He clicked his fingers and the boards disappeared. “We are not having a revolution, Lorenzo! Get a grip, it's 2018.” 

Lorenzo pulled himself up so he was standing ramrod straight. The moment stretched and just when Magnus was about to say something else, his friend replied. 

“Is this because of that Shadowhunter? Ugh, Magnus!” Lorenzo threw his hands up in the air. “He can't be _that_ good in bed. We'll find you another raven-haired beauty when this is all over.” 

“Leave Alec out of this.” 

Lorenzo held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “I'm just saying. Don't be an idiot. He can't be worth siding with the Clave over. We can find you a new one once...” 

“Lorenzo,” Magnus said, as calmly as he could, “I don't _want_ a 'new one'. I want Alec.” 

“Let's put a pin in that then...” Lorenzo said, conjuring the boards back into the loft. 

“Lorenzo! I don't think you're listening to me.” Magnus repeated, unfurling from his chair like a cat. He banished the boards away again. 

Lorenzo lazily pinged them back into existence with a flick of his wrist. 

Magnus walked towards his friend, disappearing the boards as he did so. 

Lorenzo moved his hand; but Magnus grasped it before he could get the full movement off. “Let me explain.” 

Lorenzo smiled laconically, moving to sit down in the chair that Magnus had just vacated, gesturing imperiously with his hand for Magnus to start to speak. 

“Three things.” Magnus said. He held his fist up and showed one finger for each of the points he made. “I was wrong. The revolution was a bad idea. I'm _glad_ it failed.” 

“I don't understand.” 

“You wouldn't.” Magnus said somewhat unfairly. 

“Fine,” Lorenzo answered “we'll pick this up later.” 

Magnus rolled his eyes as Lorenzo promptly vanished in a puff of smoke. His friend had always been way more dramatic than he was.


	6. Chapter 4

Magnus could have rescheduled his appointment; but after Lorenzo left he found himself entirely without any work ethic. The _gall_ of that man. He'd just walked in and started taking over! Magnus found himself wondering whether he had been a wet blanket in the past and just hadn't noticed Lorenzo always being like that. The other option was worse to consider, was he like that? Was that why they had got on for so many years? 

As the day went on, he found himself regularly opening his phone, staring at the contact card for Alec, and then locking it again. He wasn't sure what was stopping him calling. Pride, maybe; but also shame. What if Alec thought less of him now? And after the interaction he'd had with Lorenzo this morning, he's pretty sure _he_ thinks less of himself now, so he wouldn't even begrudge Alec that thought. He should have shut Lorenzo down much better than he had. It hadn't sounded like Lorenzo was going to let this go any time soon. 

~~~ 

Alec wasn't deliberately slowing his feet on his way to Magnus', he _wasn't_. He'd had a very long day and all he wanted to do was relish in the evening that had been denied him yesterday. After him and Magnus had had their chat, Alec had found it difficult to relax. If that other man was there again, he knew he wasn't going to get a relaxing evening tonight either. 

He wasn't sure why he did it, but when he got to Magnus' front door, he knocked. Even after he'd realised what he'd done, he still couldn't make himself reach for the door handle. 

As soon as Magnus opened the door, Alec knew he'd made the wrong decision. Magnus looked hurt when he saw that it was him. 

“Alexander...” Magnus started, hesitantly, unsure where he was going with the rest of his sentence. 

“I...” Alec replied, the apology for knocking on the tip of his tongue. 

It took several moments for Magnus to realise he was blocking the door. He only stopped himself telling Alec to come in when he swung the door wider. 

Alec narrowly avoided thanking Magnus for letting him enter. 

The whole encounter was rapidly spiralling out of control, both Magnus and Alec couldn't believe it was happening. This was a wholehearted loving relationship, they shouldn't be acting like this! 

“Magnus, I...” Alec stammered, at the same time that Magnus said “Alec, I...” 

They both laughed, slightly embarrassed; and the invisible force that was holding them apart popped like a soap bubble. 

Alec reached down and held Magnus' hand. 

Magnus squeezed back and then with a wicked glint in his eye and a teasing quirk to his lips, he pulled Alec forward. And Alec, his beautiful, graceful Shadowhunter stumbled slightly, which made Magnus smile more. 

“Hi.” Magnus said once they were face to face. 

“Hi.” Alec said, smiling widely. 

They closed the gap between them and just before their lips met, they both wondered what they had been worrying about. 

~~~ 

Lorenzo walked in to Magnus' loft the following morning carrying a basket full of croissants. 

It was a much more reputable time of the morning, so Magnus was up, dressed and sitting looking at his appointment book. 

“Honey, I'm home!” Lorenzo called. 

Magnus only narrowly avoided hexing him into next week. “I have an appointment.” He said pointedly. 

“Cancel it, this is much more imp...” Lorenzo started, but was cut off by Magnus raising his hand in a clear gesture, demanding attention. 

“I'll be three hours at most. You can stay, or you can come back.” 

Without waiting for a reply, Magnus created a portal and exited the loft. He knew that was definitely one of his best exits from a room in the last century, possibly even rivalling those from the overly-dramatic warlock left standing in his empty loft. 

~~~ 

Four hours later, Magnus appeared back in his living room. 

“You're late.” Lorenzo said immediately. 

Magnus refused to rise to the bait. “What did you want, Lorenzo?” 

Lorenzo flicked a wrist and the planning boards arrived in Magnus' loft again. One of them knocked over a lamp, and Magnus was convinced that Lorenzo had done it on purpose. He _knew_ his old friend had better spatial awareness than that. 

“So, as I was saying...” Lorenzo started whilst moving towards the boards and conjuring a laser pointer out of thin air. He made to begin highlighting one of the Chthonian spells. 

“Lorenzo.” Magnus said, forcefully. “We are _not_ planning a revolution! What is _wrong_ with you?” 

Lorenzo turned towards his old friend very slowly. 

“What is wrong with me?” Lorenzo paused. “What is wrong with _you_?” 

“Probably quite a lot, I mean I'm not great with computers and why should I learn? In ten years they'll be obsolete. I mean look at this.” Magnus waved his phone. “Ten years ago, who would have thought that this would b...” 

“Magnus! This is serious!” Lorenzo replied, his voice lowering with menace. 

“It's really not.” Magnus said, snorting with derision. 

Lorenzo advanced on Magnus, throwing the laser pointer aside with physical force as he did so. 

Magnus could count on one hand the amount of times Lorenzo had thrown something without his magic and it never ended well. 

“I think that _Shadowhunter_ has made you soft.” 

Lorenzo had managed to make ‘Shadowhunter’ sound like a dirty word. Magnus wanted to shout at him for that alone. 

Magnus opened his mouth to reply but Lorenzo cut him off. “It's like you've forgotten what being a Warlock is about.” 

Magnus opened his mouth again and Lorenzo raised a finger to stop him talking. 

“We. Are. _Going_. To. Revolt. Because you were right the first time, it was just your execution that was flawed. I mean siding with the Seelie Queen. Come on, Magnus. We're better than that. You know they have angel blood right? It pollutes their system with...oh but I guess you probably like that sort of thing nowadays don't you?” 

“Lorenzo,” Magnus said patiently, which was the last thing he felt. He wanted to shout, but he knew from experience that shouting at Lorenzo never ended well. “We do not need a rebellion, because we are not downtrodden. The Clave are not our enemy.” 

“Oh Magnus, oh.” Lorenzo simpered, making Magnus want to physically strike him. “I had no idea how bad this had got. I should have intervened here sooner.” 

Magnus was absolved from the responsibility of replying by the sound of the front door opening. _No, not now. I love you Alec, but not now. Please._

“Magnus! The Head of the Institute very kindly gave me the afternoon off. Which I thought was nice of him. He explained that as he was dating the High Warlock of Brooklyn he should get some perks, and I could hardly argue.” Alec chuckled to himself at his own attempt at a joke, momentarily bowled over by the fact that he had someone who he could joke like this with. 

“I brought lunch.” Alec called, walking in the door. He was laden down with take-out containers from the Jade Wolf and clearly hadn't seen that Magnus wasn't alone. 

Alec manoeuvred around the sofa, thankful that he had his agility rune activated when he nearly tripped over something on the floor. 

Magnus could almost hear the disbelief inherent in the silent words Lorenzo mouthed at him, whilst Alec, unseeing, put the containers on the coffee table. 

“Head of the Institute?”


	7. Chapter 5

Alec had never been more thankful for a text from Jace. He actually thinks this might be the only time in recorded history that anyone has ever been thankful for a text from Jace Herondale.

The text message tone was not the one that heralded a mission (a text message tone that Magnus has wanted to silence on many occasions), but Magnus completely understood why Alec made his excuses to leave the awkward luncheon. 

“Well at least he brings good Chinese food.” Lorenzo said uncharitably when Alec had left. 

“Enough!” Magnus replied, his patience wearing thin. “Enough. This is the man I _love_ , Lorenzo. He is not _just_ a Shadowhunter, he is not _just_ a good lay and he is not _just_ an errand boy. He is not _just_ anything.” 

“You love him?” Lorenzo said slowly, an inscrutable look on his face. 

Magnus raised his head up high, furnishing Lorenzo with a steely look. “Yes, Lorenzo. I do.” 

“That's interesting.” 

~~~ 

Magnus was starting to curse the advent of the fire message. Messages were arriving at all times of the day and night. It was getting rapidly out of hand. 

“What does he want now?” Alec asked sleepily. 

“Same old, same old.” Magnus replied. “Master race, blah blah. Overthrow the Clave, blah blah. Demeaning myself with a Shadowhunter, blah blah.” 

Alec turned over in bed, pulling Magnus in close. 

“Not yet, you're not.” Alec said, a slight redness immediately ghosting his face. 

Magnus loved that Alec still got bashful when making suggestive comments. It just made him want to kiss him all the more. 

“I thought you had to get up in the morning.” Magnus replied. 

“Who's going to tell me off if I'm late?” Alec replied, sitting up so that he could throw his left leg over Magnus, straddling his hips. 

“Jace.” Magnus replied. 

“Please let that be the first and last time you mention Jace in bed ever again.” Alec said, laughing. 

“Noted.” 

Alec leant down and captured Magnus' mouth in a searing kiss, rolling his hips at the same time and causing a glorious friction. 

Magnus' gasp afforded Alec with the ability to deepen the kiss. Just so he could hear Magnus moan, Alec rolled his hips for the second time, smiling into the kiss. 

“Like that is it?” Magnus asked after Alec had pulled away slightly. 

Alec sat up, smiling mischievously and rolled his hips for a third time. 

Magnus gasped but didn't let Alec have the satisfaction of another moan. He bucked his hips upwards, toppling his teasing boyfriend unceremoniously sideways. He rapidly changed their positions, rolling his hips into Alec's and dropping his hands to the bed to frame Alec's head, kissing him soundly. 

“No fair.” Alec said when Magnus pulled away slightly. 

Magnus leant down again, whispering in Alec's ear. “Don't start something if you can't take what you might get in return.” 

Magnus pulled Alec's hands away from his body, briefly bemoaning the loss but very much looking forward to what he was about to do. He pressed Alec's hands into the mattress by his head, putting weight on his boyfriend's wrists and ducking down to whisper in his ear again. 

“Stay.” 

Alec shuddered at the way Magnus' breath ghosted against his ear and he could almost feel the way that Magnus smiled against his neck. 

Magnus pulled back slightly so that he could kiss Alec again, grinding in to his crotch as he did so and creating some frankly obscene friction. He pulled away enough that he could kiss down Alec's jaw and down his neck to quite possibly his favourite rune on his boyfriend's body. 

Alec arched up into the touch, which was possibly the worst (or best) thing that he could do. It afforded Magnus with yet more skin to kiss, lick and nip at. He licked along the entire rune, blowing air onto it afterwards and smiling when he was rewarded with another shudder. Immediately after the shudder had subsided, Magnus went back to it, not giving Alec any quarter. 

After several more minutes, Alec was a panting mess under Magnus' ministrations, struggling against Magnus' hold on his wrists. 

Magnus knew that Alec could overpower him physically any day of the week; but the moment Alec was even remotely turned on, he lost all ability to think straight and use his strength to get free. Naturally, Magnus took full advantage of that. Every time. 

With one last thrust downwards, Magnus got off Alec. He pressed his wrists hard into the mattress and, as he did so and gave the rune another quick bite, causing another gasp to be elicited from Alec. Magnus was starting to feel his own arousal, but was having far too much fun to pay it much mind. 

Magnus lay down next to Alec, one leg over Alec's, trapping him. He moved one hand up to cup his face, stroking down his neck. Magnus leant in and took Alec's earlobe in his mouth and sucked. At the same time, he ran his hand under Alec's pyjama trousers, finally taking him in hand. 

Alec arched off the bed again, the assault to both his ear and his manhood too much all at once. 

“Ugh! Magnus!” He cried, bucking up into Magnus' hand. His own hands were free; but he couldn't do anything besides grab the sheets in his fists, his entire body given over to lust and short-circuiting his motor abilities. 

Magnus gently bit Alec's ear as he withdrew. “Yes?” Magnus asked sweetly, gently stroking his boyfriend. 

“Stop. Teasing.” He said, brokenly. “I can't...” 

Magnus stopped cupping Alec's face and instead raised himself up on one elbow so he could kiss him. He kissed Alec in time with the strokes, darting his tongue in and out of his mouth. 

“Magnus!” Alec cried into his boyfriend's mouth, arching off the bed again and cumming for what seemed like an eternity. 

Magnus carried on stroking Alec until he was spent, whimpering slightly from the prolonged contact. 

Alec was messy for mere moments before Magnus had magicked it away. Alec was only vaguely aware enough to marvel at Magnus' magic. Ordinarily when Magnus did magic Alec was slightly turned on; and whilst he still felt in awe of his boyfriend's considerable power, right now his member couldn't even manage a flicker of interest. 

After a few minutes, neurons firing again, Alec felt able to reciprocate. Taking up his original position, he kissed Magnus soundly, thrusting his hips downwards in a similar fashion, eliciting moans of desire from his partner. 

Alec kissed behind Magnus' right ear, sucking the skin there into a small hickey. 

Magnus moaned. 

Alec loved exploring Magnus and finding all the best places to stimulate him. This was always one that earnt him a moan and so he almost always kissed there, enjoying the noises he was able to draw out. 

Another fire message appeared and Magnus burnt it to cinders as soon as it arrived. He didn't even open his eyes. 

Alec marvelled at how wonderful Magnus was then. How casually he had cast magic. How damn hot that was. He kissed Magnus again slow and long, which was why Magnus was utterly unprepared when Alec reached up and tweaked both of his nipples at once with just the right amount of pressure. 

Magnus gasped, so Alec did it again, rolling the nubs between his fingers, playing Magnus like a fiddle. 

Magnus couldn't think straight, hadn't moved his hands from where they were resting against Alec's hips. 

Alec moved off Magnus and slid down the bed. He took Magnus' boxers in his teeth and dragged them down towards the bottom of the bed. 

Magnus looked up when Alec started doing that and almost came right there. The picture was one he knew he was going to remember. When he had got the boxers part way towards Magnus' feet, Alec pushed them down with his hands until they were off Magnus and he was fully naked. 

Soon after, Alec took Magnus fully into his mouth with one swallow. 

Magnus couldn't help it, he bucked up into the hot, wet cave that was Alec's mouth. 

Alec made a slight choking sound and Magnus forced his hips back onto the bed. Alec then pulled his lips slowly off Magnus, watching him as he did so. Alec wished he could frame the picture of Magnus, mid throws of passion. His head was tilted back and he could never work out where to put his hands. Without Alec to hold on to his frenetic movements truly became a sight to behold. 

Alec varied speeds, keeping Magnus teetering on the edge for as long as he could, but eventually he took pity on him. Magnus was making faint keening noises in the back of his throat and gasping for breath at the same time. 

Magnus came with shout, his boyfriend's name on his lips, his orgasm prolonged as Alec continued to suck, milking him for all he had. 

Alec let Magnus go with an audible pop, winking at him as he did so. 

“God, you're good at that.” Magnus said, sounding wrecked. 

Alec just smiled, retrieving the cover that had been kicked off the bed during their ministrations. “I had a good teacher.” 

“Remind me to thank him one day.” Magnus replied, laughing tiredly. 

Alec snuggled into Magnus' side, one arm across his torso, with Magnus' arm around his shoulders. 

“I love you.” He said after a moment of contented silence. 

“I love you too, Alexander.”


	8. Chapter 6

Magnus was finally fed up. It was day five of what he was calling the 'Fire Message Apocalypse' and he was rapidly losing all patience. He replied to the most recent Fire Message Lorenzo sent. It said just two words: _Loft. NOW._

Seconds later, there was a knock at the door and Magnus opened it with a flick of his wrist. 

"Finally seen my side of the story?" Lorenzo drawled. 

Magnus slammed the door behind him as soon as he'd entered. 

"No, Lorenzo, I haven't. You've got to stop this.” 

“Oh Magnus, Magnus, Magnus.” Lorenzo simpered. “Simple, poor sighted Magnus.” 

Magnus opened his mouth to say something; but Lorenzo immediately cut him off. 

“We're doing this. And you're helping.” 

“No, I'm...” 

“Magnus, I'd hate to have to force you into this. I'd like it to be a partnership, like the good old days.” Lorenzo said, opening his arms at the same time as if in a gesture of friendship. 

Magnus did not feel any kinship to Lorenzo at that moment and started to wonder exactly why he ever had. He thought back to the last time they'd taken part in a revolution and could only remember being _bored_ and reeling off a list of places they could revolt. Was that all it had been? Had he been going along with Lorenzo for centuries because he had been bored? How many countless lives had he affected due to that hubris? It didn't bare thinking about; and yet Magnus couldn't _stop_ thinking about it. 

“Lorenzo,” Magnus said patiently, even though he didn't feel patient, “I am not helping you. Nothing you can say is going to make me help you. This is a ridiculously short-sighted plan and we'd be dumb to even consider it, let alone enact it. The Clave is not the enemy. The Soul Sword is recovered, Valentine is dead. It's _over_.” 

“It's never over Magnus, and you're a fool for thinking it is. Your Shadowhunter has blinded you to the realities of our situation. It'll be easier to get the other Warlocks on board if I have you with me.” 

Lorenzo paused as if for breath and continued on with a pensive look on his face. “You know there will be those weaklings, Elias and the like, who won't ever do anything to buck the system. They almost _like_ being oppressed. And of course Ragnor and Cat and Dot won't go anywhere without you.” 

Lorenzo tutted, his disapproval obvious. “Honestly it's like some 'Cult of Magnus' with all the little ducklings you have following you. I could get them all on board myself, but I think this situation needs dealing with far quicker than the time all of that will take. You fall in line and they will too. Twenty birds, one stone.” 

Magnus lost all of his hard-fought patience. “We are _not_ doing this. I am _not_ helping you. Hear me on this. It's _over_.” 

“Have it your way then.” 

Lorenzo advanced on Magnus, balls of green light forming in his hands. 

Magnus moved in such a way that he could conjure his own amber coloured orbs. 

“You know I'm better at this than you are.” Lorenzo threatened, the balls growing in size. 

“Lorenzo we don't have to do this. I'm willing to part friends if you are. This doesn't have to get messy.” 

“It didn't _have_ to, Magnus. But you're not giving me much choice.” 

Lorenzo fired off the balls which spun towards Magnus, splitting into tendrils which flew towards Magnus like a demented green jellyfish. 

Magnus threw up a shield which took the brunt of the damage; but one tiny tendril got through. It hit his left elbow and seconds later split into another five tendrils which wrapped around his body, forcing his arms to his sides. Magnus had mere moments when he could’ve still cast despite the impediment; but Lorenzo foresaw the moment and sent another spell directly at his hands, covering them in glowing green light and nullifying Magnus' power. 

“Now. Shall we have a conversation?” 

Magnus struggled against the magical bonds holding him; but was unable to get any purchase. “I thought we _were_ having a conversation.” 

Lorenzo smiled slightly and flicked his wrist. 

Magnus gasped as a breath of air was forced out of his lungs. He tried to draw it back in but he didn't have the space, so he had to breathe more shallowly. 

“Now, as I said, I think we should start this revolution against the Clave. They need taking down a peg or two. They've got us all under their thumb and it's not good enough.” 

“Lorenzo...” Magnus started, gasping softly as the tendrils squeezed and let him go in time with his pulse. 

“Yes?” Lorenzo asked, smirking slightly. 

“Lorenzo, they're not our enemy. What have they done to make you think like this?” 

“You're so whipped.” Lorenzo replied, grimacing. “What the hell has this man done to you? Are you being blackmailed somehow? The Magnus _I_ know would never have sided with The Clave over his own people.” 

“I'm not the Magnus you used to know, Lorenzo.” 

“Clearly.” Lorenzo sneered. 

Magnus took as much of a deep breath as he could. He tried to work out what he could possibly say to get out of this situation. Lorenzo wasn't taking no for an answer and he didn't know which tack he should take. 

“They are not our enemy.” He started. “They're annoying at times; but they've never done anything that is unforgivable.” 

“They _tortured_ you.” Lorenzo said. 

Magnus paused. Wow. Lorenzo really _had_ done his homework. 

“That was a mistake.” Magnus replied. 

“A _mistake_?” 

“I wasn't in the right...” 

“So, just because they hadn't meant to torture _you_ , it's okay that they were torturing people anyway?” 

“It was Val...” 

“It doesn't matter who they were, they're clearly out of control. You were right to side with the Seelie Queen.” 

“You _hate_ the Fair Folk.” Magnus reminded his old friend. 

“I do. That should tell you how much I believe in this cause.” 

Magnus sighed as much as he could under the circumstances. “Look...” 

“I wonder, do you think the Clave would appreciate your support if they knew what you were really like?” Lorenzo mused. “I wonder whether they'd be turning a blind eye to your relationship with the Head of an Institute if they knew you'd broken the Accords.” 

“That was a long time ago.” Magnus said carefully. 

“There's no statute of limitations on murder. Especially not against a _Shadowhunter_.” Lorenzo said, gleefully. “I wonder how your Shadowhunter would feel about you if he knew about that.” 

“It was an accident, you know that.” 

“Oh, of course. _I_ know that but I'm not sure they'd feel the same.” 

Magnus levelled Lorenzo with a stare that, if looks could kill, would have reduced Lorenzo into ash where he stood. 

“So, how do you feel about helping me now?” 

Magnus swallowed. “I have faith in the Accords and in their work.” He was slightly surprised to find that that statement was entirely true. 

“You're further gone than I thought.” Lorenzo laughed. 

There was a moment when no-one spoke. 

“But really, Magnus. A _Shadowhunter_?” Lorenzo sneered. “Even a mundane would have been better than that. They're so _superior_ all of the time, looking down on those they see as 'lesser'. When really _they're_ the ones who aren't special. They rely so heavily on their stupid scribbles. Take their Steles away from them and without their runes what are they? They're _nothing_." 

Magnus didn't answer him, though he did struggle slightly against his bonds, hoping to find a chink in their defences. He heard the implicit threat to Alec; but he didn't want to exacerbate the situation by getting angry. He had to logic this one out. 

“I mean take your one. I noticed he favours a bow. Great for range but I wonder how well he'd do in a close combat situation? Do you think he'd be weak? I mean he'd have activated all his runes that worked at a distance; but surely it's a different skill set up close?" Lorenzo mused. 

That was too much for Magnus. Lorenzo knew that Alec was an archer, which meant he had been spying on Alec and that was one step too far. "Alec has nothing to do with this." Magnus said through gritted teeth. 

"On the contrary. He's the hurdle that's causing you to snub me. I'd wait sixty odd years for him to die, but I really can't be bothered." 

Magnus was being squeezed painfully but he still managed to get out a deliberate, "Leave. Him. _Alone_." 

"Oh I will dear Magnus, of course. We're just chatting here, old friends shooting the breeze. When did you want to start planning?" 

Magnus just stared at Lorenzo in disbelief. This was getting ridiculous. 

"Lorenzo. You need to get it through your head that I am not doing this with you. You can threaten us all you want, it's not going to change anything." 

Lorenzo just sighed, his hand lowering and Magnus was able to take a deep breath for the first time in what seemed like hours. 

"Okay. I can see I'm not going to change your mind. I know when I'm defeated. It's a real shame; but I guess there are other people I can ask." 

Magnus kept alert, but didn't move to attack Lorenzo, knowing it wouldn't accomplish anything. 

Lorenzo shrugged, saluted Magnus and walked towards the door to the loft. 

"See you in a century or so!" He called spitefully, closing the door as he left. 

Magnus just rolled his eyes again. The man was mental, completely mental. He had no idea how he'd ever thought his friendship had been reciprocated. 

He walked over to the bar area and poured himself a stiff drink, slouching down into the chair with an uncharacteristic hunched posture. 

He pulled his phone out to call Alec, fingers nimbly dialling the number by heart. 

"Prague tonight?" He said as an opening. "I've had a hell of a day." 

Alec's excited tone made Magnus relax, as it always did. Magnus thought that Prague might be the most romantic city in the world. He couldn't wait to show his boyfriend the Charles Bridge, couldn't wait to walk along it, hand in hand and kiss him right in the centre, the water lapping gently against the struts. 

After the highly confusing and frustrating events of the last few weeks, he thought they deserved it.


	9. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sheer amount of work Lemon Squad did in trying to work out the geography of this chapter still makes me giggle. Thanks everyone.

Alec walked to Magnus' the same way every time. He'd deny it if anyone asked, but he'd planned the route for maximum efficiency so that he could get to somewhere he was rapidly calling 'home', even if only in the confines of his own head. 

Much later, he would wonder whether his propensity to follow the same route counted against him; but after much introspection he would conclude that it wouldn't have mattered, Lorenzo would still have got to him somehow. 

Alec was pacing in Greenpoint Playground running his fingers over the barks of the trees, enjoying the rough feel against his fingertips, the smell of surrounding nature and the wind rustling through the trees. He'd got off the Metro two stops early so that he could compose himself. He was trying to come up with ideas for conversation topics he could use if it turned out Lorenzo was at the loft and scuppering his date night with Magnus, _again_. 

What _did_ one talk about with a centuries old warlock anyway? It was different with Magnus, he just was able to just _be_. Their conversation was like the ebb and flow of the tide and Alec marvelled at it often. Lorenzo was odd. On the one hand he was pretty sure he disliked the guy intensely, but on the other hand he was an old friend of Magnus'. Even though Magnus was infuriated with him at the moment and even if, rather ridiculously, Lorenzo was trying to bring down the Shadowhunters; Alec knew that Magnus' past was fraught with those who he had loved. 

Alec remembered how badly Magnus had felt after turning Camille over to the Clave. She had broken the Accords and needed to go, but the pain still hurt him. Magnus was a soul who felt pain deeply and Alec wanted to take as much of that from him as possible. If that meant pretending to have conversations with trees in the middle of a park, when all he actually wanted to do was snuggle on the sofa and read a book with the man he loved, then so be it. He could feel himself getting tense again so he forced his shoulders to lower and took several calming deep breaths. 

Today had been awful. So much pointless paperwork, so little time. Occasionally, staring down at the desk that used to be his father's, Alec had wished for a demon attack that was big enough for him to be needed too. It was only an errant thought, he obviously didn't want anyone in danger; but he was starting to hate the requisition forms that crossed his desk on a seemingly hourly basis. The tedium made his head hurt. 

He was good at being a leader, he was good in the field, he was good at project managing, what he wasn't good at was bureaucracy; and he was rapidly learning that being the Head of the Institute meant a balance of them all. He vaguely wondered if someone could die from admin related injuries. 

Senses on high alert, despite his wandering thoughts, he turned when he heard the minute sound behind him, drawing a seraph blade as he did so. 

He didn't have a chance to strike at anything, finding himself wrapped in glowing and pulsing cords of an off-green colouring as soon as he'd turned towards the noise. They were constricting his breathing just enough that they were uncomfortable; and his arms were pushed to his sides, his seraph blade completely useless. He immediately tried to walk; but after only a few steps felt his legs became sluggish and heavy, and he couldn't make himself take another step. 

He looked around, but all he could see were the trees that he had been running his hands over earlier; and the faint outline of the set of swings on the other side of the park. He could only see them because of his far-sighted rune. There was nothing else that he could see, certainly nothing that would explain his current predicament. 

He continued struggling, trying to reach his stele for several moments before he heard the snap of a twig. He swung his gaze towards the noise, wondering if this was how he died, unable to fight back. That was no way for a Shadowhunter to go. He always assumed that he would die fighting side by side with his siblings, taking down as many demons as possible at the same time. The idea of dying without being able to fight back made him cold. 

Half-expecting a gelatinous monster with green tendrils, Alec was surprised when he saw that it wasn't a demon. He only narrowly avoided rolling his eyes when he saw what it was. Or rather _who_ it was. 

“Well, well well…” Lorenzo said, moving into Alec's line of vision. 

“You're not going to evil monologue at me are you? I've had a _really_ bad day.” Alec quipped without thinking of the potential ramifications. 

In response, all of the air in his lungs was squeezed out as the glowing bands of light quickly tightened. Just when Alec was about to pass out, the grey spots in his vision crowding on top of each other, the bands loosened and he sucked in a desperate breath. 

“Shall we try that again, more politely this time?” Lorenzo said conversationally. 

“Good Evening, Lorenzo. Fancy seeing you here in this very park I walk through every day. Late night stroll?” 

Alec expected the same squeeze of the bonds, but it didn't come. After several moments, he realised that the bonds were getting warmer, causing him to sweat. Just when they became almost unbearably warm, as if he were standing in the heat wave of an oven, they cooled. 

The cold air on Alec's inflamed skin was soothing and he vaguely wondered whether his skin was burnt. It was too dark to see when he looked down, and in any case he was still wearing his gear jacket. Technically the gear was demon proof; but he didn't know how it normally faired against megalomaniac warlocks. 

“Now,” Lorenzo said for the third time, “shall we try that again?” 

Alec didn't say a word, unsure of what he should do. 

“That's better, now we're having a proper conversation. Aren't we?” 

Alec didn't say anything and it was only after he felt the bonds get unbearably cold this time that he gasped out a pained “yes.” 

“Great.” Lorenzo said cheerfully, and the bonds returned to their 'normal' temperature. “I just felt like we hadn't had a chance to get to know each other much and I thought that needed to be rectified.” Lorenzo paused. “Considering you've got Magnus wrapped around your little finger.” 

“I haven't!” Alec exclaimed, completely surprised by the comment and speaking without thinking. 

Alec assumed he was going to be hurt again somehow, but Lorenzo just smiled. 

“You have. I really want to drill down on that, because it is just so alien to me that he would bother with someone like _you_.” 

Lorenzo looked Alec up and down and Alec only barely resisted the urge to look away. 

“I suppose it _could_ be because of that bet.” Lorenzo said, tapping a finger against his chin. After a moment, he laughed. “It's got to be because of that bet. I thought he'd forgotten about that! That was 200 years ago, turned out he was just playing a really long game. Honestly, that man. This is _brilliant_.” 

Alec knew he was looking at Lorenzo with a confused look on his face; but he couldn't school his features into anything else. He was very confused. 

Lorenzo seemed to take pity on him, “Oh, sorry. You don't know about the bet. Obviously you don't, you're what? Twenty? Twenty five? Your great grandparents weren't even alive when we made this bet. That was another time.” Lorenzo reminisced, a far off look on his face. “We were like gods you know? You could trick a mundane into anything in the 1800s. They thought we were _amazing_. I can't remember what country it was where seventy five mundanes suddenly decided to worship Magnus and were convicted of heresy for it; but that was a good time.” 

Alec wondered whether Lorenzo was going to be getting to a point any time soon. 

“This makes so much _sense_ now. I can't believe Magnus convinced me that he was in love with a _Shadowhunter_! He got me good, I'm going to have to come up with a way to get him back, even if it takes me 200 years to do it. Honestly, waiting all that time and then zinging this at me. Classic Magnus.” Lorenzo paused for a second, laughing to himself. “I wonder if Magnus still has that ridiculous score card he made? You should have seen it, it had feathers attached to it. It was ridiculous; but, you know, just so terribly _Magnus_.” 

Alec was lost. He was starting to think that the warlock might be insane, which didn't bode well for his current predicament. He struggled again; but couldn't get any purchase with his bonds, his hands flexed impotently at his sides, the seraph blade still clutched in his hand, despite its uselessness. 

“Anyway, where was I? Right, this stupid scorecard, so we wrote all the races we could think of down the side of the card and then the decades along the top; and Magnus made his way down the list, writing little notes and scores in the boxes, it was _hilarious_.” 

_I've been with men, women, seelies, warlocks, vampires, a djinn or two._

Magnus' words from months ago seemed to hit Alec like a tonne of bricks and before he knew what was happening, he'd gasped. 

Lorenzo looked up at that, smiling softly. 

“Oh. Oh I'm sorry. Did you think this had been _real_? Oh you poor boy. Seriously? An all-powerful warlock paired with someone who has to draw on themselves to be any good at anything? Did you really think that this was _actually happening_? I feel so sorry for you, I shouldn't have been the one to break this to you. I feel just _awful_ now. Magnus has always been too soft for his own good, he hates to break up with people. He probably didn't think you could take it, so was waiting for you to break it off instead. Privately, I think that's why he ended up staying with Camille for so long, he couldn't bear the drama. She could be so dramatic, it was tiring after a while. Anyway, I digress.” 

Lorenzo strode over to Alec's struggling form. He pulled the Seraph blade out of Alec's hand. The blade retracted when he touched it, him not being a Shadowhunter. He secreted it in an inside pocket of his jacket, pulling the Stele out of Alec's thigh sheath too and pocketing it. 

“You won't be needing these for a while.” 

“What?” Alec asked before he could stop himself, head still reeling from what Lorenzo had said. _It wasn't true. It couldn't be true._ The very small voice in the back of his head, the one that he'd pushed down, the one that Magnus had been very carefully deconstructing, snidely asked him the most pertinent question: _Magnus loved him. Didn't he?_

“Well, you're not going to need them where you're going, are you?” 

“Where I'm...what the hell are you talking about?” Alec said, losing patience. The snide voice reminded him that he was only angry because he didn't know what to believe any more. So he'd fallen back on his pre-Magnus default condition: Fear. 

“We're going for a little jaunt. I need Magnus to do some work for me and even though you're merely a conquest, he does seem invested in your welfare, so you're...well I guess you're leverage.” 

Alec gaped at him. 

“You're _kidnapping_ me?” Alec shouted, disbelief and anger intermingling in his voice. 

There was a brief pause and Lorenzo raised a hand. 

Alec winced, but nothing happened. 

Lorenzo smiled a wicked smile and Alec tried very hard not to feel like prey. He didn't quite succeed. 

“I prefer the term, 'taken hostage' but, I suppose tomayto tomahto.” 

Alec's struggles renewed, and despite not making any progress, actually hurting his left shoulder slightly in the process, he didn't stop until Lorenzo spoke again. He wasn't going down without a fight and the warlock was foolish to think he would. 

A lone dog walker passed the glamoured men. Alec considered calling out, but it would likely cause more problems. A voice yelling at him out of the darkness would probably make the man run off and not tell anyone what he had heard. After all, who would ever admit that they had heard voices calling out to them from thin air? Someone walking past with the sight would be ideal; but Alec also knew the chances of that were pretty slim, added to which there were some Downworlders who would turn a blind eye to a Shadowhunter being taken down a peg or two. 

Lorenzo saw the indecision on his face and smirked. “Those damn scribbles, screwing with you again. If you were a human, you might have been rescued by now. Instead, you're weak. You've all been hiding behind your inadequacies for so long. You've convinced yourself that you're special. You've convinced yourselves that the runes you draw are actually _useful_ , instead of them being needed for your survival. Without them, you're _nothing_. You're pathetic. You're actually less than human.” 

Alec honestly could not think of a single thing to say. 

“It's no good, Shadowhunter. You've got no useful scribbles, no way to get free, and in case you'd forgotten, I've got many skills at my disposal.” Lorenzo said, smiling. 

Alec felt an almost itchy sensation across his torso, sort of like millions of pins and needles at once. It wasn't exactly painful, just very uncomfortable. It was more like the sharp sting of an almost-pain he got when he sometimes sliced lemons for Magnus' ostentatious drinks, and got the juice in a paper cut he didn't know he even had. He glared at Lorenzo. 

“Well whatever you want to call it, don't you think that taking the Head of the New York Institute is a bit of an idiotic idea?” 

Alec knew he shouldn't be being sarcastic. He should be keeping his cool and working out a way out of this, but he found the situation so ludicrous, and the man in front of him so infuriating he couldn't stop himself. 

“Ah yes, you're _Head_ Scribbler,” Lorenzo said, “I forgot.” 

“I am,” Alec said, attempting to draw himself taller and be more commanding than he felt, “and aside from the fact the Accor...” 

“Yes, yes. The Accords. You can attack us but woe betide us if we attack you.” Lorenzo drawled. “Does that seem fair to you?” 

“We protect you! We only attack those of you who break the Law.” 

“And who decides whether we've broken it?” Lorenzo spat back. 

“It's not about who _decides_ , it's about the letter of the Law. It's exactly the same in the mundane world.” 

“And what do _you_ know about the mundane world? You're elitist from birth, only protecting the humans out of a sense of duty.” 

Despite Lorenzo's words being mostly ramblings, they all had a kernel of truth to them and Alec found he couldn't argue too much. He remembered back before him and Magnus started dating and Magnus mocking 'The Law is hard, but it's the Law'. Was what Lorenzo said really so ridiculous? 

“That's what I thought. I think you probably need a shake up and I'm very happy to be the one to lead the campaign.” Lorenzo said triumphantly. 

“You're insane.” 

“Hardly. And soon I'll have all of the Warlocks on my side. Do you _really_ think a handful of people who need help to do anything are going to fare well against even twenty of us?” 

Alec actually spent a second thinking about that. In an all-out fight between Shadowhunters and Warlocks, he genuinely wasn't sure who would win. 

Lorenzo laughed at Alec. “See? Not so elitist after all, are you?” 

Moments later, Alec felt the cords constrict his breathing, felt the light headedness encroach on his brain, saw the grey spots form in front of his eyes again. Before he passed out, he thought he heard Lorenzo say, “this is going to be fun,” but he couldn't be sure, because the grey spots quickly coalesced into black and he lost consciousness. 

~~~ 

Magnus blew out the candles that were lit around his living room. He blew them out by hand, inhaling the heady smell of smoke that he so loved. 

Alec hadn't turned up for their date to Prague. 

Magnus knew that Alec often had to suddenly work. It wasn't like Magnus thought demons held a schedule; but he did, rather unfairly, wish that Alec had a 'normal' job sometimes. He loved him, and he knew that he was good at what he did, he just missed him was all. 

He didn't want to bug Alec whilst he was at work, so his finger hovered over the button to call him for mere moments before he put the phone down on the side table instead. 

He settled on the sofa after the candles were out, letting the ambient light from the city fill the room. Pulling a forest green throw over the top of him, he settled in to read the newest novel by one of his favourite fantasy authors. He had a small reading lamp at exactly the right height for this precise relaxing purpose. He really enjoyed guessing whether the author was a Downworlder or whether they just accidentally got too close to the truth. It was a guilty pleasure, and one Alec mocked him for. He smiled, thinking about his boyfriend, hoping even if they couldn't go to Prague for a meal, they could at least snuggle for a bit on the plush sofa before going to bed. 

He summoned a glass of wine to his left hand and took a sip. Turning the first page of the book he sighed both contentedly and with a hint of melancholy, hoping Alec got home soon.


	10. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art in this chapter drawn by the awesome [MichelleMisfit](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleMisfit).

Magnus woke up on the sofa. Alone. The book he had been reading had fallen to the floor, and the maroon blanket he'd used to snuggle with was tangled around his feet. The reading lamp he'd turned on the night before was still on.

Most of the time when Alec came home he would wake him up enough to take him to bed, wrapping his arms around Magnus until he dropped back into sleep in his warm embrace. On days when that didn't work, or he knew Magnus needed uninterrupted sleep, he would tuck several more blankets around him and turn off the reading light. Alec would carefully put a bookmark in the book and leave it on the coffee table. 

None of those things had happened, so that meant that Alec hadn't come home. 

Magnus got up slowly, stretching the aches out of his muscles. He checked the other rooms of the loft anyway, just in case Alec had returned too tired and fallen asleep fully clothed on their bed again. The first time that happened, Magnus had giggled, taken a photo (for proof when Alec denied it later on) and then had carefully taken off Alec's boots. He'd tucked him in with four fluffy blankets and kissed his head, his heart bursting with so many feelings it seemed overwhelming for a second. Alec had walked in much later with a blush on his cheeks, which Magnus kissed away until Alec was blushing for a completely different reason, being pushed back into the bedroom, their lips still adjoined. That had been a _very_ good morning. 

The juxtaposition between the two mornings made Magnus' heart ache a little bit. 

After a moment, Magnus sighed, conjuring his appointment book out of thin air into his right hand and a steaming hot chai latte into his left. He couldn't mope around all morning just because he missed his boyfriend, that was ridiculous. 

Magnus didn't want to be that boyfriend either; but by mid-morning he was starting to get a little frustrated. Even if Alec had been out all night fighting, he would normally have checked in by now. He refused to be the type of boyfriend who needed to know where his partner was at any given moment, but he also refused to be the type of boyfriend who let his partner walk all over his feelings by being inconsiderate. 

He picked up his phone several times in the morning, only to return it to the table in front of him moments later. After much coffee, and staring at the ingredients for a summoning spell needed for a perfectionist client (which he got wrong three times), he finally acquiesced. 

**[10:34]** _Let me know if you need any help today. Or even just a coffee delivery! X_

Magnus thought that was suitably breezy. It let Alec know that he was there for official help; but also keen to see him regardless. Magnus knew how much Alec would need coffee if he pulled an all-nighter and the coffee at the Institute was so bad that Magnus thought they were officially _trying_ to make it inedible. Maybe Shadowhunters weren't supposed to drink coffee? Something about their ridiculous training regimen? Magnus filed the question away for later, now genuinely curious and wanting to ask Alec for the answer. 

Magnus deliberately forced himself to wait the 26 minutes until the next hour before sending a new text. 

**[11:00]** _Third times' the charm, how about we go to Prague this evening? I'll make it worth your while. ;)_

**[11:22]** _Missed morning snuggles too, you should try and go in late tomorrow to make up for it..._

**[11:47]** _I hope your phone didn't get eaten by a Ravener demon again. :S_

**[12:31]** _Dear Alec, or Mr. Ravener Demon, do you need me to pick up anything for lunch? I know you won't be eating properly if you've been out all night._

**[13:08]** _I'm seconds away from just turning up and ravaging you on your desk. Paperwork be damned._

**[13:09]** _Obviously I didn't mean that._

**[13:10]** _Unless you want me to? ;)_

**[13:11]** _Okay no, I know we said no dalliances at work; but now I can't get the vision of you bent over your desk out of my mind._

**[13:12]** _I'll show you what it looks like when you get back. I've already printed it to a piece of card for you._

**[13:13]** _Maybe we should frame it?_

**[13:14]** _I'm joking. I'm OBVIOUSLY joking._

**[13:15]** _But seriously, this picture is so good it's sinful. Maybe I should start without you? ;)_

Magnus finally decided that it was time to graduate to voicemail. He was starting to get a little concerned actually. He knew that Izzy would have told him if Alec had been hurt. At least he thought she would have. No, she _definitely_ would have. Wouldn't she? 

**[14:21]** _“Hi Alec, it's me. Are you okay? Hope you're not working too hard. You know that your desk doesn't have to be COMPLETELY clear every day before you go home, right? Paperwork does keep. Anyway, come home soon. I miss you.”_

**[14:31]** _“Oh, and sorry for those texts.”_

**[14:32]** _“Actually I'm not really all that sorry.”_

**[14:44]** _“Okay I AM sorry. Are we fighting?”_

**[14:59]** _“Really starting to get worried that you AND your phone have been eaten by a Ravener. Call me, PLEASE.”_

**[15:14]** _“Look, Alec, if we ARE fighting, the least you can do is tell me what we're fighting about! Is this about Lorenzo? Because I've FINALLY got him to back off. Well, back off me at least. I think he's still going to be trouble. I guess that's a problem for another day; but you don’t know any of this because if you HAD bothered to come home last night, I’d have told you then."_

**[15:29]** _“Alexander this is RIDICULOUS! Call me!! If we need to talk, we need to talk.”_

**[16:12]** _“Now you're just being childish.”_

**[17:01]** _“Please call me. I'm worried now, it's been over 24 hours. I need to know you're safe. PLEASE.”_

**[17:45]** _“I'm sorry. I'm sorry for those voicemails, that wasn't very adult of me. I'm just worried is all. I'm sorry for all this warlock crap. I'm sorry for whatever it is that we're fighting about and I'm sorry I don't know what it is, that can be something that we deal with when you come home. It's just...I can't cope with not know...Alexander, it's been 24 hours. I don't care what we're fighting about, I just need to know you're okay. Please just tell me you're okay. Send me a fire message, a text, a carrier pigeon, hell, send Jace around to shout at me...just something. Please. Just so that I know you're okay.”_

**[18:12]** _“Now you're just being cruel. I know you're not too busy to at least just text. It doesn't even have to say anything. Just put a middle finger emoji if you want to. I don't care.”_

**[19:01]** _“I don't know what else to say.”_

**[19:14]** _“No, you know what I do! I know that you're very new to relationships and maybe you don't know how much of an inconsiderate ass you're being right now, but you are. I'm telling you that you are. This is not how you deal with your problems. I know that I've made mistakes, but I thought we were past that! I thought we'd finally found some common ground. But I guess you decided you were still angry? Well you know what adults do about that? They talk it out. They don't just give someone the silent treatment.”_

**[19:21]** _“Alexander...”_

**[19:33]** _“VOICEMAIL FULL.”_

The electronic voice seemed to be mocking Magnus; and so he threw his phone against the wall, where it bounced once and lay, annoyingly, still in one piece. Magnus briefly considered picking it up and throwing it again, but he didn't think it would have the same affect. Instead, he sighed, sinking into one of the plush armchairs surrounding his coffee table. He narrowly avoided resting his head in his hands. He genuinely didn't know what else to do. 

He deliberated portalling into the Institute but he didn't know if that would be well received, especially if he was persona non grata there, so he didn't. 

Magnus was seconds away from getting up, crossing to get his phone and calling Izzy, and he'd take the embarrassment of that if it turned out that Alec was okay. He couldn't do nothing. This was just painful, not knowing if his boyfriend was even alive was just torture. 

He waited another fraught ten minutes, in which he just stared at his phone as if the very act of staring at it would make it ring. His fingers were frantically tapping on his bouncing leg, other hand running his fingers through his hair. 

He finally pulled himself out of his chair, stalked across the room with purpose, and was about to take the plunge and call Izzy, when his phone pinged and he actually jumped, the noise too loud in the silent room. 

It took him several seconds to open the phone after he saw that it was a text from Alec. He couldn't believe he was shaking so hard. Wasn't this what he'd asked for? 

There was a picture message which took a bit of a time to load. His heart was in his throat as it loaded, unsure what he was going to see. 

When the picture loaded, all of his breath left him in a rush. He reached behind him to find the arm of the chair but he couldn't find it. Instead, he sunk to the floor, his phone cradled in his hand as if it were the most precious thing in the world. 

The picture was of Alec. Normally, seeing his visage would be a cause of great joy, but not this time. 

Alec was sitting against a white wall which didn't seem, at first glance, to have any identifying characteristics. Alec's head was resting against his chest and Magnus flashed back to the horrific image of Alec, slumped on his balcony, after he'd tried to kill himself. The similarities were striking and he found himself wondering how long Lorenzo had been spying on them. 

There was no doubt in Magnus' mind who the culprit was. Even before his phone pinged for the second time and he read the new message, Magnus just knew his old friend was behind this. 

_How about that revolution now?_


	11. Chapter 9

Magnus immediately called Alec's phone. It rang and rang. Just before Magnus was expecting the call to drop out, it connected. 

“Lorenzo.” Magnus said, with a measured voice which belayed a calmness that he certainly didn't feel. “What have you done?” 

“I'd have thought that was obvious. Was my note not clear?” Lorenzo simpered. 

“Let. Him. Go.” Magnus said in a clipped tone. 

“Now where would be the fun in that?” Lorenzo asked, hanging up afterwards. 

Magnus called again, and again, but Lorenzo didn't pick up. This was so in character for him, Magnus thought. Lorenzo always did like to play with his prey. How had he forgotten that? Now Alec was the one in harm’s way and he should have done something to stop this from happening. Except he hadn't, and now all he was left with was the guilt of knowing he could have ended this, but didn't. The guilt was all consuming, running rampant in his head, pushing all other thoughts out of his brain. 

Magnus wasn't proud of what he did next. It was like something else had taken over his body. His rage descended and became 'other'. His living room almost exploded to pieces. Centuries old precious china, that he had coveted for it's aesthetic and nostalgia, shattered. The mirrors scattered around the room cracked down the centre and the shards spilled out on to the floor. Heavy drapes were torn from floor to ceiling, fabric hanging down in tatters. The sofa flipped over, parts from the legs splintered, and ended up lying three feet away from where they started. 

Afterwards, he was breathing hard, surveying the devastation. He still wanted to rip things to pieces. He felt his magic rise within him and his hands started to glow. When the floor beneath his feet started to smoulder, it was like a switch was flipped and he realised what was happening. He'd nearly lost control of his magic. That hadn't happened in decades. 

He took several deep breaths and the magic slowly dissipated, shut once more behind the damn in his mind where it stayed until he needed the requisite amount. When that was done, he took several more breaths, each one getting progressively shakier than the last, until he was half breathing and half crying, falling to the floor. He drew his knees up to himself and hugged them, not knowing what to do. He was going to give himself ten more minutes. Ten minutes, then he would fix this. 

Twelve minutes later, Magnus pulled himself to his feet, moving in to the apothecary portion of his loft. He walked directly to the table, pulling ingredients from shelves as he did so. He snagged a memory of Alec from his brain. It was a memory of them smiling, drinking wine on the balcony. A memory that was right at the beginning of their relationship, but one that was so precious to him. Alec was laughing at something that Magnus had said. Magnus had no idea what that had been. It didn't matter, he looked so happy. It made Magnus want to cry again, but he didn't. He had work to do. 

Magnus mixed ingredients at the correct moments, the weight of them measured three times so that they were exact and nothing could go wrong. He muttered the incantation over the bowl and the picture of Alec, which should have turned into a glowing ball of light, flown onto the map and marked his location, burst into flames instead. 

Magnus tried to pull the photo out of the fire, but it burned too hot, reducing it to ashes within moments. As the last piece of charred paper burned, Magnus could hear the echoes of Lorenzo's laugh emanating from the ash. 

The bowl shattered and some of the pieces settled on Magnus' beautiful jacket he'd worn for date night. He knew Alec liked it. The cracked pottery decorated his visage and Magnus didn't wipe them away. Wearing them as a sign of his failure seemed right somehow. 

Magnus knew that he had to tell Jace and Isabelle, he just wanted to have something concrete to tell them when he did. He wanted to be able to say that Alec was gone, but that he knew where he was and he knew how to get him back. But he couldn't. He didn’t. 

Magnus wouldn't have admitted it to his face; but he knew in his heart of hearts that Lorenzo was better at warding spells than he was, which is why he hadn't been able to pinpoint Alec's location. His inadequacy could get Alec killed. There were many things in his life that he thought were unforgivable, and which, over time, had been forgiven by those afflicted, or himself if needed be. This was not one of them. If Alec died because of him, he'd never forgive himself and he wouldn't want anyone else to forgive him either. 

He knew that three heads were better than one. He even knew that the Institute needed to know that their Head had been compromised. But that didn't mean that he relished the idea of telling Alec's siblings. How did you tell someone that it was solely your fault that their brother was missing? 

In the end, he'd sent a text to Izzy asking for her and Jace to come to the loft as soon as possible. He wasn't going to tell them over the phone. He needed to do this in person, he just wasn't sure what he was going to say. 

After about an hour, an hour in which Magnus practised several different iterations of the conversation, each one more ridiculous than the last, Izzy knocked on the door tentatively and waited patiently for a moment. 

Jace reached around her and opened the door. 

“Jace!” Magnus heard Izzy exclaim from his position on one of the chairs that hadn’t been knocked over. 

“What?” Jace replied, clearly not understanding he'd done anything wrong. 

Magnus heard Isabelle sigh an embarrassing “honestly!” in Jace's general direction. Magnus almost smiled because it was precisely the tone that Alec took when Jace annoyed him. 

“Hi Magnus, it's u...Magnus! What happened here?” Isabelle finished, running into the carnage. 

“Nothing,” Magnus said unconvincingly, “nothing. It's fine.” _It wasn't fine. Nothing was ever going to be fine again._

“Sure” she answered, rolling her eyes in the characteristic Lightwood fashion. 

Magnus waved his hand and all of the furniture righted itself. The broken antiques all collected themselves and settled in a neat pile in the corner. 

“So, Hurricane Magnus?” Jace asked. 

“Not now, Jace.” Isabelle said with the air of someone who had been dealing with this behaviour for a long time. “Is Alec here? I think he's got his phone eaten by a Ravener demon again, it's not in service, apparently.” 

Magnus immediately picked his phone up, putting it to his ear until he heard the robotic words. _“The number you have called has been disconnected.”_

Magnus knew his face fell, knew that his cat eyes were on show, knew that his posture slumped slightly. 

“What's going on, Magnus?” Isabelle said quietly. 

“It's all my fault.” Magnus replied, quietly, standing up quickly and starting to pace, leaving his phone lying impotently on the arm of the chair where it had fallen. 

“ _What_ is your fault?” Jace said, all humour and sarcasm gone from his voice. “What have you done?” 

“Jace.” Isabelle said, putting her hand on his arm. 

Jace shook it off. 

“What do you mean? Do you know what happened? What have you got my brother into?” 

“Jace!” 

“Izzy! He's clearly done som...” 

“Jace.” Izzy said patiently. “He can't tell us if you don't let him explain.” 

“Fine.” Jace said, crossing his arms. “Talk. Explain to me why I can't feel my brother anymore?” 

Magnus snapped his head up so quickly he nearly gave himself whiplash. 

“You can't _feel_ him? Is he...” Magnus couldn't say the words. He couldn't ask Jace if Alec was dead. He just couldn't. 

Jace pulled his shirt up, showing the Parabatai rune, as black as it had ever been. 

Magnus let out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding. 

“So?” Jace asked lowering his shirt. “He's alive but I can't find him. So, I'll ask you again. What did you do to him?” 

Jace moved towards Magnus half a step, the fury, ever present when Alec was in danger, descending over him like a cloud. 

Magnus didn't back up. He deserved whatever it was that Jace was going to say or do. This really was his fault, and he was going to take responsibility for it, whatever form that responsibility took. He stood up straighter and waited for the blows to fall. 

"So?" Jace asked, quietly, but with force. 

"You remember the warlock that was causing all that trouble for us, Lorenzo Rey?” Magnus started, pausing slightly after he'd asked the question, waiting for confirmation that Alec had filled them both in. 

Jace gave him a perfunctory nod. 

Isabelle didn't speak, although she had started to fidget with a hem on her top. Magnus had never seen Isabelle be anything but poised and well collected. The twitch seemed to scream his guilt at him. As if the unconscious movement reminded him that he hadn't just let Alec down, he'd let his siblings down too. 

“The man who has him," Magnus couldn't quite bear to voice Alec's name, not sure if his voice would crack on the word, "He tried to recruit me to his cause and I said no." 

"Don't you just keep the _best_ company?" Jace answered sarcastically. "Remind me to stop coming to your parties." 

Magnus looked contrite, but he also knew that he deserved the derision, so he didn't reply. 

Isabelle still hadn't spoken. 

Jace walked into Magnus' personal space, jabbing his finger into Magnus' chest. 

"Find.” A prod. “Him." Another prod. " _Warlock_." He ground out, finishing his demand. He walked out of Magnus' loft, slamming the door after him. 

Magnus thought that that jab was the least he deserved. 

Isabelle finally turned to Magnus, walking towards him. She placed a hand on Magnus' arm and he felt that he wanted to cry from how alike she was to her brother. This was precisely what he would have done, give comfort to someone who didn't actually deserve it. 

“Give him a minute.” Isabelle said. 

“I deserve everything he said, and more.” Magnus replied candidly. 

Isabelle wanted to do more to support Magnus, but the fact of the matter was that Magnus knew more than they did at this point, and it seemed it was, at least partially, his fault. 

“Magnus, fix this.” She said, bridging the gap between sympathetic and firm, but putting the blame where it actually lay. “ _Please_ , find out what's going on? Find my brother.” 

Isabelle gave Magnus' arm a quick squeeze. “We'll do what we can from the Institute too. Meet up later?” The ' _when Jace has calmed down a bit_ ' went unsaid but not unheard. 

After Isabelle left the loft, Magnus slunk back down into his favourite arm chair, pulled the maroon blanket up over himself and just stared blankly. He didn't know where to even start. He needed a moment. 

“Alec, where are you?” He whispered into the silence.


	12. Chapter 10

Alec awoke slowly, his head pounding. He was sitting on the floor, his chin resting on his chest and for a moment, he couldn't remember what had happened. The plain white room that he was in afforded him with no reference point at all, and the pounding behind his eyes meant he could barely see. When he tried to move his hand to his head, he realised that his arms were constricted at his sides.

Suddenly, everything that had happened crowded into his head all at once and he tried to stand. He couldn't get enough purchase on the floor with his boots, and even leaning his shoulders against the wall and attempting to shimmy up didn't work. He fell back to the floor with a huff, frustrated with himself. 

He tried stretching to reach his Stele, but it was just out of reach, the Adamas glinting in the too harsh light of the room. He thought he remembered Lorenzo taking it before he'd been knocked unconscious, but maybe he had been wrong. It was tantalisingly close but unreachable, not that he knew what he would do with it if he did get it into his hand. The angle afforded him meant he'd only be able to rune his trousers and not his skin, so it was completely pointless. Maybe Lorenzo had been right, maybe Shadowhunters really were useless without their runes? 

Eventually, Lorenzo walked into the room and Alec afforded him with the best glare he could, under the circumstances. He felt he did pretty well, considering he was staring up at him from the floor, trussed up like a turkey. 

Lorenzo moved his hands and Alec felt himself being lifted into the air until he was on his feet, which was preferable. 

“You looked a bit pathetic down there on the floor.” Lorenzo said, sneering. 

“Bite me.” Alec replied immediately. It wasn't clever but it felt good to say anyway. 

Lorenzo didn't reply, just walked towards Alec, not breaking eye contact. 

Alec took a step forward and Lorenzo tutted and then sighed, snapping his fingers. Alec felt the same feeling spread through his legs that had happened before. His feet were heavy, and he couldn't move. 

“I had really thought that the total control I had over you had been apparent from your frankly pitiful attempt at getting free last night, but I can see that you're going to have to have that beaten out of you.” Lorenzo mused. “That's fine by me, we've got time.” 

Before Alec had a chance to reply, Lorenzo walked closer, snagging Alec's chin in his right hand and dragging it downwards so that he could look directly into Alec's eyes. 

“Any chance you're going to take this all quietly and be a good little Shadowhunter?” 

“Hardly.” Alec replied, refusing to back down. 

“That's what I hoped you'd say!” Lorenzo crowed and then very obviously he made a show of pulling Alec's Stele out of his thigh scabbard where he kept it. 

It took Alec several moments, but then he realised what Lorenzo had done, his memory had been correct earlier. Lorenzo had _deliberately_ put his Stele back in his scabbard after he'd put him in this room. He'd _wanted_ him to wake up and think he had a chance to get free. He'd wanted him to have that hope. 

Alec saw the moment Lorenzo realised he'd worked it out. He saw the glee in the other man's eyes. He met the look with one of his own, one that was anything but gleeful. 

“I bet that's why Magnus kept you around.” Lorenzo said, conversationally. 

“What?” Alec asked, despite himself, utterly confused by the change of tack. 

“That stoic bravery thing. The not backing down in the face of danger. That naïve idea that 'good will triumph over evil'. It's so...wait what's the word? Cute! Cute. It's definitely _cute_. Magnus always did go for the cute ones.” 

Alec forgot the restrictions rendering him immobile and the step he attempted to take forward just ended in a struggle. The green lights still surrounding his torso flexed slightly with the movement but didn’t loosen. 

“There, there.” Lorenzo simpered, patting him on the shoulder. 

Lorenzo turned to leave the room but turned back round almost straight away. “Oh! Silly me!” He said, walking back over to Alec. 

Alec looked down at him as Lorenzo crouched and lifted the leg of Alec's left trouser. 

Lorenzo raised an eyebrow and then slowly, as if to drag the moment out for as long as possible, took a small hilt out of Alec's boot. 

“Wouldn't want to have forgotten this, would we?” Lorenzo said, slamming the door. 

Alec just gritted his teeth. He didn't have anything to say anyway. 

As if a switch had gone off, the glowing bonds disappeared when the door closed. 

Alec forced himself to close his eyes and count to a hundred before he moved. It was a tactic that his father had taught him during one of the only one-on-one training sessions he could remember from his childhood. His parents had always been so busy that it was a rare occurrence. The trick was that you relaxed, but kept alert, checking each portion of your body in turn, working out if there was anything wrong with it before moving on. That way, before you moved, you knew exactly what weaknesses you were fighting with. Aside from a few bruises that he thought he had forming where the bonds had constricted him, he didn't think he was injured. 

He opened his eyes onto a room that was roughly 15ft square, by his best guess. He hadn't had a chance to look over the space whilst he was on the floor, so he made sure that he paid extra attention now that he had lost that time. The room was entirely white, floor, walls and ceiling and he found his eyes were having trouble focusing on the unfixed perspective. 

Alec walked over to where the sound of the door slamming had come from. He could see the outline of the door as a very thin black line, but running his hand along the gap afforded him with no purchase on the door, no way for him to open it. He ran his hand over the entire surface, searching for a hidden handle but there was nothing there. 

Abandoning the door area for a moment, Alec ran his hands over the wall to his left. He moved around until he’d touched all of the space he could reach, closing his eyes to make his other senses accentuate. There was nothing except smooth material underneath his fingertips. The room had no imperfections whatsoever, even the floor seemed to be one smooth piece. There were no gaps, no hand holds, nothing he could use for a weapon. The light seemed to be coming from nowhere and everywhere all at once, so there didn't even seem to be anything Alec could do to try and play darkness to his advantage the next time Lorenzo came in. He was going to have to just use his wits and his fighting skills. It didn't matter what Lorenzo said, despite not having any runes, he still had all of his fighting skills. They counted for something, didn't they? Of course they did. 

Alec found himself absently rubbing his shirt over the top of where his Parabatai rune was situated. It took him a moment to work out why he was doing it, but then it hit him all at once. He couldn't feel Jace. He pulled his shirt up so quickly he nearly ripped it and let out a breath he hadn't realised he’d been holding when he saw the stark black rune on his skin. He couldn't lose Jace again, not so soon after him miraculously returning. Alec still wasn't quite sure what had happened, but he knew he'd felt Jace die and it wasn't an experience he wanted to repeat, ever. If Jace was feeling the same loss he knew he'd be going mad, trying to work out what was happening and why he couldn't feel him. That thought calmed Alec. Even if he couldn't get free, there were people who would come and get him. Jace would go to Magnus and... _Magnus_. 

Alec’s heart almost stuttered in his chest. How had he not asked Lorenzo about Magnus? Magnus could be here in this horrendous place as well. Lorenzo could be doing all manner of things to him. How had he not asked? Alec felt sickened with himself. 

Alec stopped doing anything, slowed his breath as much as possible, and just listened. He listened for any noises or voices beyond his room, trying to get a clear idea whether he was alone. 

Eventually, he was rewarded with a pained gasp. It was a gasp that he would have known anywhere. It was Magnus, hurting. 

Alec pounded on the walls. He had to get Magnus to hear him, so that he knew he was here and wouldn't leave him, wouldn't let him hurt alone. 

"Magnus! MAGNUS!" Alec shouted, pounding on the wall closest to where he thought the sound came from. 

Immediately, the door opened and Lorenzo stood there, invitingly with an escape route open behind him. "Aww, calling for your dear love to come and rescue you? How very 'damsel in distress' of you." 

Alec didn't think, he just let his Shadowhunter training kick in. He ran towards Lorenzo, wanting to barrel him off his feet, giving him precious seconds to get out of the room and find Magnus. 

That did not go to plan. 

He got within a hair's breadth of Lorenzo and the warlock snapped his fingers. 

Alec flew back into the wall, cracking his head, briefly seeing stars. 

“Haven't you worked it out yet? I'm going to beat you,” Lorenzo said, moving close enough to jab his finger into Alec's chest, “every.” He prodded him again. “Time.” 

Alec felt a brief squeeze in his chest. The air seemed to leave his lungs for a moment. Almost as soon as it had happened, it stopped and if it hadn't been for Lorenzo smiling, Alec would have thought he'd imagined it. 

"What have you done with him?" Alec bit out, head high despite him being on the back foot in the situation. He refused to show any weaknesses to Lorenzo. 

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Lorenzo replied. 

When the door slammed shut this time, it was punctuated by a scream of pain. Alec felt himself hurt even though it was not him who was suffering. He was reminded of when the Clave had tortured Magnus. A torture that he himself had been complicit in. This was the same. If he'd been stronger, he wouldn't have been taken, _Magnus_ wouldn't have been taken. If he'd taken the threat more seriously, instead of laughing at the paper littering Magnus' apartment, this could all have been avoided. 

This was all his fault. 

Alec let himself sink to the ground when the bonds disappeared. Wondering how in the hell they were going to get out of this one. 

“Magnus.” He whispered into the cold, stark room. “Magnus, please be okay.”


	13. Chapter 11

Magnus heard a noise that he hadn't heard in many years. 

He had been staring into space, not even bothering to get out his appointment book. He didn’t care if he missed clients. People could bill him, or not, if they wanted to. He couldn’t concentrate. If he was honest he couldn't even remember what day it was. Had it been Wednesday when Alec was taken? Was it now Friday? He didn't know. 

His phone was only on in case Lorenzo called. He ignored all calls from people he knew, he just couldn't face speaking with anyone. He was worried they'd ask about Alec. He was worried they _wouldn't_ ask about Alec. He just couldn't risk it, not when his magic was so volatile. He didn't know what he'd do. He hadn't spoken to Jace or Isabelle for over a day. He didn't have anything new to tell them and they had his number. He assumed that they’d let him know if there was any new information. At least he hoped they would let him know. They knew how important Alec was to him, didn't they? Yes, of course they did. 

It took him several moments to work out what the noise was and even then, he couldn't quite believe that he'd heard it. He thought for a moment he might have imagined it, but he reasoned that if he was going to imagine anything it was unlikely to be that. 

After another ten minutes, curiosity got the better of him and he walked over to his front door, opening it quickly. He glanced into the corridor and saw no-one there. He turned to the box on the wall outside his front door, opening it with a flurry of blue magic. He had no idea where the key to the box was, couldn't even remember if he'd ever had one. As a matter of fact, he couldn't even quite work out when he'd got the box. Had it been there when he'd moved in? When _had_ he moved into this loft? 

Magnus shook his head slightly, dislodging the line of questioning in his brain. If he started wondering what year he'd done this and that, he'd be there until the building fell down. Magnus was startled when he realised that over the last few months, he could pinpoint almost to the day when everything had happened to him. He smiled, knowing that it was Alec who had made him want to do that. It was Alec who made him want to slow down his immortal life so that he didn't miss a second with him. 

There was a large jiffy envelope in the box. Despite its puffy nature, the envelope was stiff. There was no way that it had been slid into the box manually. There just wasn't the correct angle for it. 

As soon as Magnus worked out that it had been put there by magic, he had to take several deep breaths. Even before he saw Lorenzo's scrawl on the envelope, mockingly calling him 'High Warlock Bane' as if he didn't know who he was, he knew that it was from him. 

He walked back into his loft and closed the door, locking it behind him. Putting the envelope under his arm for a moment, he conjured his wards. He didn't want any interruptions for whatever this was and many seemed to have developed a habit of walking in unannounced. He couldn't bear to have anyone else present, mainly because he didn't know how he was going to react to whatever this was. 

Magnus sat down carefully and held the envelope in his hands, running his fingertips over the top of it, as if it would explain to him what was inside without him actually needing to open it. He was nervous. He didn't know what it contained but he was utterly convinced that if he _didn't_ open it, bad things would happen. 

Taking a deep breath, he slipped his right index finger under the flap and pulled it along the divide. The ripping sound was too loud in his silent loft. His ever-present music hadn’t rung through the apartment since he'd received the image from Lorenzo. He couldn’t focus his mind, and refused to let himself wallow in the distraction of anything that didn’t wholly focus on Alec. He didn't know if he was punishing himself, or if he was trying to keep his volatile emotions at bay. Either way, the stereo had stayed silent. 

When Magnus carefully removed the item, he noticed that it was heavy and seemed to be made of glass. He turned it over in his hands and saw a Post-It note stuck to it. It was such a mundane thing to be attached to something so clearly magical that Magnus paused in his exploration. The note was simply written on the square yellow piece of paper. 

_You didn't want to be part of this revolution? How about you just WATCH instead?_

The glass fogged up as soon as he removed the note, a white mist seeming to coat the off-green object. Magnus had time to note that the green was exactly the same shade as the spells that Lorenzo cast, before the glass swirled again and cleared entirely. 

Magnus was looking into an all-white room. It looked small but he couldn't properly tell from the perspective that was afforded him. He couldn’t quite make out all corners of the room. He didn’t need to be able to. He knew it had been designed and created to feel suffocating and oppressive. It looked like the view was from half way up a wall. Opposite him, he could see someone he would never forget. Seeing Alec look so small, sitting on the floor, broke Magnus' heart; but the look on Alec's face, the almost despair that he could see ghosting his features shattered it completely. Alec was sitting with his legs pulled up to his chest, forearms resting on his knees and he was just staring forwards. Magnus could even trick himself into thinking that Alec was looking at him, but he knew he wasn't, knew that he couldn't see him. 

“Oh, Alexander.” 

As if on cue, Lorenzo entered the room and Magnus' hands clasped the sides of the glass almost painfully as he saw Alec get to his feet. 

“At ease, soldier.” Lorenzo mocked. 

Alec didn't say anything, waiting to find out what Lorenzo wanted this time, waiting to find a weakness that he could exploit, so that he could get out of here, so that he could get Magnus out of here. He was the priority. 

“I think it's time we put on a little show, don't you?” 

Alec couldn't help the confused look that ran across his face. “What?” 

Magnus knew what Lorenzo was going to do seconds before he did it, bile rising in his throat. Lorenzo had bragged about his proclivities in the past to Magnus on numerous occasions. Magnus wanted to kick himself for how blind he'd been. Maybe if he'd stood up to Lorenzo a century ago, he wouldn't be watching his injustices play out so horrifically in the present. He had to watch though, he needed to watch. He wasn't going to let Alec go through this alone. 

“You'll see.” Lorenzo said, before moving his hands in a complicated movement. “We'll start slow, shall we?” 

Alec had a further moment to be confused before he felt white hot pain course through his entire body. He gritted his teeth against it. This was nothing, he was a Shadowhunter. He'd felt worse than this. If Lorenzo thought he was going to break him with pain, he was sorely mistaken. He'd trained for this his whole life. 

Lorenzo raised an eyebrow. “Intriguing. Seems you're ready for more already.” 

A further complicated movement had Alec almost seeing stars, the pain ramping up a notch, but still nothing he couldn't handle. He took a tentative step forward. It hurt, but it wasn't unbearable. He had to get through this new development. He had to get to Magnus. 

“Interesting.” Lorenzo mused. 

The next bought of pain brought a further gritting of the teeth, Alec flat out refusing to make any sound to let Lorenzo know how much he was hurting. He wasn't giving him an inch. 

He took another step forward, his muscles twitching and burning. 

“I have to say, Mr Lightwood, I'm actually impressed.” 

The pain ramped up another notch and Alec faltered. He could barely think the pain was so bad, but he kept holding on to the knowledge that he had to get to Magnus. Getting Magnus out of this torture stayed in the forefront of his mind as he attempted to take another step towards Lorenzo, the door, and freedom. 

“Not so fast, Shadowhunter.” Lorenzo said, almost gleefully. 

The pain increased to such a level that Alec's legs folded and he crashed to the floor. His knees hurt but it was actually that focus on a different type of pain that helped him ground himself, allowing him to contemplate moving. 

He struggled to his feet again, taking another step, gritting his teeth against the fire that coursed through him, letting the flame empower him instead of hobble him. 

Alec tried to take another step, he did, but suddenly there was fire everywhere; in his bones, on his skin, in his very mind. He fell to the floor, gasping in pain, his hands shaking as they held him up. 

“That all you got.” Alec grunted out, standing again. 

Lorenzo unleashed another round of pain and Alec fell to the floor again, this time writhing as the pain reached a fever pitch. He wanted to scream, but refused to give Lorenzo the satisfaction, feeling his lip break and blood enter his mouth from where his teeth had dug in. He clawed himself into a sitting position and went to stand up but was knocked down by another wave of magic. 

Pain. 

_Stand. Magnus. Freedom._

Pain. 

_Stand. Magnus. Freedom._

Pain. 

_Stand. Magnus. Freedom._

Alec didn't know how many times he fought to his feet only to be knocked down again. He only knew that he had to keep trying, he had to get out of here, get to Magnus, get free. _Together._

The next time he was knocked down, he was pinned to the wall in a seated position, back arching in pain but unable to move away from the white surface. 

Lorenzo got right down to his level and grabbed his chin with his hand, angling up Alec's face so he could look straight into his eyes. 

“You're _pathetic_. I thought when I took you that you'd at least put up a fight, but here you are after a short time, gasping in pain and barely able to stand. I've seen Shadowhunters before and they were definitely stronger than you. Then again, they had their runes active. I guess it shows that you really _are_ worthless without them. I guess you're just a useless pretty boy with some even prettier tattoos.” 

Lorenzo left after his speech, the magical hold on Alec releasing at the same time. 

Alec felt like his body was on fire but it wasn't the biting fire of moments ago, just after effects. He pulled his legs up and rested his arms on his knees again, putting his head in his hands. Maybe Lorenzo was right? Maybe he was weak without his runes? In which case, how was he ever going to get Magnus out of here? 

“Magnus.” Alec whispered into the void, remembering a completely different warlock who had once called him 'pretty boy', however long ago that had been. 

“Alexander.” Magnus whispered back, tears falling on to the glass in front of him. 

He was staring at Alec's form, trying to send comfort through the inanimate magical object. After mere moments, the glass fogged over again. 

“No!” Magnus shouted, ghosting his own blue magic over the top of it, hoping to get it to work again. Hoping to at least be present in spirit for Alec, even if he couldn't be there for him in person. 

The glass shattered in his hands, cutting a very small wound in his palm which he didn't even notice. The glass fractured into so many pieces it was like dust and Magnus couldn't help but feel that he'd lost Alec all over again. 

When the last piece of dust fell to the floor, Magnus heard the echo of Lorenzo's laughter fill the loft. That was when he broke down, holding on to precious pieces of nothing, hoping that wasn't the last memory he would have of his love.


	14. Chapter 12

Magnus heard the banging on the door, through his tears, through his grief, and it brought him back to himself. He still held a large portion of the broken glass in his hands, cupping the dust as desperately as he wanted to cup the face of the man recently depicted within it. 

“Magnus! Magnus!” 

It was Jace. 

The insistent way he said it and the incessant banging on the door that Magnus heard made his heart leap in his chest. What if Jace was coming to tell him the worst? What if Jace was going to lift up his shirt and show a patch of bare skin to Magnus, a patch that until recently had been runed with a soul bond? He wanted to keep his wards up. He wanted to hide away inside, wanted to bury his head in his hands and just grieve. _Don't tell me this, Jace. I don't want to know. Please._

“MAGNUS! By the angel Magnus open this damn door!” 

Like he had done so many times before, Magnus raised his arms and dropped them quickly, lowering his extensive wards. He opened the door with his magic moments later and it flung open with an impressive bang. The plaster behind it cracked at the force of the blow but he couldn't bring himself to care. So what if the loft fell down around him? He'd wait for it. He wanted it. 

Jace ran in and barrelled round the side of the sofa, towards Magnus. 

“Don't!” Magnus cried, worried that if he stepped on the dust something would happen. If there was a chance that Alec was alive, he needed to keep this dust to work on, and if there was a chance that he wasn't, he just needed to keep the dust. 

Jace came up short, balancing on his toes. When his heels returned to the plush carpeting he finally took in what was in front of him. 

Magnus was on his knees, on the floor, holding what looked like a pile of sand. More sand was scattered on the carpet and Jace could now see that was what Magnus had told him not to step on. 

Magnus very carefully created a mini whirlwind of blue light and the dust all rose from the carpet, falling into a ceramic decorative bowl. He had been wondering what he was going to put in there and it had been empty for weeks. He couldn't quite quiet the small voice in the back of his head that told him that it had been for this, to keep the last pieces of Alec in. 

“What do you want, Jace?” Magnus asked quietly, getting up and sitting on the sofa that he had fallen from mere seconds and an eternity ago. 

“I...” 

Magnus looked up sharply at the tone of Jace's voice, the hesitation present in it. He had never seen him hesitate before. His bravado was unmistakable and usually masked any other emotions. He looked so much like Will in that moment that it made his heart ache for his long dead friend, and his descendent in front of him. 

Magnus snapped his fingers and chai tea appeared in Jace's hand. 

Jace smiled slightly, cupping his hands around it. He knew that chai was the flavouring that Magnus associated with Alec and it made him ache a little. He’d never been this far removed from Alec, physically or spiritually. Even before their Parabatai ceremony, when Jace had first joined the Lightwoods, they had always felt connected, as one. But now, as Jace looked down at the tea in his hands he felt only numb, and alone. He’d take whatever tiny association he could get. 

“Alec...” Jace started again, subconsciously rubbing the spot where his Parabatai rune was situated. 

“Is he...” Magnus asked quickly, needing to know the answer, not wanting to know the answer. He let out a rushed exhale when Jace shook his head. 

“No, no, he's not...” Jace laughed without mirth “...sorry. I should have lead with that.” 

Magnus sagged back into the chair, errantly wondering how quickly one could develop a posture problem and wondering whether he even cared at this point. 

“So...” he asked carefully, unsure why Jace had run in like his tail was on fire if his Parabatai wasn't dead. He assumed he'd have lead with 'We know exactly where Alec is and we're going to get him right now'. Then again, this was Jace and he was very good at burying the lead. 

“He just...he was...he was in so much pain, Magnus. I can't...you don't know...I can't explain it. I've never felt anything like it.” He finished, taking a sip of the tea. 

The tea wasn't much but Jace would take any closeness to Alec he could get at the moment. He'd felt it, he'd felt the pain. The desperation had been coming off Alec in waves. He'd fallen to the floor in his own bedroom, desperately trying not to scream, needing to reach out to Alec through their bond without passing out, so that his brother would know he wasn't alone. 

Magnus briefly flashed back to the moment in the Ops Centre at the Institute when he'd seen Alec drop to the ground, gasping in pain and clutching his side, calling out for his brother. No, Magnus couldn't say he knew what Jace had felt; but he did know what it looked like and being reminded of it now, when everything seemed so dark was not what he needed to dwell on. 

“I know.” Magnus said quietly. 

“You _know_?” Jace asked, surprised. “How do you know?” There was no venom to the question, just a dreadfully tired tone of voice. 

“Lorenzo,” Magnus began, the crockery on the table rattling slightly. 

Jace put his hand on Magnus' arm and it was the surprise more than anything else that made Magnus' magic recede. Jace seemed to realise what he'd done as soon as the clinking stopped and he removed his hand. 

Magnus smiled ever so slightly at him, he'd appreciated the support, even if he was surprised the quarter it had come from. He took a deep breath and started speaking again. 

“Lorenzo...he sent me a glass.” Magnus swallowed, the visions of a writhing Alec playing across his mind and a gasping breath broke the silence. He suddenly realised that it had been him that made it. “It was magic, I could see him.” 

“You could see him? Can I...” Jace immediately responded. 

“It's...” Magnus waved a hand dismissively at the dust in the bowl in front of them. 

“You broke it?” Jace asked, a slight edge to his voice. 

“No.” Magnus said. “He did.” 

They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence after that, neither one of them able to think of anything else to say. 

All Magnus could see was his boyfriend falling to his knees over and over again and staggering to his feet, looking worse and worse with each iteration. 

All Jace could feel was his Parabatai, pain coursing through his entire body, the pain causing him to writhe at times. Underneath that, he could feel Alec's determination and it was that that gave him hope. If Alec could just keep his spirits up, he knew they could get to him. _They had to._


	15. Chapter 13 - FULL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **THIS CHAPTER HEAVILY GOES INTO ALEC'S ARACHNOPHOBIA. IF YOU THINK THIS WILL ALSO EFFECT YOU, PLEASE SKIP TO THE TRUNCATED CHAPTER 13 WHICH WILL KEEP THE FLOW OF THE STORY, BUT YOU WILL HAVE NO SPIDERS.**
> 
> Stay safe everyone.

When Isabelle and Jace arrived at Magnus' loft, it was to find the wards down. A jolt of worry went through the both of them as they opened the door. Magnus was there though, and seemed unharmed although very obviously preoccupied.

He stood up with such naked hope on his face that it made Isabelle want to cry. 

“Nothing yet. Lydia's mobilised everyone to look though, we'll find him. She's taken over the running of the Institute whilst Alec is...” she trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence. 

Jace looked over the scene in front of him and could see the mess in Magnus' living room for what it was, the desperate act of distraction. There were herbal ingredients everywhere, bottles of potions and at least twenty books. The three shredded training dummies and two broken blades lying in the training room smacked of the same desperation. Izzy had mastered the basics of an entirely new language in the last few days as well. They were all fraying at the edges. 

“Alec, is he...have you managed to...” Jace said hopefully. 

Magnus shook his head and Jace noticed that it almost looked painful to do. He wondered if he looked the same. He knew that he hadn't been looking after himself, but Magnus looked decidedly un-Magnus like. His hair had no product in it and he had clearly made a half-hearted attempt at some make up. The normally perfectly painted nails were chipped slightly and Jace, perpetual nail biter, noticed them for what they were. He thought what he would be like if it had been Clary, and he thought that Magnus was actually holding it together pretty well. 

“What is it, Magnus?” Isabelle said quietly, taking him by the hand and leading him back to sit on the sofa again. 

It was such an Alec-like gesture that Jace nearly crumpled on the spot. He found himself pleased for a split-second that Alec couldn't feel him, because he knew he'd be feeling utter heartbreak and he didn't need to be going through that as well as whatever else it was he was being subjected to. 

Magnus gestured with the hand not in Izzy's to the coffee table and they both looked at the mundane envelope. 

“I got another piece of glass. I thought you'd want to be here when I opened it.” 

“You thought right,” Izzy replied, “may I?” 

“Iz...” Jace started. 

“I need to do this.” His headstrong sister replied. She was the one of them that looked the most put together, but she definitely didn’t feel it. She felt that one more day of not knowing would drive her entirely crazy. She'd started writing in a journal, something she hadn't done in years, just in an effort to get her emotions out on paper and not swirling around in her head. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept for more than a few hours without waking up to obsessively check her phone. 

Jace nodded and Isabelle opened the envelope carefully, pulling the piece of glass out. It looked like a portal shard and she hefted the weight, turning it over in her hands. 

She sucked in a deep breath when she saw the small yellow square attached to the top of the glass. Jace mumbled something in Spanish that Magnus completely agreed with, even if he was sure it wasn't anatomically possible. 

_And now, the thrilling sequel._

“Alec.” Isabelle whispered as soon as the glass had cleared of the smoke. 

After that, all they could do was watch impotently. 

~~~ 

Alec couldn't remember when he'd sunk to the floor opposite the door, long legs pulled up, forearms resting on his knees, but he was pretty sure he hadn't moved for at least an hour; not that he could tell how much time had passed. He only had the slight gnawing sensation in his stomach and the faintly full feeling in his bladder to make him realise he'd probably been gone for at least a day, maybe two. 

He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye, the stark white room making the movement obvious. On the wall to his left, was a spider. It was about 2 inches in diameter and it was just sitting there. Alec felt his heart rate spike slightly but he forced himself to take several deep and calming breaths and he brought it back under control. 

When he looked at the wall again, the spider was gone. 

Alec felt his heart-rate ramp up again as he scrabbled to his feet, turning to see if he could see where it had gone. 

It wasn't on the walls.  
It wasn't on the ceiling.  
It wasn't on the floor. 

Which left him furiously brushing down his clothes, smoothing out his trousers, kicking at his boots and shucking out of his jacket, shaking it down. 

It wasn't there. It wasn't anywhere. 

Slowly, he moved his hand up to his head and ran it over the top, almost pulling his hair out with the ferocity of his hand movements. 

Nothing fell to the floor. 

Alec closed his eyes and took another deep breath. It was fine. He knew this. Sometimes spiders did this, you took your eye off them for a second and they moved. In any case, it had been a common Grass Spider. It spun big webs with thousands of others. Not often seen indoors but not unheard of. 

Alec took another deep breath, reeling off the knowledge in his brain had helped calm him down. 

He opened his eyes again and on the floor in front of him, there it was again. 

He took several steps back until he hit a wall. He stared down at the offending creature and then watched in abject horror as it walked towards him. 

“Agelenopsis, sheet webs, webs aren't sticky, use their speed to hunt their prey.” _Prey_. No. He wasn't prey. He was 6'3” of Shadowhunter and he was not scared of a harmless... 

Alec's thoughts aborted when he saw a second spider squeeze its way under the door. It was exactly the same as the last one and if there were two of these species together there were bound to be more. His heart rate increased again and he had to force down the panic he could feel building. 

When the first spider moved towards him again, he brought his Clave issued boot down on it. Even that filled him with dread and the sickening crunch did nothing to assuage the fear that was rapidly escalating. 

Where were Jace and Izzy when he needed them? Normally in situations like this they all worked as a team. Alec's job was to breathe, Izzy's job was to talk to him, helping him if necessary, and Jace's job was to kill it. They'd been doing it like this for as long as he could remember and he suddenly realised how foolish that had been. It meant he didn't know how to deal with this himself. He was stupid. _He was weak_. Lorenzo really _had_ been right earlier. 

He chuckled weakly to himself. Who'd have thought? 

Over the next few minutes, more spiders started to come from under the door, all of a similar size. He killed every last one of them, feeling strangely proud of himself. It took him some time to realise he could stop them from coming in if he just lay his jacket down along the seam of the door. 

He walked over to the door to do just that, breath heaving in his chest when what could only be described as a wave of tiny spiders flooded out from underneath it. He jumped backwards, almost slipping on the carcasses of the previous spiders as he did so. He couldn't trip, he couldn't fall, the idea of those spiders crawling all over him made him want to vomit. 

He knew he lost it for a minute then, stomping on the black creeping mass that was scuttling towards him ridiculously fast. 

“Linyphiidae, second largest family in the world. Most often found in temperate climates, discovered in 1859 by John Blackwell.” Alec muttered to himself, stomping on the offending creatures. He knew he wouldn’t cope if one got on him but they just kept coming, so he kept stomping. 

After a while he started listing all of the spider species that he'd learnt over the painstaking hours he'd spent learning about them, in an effort to allay his fears. It hadn't worked. It hadn't made his phobia any worse, but it hadn't made it any better either. He hadn't intended to need this information in quite the manner that he was using it now, but he was grateful that he could at least slightly distract himself. 

The wave stopped and Alec found himself breathing heavily, dripping with sweat. Loathe as he was to get any closer to the bodies, despite the fact that they were unmoving, he did feel like he might pass out if he didn't rest his hands on his knees for a second and take a few deep breaths. 

This time, out of the corner of his right eye he saw movement and he was almost certain his heart skipped a beat. 

Before he was even aware of what he was doing, he stood up and started to mumble, backing up slowly at the same time. 

“Discovered in 1804 by French zoologist Pierre André Latrielle, dubbed the Prince of Etymology by his peers. Spider's Latin name is Theraphosa Blondi, more commonly known as the Goliath bird-eater. This is a bit of a misnomer. Although they do eat birds, they don't seek them out as nourishment, preferring small rodents and lizards. Terrestrial, living in swamp areas, lives in deep burrows.” 

The spider moved, and Alec made a sound that was halfway between a choked scream and a moan. He backed up, but eventually he hit another wall. He was going to have to kill it, he knew that; but he couldn't bear to get any closer to do it. If he only had his tiny dagger he could have thrown it; but he was weapon-less. Damn Lorenzo. 

Between one moment of fear and the next, his logical brain suddenly caught up. There was no way that this spider had got under the door. This wasn't real. He was being messed with. This was Lorenzo. 

“Lorenzo!” Alec called to the ceiling, taking his eyes of the spider. “Enough games!” 

When he looked down again, the spider was a foot closer and out of the corner of his eye he could see another large spider crouched half way up the wall, hugging the corner. 

Alec slammed himself into the next corner along, staring at the new addition to the room whilst also trying to keep an eye on the first one as well. 

He could do this. He'd fought three Raum demons last week and killed them in under a minute, he could fend off some spiders, even if one of them was the size of a small puppy. He was hundreds of times bigger than them, there was nothing to be scared of. So why was he so scared? 

Alec felt something land in his hair. 

Without conscious thought he brushed his hand through it and looked in horror at the spider hanging on a thread of silk from his fingers. He shook his hand, but it just crawled up the silk closer to him. On instinct he slammed his hand into the wall. Stepping hastily away, spider guts coating his fingers, he wiped his hand on his gear trousers and walked to the opposite corner. 

He kicked the Goliath into a wall so he could get past it, away from the mess in the corner he'd just vacated. The spider made a sickening thud when it hit the wall but didn't die immediately, its legs waving in the air. 

“I know what you're doing, Lorenzo! This is ridiculous! What do you think this is going to accomplish?” 

He chanced a look at the corner that he'd just vacated and his skin started crawling. He could only describe it as a scene reminiscent of his old childhood nightmares. Hundreds of black and red spiders, all less than half an inch long, were in a mass in the corner, cascading down the wall. 

“Redback.” Alec said to himself, looking at the mass. “Huntsman.” He mumbled looking at the hulking spider spread across the other corner. 

All other information about the spiders disappeared from his head as he realised that he was rapidly running out of places to go. If that group of spiders got to him he'd be dead. He wouldn't even have much time to be scared about it. 

“No fatalities from adults reported since anti-venom introduction in 1956. No anti-venom in the cell though, so cause of death from multiple bites highly likely.” Alec giggled a little manically. “Should check the cell anyway.” He giggled again, then shook his head. He had to keep it together, he couldn't become hysterical. A frenzied panic was not what he needed right now. 

“Clearly you want something Lorenzo, so out with it!” Alec shouted, banging on the door. 

The noise was a mistake as another wave of tiny spiders started pouring from underneath it as if bidden by the sound. 

Alec started to stomp on the ground by the door, not looking any more as he continued to shout at the ceiling. 

“This is getting ridiculous! I'm the Head of the New York Institute, you don't have to play these games, we can talk about whatever it is you want!” 

Alec could hear his voice now, could tell that it had grown in pitch, but he couldn't help it. He was going to die, drowning in spiders because of some warlock. _He was never going to see Magnus again._

That was the thought that allowed him to get a bit of clarity back. He took a couple of shaky breaths; but he got his heart-rate under control. 

“The Huntsman spider, only discovered in 2001 by P Jäger in Laos,” Alec recited. It started a slow crawl down the wall and Alec's heart shot into his throat again. Almost at the same time, he saw the swirling mass of redbacks seem to break apart and crawl both ways around the wall with a few deciding to crawl across the ceiling. 

Alec froze. He genuinely didn't know what to do. If they were on the floor he could kick them, he could tread on them, but on the walls he didn't have a chance. His brain was computing all sorts of options when he saw the corpse of the Goliath knit back together and he watched in terror as it started to purposefully walk towards him. 

He turned towards the door, hammering on the hard surface, not caring any more if spiders fell on him, just needing to get out. He didn't want to look yet. He didn't want to ask Lorenzo for help but what else could he do? It wasn't as if Lorenzo didn't know what was happening in here. He had to be the cause of it. 

“Look, Lorenzo.” Alec said carefully and was incredibly impressed that his voice only wavered slightly. It helped that he wasn't looking behind him. “I can smooth this whole thing over. I've only been gone for what? 48 hours? I can cover that. No one has to even know. We can sort whatever this is out.” 

Alec swore he could hear the spiders coming closer, could feel all the hairs on his arms stand up. There was a snide, spiteful voice in the back of his mind asking him whether they were actually just tiny spider’s legs crawling underneath his sleeves and not goosebumps at all. 

“Lorenzo!” Alec called banging on the door harder. He had given into the fear now. He couldn't remember any of the breathing techniques that Izzy had taught him, couldn't think of any of the training he'd had over the last two decades. All he could think of was the creeping death that was advancing on him. 

He banged on the door, chancing a glance behind him, the room was almost two thirds covered with spiders. He could have sworn they'd multiplied and yet still he banged on the door, hurting his fists, knowing he was going to be bruised, but not caring. It might not matter in a minute anyway. He hoped he died quickly. The idea of being slowly paralysed by venom and the spiders still swarming all over him filled him with dread. 

“Lorenzo! LORENZO! BY THE ANGEL, _LORENZO_!” Alec shouted, his voice going hoarse. He felt like he'd just been screaming the same name over and over again for hours but he knew it couldn't have been more than a few minutes. His fists pounding into the door had become more frantic, staccato thuds that perfectly encapsulated how he was feeling. 

He felt a soft presence on his shin, pushing his trouser leg inwards slightly. 

“Lorenzo.” Alec said, the word falling quietly out of his lips. 

Even before he looked down, he knew what he was going to see, but the reality of it was somehow a hundred times worse. There, just resting on his calf was the Goliath. Its brown body looked almost satin in the harsh white light. It was still, and so was he. Frozen. He could almost understand how some people described them as beautiful, when they were completely still like that. 

Then it moved its mandibles and Alec's entire body flooded with cold. 

“ _Please_ ,” he whispered at the door, resting his head against it, both palms framing it. 

Immediately, the weight from his shin disappeared, and he looked down in shock. There was nothing there. 

Alec didn't dare turn round, didn't want to know how many Goliaths had been multiplied behind him, but with a sick fascination, he spun slowly around. 

And blinked. 

The white room was completely clear. There wasn't a spider to be found. He turned round several times, checking the floor, walls and ceiling and shook out his clothes, but there was nothing there. There wasn't even a trace that there had been anything there. All of the exoskeletons had also been removed. 

He looked down at the hand that had squished the spider that had fallen into his hair and there was nothing on it. No trace that it had ever been there. 

Alec backed away from the door, and when he hit the wall, he sunk down into the same position he'd been in when the spiders had started. He carded his hands through his too-long hair, pulling slightly to ground himself. He gave out a shaky laugh, which turned into an aborted sob. 

He needed to get them both out of here. 

~~~ 

The phone in Magnus' pocket beeped and he would have ignored it, except that it had beeped at precisely the same time Alec had fallen to the floor. He turned away from the mirror just as Alec made the most heart-breaking sound that Magnus had ever heard. He wanted to be there for his boyfriend, but he knew that he had to have all the information as well, and he had no doubt in his mind who the text message was from. 

Before he turned fully away, Magnus saw the slight tremor to Alec's hand as he dragged it through his hair and he wanted to reach through the glass and stroke him, take him into his arms and tell him that it was all going to be all right. 

He stood, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he walked away from the two siblings on the couch. Jace had grabbed Isabelle's hand at some point during Alec's ordeal and she'd taken it gratefully and squeezed, garnering support from her other brother. 

Magnus looked down at his phone, unsure whether he really wanted to see what it said. But he knew he had to, for Alec. 

_You know, I thought it would take longer for him to start begging._

Magnus launched his phone against the wall closest to him where it shattered. He knew he was breathing heavily, trying to keep his magic under control, but all he wanted to do was tear the whole place down. He wanted to tear Lorenzo down. 

He vaguely heard the sound of glass breaking and he looked over at Isabelle who was looking surprised, covered in the shiny substance. 

Magnus tiredly lifted the sand away from her and her clothes, grateful that he could put his magic to some use. He put it in the same bowl as the last dust from the last glass, trying not to think about how this was just Alec. This was all he currently had, might be all he would ever have again. 

Lorenzo's laugh echoed through the loft and Jace got to his feet. "I'm going to kill him." 

"Get in line." Magnus replied.


	16. Chapter 13 - TRUNCATED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **THIS CHAPTER IS THE SAME AS THE LAST ONE, BUT WITH ZERO SPIDERS.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> If you read Chapter 13, you can skip over this one and go straight to Chapter 14.

When Isabelle and Jace arrived at Magnus' loft, it was to find the wards down. A jolt of worry went through the both of them as they opened the door. Magnus was there though, and seemed unharmed although very obviously preoccupied. 

He stood up with such naked hope on his face that it made Isabelle want to cry. 

“Nothing yet. Lydia's mobilised everyone to look though, we'll find him. She's taken over the running of the Institute whilst Alec is...” she trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence. 

Jace looked over the scene in front of him and could see the mess in Magnus' living room for what it was, the desperate act of distraction. There were herbal ingredients everywhere, bottles of potions and at least twenty books. The three shredded training dummies and two broken blades lying in the training room smacked of the same desperation. Izzy had mastered the basics of an entirely new language in the last few days as well. They were all fraying at the edges. 

“Alec, is he...have you managed to...” Jace said hopefully. 

Magnus shook his head and Jace noticed that it almost looked painful to do. He wondered if he looked the same. He knew that he hadn't been looking after himself, but Magnus looked decidedly un-Magnus like. His hair had no product in it and he had clearly made a half-hearted attempt at some make up. The normally perfectly painted nails were chipped slightly and Jace, perpetual nail biter, noticed them for what they were. He thought what he would be like if it had been Clary, and he thought that Magnus was actually holding it together pretty well. 

“What is it, Magnus?” Isabelle said quietly, taking him by the hand and leading him back to sit on the sofa again. 

It was such an Alec-like gesture that Jace nearly crumpled on the spot. He found himself pleased for a split-second that Alec couldn't feel him, because he knew he'd be feeling utter heartbreak and he didn't need to be going through that as well as whatever else it was he was being subjected to. 

Magnus gestured with the hand not in Izzy's to the coffee table and they both looked at the mundane envelope. 

“I got another piece of glass. I thought you'd want to be here when I opened it.” 

“You thought right,” Izzy replied, “may I?” 

“Iz...” Jace started. 

“I need to do this.” His headstrong sister replied. She was the one of them that looked the most put together, but she definitely didn’t feel it. She felt that one more day of not knowing would drive her entirely crazy. She'd started writing in a journal, something she hadn't done in years, just in an effort to get her emotions out on paper and not swirling around in her head. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept for more than a few hours without waking up to obsessively check her phone. 

Jace nodded and Isabelle opened the envelope carefully, pulling the piece of glass out. It looked like a portal shard and she hefted the weight, turning it over in her hands. 

She sucked in a deep breath when she saw the small yellow square attached to the top of the glass. Jace mumbled something in Spanish that Magnus completely agreed with, even if he was sure it wasn't anatomically possible. 

_And now, the thrilling sequel._

“Alec.” Isabelle whispered as soon as the glass had cleared of the smoke. 

After that, all they could do was watch impotently. 

~~~ 

Alec couldn't remember when he'd sunk to the floor opposite the door, long legs pulled up, forearms resting on his knees, but he was pretty sure he hadn't moved for at least an hour; not that he could tell how much time had passed. He only had the slight gnawing sensation in his stomach and the faintly full feeling in his bladder to make him realise he'd probably been gone for at least a day, maybe two. 

**ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT ALEC WAS MENTALLY TORTURED HERE.**

Alec backed away from the door, and when he hit the wall, he sunk down into the same position he'd been in earlier. He carded his hands through his too-long hair, pulling slightly to ground himself. He gave out a shaky laugh, which turned into an aborted sob. 

He needed to get them both out of here. 

~~~ 

The phone in Magnus' pocket beeped and he would have ignored it, except that it had beeped at precisely the same time Alec had fallen to the floor. He turned away from the mirror just as Alec made the most heart-breaking sound that Magnus had ever heard. He wanted to be there for his boyfriend, but he knew that he had to have all the information as well, and he had no doubt in his mind who the text message was from. 

Before he turned fully away, Magnus saw the slight tremor to Alec's hand as he dragged it through his hair and he wanted to reach through the glass and stroke him, take him into his arms and tell him that it was all going to be all right. 

He stood, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he walked away from the two siblings on the couch. Jace had grabbed Isabelle's hand at some point during Alec's ordeal and she'd taken it gratefully and squeezed, garnering support from her other brother. 

Magnus looked down at his phone, unsure whether he really wanted to see what it said. But he knew he had to, for Alec. 

_You know, I thought it would take longer for him to start begging._

Magnus launched his phone against the wall closest to him, where it shattered. He knew he was breathing heavily, trying to keep his magic under control, but all he wanted to do was tear the whole place down. He wanted to tear Lorenzo down. 

He vaguely heard the sound of glass breaking and he looked over at Isabelle who was looking surprised, covered in the shiny substance. 

Magnus tiredly lifted the sand away from her and her clothes, grateful that he could put his magic to some use. He put it in the same bowl as the last dust from the last glass, trying not to think about how this was just _Alec_. This was all he currently had, might be all he would ever have again. 

Lorenzo's laugh echoed through the loft and Jace got to his feet. "I'm going to kill him." 

"Get in line." Magnus replied.


	17. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemon Squad were once again instrumental, this time helping me come up with the taunting note in this chapter.

Magnus enjoyed the blissful three seconds that he got in the morning before he remembered. He enjoyed the first second when he was still half asleep, the hazy dreams he'd been having fading. He enjoyed the second second, when he snuggled slightly further into the sheets, the safe feeling he had of being nestled tight. He enjoyed the third second, when he opened his eyes to sunlight hitting a patch of carpet just right, to create an almost perfect sunbeam. He enjoyed seeing Church sitting territorially in that same patch of sunlight. 

Recently, it was the fourth second that had thrown him. Second four was normally when he turned over and smiled, watching Alec sleep or seeing those beautiful hazel eyes if he was already awake. Second four was now cursed. Alec wasn't there, and Magnus was horrified to realise he could no longer smell him in their shared space. The scent of sandalwood normally filled the loft and Magnus couldn't smell it any more. 

He got out of the sheets in a rush and ran in to the spare bedroom, where he waved a hand and all of his paraphernalia appeared. He couldn't bear to be in their bedroom without Alec. At least here he could pretend the reason he couldn't smell him was because he wasn't in their room. At least here he would know on second one and wouldn't be shocked on second four. As soon as he woke he would feel different sheets and he would just _know_. Somehow that was better. 

~~~ 

Izzy knew that she'd already cleaned the swords in front of her, but she pulled them off their shelves anyway and pulled the cleaning fluid towards her. If she could just clean another three swords, she could move clockwise around the room and start on the daggers. After that she could polish the quarterstaffs, maybe even get a chance to really attack the great axes. The grunts never cleaned the nooks and crannies on those right, no matter how many times the Weapons Master told them to. 

There were many parts of her new job that she was looking forward to, having to kick annoying young shadowhunters into action was not one of them (even if her and Jace had been some of those annoying young shadowhunters not that long ago). Her mind wandered to Alec and the tired way he would roll his eyes, hiding a smile when he saw them get into trouble. She purposely moved her thoughts away from her brother, once more concentrating on the task at hand. If she thought about him too much in one go it was overwhelming and she didn't need anyone walking in to the weapons room to find the new Weapons Master crying over unpolished blades. 

Some of her hair fell in her face and she tossed her head to get it out of her eyes. In doing so, she saw a bow out of the corner of her eye. It wasn't Alec's bow. That had disappeared with him, but it was enough of an association that it made her pause. Once she started looking at it, she couldn't stop, memory after memory of seeing her brother shooting arrows both in training and out in the field flashed through her brain, and she was powerless to stop it this time, much as she tried. 

She was almost relieved when her phone beeped, although her hand jerked at the unexpected noise and she cut herself along the serrated edge of the weapon in front of her. She swore colourfully in Spanish, hastily activating her Iratze rune. The wound knitted together and she wiped the blood on her gear trousers. 

She ran into Jace in the corridor, grateful that she hadn't had to find him and waste more time. She assumed that he'd received the same text from Magnus, asking them to come to the loft. It hadn't said much more so she assumed no joyous or tragic news, just the relentless middle ground slog that was their lives right now. 

He looked at her hand in surprise, reaching for it with concern. 

“I'm fine,” Izzy said, snatching her hand away, “we have to go.” 

Jace acquiesced and they walked out of the Institute as fast as they could. They both knew that Lydia was covering for them as much as she could. There was no way that they would have been excused from doing routine patrols for this long without hierarchical intervention. It was her security clearance and her position further up the chain of command that allowed them all the time they needed to prioritise Alec. They both thanked her profusely for that, even if they couldn't tell her, lest they draw attention to it. 

~~~ 

Alec woke up confused but instantly alert. 

He knew he'd been there for days. He knew this partially because the longest he'd recorded himself staying awake was 37 hours and he knew precisely what that had felt like. He'd stayed awake as long as he could in his cell, attempting to keep vigilant, not wanting to give Lorenzo any quarter to get the jump on him; but eventually his body had given out on him, falling into unconsciousness out of necessity. 

He thought he'd been asleep three times. Every time he awoke he felt nourished and clean and he eventually realised the third time it happened that Lorenzo must be sustaining him somehow. That thought alone was enough to make him shudder. It felt dehumanising to have everything that he needed as a human being done for him. He guessed it was just another mind game of Lorenzo's, he seemed to have a penchant for them. That didn't make it any easier to swallow though. 

The door slammed open and Alec shifted immediately into a sitting position, moving from his curled position on the floor as he'd slept. It was cold in his cell and he knew that he should be ill, but he wasn't, yet another thing Lorenzo had taken from him. 

“Sleeping in the foetal position, Mr. Lightwood? How pitiful.” 

Alec scrambled to his feet, scowling at his captor but not deigning to give him an answer. 

“I thought we'd try something new today.” Lorenzo said conversationally. 

Alec looked at him and then looked past him towards the door, weighing his chances of taking Lorenzo down, and making a bid for freedom. A bid for _Magnus_. 

As soon as Alec's eyes looked at the doorway he felt a squeezing around his throat, not enough to debilitate him and restrict his breathing, but enough that the threat was there. Lorenzo was nowhere near him, so it was clearly his magic. 

“I thought we'd discussed this, _Alexander_.” Lorenzo simpered. 

The look that Alec shot him at the mention of his full name was exactly the reaction that Lorenzo had hoped for, and he smiled. 

Lorenzo reached into his pocket and pulled out the thin, pencil like object that was Alec's Stele. It glinted in the never ending light of the room, and Alec had looked at it before he'd even realised he'd done it. 

Lorenzo just laughed. 

“Well, I do want you to use this actually, I'm not just waving it at you for fun.” 

Alec waited for Lorenzo to elaborate. 

Lorenzo waved his hand at him and Alec was once more flung back into the wall. He had the presence of mind to lean his head forwards this time so it didn't crack. He hated that he was learning that, hated that Lorenzo had smirked at him again because of it. 

Alec couldn't move any of his limbs, they all seemed to be stuck to the wall by an invisible force. It was somehow worse to be restrained without being able to see anything, like it was his own ineptitude that was stopping him from moving, and not magic. He struggled anyway and only succeeded in moving his head. 

Lorenzo laughed. “Still trying to escape? Cute. Magnus isn't trying to escape, you know.” 

He moved forwards towards Alec and placed the Stele in Alec's right hand. 

Alec stared at him, desperately wanting to ask him what he meant about Magnus, but not wanting to give Lorenzo any more ammunition than he currently had. Instead, Alec brought his full sass to bear, an approach he normally only employed when talking Jace out of whatever hair-brained scheme he'd come up with this time. “What do you expect me to do with this?” 

Lorenzo laughed, letting the pause last a second longer than was strictly necessary, and then waved his hand again. 

Alec found that he had control of his right arm again but still couldn't move the rest of his limbs. 

“You can try and activate whatever you like but it won't be worth it. I'm not letting you move if you don't do what I say.” 

Alec rolled his eyes. “And what's that?” 

Lorenzo waited again, eager to see whether Alec would disobey him. He was gratified to notice that he'd at least broken the Shadowhunter partially after yesterday's torture, because Alec didn't move to do anything untoward. 

“I need you to activate your stamina rune.” 

Alec raised an eyebrow at Lorenzo, confused. “My what?” 

“You know, pesky thing on your hip, you can't miss it.” Lorenzo replied, laughing to himself and raising Alec's t-shirt up slightly with a wisp of green light made from a flick of his wrist. 

Alec couldn't work out what Lorenzo's game was, but the opportunity to at least gain some of his power back by activating the rune was too good an opportunity to pass up. He moved his Stele where he was bidden. Once the rune was activated, he felt instantly more able to deal with things. He hadn't been particularly tired before, but now he felt energised, like he was operating at peak efficiency. Lorenzo didn't know what he'd just done. It was only latterly that he realised it was odd that Lorenzo knew where his runes were situated. Just how long had the guy been spying on him? 

“Good, now drop it.” Lorenzo said. 

Alec held on to his Stele for a moment, part wondering whether he should retain it and attempt to activate something else, and part just because he didn't want to give Lorenzo the satisfaction of obeying straight away. 

Lorenzo smiled inwardly. He couldn't _wait_ to beat that last piece of defiance out of the young shadowhunter. 

As soon as the sound of the Stele hitting the floor echoed through the room, Lorenzo spoke. 

“Good boy.” 

~~~ 

Jace and Izzy made it to Magnus' in record time, activating their stamina runes so that they could run the entirety of the journey without stopping. 

Izzy knocked, but Jace just reached around her, opened the door and walked in. She tutted but couldn't really fault him, she was impatient to know what was going on too. 

Jace was shocked when he saw Magnus. He was wearing an outfit that might have been useful for working out in, but he was slumped in a chair instead. He wasn't wearing any jewellery that he could see and the make up around his eyes was smudged. His nails seemed to be worse than the last time he'd seen him too. Jace had never seen him unkempt like this, he was always so stylish and so put together. 

The amount of items in the room seemed to have doubled. There were now books precariously perched on every surface and the room smelled faintly of sage. Potion ingredients seemed to have been thrown around too, as well as a pile of ceramics that Jace was pretty sure used to be bowls. The whole place smacked of desperation. 

Izzy took one look at Magnus and her heart melted. He was wearing one of Alec's t-shirts. She didn't mention it, just made sure to squeeze his forearm for a second longer than she normally would have, in silent support. She thought he was holding up remarkably well under the circumstances, even if it looked like he hadn't slept, or heard of a hairbrush. 

Izzy and Jace sat side by side on the sofa and after a moment Magnus came to join them, leaning his hands against the back of the sofa between the two siblings. They all stared at the envelope on the table, no-one apparently wanting to be the one to open it. 

Eventually, after several minutes Jace picked it up. It felt heavy in his hands, both in weight and in emotion. 

_May your indecision forever leave you in agony._

Jace took hold of the yellow note attached to the glass, turning both to Magnus, who nodded, and then to Izzy. 

“Do it.” She said firmly, wondering what they would see this time and hating how impotent she felt. Alec had always done so much to shelter her from whatever harm he could, and here she was, unable to do the same. The guilt was eating her up inside. 

Jace removed the note and immediately the glass cleared, just like last time. All three of them leaned forward as the view of Alec swam into view. He was in the same room and the vantage point looked the same, although it was hard to say as there were no defining features to the cell. Alec looked remarkably well kept, which surprised them. All three of them thought he, at least outwardly, looked the most put together of the four of them. 

~~~ 

Alec felt the pressure around his body ease and he could breathe fully again. He considered reaching for the Stele, but he didn't think he'd get a chance to activate any more runes before Lorenzo hobbled him again, so he decided to wait and bide his time. Lorenzo had to make a mistake at some point, and when he did, he'd be ready. 

Lorenzo waved his hand and a chair appeared out of thin air. It was one Alec knew well. It was one that he'd wrestled Magnus into when he was tortured by Imogen. The tan straps hung down from arms, legs and neck, as well as the gag portion of the set up. 

Alec eyed it warily. 

Lorenzo gestured with his arm in a condescending way, indicating that he should sit down. 

Alec didn't move. 

“I suppose I could get Magnus to relive _his_ time in this chair...” Lorenzo mused. 

Alec moved immediately and sat down. 

“There, that wasn't difficult was it?” Lorenzo said, chuckling. 

“What do you want, Lorenzo?” Alec asked, fed up with the games. 

“Many things. Many things. A house on the beach, world peace, the downfall of the Clave, oh and I want Magnus.” 

“No.” Alec said immediately, almost as an involuntary exclamation. 

Lorenzo tutted. “Come on, Mr Lightwood. Surely you know not to doubt me by now? I always get what I want.” 

Lorenzo walked around him and then leant directly into Alec's personal space, hands on both arms of the chair. 

Alec felt trapped, but he refused to show any emotion. He wasn't going to give Lorenzo anything. He'd already accidentally showed too much when he had mentioned Magnus. He needed to be strong, he needed to be wise, or he'd never get them out of here. 

“I can take whatever I want, whenever I want. And right now? Right now I want Magnus.” 

Lorenzo pushed off from the chair and continued his circle around the chair, musing as he went. “Unless...” He started and paused. “No.” 

Alec refused to ask the burning question. 

“I mean I _could_ be convinced to...except no.” 

“Out with it Lorenzo! What do you want?” Alec said, fed up with the games that were being played. 

“Well,” Lorenzo simpered, “I suppose I could be convinced to drop this. For the right price.” 

Involuntarily, Alec remembered Magnus saying those exact same words to him, before they were together, back when he was trying so hard to fend off his advances. Later, he would think that that memory caused him to show his hand too readily. 

“Tell you what, you agree to draw some runes for me, and I'll make sure that chair never ends up in his room.” 

“Done.” Alec said immediately. 

Lorenzo smiled. 

“Now, I don't think we need to strap you down, do we? I'm sure we understand each other well enough by now, don't we?” 

Alec just fixed Lorenzo with a withering look. The man liked to talk and Alec couldn't work out what was worse, all of his pompous grandstanding for a non-existent audience, or his own self-centred enjoyment in what was to come. 

“Let's begin shall we?” Lorenzo said, leaning nonchalantly against the wall opposite the chair Alec was sitting in. He floated the Stele back to where Alec was and he grabbed it out of the air. 

Lorenzo waited to see whether Alec would do anything untoward, but he seemed to be keeping his side of the bargain. After all, it would keep Magnus safe, in his mind at least. 

Alec held the Stele in his hand, considering all of his options. He had one shot at this. If he thought he could get free and get Magnus he would, but this wasn't the time. He needed to bide his time and look for the perfect opening. 

“I said, shall we begin?” Lorenzo asked pointedly. 

Alec glared at him but answered in the affirmative. 

Lorenzo smiled. Every small admission that he got out of Alec, every moment that he was breaking him without Alec knowing, was a victory that he savoured. With a flick of his wrist, a wisp of green smoke floated up until it was floating about a foot in front of Alec's eyes. 

“Strength.” 

“Yes, I know what it means, thanks.” Alec bit back. 

“No need to be snippy, this one is definitely going to be one you'll need.” 

Alec narrowed his eyes at the implied threat, but as he had no idea what Lorenzo was planning, he just moved his Stele and activated the rune. Being runed certainly couldn't _hurt_ in this situation. 

Alec was pleased. If he had more strength, then he was more likely to be able to get out of there, get _Magnus_ out of there. So he activated it and instantly felt more confident. Lorenzo's hubris was going to be his downfall. Alec now had hope. 

Lorenzo saw Alec straighten his back when the rune activated, saw him sub-consciously sitting up straighter. He suppressed a grin. This was exactly what he wanted to happen. He wanted Alec confident and cocky. If he was, he had much farther to fall. 

~~~ 

“What's he doing?” Jace asked. 

“I have no idea.” Magnus replied quietly. He couldn't work out what Lorenzo's game was but he knew that it couldn't be anything good. Lorenzo was always one for playing with his food and so Magnus knew that he was building up to _something_ , he just didn't know what it was. 

Izzy was sitting perfectly still, eyes glued to the glass in front of her, muttering quietly under her breath. Neither Jace nor Magnus could hear enough to understand, but both assumed that it was some sort of prayer for Alec to be okay. In their own way, they were praying too. 

~~~ 

“Flexibility?” 

“Very good, Mr. Lightwood!” Lorenzo crowed. “I see you got an A in Rune Studies.” 

Alec just sighed, narrowly avoiding rolling his eyes. Lorenzo thought he was funny and although Alec could have done without all of the little comments, he also wanted to pick his fights carefully, so he didn't say anything that might antagonise the warlock. 

After the rune had been activated, Alec felt the stiffness in his body recede slightly. It loosened the crick that had been in his neck since he'd started to sleep on the floor, and he couldn't help but sigh at the relaxing of his muscles too. Lorenzo was a fool if he thought getting a Shadowhunter to activate their runes was going to inconvenience them. He probably thought Flexibility meant just joints and physical attributes; but it was also a flexibility of the mind, helping him to logically see all of the options in front of him. 

Lorenzo conjured another rune almost as soon as Alec had finished his train of thought and he had a brief moment when he thought Lorenzo might be telepathic. He chuckled involuntarily. 

“Find this funny, Mr Lightwood?” 

“A little.” Alec replied, fed up. “Not sure how you think runeing a Shadowhunter is going to be _better_ for you.” 

Lorenzo clicked his fingers and Alec felt a soft presence around his neck. He tried to raise a hand to ease the pressure but he found himself pinned to the chair. 

“You think baiting a Warlock is a good idea?” Lorenzo replied, with a squeeze to his magic at Alec's throat. 

Alec had to just sit there, completely unable to do anything to stop Lorenzo, unable to even move his head to stop the oppressive pressure against his windpipe. He had never experienced this feeling of helplessness before. 

Just as Alec was on the verge of passing out, Lorenzo removed the constriction around his throat and the hold he had on his body, watching with amusement as Alec took in several deep and gasping breaths. 

“Still think this is funny?” 

Alec didn't reply. 

“I'm waiting, Alexander.” 

“No.” Alec rasped, rubbing his throat as if it could ease the strain it had just been under, like a mundane injury. 

Lorenzo nodded, conjuring a new rune. 

Alec thought this rune hurt, because he'd been persevering from the moment that he got here, doing as well as he could without it. If he'd had this rune yesterday, he might not have begged Lorenzo for release from his torment. Still, if Lorenzo wanted to give him more of it, he wasn't going to argue. Perseverance could only do him good. 

Minutes stretched after Alec activated the fourth rune Lorenzo asked him to use, Endurance. This one sent a shiver down his spine, because what could Alec possibly need that for? What was Lorenzo going to put him through now? 

Alec's thoughts were interrupted by Lorenzo moving from leaning against the wall to standing in front of him instead. 

“Just one last rune, I think.” Lorenzo said, conjuring the rune with a swirl of green smoke. 

Alec looked at the rune, and then looked back at Lorenzo. He was so shocked he had no idea what to say. 

Lorenzo waited a moment, watching Alec for any sign of breakage. He was strong this one, which made it all the more sweet when he took him down a peg or two. 

“Not too late to back out, Alexander. I won't tell him if you won't.” 

In response, Alec took the Stele and drew the Agony rune into the skin on his left wrist. It was a simple rune, but he drew it slowly. He had been well and truly boxed into a corner and there was nothing he could do about it now. The one thought he had above all else was that this would save Magnus. This would keep him from harm, and that was all he ever wanted. He could weather this storm and whatever else Lorenzo threw at him, as long as his love was safe. 

Alec was scared though, he'd seen Magnus subjected to this. He knew what he had signed up for, it wasn't called an Agony rune for nothing. Lorenzo had expertly manoeuvred him into this action and there was nothing else he could do but lie in the bed that he himself had made.


	18. Chapter 15

“Don't do it.” Jace spoke to the glass. “Please, Alec. Don't.”

As soon as Magnus had seen the rune conjured in the air, he'd grabbed the back of the sofa in both hands, his knuckles turning white from the tightness of his grip. He knew what was coming. He didn't want to watch, but he knew he had to. He wouldn't let Alec go through this alone. 

“Wait, what is it? What's Lorenzo going to do to him?” Izzy asked, confused. She felt like she was out of the loop. She didn't know what that rune was, so she didn't understand why Jace was so scared. If she was honest with herself, a small part of her was annoyed that Jace knew a rune that she didn't. That had never happened before. 

“It's not what Lorenzo is going to do,” Magnus replied quietly, “it's what Alec is going to do to himself.” 

Izzy's next question was cut off by an agonising scream emanating from the glass. They could see Alec's entire body going rigid, the pain evident in every line of his face as his body shook with the strain. It was only as a result of the armrests that he didn't topple over on to the floor. 

Jace could count on one hand the number of times that Alec had gasped in pain. His kidneys had been all but ripped out by an Eidolon demon once, and he had only winced and panted heavily as Jace carried him through the doors of the Institute and into the infirmary. Seeing his brother writhing in pain and actually screaming was a sight he knew he'd never forget for as long as he lived. 

Izzy had gone a shade of white that Magnus normally only saw on victims of shock. “Alec.” she whispered, seemingly without thought. 

Magnus couldn't tear his eyes away from Alec because he'd been there, he knew exactly what that felt like and he would have given anything, including swapping places with his love, to get him out of there. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. The fact that Lorenzo was subjecting Alec to it, the fact that he was making Alec do it to himself made his heart physically hurt. 

~~~ 

Alec came down from the blinding pain, his nerve endings in spasm and sparking like frayed strands of copper wiring that had been ripped unceremoniously from its source of power. 

“Screaming already? You disappoint me, Mr. Lightwood.” 

“Bite me.” Alec said, glaring. 

“Wrong Downworld race, do we _really_ all look the same to you? I thought that was just something some people said.” Lorenzo laughed at his own joke, before once more becoming serious. “Again.” 

Alec paused and Lorenzo pushed off from the wall and turned to the door. He waved his hand towards it and it opened slightly. 

Behind him, he heard movement and then another gasp of pain. He really did have him. This was glorious, and certainly the most fun he'd had in at least a decade. 

“Good boy.” Lorenzo replied. 

Alec had just enough brain power to wish death on Lorenzo before the blinding pain started up again. He thought of Magnus, of all the wonderful things they had done and, if they got out of this, all of the wonderful things they would get to do. 

Thoughts of Magnus swirled within him and instead of thinking of the uncountable lovely moments they had had, he relived the moment of their breakup; the horrible feeling of his heart breaking as Magnus walked away. The hitching sob that he knew he made, trying not to cry. He relived the staggering journey he took back to his office. He relived the moment that he finally realised he was alone, both emotionally and physically. He relived locking the door and then falling to his knees in front of it, curling in on himself as if his trembling hands could hold the pieces of himself together, as if the tears could be sucked back into his body and negated. He relived the pain of loss so strong he could taste it. 

“MAGNUS!” Alec screamed. 

~~~ 

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered, walking around the sofa so that he could sit beside Jace. He didn't want to be any closer to the scene, but he also didn't want to be as far away as he had been. He couldn't help Alec apart from being present. He just hoped that somehow he knew that he wasn't alone. 

~~~ 

He was locked in a dark room, unable to get free. He had pounded on the door, told his parents he would do better, that they didn't need to do this. He had heard them say that he needed to accept his punishment like a man, that he should take the time in the dark to hone his skills. Without his sight, he should be able to have a sharper focus on his hearing, perhaps then he would be able to follow instructions and do better in his training. 

He remembered the oppressive weight of the darkness, the feeling that he was closed in, that the cupboard was getting smaller, that he was running out of air. He could feel himself taking quick, shallow breaths, and eventually getting weird grey patches in front of his eyes. Then he remembered a voice talking to him through the dark, talking him through the breathing. 

“Take a breath. Count to five and then blow it out slowly. Like this,” Izzy said, exaggerating her own breathing so that Alec would be able to hear her through the wooden door. 

Alec huffed out a small laugh, his breathing slightly easier after he followed her instructions. 

“Thank you for being here, Izzy,” Alec remembered saying once his breathing was under control, “thank you for talking to me.” 

Izzy's small voice back through the crack under the door was young and musical. “Of course, big brother. Where else was I going to be?” 

~~~ 

Izzy remembered exactly what Alec was going through. As soon as he'd screamed out “No! Mother, please!” she'd known. It was exactly the cadence and level of fear he'd screamed out with when their parents had shut him away. He'd never begged to be let off any punishments, whether he deserved them or not; but this particular type of punishment, he always did. All she'd seen was him shouting those words and Izzy had known exactly what Alec was reliving. Her heart ached for him. 

There were many things that her parents had done over the years, many questionable choices and bad parenting decisions, but their penchant for cruel and unusual punishments for slights, perceived or actual, was almost legendary. 

When she was about six, Alec hadn't been doing too well in target practice. He had been missing more than he was hitting. Maryse had taken it upon herself to oversee his training, and she wasn't liking what she saw. 

She'd dragged him by the ear, out of the training room and to a disused part of the Institute. 

“Mom!” Izzy could remember him saying. “Mother, what are you doing?” 

“What's best for you.” She had replied, pushing him down the corridor. 

She pushed him towards a disused cupboard under a disused staircase. There were so many areas of the Institute that were like this. Even allowing for all the rooms that could be used by visiting shadowhunters, the New York Institute was vast. Izzy and Alec, before receiving their first rune, often ran around in these areas, pretending to fight demons and dragons and all manner of beasties together. They knew the area like the back of their hand, which was why it was easy for Izzy to shadow her brother and mother, without being seen. 

“But Mom, spiders.” Alec said finally, struggling a little against the direction Maryse was pushing him. 

“Hopefully, you can get rid of that ridiculous fear whilst you're in there as well!” Maryse said. “Remember, darkness will help hone your other senses. I'm doing this for your own good.” 

“Yes, mother.” Alec said, finally acquiescing and getting into the cupboard of his own accord. 

Maryse slashed a locking rune over the aged wood and stalked off. 

“Are you okay?” Izzy whispered as soon as their mother was out of sight. 

“I'm fine.” Alec lied and Izzy didn't call him up on it. 

They lapsed into a companionable silence. 

“Will you stay with me?” Alec asked in a small voice. 

“Always.” Izzy promised, leaning against the door. She heard Alec move into the same position on the other side. 

They didn't talk, content to offer support through their bond and their proximity. 

~~~ 

Magnus wanted to kill Lorenzo. He wanted to take him to pieces for doing this. He didn't care about the Accords, didn't care about the Clave. Justice was too good for his old friend, a cell in The Gard was too good for him. He needed to be _eviscerated_ and Magnus was going to be the warlock to do it. 

He could see Alec getting more and more tired. Despite his runes, the agony was taking its toll. Alec was coated in a sheen of sweat and he was stiff, despite his Flexibility rune. Magnus didn't know how much more of this Alec could take. He didn't know how much more of this he could take, but he kept looking at the glass. He owed Alec that. 

~~~ 

Jace could barely see through the thin layer of tears and anger that was coursing through him. He couldn't feel Alec's pain, but he'd seen Valentine tortured, he knew what it looked like. He knew that it was what it said, agony. The fact that Lorenzo was making Alec activate it himself was somehow worse. Alec was bringing about his own destruction, and for what? This sick game had to stop. It had to stop now. They had to find him and get him out of there. 

~~~ 

Lorenzo decided to amp it up a notch. Fun as it was to watch Alec writhe in pain, this wasn't really about Alec. This was about Magnus snubbing him. Alec was just useful collateral. 

He turned to where he had enchanted the glass to see from, and he winked. As soon as he did, Jace felt his Parabatai rune start to heat up. It was uncomfortable, but not painful. It was, however, confusing enough that he handed the glass off to Magnus and stood up, stepping away from the sofa and pulling his top up to look at it. It looked normal. 

“Again, Mr. Lightwood.” Lorenzo said. 

Alec panted, his hand holding the Stele shaking slightly. 

“I'm waiting,” Lorenzo said, tapping his non-existent watch, “I can wait with Magnus if you like?” 

The threat was implicit in his tone and Alec gritted his teeth, bringing his right hand towards his wrist and towards the pain he knew he was about to suffer. Vaguely, he wished that he didn't have the knowledge of what it was like, the ignorance of hours ago. _It’s worth it_ kept echoing round his head and although his body was starting to dispute the statement, his mind definitely wasn't. 

It _was_ worth it. Anything for Magnus. 

~~~ 

Jace fell to the ground, writhing in pain, clutching his rune and shouting. It was like nothing else he had ever felt, even dying hadn't been this excruciating. 

Izzy immediately got up and ran to her surrogate brother, turning him over onto his back and prying his hand away from the rune. It looked normal, so she instead reached for the Stele in her boot, activating Jace's Iratze. Nothing happened. She tried again and again as she heard her brothers scream in stereo. 

When Alec stopped screaming and was merely panting into the silence, Jace was doing the same. Their breathing had synchronised, creating echoes of the pain they’d both felt through their bond. 

Jace sat himself up and ran a hand through his hair. His eyes met Magnus', who knew first hand exactly what Jace had just gone through, what Alec was going through. 

“We have to find him.” Jace said quietly. 

Magnus thought he really sounded like the twenty-two year old he was with that small sentence. He was barely an adult, and yet, even Magnus with centuries behind him couldn’t deal with all of these awful things. No wonder Jace was struggling. 

“We will,” replied Magnus, though he was starting to doubt it. 

~~~ 

_Max._

Alec could see Max, lying so small and broken in his bed in the infirmary, tubes connected to him and a Silent Brother hulking in a corner. He remembered this. This was when he'd walked in and Max had been okay, so okay that he'd even made a joke. It was when he'd seen his mother wearing a relieved smile. A completely genuine smile that he'd very rarely seen on her face. 

Except this time, none of that happened. This time the Silent Brother rooted around in his baby brother's head and then turned and left the room. Maryse sagged into Robert and Izzy let out a sound somewhere between a gasp and a sob. Alec felt himself look down, seeing his brother take one shallow breath and then no more. 

“Max! Max, NO!” 

It took Alec a few moments to come back to himself after the vision faded. His clothes were drenched in sweat and his face was wet with tears, the perceived loss so close he could almost taste it. But no, that wasn't what had happened. Max was alive, he was safe. This was just another one of the horrific visions he'd been having as a result of Lorenzo's sadism. 

His body twitched, but he forced himself to raise his eyes to Lorenzo's. He wasn't winning this one. 

“That's enough for today, Mr. Lightwood.” Lorenzo said, the threat hanging in the air that there may be more yet to come. “Stele.” He said, gesturing at Alec's hand. 

Alec again held on to the Stele a beat longer than was necessary, and then handed it over. 

“Good boy.” 

Lorenzo turned on his heel and left the room. When the door slammed, the chair went with him, dumping Alec unceremoniously onto the floor. He crawled into one of the corners, not trusting himself to stand. He had no idea if his legs would support his weight and somehow crawling was better than trying to stand and failing. He had no idea when crawling became the most dignified way of moving, but apparently this was his life now. The corner offered him a modicum of safety too. It meant he was protected on two sides and that felt like an achievement, like he had a chance to actually defend himself if he needed to. He knew it was only an illusion, that Lorenzo held all the cards, but it gave him some relief nonetheless. It also meant that he had something to lean on. 

“I hope this helped, Magnus.” Alec whispered into the room. His body kept having spasms, aftershocks of his ordeal. The pain ran down his nerve endings, causing him to twitch. It didn't hurt exactly, but it was unpleasant. Thankfully with each passing moment it was getting easier. 

The rune still ghosted his wrist, as it always would. Absently, he found he was stroking it, as if keeping in contact with it would help make it mean something. If Lorenzo kept his word, if this kept Magnus safe, he'd do it again in a heartbeat. 

~~~ 

Magnus tore his eyes away from the dust ghosting his palm with difficulty, breath hitching and tears falling unchecked. Alec speaking so quietly in the room, thinking he'd saved him from a similar fate was too much to bear. He wanted to reach across the distance, gather his boyfriend up in his arms and soothe away all of the hurt, and the fact that he couldn't was nearly tearing him apart. 

It was only when there was a shaky breath to his right that he turned his head. The agony of the moment had made him momentarily forget that there was anyone else there. 

When Magnus looked, he saw the other two people in the world who loved Alec as much as he did. Jace, still sitting on the floor where he'd fallen, with Isabelle sitting right next to him a hand on her brother's arm. 

If all three of them couldn't find him, who could?


	19. Chapter 16

Magnus called Cat the very next day.

He'd had a sleepless night, tossing and turning in the alien sheets of the spare bedroom, his mind unable to switch off. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Alec screaming, saw his body rigidly trying to deal with the pain coursing through it, the tears falling from his eyes as he relived his worst memories. He knew it would be awful anyway, but he thought it was somehow worse that he knew _exactly_ the pain Alec was experiencing. Every time he closed his eyes all he could think of was his own colossal failure. If he'd gone with Lorenzo when he'd asked, Alec wouldn't be suffering; and maybe he would have been able to take down Lorenzo's scheme from the inside. As it was, he was left to just stare impotently at the glass Lorenzo deigned to deliver. It was torture. What was worse was that Magnus couldn't even get in contact with Lorenzo. He'd tried calling Alec's phone over and over again but all he got was a message saying it wasn't in service. All he could do was wait.

When he answered the door to his oldest friend, she immediately took him in her strong, firm arms and hugged him close to her chest. After a moment, they separated and Magnus walked back towards the sofa and the nest that he had created there with blankets and pillows. It was soft and safe and yet it didn't feel like home any more. Nothing in his loft felt right without Alec here.

Cat sat down next to Magnus, taking in his visage. She'd seen Magnus after many, many tragedies in his long life and he had never looked like this before. To say he was unkempt would be kind. His hair was sticking out every which way and smudges of make up around his eyes were the only indication that he normally wore any. He had on a T-shirt and sweatpants and she could count on one hand the number of times that she'd seen him in such a state of disrepair.

She took his hand in both of her own, squeezing.

“Tea?”

Magnus chuckled quietly but with little mirth. Catarina's default was always to ask if he wanted tea. He thought it might have something to do with her penchant for the medical profession. Weren't doctors and nurses always gasping for a cup of tea?

Catarina waved an elegant hand and soon Magnus was breathing in the scent of Camomile and Spiced Apple. It was his favourite tea for tragedy and the fact that his old friend knew this, knew him made him feel slightly better. He was in good hands. He blew on the cup in front of him and took in a huge breath, letting the scent fill him, before he took a small sip. It was warm and exactly what he needed at that point.

"Magnus. Why didn't you call me sooner?"

"I..." Magnus stumbled over his words. _I thought we'd have him back by now, I thought I was stronger than Lorenzo, contacting you seemed like a failure._

Catarina Loss had known her friend a very long time and she understood the silence for what it was, so she put down her cup and got closer to Magnus, putting her arm around his shoulders. 

Magnus sagged into her embrace and let himself go. Apart from Alec, Cat was the one person in his life who had seen him at his worst, who understood him and had a window into his eternal soul. Sometimes not talking and resting with that person was just what people needed.

“I can't lose him, Cat.” Magnus whispered into the silence over an hour later.

“Well that's lucky then, I wasn't going to let you,” Cat said, all business suddenly, “let's find him.”

Magnus looked up and smiled, he loved determined Cat. She made him feel like anything was possible. She was always so no-nonsense. She'd let you break and be supportive, but then she'd pick you up, dust you off and then help you make a plan of action for fixing things. He loved that about her.

~~~

When Jace and Izzy arrived over an hour later, the living room was starting to resemble a stereotypical witch’s lair.

There were yet more books, seeming to cover every surface, some perched precariously on top of each other, looking like a swift wind would knock them over. More potion ingredients were covering the coffee table and several large, unbroken ceramic bowls were now on the floor. There was an actual cauldron in the corner, bubbling away, and it would have made Jace laugh if he wasn't feeling so heartbroken. 

Magnus was moving with more purpose and looked slightly better as well. He was still not wearing any make up and his hair was un-coiffed but he was at least wearing proper clothes, even if they were less ostentatious than normal.

Izzy took one look at Magnus' new appearance and had to push down the bubbling hope she could feel frantically building inside. Magnus had slowly been deteriorating, both in looks and mood and something had clearly changed for him to now be looking as well as he did. There was another lady here as well and with the way she was moving around the loft, picking things up here and there and moving them to drop in various bowls, she could tell she knew exactly what she was doing. Drafting in another warlock certainly couldn't _hurt_ and Magnus looked at ease with her, so it made Izzy instantly pleased that she was there too. 

Jace waited impatiently for someone to explain what was happening. He didn't understand any of this warlock stuff but he also didn't want to get in the way of the two people working in front of him. He hadn't told Magnus how thankful he was for him, how happy he'd made Alec. When this was all over, he vowed to do just that. Right now, he was most grateful that the person who loved his Parabatai was as powerful as he was. If anyone could find his brother it was going to be Magnus Bane.

After several minutes, the woman turned as she was picking up a jar of some liquid neither of the Shadowhunters could identify.

“Magnus, you've got guests.” The woman said, gesturing and almost spilling the liquid.

“You don't want to spill that, Cat.” Magnus said, rolling his eyes.

“I know, I know.”

It was lovely to see Magnus slightly happier and his easy way with the other warlock set Jace and Izzy at ease too. This was all going to be okay.

“Sorry, I didn't hear you come in. Catarina Loss, Jace Herondale, Isabelle Lightwood.” Magnus said, gesturing to each of them in turn. She's been helping me. I'm not...Lorenzo is better at warding spells than I am so she's going to help me break through.”

Magnus looked sheepish at the admission he had just made and Cat immediately playfully hit his bicep.

“I know you like to think you're the best at everything but contrary to popular belief, you're not.”

Magnus chuckled softly.

“Anyway, it's ready.” Catarina finished. “Let's bring our boy home.”

Magnus nodded, his expression changing to a completely serious one.

“Help us clear a space?” He asked the Shadowhunters.

Izzy and Jace immediately sprang forwards to help the immortals move extraneous items off the coffee table to make room for the giant map of the world that Magnus conjured out of thin air.

Once it was done, Magnus moved towards the table, Catarina on the other side. 

“Can we do anything?” Izzy asked after a moment.

Cat and Magnus both looked at each other, an unspoken conversation happening through their eyes. Cat was never one for sharing life-force with other people. She was a healer and she hated to think that she might hurt someone doing it, though she also knew this spell was going to be tough and they might need it. Through years of friendship, she knew that Magnus was weighing up similar thoughts in his head. It was only after a moment that she realised the implications of what Izzy had asked and her heart went out to her friend.

“What?” Jace asked slightly harsher than he intended.

Magnus wanted to say _I might need your strength_ but he couldn't get the words out, couldn't help but remember when he'd said those same words to Alec a lifetime and a blink of an eye ago. He remembered sinking back into Alec's embrace and feeling so safe; realising he loved this man, even though it was too soon, even though it was crazy. Then his Alexander had asked if he was okay and that had been in it. He was gone. He couldn't bear to say the same words to his Parabatai now, it hurt too much.

“If we look like we're running out of steam,” Catarina said, saving Magnus from voicing the words, “then take our hands, we can use some of your support.”

“Of course.” Isabelle said.

At the same, time Jace replied. “Absolutely.”

Magnus and Catarina reached for potion vials on the table in front of them. The liquid looked to be the colour of the night sky, even with some flecks of light in it. Isabelle thought it was strangely beautiful in a way, and the scientist in her immediately wanted to know what the ingredients were.

The warlocks drank of it. For a moment nothing happened, then their backs arched and they shuddered slightly.

When their heads moved back into the correct position, the Shadowhunters could see that the warlock's eyes had become all white, almost as if their eyes had rolled back in their head. They were clearly still able to see though, because Magnus turned to pick up the bowl, filled with a variety of leafy paraphernalia and some strange sludge that made Jace wrinkle his nose.

Magnus held the bowl in his hands and Catarina muttered some words in a language that not even Isabelle understood. 

Izzy didn't know what to do with herself and so she started pacing, unable to keep still.

Jace moved over to his sister and took her hand in his, squeezing softly and stopping her nervous tick. Isabelle squeezed back and didn't let go as Catarina set fire to the ingredients in the bowl.

Once the ingredients had turned to ash, Magnus tipped the contents down onto the map, where it formed a small pile. He then turned round to put the bowl down on the sofa behind him.

Isabelle and Jace watched impotently as the warlocks worked in tandem, clapping their hands together and conjuring magic out of thin air. Magnus created the amber coloured orbs that were always characteristic of his magic. Catarina's own orbs were a deep royal blue and the light seemed to shine off her face as she brought them towards her, pulling energy from the universe.

The four balls of light danced around each other, as if in some strange mating ritual. Isabelle thought it was oddly beautiful and even Jace had to admit that it had a certain type of mesmerising grace.

The orbs twisted together, turning into one big ball of forest green light. The orb descended to the map, enveloping the ash inside itself so that it ended up resembling frog spawn.

Catarina and Magnus moved their hands so they were perpendicular with the table and closed their eyes in concentration. 

“Keep him at the forefront of your mind, Magnus. Reach out across the distance.”

Magnus envisaged Alec's smile, Alec's laugh and Alec's soft gasps of arousal when Magnus pulled his hair just right. He smiled to himself, remembering the first time Alec had told him that he loved him, the way it was blurted out, like he couldn't bear to keep it in any more. He pictured the alley in which they made up, the sign from the Jade Wolf reflecting in Alec's eyes as he smiled, the way his heart soared when they kissed. The way he wanted to say everything and nothing all at once. The way he wanted to say _this is forever_. He pictured the wonder that was sharing a space with someone, of the t-shirts that he would find strewn across his floor, and the knowledge that they had been stripped off in a fit of pique or a fit of passion. He saw, as if it was right in front of him, Alec toeing off his boots and sighing slightly, saw him hanging up his bow on the hook Magnus had surprised him with one day. The way Alec's eyes had lit up when he saw that, the surprise that he had that he now had somewhere he could call home and not just somewhere to lay his head. Magnus pictured the sight of Alec, sleepy eyed, with hair mussed from his slumber. He pictured, and got lost in, Alec's beautiful hazel eyes. He thought of the way sometimes in the light it actually looked like they sparkled. He remembered the myriad of times he'd got lost in those eyes. They sometimes stared at each other, for minutes at a time, sharing souls before their lips met in passion. 

Magnus remembered all of that and was gratified to see the green orb move across the map, the map changing as it went. First it showed the world, then when it had been pinpointed that it was in America, the way it changed to just show that country. The way it narrowed down to just the state of New York. The way it narrowed down to the city of New York. The way it narrowed down to Brooklyn. 

Here Magnus faltered slightly, because Alec had been so close this entire time, hurting and he hadn't found him. It was just like Lorenzo to make the decision to keep Alec in Magnus' jurisdiction, to mock him.

“Concentrate, Magnus.” Catarina said, seeing her friend hesitate slightly.

Magnus did. He thought of Alec, dripping wet, looking dejected, coming into the loft and moaning about the day he’d had. He thought of how he'd pulled him into his embrace, ignoring Alec's protests that he would get him wet too. He remembered undressing Alec and leading him into the bathroom, where he conjured a bubble bath and candles, the scent of sandalwood permeating the small space. He remembered the look of love in Alec's eyes when he'd seen it, the way he'd sunk into the bath, moaning when he felt the muscles ease across his tired body. He remembered Alec thanking him in wonder. Magnus knew that he'd never had anyone to look after him like this before and he marvelled at the way in which fate had led him to be the one who could. With a slight blush, he then remembered the wicked glint that Alec had got in his eye once he'd relaxed enough and the way he'd been dragged, fully clothed into the bath. He remembered the laughter that they'd shared and the way that the kisses started off slow and gradually morphed into something else. He remembered pulling back so that he could stare into those eyes and whisper his adoration into his mouth just before he took his lips and kissed him again.

The ball of light faltered and forced a pained sound from the back of each warlock’s throat.

“Nearly, got it.” Catarina bit out, watching the map get smaller and smaller as they honed in on Alec's location.

There was a surge of magic and both of them were blown off their feet, crashing into the sofa and window respectively. They both stood up immediately, looking down at the map. The ball of light was smaller and seemed to be zipping around the map, like a poor impression of Tinkerbell.

Suddenly the light snuffed out completely and a note appeared out of nowhere, fluttering to the ground in front of where Izzy and Jace were standing. The elegant script displayed just two words.

_Nice try._

Moments later, the map went up in flames, and so did everyone's hopes of finding Alec.


	20. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The majority of Lemon Squad helped me with this chapter, coming up with interior design ideas when I ran out. Love you guys.

Magnus didn't know how long they'd all been stuck there, staring at the charred remains of the map that just moments ago had seemed to hold so much hope. He himself could barely see through the haze of tears, and he was surprised to find that he'd missed the sofa entirely and was kneeling on the floor in front of the coffee table, as if in supplication. 

Jace hadn't got up from where he'd fallen, and found that he couldn't remember how to move. He had absolutely no idea how his legs worked, all he could think about was just how close and just how far away Alec was. He was in _Brooklyn_. Jace wanted to stand and start knocking on doors but all he did was rub the spot on his shirt hiding his Parabatai rune, staring at the black dust on the table, trying not to think about how it was all that they had left of Alec. 

Izzy couldn't pull her eyes away from the scene in front of her. She had been so sure that this would work, that even now they would be on their way to finding her big brother, on the way to getting him to safety and looking after him. She wanted to shout at Magnus for lulling her into a false sense of security with his state of dress, but she knew he'd done all he could and that it would be unfair. It wouldn't make either of them feel good, so she held it in. She raised her head and straightened her back, they wouldn't get anywhere with moping. 

Cat stepped back from the mess and walked to the window to look out. The loss in the room was palpable and she quickly felt like she was intruding. The room felt the same as when she told a family that there had been a bereavement, or a terminal illness had been diagnosed. She didn't know what she could do to fix it, but she knew she had to try. This wasn't over. She turned back to the room, surveying the damage, her brain already spinning with ideas for their next plan of action. 

Isabelle Lightwood and Catarina Loss were both strong women who could do much, even if they were both feeling shaken by the turn of events. Their eyes met across the room, and they nodded to each other, knowing that they would need to be the strength and support in the new quartet that had formed, for the other two. 

They'd find Alec, there was no doubt in their minds. They just weren't sure how much of Alec they'd find when they did. 

~~~ 

Jace had taken a bit of manoeuvring out of Magnus' loft. He'd wanted to stay, but Izzy knew that there was nothing he could do, and she also knew that Magnus needed a bit of space. They would need to take some time to regroup and then come at this problem again. They weren't giving up. 

Once the front door had closed, Cat moved back to where Magnus had fallen, disappearing all of the items in the living room even remotely related to the location spell they had been trying. She left the ceramic bowl with the shards on the table, in Magnus' eye-line. She decided moving it may make her old friend worse, and not better. 

As if a spell had been broken, Magnus came back to himself when the items disappeared, shaking his head slightly as if they had been a mirage all along. 

Catarina helped him to his feet, holding him as he winced from the pins and needles in his legs and sent small doses of healing magic down to them so he didn't have that to deal with that as well. She guided them both over to sit back on the sofa they had vacated earlier. 

“Tea?” She asked again. 

Magnus didn't smile this time, just seemed to curl in on himself on the sofa. He waved a hand and the blankets and pillows that he'd got rid of when Cat had arrived, appeared again. He wrapped a maroon blanket around his shoulders. 

“I think I just want to be on my own for a bit.” Magnus replied, leaning in to the back of the sofa with his cheek, making himself as small as possible. 

Catarina waited a moment, paralysed by indecision, but in the end decided not to press the issue. She decided to check in on her friend later instead. 

When the door closed, Magnus moved to snuggle further into his nest, but his eye caught the shine of the ceramic holding all of the glass shards that used to be visions of Alec; and suddenly, his plan to wallow was thrown out of the window. He stood fluidly, disappearing the offending item to his safe, out of his sight but still kept for the precious thing that it was. 

He looked around the space he was inhabiting, at the wood, the maroon furnishings, the open space that he had loved so very much, the way his loft just had a flow to it, and decided it was wrong. The whole thing was _wrong_. The room reminded him too much of Alec, too much of what they had. It reminded him of his friends, of Max's party, of lazy evenings on the sofa, of kisses both sweet and steamy. It reminded him of so many things that he couldn't bear to look at it any more. It all had to go. 

Raising his arms, he changed the room so that it looked completely neutral, all beige walls, light hardwood floors and glass and metal furniture. That reminded him of the starkness of the Institute Ops Centre. It reminded him of Alec being all commanding and beautiful in his natural role; but also of Alec dropping to the floor in pain, clutching his side as he felt Jace die; and he couldn't think of that now, not after what he'd just seen. 

Magnus sighed, scanning his brain for interior design styles that he'd seen. He needed to change it to something that wouldn't trigger a memory of Alec. 

The rustic charm of the wicker furniture and Gingham tablecloths with exposed beams of wood actually worked for all of three seconds, before Magnus remembered them attempting to go for a date in a quaint English tea shop and instead ending up fighting some Eidolon demons, who had apparently decided to use the shop for a front to eat tourists. The tablecloths now reminded him of how afterwards, breathing heavily, they'd turned and despite the demon ichor coating them, kissed in the middle of the shop; before Alec had said “take-out instead?” and they'd walked through a portal back home a moment later. 

Even Magnus was starting to think he'd gone overboard with the decoration this time. Nothing in the flat was safe from the gold leaf that was covering it. It looked like King Midas had wandered through touching everything. It was horrific and Magnus turned to laugh about it with Alec, knowing he would hate it. Sometimes Magnus did things like this despite the fact that he knew Alec would hate it, just so he could see the fond eye roll and smile that Alec did. He'd walk towards him, grip him around his waist and ask him why he put up with him, and Magnus would answer that he didn't know. Depending on how he was feeling, he'd either whisper something dirty in Alec's ear, getting rewarded with a shudder, or he'd make whatever the issue had been more hilarious to make Alec properly laugh. Except this time Alec wasn't there to laugh with. Suddenly the room looked like a tomb, like he was inside a pyramid and all of the gold had been buried with him to help him into the afterlife. 

The next room Magnus liked and he felt completely at peace with. He'd made the space entirely white, with beautiful sconces on the walls and tasteful white furniture, dressed with various shades of green pillows and throws. White gauzy curtains blew in the breeze and Magnus thought fondly of all the time he'd spent time with the Seelies. This was exactly the sort of décor that they would enjoy. Magnus took in a deep breath, closing his eyes and feeling slightly more grounded than he had done. This was it, this was the décor that would help get him through this. Except it wasn't, because thinking of the Seelies had made him think of what he'd nearly lost when he'd sided with the Queen. It made him think about how his immediate response to Alec hurting him had been to hurt him back, and how short-sighted that had been. It also made him think of Meliorn, and the many Downworlder Cabinet meetings that they had, which Alec Chaired. It made him think of the silly way they called each other by their titles during the meetings, being all business, but then how they'd giggle about it later and poke gentle fun at their friends. 

Magnus thought he'd finally found something good when he changed the furnishings to Chintz, but then he saw a carnation in the flowery room and he remembered the first time that Alec had brought him flowers. How the blush on Alec's cheeks had matched the colour of the carnations he had held. How Alec had mumbled that he knew Magnus had been having a tough week and he thought that it would cheer him up. How Magnus couldn't help kissing him and Alec had smiled and said he was glad he had liked them. No, flowers were definitely out. 

Magnus angrily changed the furnishings again, hoping that the next incarnation of the room would offer him some comfort. He had so many ideas in his head that he wasn't entirely sure which one was going to come out. His magic seemed to be helping him in some way, enabling him to have an outlet without too much conscious thought. He didn't like it when he lost control of his magic. He spent a considerable amount of effort trying to keep it under control for the majority of the time; but for moments like this, he couldn't fault it. For moments like this, he _liked_ being part-demon. 

The furnishings in the loft changed again and Magnus couldn't help the strangled noise that came out of his throat when he saw what he had done. The loft was now furnished in deep mahogany, heavy furniture and plush red furnishings. It looked so much like Alec's bedroom at the Institute that Magnus could barely stand it. The memories assaulted him almost on top of one another, all vying for dominance as to which one could upset him further. His brain flashed through the obvious ones, through the number of times they'd run into the room holding hands, giggling about the very naughty things they were going to do and feeling like they were breaking the rules. Magnus wasn't sure that there wasn't a Clave rule about dalliances in the sacred Institute. Either his by the book boyfriend knew about it but didn't care (which was very hot) or there wasn't a rule. Magnus liked to think it was the former, if only for the debauchery of it all. 

It was the other times that hurt though. The time when he thought he was losing Alec entirely, watching as his life-force slipped away, kissing him as a last resort and begging him to wake up. The time that there had been so many shadowhunters injured on a mission that him and Cat had been called in to help the overworked healers and he'd had to watch as Alec had entirely too much blood on the outside of him, the Iratzes not working on his pale skin. And he remembered the way that Alec had just held his hand for a moment, squeezing, giving _him_ strength even though he was badly injured. Magnus felt tears prick the back of his eyes at that last memory and he threw his arms up in the air and tried again. 

The Bedouin décor that he saw in front of him was one that he loved, beautiful throw pillows strewn around the place and lovely wooden beams. It was very reminiscent of his time in the Dutch East Indies and although that time had bad memories attached to it, it didn't immediately bring to mind memories of Alec, for which he was grateful. He sank to the sofa, forcing himself to sit up straight and not slump in what had seemed like days of defeat. It was the fact that he was sitting up straight that ruined him. He looked across the room, and he was suddenly assaulted by the memory of the day that Alec had gently told him he loved him, and got him to tell him the secret that he had been keeping, the secret that was keeping him from sleeping. He remembered Alec pulling him in close and telling him he wasn't a monster, even after he'd told him he'd acted like one, holding him as he cried. It couldn't be this décor, it was going to kill him if it stayed. Having the memory of telling Alec what he had relived when he was in the chair, when he had had the agony rune drawn on him, was too much. Alec was reliving all sorts of memories himself, and he hadn't been strong enough to get him out. His magic was utterly useless. 

The Japanese theme seemed good for a brief moment, the beautiful screens, geometric shapes and light and airy flow of the room was beautiful and Magnus let out a breath. When he saw what he’d done he chastised both himself and his magic. He might as well have just portaled himself to the middle of Tokyo, gone to his and Alec's favourite restaurant, ordered up their favourite food and strolled down the streets they'd walked down hand in hand. Watching Alec's eyes grow impossibly wide when he saw something new and exciting, watching him laugh at all of the impossible things Japan had to offer, watching him shyly look at bracelets in a shop window, only for Magnus to give him one. Alec had blushed and then looked down at the leather bands wrapped around his wrist, tilting his hand this way and that and had looked so beautiful that Magnus wanted to cry. He couldn't believe that he'd been thoughtless enough to conjure this décor, his still beating heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest and it was his own damn fault. 

Magnus raised his arms and brought them down quickly. This time the room was almost empty, with some brightly coloured beanbags and Andy Warhol prints on the walls. This décor didn't remind him of Alec, so he was momentarily appeased, only to find that the complete lack of Alec made his chest constrict so hard he genuinely thought his heart might be giving out. Having a décor _without_ Alec was somehow worse, it felt like giving up entirely. 

After a while, the room was changing décor almost as quickly as Magnus could think of the different styles and Chairman Meow had set up a long and loud howl at the constant confusion. After about a minute, Magnus took pity on the feline and he stopped, breathing heavily, his magic dissipating. 

"Well that was pathetic." 

Magnus turned quickly at Lorenzo's voice, shooting off a fire ball in the direction of the sound. 

Lorenzo looked down and then back at Magnus, the magic shooting directly through him, his visage shimmering slightly. 

"Do you really think I'm that careless, old friend?" 

Magnus gritted his teeth. "Well you did kidnap the Head of the New York Institute. You're not that smart." 

"I'm doing okay for myself. What about you, found him yet?" 

Magnus bit back the tirade of words he wanted to throw at him, waiting for the next thing Lorenzo was going to say, refusing to be baited. 

“That's what I thought. Poor Magnus, going to pieces over a man, a _Shadowunter_ no less,” Lorenzo sighed, “I thought you were better than that.” 

“What do you want, Lorenzo?” Magnus bit out, still refusing to show much emotion, knowing that that was what his old friend wanted. 

“I want you to stop surrounding yourself with shadowhunters, it's weakening you.” 

Magnus couldn't help it, he rolled his eyes. 

“You never listen, Magnus. I'm going to have to teach you how to do that.” Lorenzo threatened. 

Magnus heard the tell-tale thunk of an envelope hitting his post box and he immediately took a step towards the door, watching as the image of Lorenzo disappeared into thin air.


	21. Chapter 18

Magnus opened the envelope carefully, looking at the same foggy glass he'd come to loathe but also in some strange way, love. It showed him Alec. Even though he couldn't help him, even if Alec didn't know he was watching, being there for him felt like he was doing _something_ at least. He was probably deluding himself, but it was a good delusion so he let himself have it.

Alec looked like he hadn't moved since the last time Magnus saw him. He was still sitting, slumped against the wall, his forearms resting on his knees. He seemed to be staring off into space and that was somehow worse. He looked more broken with a vacant look on his face. At least if he was crying, it showed emotion. This blank mask scared Magnus more.

As if bidden by Magnus' words, Alec got to his feet in one fluid movement. Magnus thought even now, broken and scared, his boyfriend was beautiful, graceful in his movements even under pressure.

Alec started to walk back and forth, pacing the width of his cell. After a minute he jogged a little although it wasn't really feasible in the small space he had. Realising this, he started to run on the spot instead and after he was bored with that, he did star jumps until he was out of breath. He couldn't just sit around and wallow in whatever this was. He had to be ready. He had to hone his non-Shadowhunter skills. Mundane people got by all the time without runes, so why couldn't he? No, he needed to keep himself going.

“This is pretty pathetic.” Lorenzo said, walking into the room and interrupting Alec's sit-ups.

“What do you want now, Lorenzo?” Alec replied, no longer worrying about what else Lorenzo would throw at him, because what else was there? He'd already wormed his way into his head and exposed his fears, and then caused him more pain in a single hour than he'd had in his whole life. There wasn't anything else.

Alec was wrong.

“Magnus was so angry with you when you were taken, you know.” Lorenzo said, his voice dripping with fake sympathy.

“What?” Alec thought he had misheard him, even as he kicked himself for so readily answering. Why would Magnus have been _angry_ when he was taken?

“Yes, I thought that was an odd reaction too. But after a while, I realised it was because he was frustrated with you. He had to show concern and try and find you, or feel the wrath of your friends. I assume they think it's a real relationship too?”

Alec looked at Lorenzo carefully, not sure whether speaking or not speaking would be better. When Lorenzo said things like this, he originally felt able to roll his eyes and think it was stupid. _Of course_ Magnus loved him. _Of course_ this wasn't a bet. But when Lorenzo had gone, the taunts niggled at him and he started to doubt their relationship. What if he really _had_ been annoying Magnus all this time and he was just too polite to break his heart?

“Yeah that's what I thought,” Lorenzo replied, “I agonised over whether to tell you this or not...”

“I bet you did.” Alec interrupted.

Lorenzo raised a perfectly formed eyebrow at him, “...but in the end, I decided you needed to know. I mean, if only so you could break that stupid notion that anyone is coming for you, because you know they aren't, right? It's been weeks.”

Alec was pretty sure it had only been a few days, but Lorenzo had been messing with his body and who knew how long it had really been. His bouts of unconsciousness could have lasted for a day or more and not just the hours he thought they had been. Had people really not come for him? Had even Jace and Izzy not come for him?

“I guess even your _family_ don't want you anymore. And why would they? If you think about it, you're a huge disappointment. A _gay_ Shadowhunter. How are you going to propagate the species if you aren't taking a wife? It's probably best that they leave you here.”

Alec had been sure that Jace and Izzy wouldn't leave him in fate’s hands, no matter what his parents said, and even then he was pretty sure his parents were okay with his sexuality nowadays, and loved him in their own way. At least he thought they did.

“See? I know it's hard to hear some home truths but its better in the end if you do hear about it, even if this is an unconventional way for you to find out.”

“So, what? You kidnapped me so you could be my big brother? Tell me all the things I just needed to hear?” Alec could hear the bitter tone tainting his voice but he couldn't help it, Lorenzo was lying and he needed to keep that in mind. He was lying. Wasn't he?

“Careful, Mr. Lightwood.” Lorenzo said with an edge to his voice, taking a step forward and raising his hand.

Alec hated himself for it, but he felt his leg move infinitesimally, a small rock to his feet which would have been the precursor to a step backwards if he hadn't forced himself to stay still. He saw that Lorenzo had seen it though, the smirk that ghosted his face when he next spoke was proof of that.

“Just because I'm attempting to help you out, doesn't mean that you can talk to me with that tone,” Lorenzo said, seriously, “do you understand me?”

Alec waited for a beat, but they'd played this game before and he knew that Lorenzo wouldn't carry on with whatever it was until he answered him, so he did. “Yes.”

Lorenzo raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, I understand.” Alec repeated.

“Good boy.” Lorenzo praised, moving around the space so that he was leaning against one of the walls. “Now, about Magnus being angry...”

~~~

Magnus was holding the glass so tightly that small beads of blood were forming along his palms, but he only vaguely noticed. He didn't want to let go.

He saw Alec start to doubt him, start to doubt all of them and it hurt. It hurt him because he couldn't believe that Alec would think this wasn't real, but also it hurt because he could absolutely see how Lorenzo had beaten Alec down to the point where he thought it might not be. Alec had been hurt both emotionally and physically over the last...when Magnus realised it had nearly been a week, his vision fogged and he had to put the glass down on his lap for a second as he wiped the tears from his eyes. Lorenzo had had Alec for nearly a _week_ and they hadn't found him yet. He almost couldn't bear the weight of that specific failure.

“Magnus does so love to do the right thing, but because of that he finds it so hard to make the difficult decisions. I mean, he was instrumental in your coming out, that's a huge weight to put on someone. He felt a great responsibility for that. He would have wanted to let you down incredibly gently. Just because you were a bit of a whim, someone to occupy his time, wouldn't have meant that he wanted to hurt you.”

“It's not true.” Magnus whispered to the screen. Alec had to know that wasn't true, didn't he? There was no way that was true. And yet Magnus could see the look that crossed Alec's face. He knew that face, he knew exactly what all of his micro expressions meant. Alec had spent most of his life trying to hide his feelings. Magnus had helped to bring them out of him and now that was being used against him. Not only had Magnus caused this by being friends with Lorenzo, he'd caused this by making Alec vulnerable. The old Alec, the pre-Magnus Alec, would have been able to weather this storm. By loving, and being loved in return, he had damned him.

~~~

“Why listen to me going on about it though? I could just play you the recordings. You can hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.” Lorenzo said.

Alec hadn't moved when the door had opened and Lorenzo mentally chalked that up to a win, he really was being broken down and he loved that fact. It would teach Magnus a lesson if he sent back a defective Shadowhunter.

When the door slammed, an audio feed started up. Alec was momentarily bowled over by the sound of Magnus' voice. It made him want to smile and cry at the same time. It made him feel like he was being hugged despite the fact that there was no-one else there to give him comfort. It was only after several moments that what Magnus was saying filtered into his brain and he started to feel pain. He crossed his arms over his chest, hugging himself slightly, as if that very action would be enough to ward off the sounds he was hearing.

He finally focused on what the first recording was, although he realised he'd missed the first portion of it.

“ _...going to be trouble. I guess that's a problem for another day; but you don’t know any of this because if you had bothered to come home last night, I’d have told you then._ ”

Did Magnus really think he'd have left him to worry, even if he was angry with him? There was fighting and then there was being heartless. In the line of work they were both in, letting each other know that they were alive, regardless of what the personal circumstances were, was a must. It hurt Alec to think that Magnus thought he was like that. Had he always thought that he was that callous? Alec's view of their relationship was starting to change. What other horrible things did Magnus think of him?

“ _Now you're just being childish_.”

Alec felt more hurt by that insult. He pushed off the wall and started pacing, hoping the physical exertion would help him process the words that were being flung into his cell. Alec knew that he was inexperienced, that the age difference between them was massive, but he hadn't thought he had been acting in a childish fashion. Did Magnus always think he was acting like that? Had he really not wanted to break up with him because he was too nice? Maybe it was because he didn't think he'd have been able to handle it. Alec knew that Magnus was probably referencing the fact he hadn't called, but he couldn't shake the feeling that the insult had an undercurrent of truth to it. He was childish in the exact sense of the word. His age and inexperience were a simple fact.

“There are many more of these voicemails, but I think these two are really the best ones to encapsulate just how angry with you he was. He's seen you, you know, even though you couldn't see him.”

Alec looked up through his too long hair at Lorenzo, at a loss for words. If Magnus had seen him, seen what he'd been through, then why hadn't he fought harder to get to him? Unless he didn't want to. Unless Lorenzo had let him go and Magnus had decided not to take him with him.

“Anyway, I'll let you listen to them again, so you can fully appreciate them, fully understand them.”

Lorenzo left and when he did, the door slammed too loudly in the space. Alec realised he hadn't even attempted to escape. The sound of Magnus' angry voice had permeated all areas of his brain and had driven all thoughts of escape from his mind. He had missed a tactical advantage because he was heartbroken. He truly was pathetic. 

Lorenzo had been right.

~~~

Magnus watched impotently as Alec heard the same two voicemails over and over again, for hours. He saw Alec pace, saw him attempt to work out, saw him lean with his head against the wall, hands around his ears, as if he could block the sound out. Nothing he did helped, and over time Magnus could see the same tell-tale hunch to Alec's shoulders that was the precursor to him accepting something. It was the hunch of the shoulders that said 'I'm not okay with this situation, but I'm bracing myself for this reality to be it'. 

“Alec no, please. It's not true. You can't believe this. I know it's hard. I know he's breaking you down, but please, you have to know that this...us...it's not going away.” Magnus said, repeating back to Alec words he had said to him many months ago. Superstitiously he thought that that might get through the distance and the magic, much like he had once thought kissing Alec would wake him up from a magical slumber.

“How can you not know I love you, Magnus?” Alec said quietly, finally giving up and sliding down the wall, hands over his ears. He hung his head between his pulled up knees, giving him a modicum of privacy and started to cry. The awful part of the situation was that all he wanted in that moment was an embrace from Magnus, and he didn't know whether he'd ever get that again.

Magnus looked up in surprise, babbling at the glass and clutching at it with fingers that were suddenly shaking.

“Alec! Alec! Can you hear me? ALEC!”

Alec raked his hands through his hair, pulling hard, to try and give himself some semblance of calm. He brought his head up and hit the wall with it, wiping furiously at his eyes to stop the tears from falling. It was ridiculous that he was crying over a boy, but he couldn't help it. He was tired and in pain and so homesick he could barely stand it. He looked down at his left wrist, at the new rune that he now had, rubbing it with his right thumb and wondering what it had all been for. Obviously he wouldn't have wanted Magnus tortured if he had still been there, but he now no longer knew whether he was or not. Lorenzo could have engineered the whole thing. Magnus could have been safe at home, glad that he was rid of him and he had just blindly done what Lorenzo had said. It was the injustice of that that made him slam his head back into the wall again. 

“FUCK!”

~~~

Magnus could count on one hand the number of times he had heard Alec swear, and it normally involved a toe being stubbed or a lack of coffee on a severely caffeine deficient day. It was that, more than anything else that broke him. He could feel the anger clawing at his insides, destructive and begging for release. He needed to control it, tame it, for Alec’s sake. He had to get him out of there, _now_. It didn't matter what he had to do.

~~~

“If you _had_ bothered to come home last night, I’d have told you then.” Alec recited, eyes closed.

He'd tried everything. Sticking his fingers in his ears, pushing his hands against the side of his head, wadding up his jacket and cramming it around his head, banging his head against the wall, running, shouting. After a while he realised that Lorenzo must be magically sustaining the recordings somehow. It didn't matter what he did, how out of breath he was, the recordings always repeated at exactly the same pitch. He could now recite them from memory. He knew when Magnus took a deep breath in, when the sarcasm of his tone changed, when the lilt of his voice moved. He knew when Magnus spat his words out because he knew him so well. He also knew when Magnus would have thrown his arms up in the air and started pacing, getting frustrated with continuously getting his voicemail. He knew all of Magnus' mannerisms and that made the recordings that much worse. He could imagine with absolute certainty Magnus' visage and that gave another dimension to the harsh words he was hearing.

As abruptly as they started, the words cut off. After hours of repeated messages, the silence in the room was deafening. It didn't matter though, Alec could recite them all by memory. He didn't think he would ever forget them as long as he lived. 

He closed his eyes again and leant his head against the wall, Magnus' condemnation ringing in his ears.

~~~

"ENOUGH, Lorenzo!" Magnus shouted to the empty room, glass shards falling through his fingers onto the heavily carpeted floor. He knew that his ex-friend would want to see the destruction he was creating and so he was entirely unsurprised when he heard a voice behind him.

"Hardly."

Magnus stood up quickly and turned around towards the noise. "I said, 'enough'."

"I heard you,” the image of Lorenzo said, “but I don't think you understand. It's enough when _I_ say it's enough...and I don't think you really get it yet."

Lorenzo disappeared, and the beautiful Ming vase resting on an end table in Magnus' living room exploded into pieces.

Magnus had had the vase for over 200 years and he'd paid an absolute fortune for it, but right now, he couldn't have cared less.


	22. Chapter 19

_The final test_. The note promised.

When Magnus saw the note tacked to the piece of glass he actually felt his heart skip a beat, thinking of all the things that might mean. The word final made him wonder if he was going to watch Alec die before his eyes and he didn't think he could cope with that. But if this was it, there was no way he was going to let him go through this alone. 

Before he knew it, he had pulled the small, yellow note off the glass, which instantly cleared. It was only after several minutes that he thought he should have told Jace and Isabelle about it so they could be here too. Nothing was going to stop him from staring at the scene unfolding now though, not even a brief reprieve to send a text. Right or wrong he was all that Alec had in this moment, and he wasn't going anywhere.

Alec was standing stock still in the middle of the room. His arms were at his sides, as if they’d been glued there, and he was looking directly at Lorenzo.

Magnus could see that the door was open and he was surprised that Alec hadn't at least made some bid for freedom. Had Lorenzo really beaten him down so much that he wasn't even trying to escape anymore? That thought alone made Magnus want to cry. Then again, maybe he had and this was the punishment for a failed attempt. He wondered what sort of Alec he would get back after all of this was over. There was no doubt in his mind that he _would_ get him back. Even if he had to move heaven and Earth to do it, even if he himself had to give in to Lorenzo in some way.

“It's simple, _Alexander_ ,” Lorenzo simpered, “move, and Magnus will feel it. He’ll feel everything you do. He’ll feel this.”

Alec gasped and twitched slightly as a large gash formed on the outside of his arm.

“That's disappointing Mr. Lightwood. Hurting Magnus already and we haven't even truly started.”

Lorenzo walked up to Alec and prodded him in the chest. 

Magnus saw Alec's eyes move down towards the finger and then back up into Lorenzo's eyes.

“Good. You're learning.”

Lorenzo smiled and then left the room. The door remained open behind him, taunting Alec with what he couldn’t take.

Magnus immediately began talking to the glass, running his hands along it and conjuring magic over it, looking for imperfections in the shield. Eventually he tried getting through by throwing his magic at it in brute force, so that Alec knew that Lorenzo didn’t have him, that he didn't have to do this, that none of this was true.

He wasn't having much luck.

He saw Alec straining against the small movements that a body naturally made. He saw Alec's muscles start to twitch slightly and the grit to Alec's teeth as he tried to keep himself perfectly still. The irony being that the more rigid you were, the more you tried to remain still, the higher the likelihood that you would seize up and move involuntarily. Alec was currently his own worst enemy. 

~~~

Alec heard Magnus gasp in pain and at the same time he felt his leg twitch. It was an involuntary movement due to wanting to get to Magnus, wanting to help him. He got his muscles back under control but not before he heard Magnus' scream.

“Alexander!” Magnus cried out. “Please!”

Alec felt like his heart was shattering because it was him who was causing pain to the man he loved, him that was doing this. If he could just be stronger. If he could just be better, then maybe he could help Magnus. As it was he was nothing but a failure and that knowledge alone was enough to make him want to give up. But he couldn't, not whilst Magnus was still in danger. He had a job to do.

Alec felt a large gash form on his chest and he hissed in pain, knowing that it meant that Magnus' strength was failing. That alone made him want to rail at Lorenzo, shout at him, fight him if it came to it. It made him want to run out of the room and go and find Magnus, rescue him from this. But he couldn't, if he moved he might kill him and he couldn't have that. No, he had to keep himself as still as possible.

~~~

Despite the fact that it was Alec going through the literal torture, Magnus felt like he was receiving every cut along with him. Alec only ever hissed in pain, no matter where he was injured and kept himself as still as possible. Whenever he did move slightly, Lorenzo made him hear Magnus in pain, which everything else be damned, was the thing Magnus was going to kill him for. Pretending that Magnus was hurting to keep Alec submissive was low, even for his old friend.

After about an hour, Magnus could see that Alec was tiring. His body gradually gave way to more small movements as his muscles began to spasm. Every damn time, Lorenzo made him hear Magnus in pain and every damn time Alec took it with a stoicism that Magnus envied. He could barely see through the haze of tears that had formed after minutes of watching his love. He couldn't do anything. He had tried every bit of magic he knew but he couldn't get to him, couldn't do anything for him. He was impotent and that thought alone was killing him.

When Alec started to receive more and more cuts, Lorenzo simulating the fact that Magnus was tiring, Magnus let forth a stream of expletives that he was abstractly quite proud of. Ragnor wouldn't have approved, but then Ragnor never did.

~~~

Alec was shaking with the strain of keeping himself upright, despite the many and varied ways he was being hurt. It wasn't just the physical pain that was getting to him, pain was nothing to a Shadowhunter. In any case, the pain that he was currently under was nothing compared to the agony rune that he had been subjected to before. It was the fact that Magnus was in pain. 

Alec knew that Magnus had fallen, that much was clear and he seemed to be shaking with pain. Alec wanted to run out of the room, wanted to gather his boyfriend up into his arms and hug him tight, tell him everything would be okay. But he couldn't. He was so close and he couldn't do anything about it. That hurt much worse than anything Lorenzo was throwing at him.

~~~

Magnus saw the horror that crossed Alec's face when he fell to his knees, his body marred with scars and pools of blood on the floor. Alec thought that his fall had caused Magnus pain, he could see it in his eyes. Even if the fall hadn't been accompanied by Magnus' apparent scream, Magnus could see that Alec was furious with himself.

Alec struggled back to his feet, swaying unsteadily as he did so. He knew he was losing too much blood, knew that at some point he was going to pass out; but until that point he was going to stay on his feet. He was going to stay on his feet because it would keep Magnus safe and that was all he wanted.

~~~

When Magnus saw Lorenzo saunter into the room after another 30 minutes of near constant torture, he felt a visceral reaction and had to swallow down the bile that rose to the back of his throat.

“I'm impressed, Mr. Lightwood. I didn't think you'd hold out this long. Magnus is a complete wreck, but then again, you knew that didn't you?”

Alec didn't reply, no matter how much he wanted to. He didn't know whether moving his mouth would constitute a movement in this sick game and he didn't want to risk it lest he cause Magnus any more pain.

“Even knowing he doesn't love you, you still want to protect him. I guess that's all your training isn't it? Protect the poor Downworlders. But you know what I think?” 

Lorenzo prodded Alec's chest and he felt himself move backwards slightly and he heard Magnus gasp in pain.

“See? The thing that causes us the _most_ pain is you Shadowhunters. You say you're here to protect us, but I think we both know that you cause more problems than you fix.” Lorenzo finished, pushing Alec backwards.

Alec wasn't expecting the move and he was caught off balance stepping backwards immediately to stop himself from falling. The scream that rent the air then was enough to chill his blood.

“Case in point,” Lorenzo said, “anyway, enough,” he seemed to say almost as an afterthought.

Lorenzo walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Alec tentatively moved his arm. Nothing happened. He wondered for a brief moment whether Lorenzo had just stopped him being able to hear Magnus, but that didn't seem to fit in with his sadistic tendencies. No, he _liked_ it when Alec was hurting. He wouldn't miss a trick like that.

Alec stretched, which turned out to be a mistake when everything in his body seemed to hurt at once and he gasped. He knew he needed to stretch his muscles out after they had been cramped for so long, so he methodically did, ignoring the pain. Once he'd done that, he gingerly sat down on the floor before he fell down. He was suddenly feeling very dizzy. His whole body felt like a bruise and he was pretty sure there was more of his blood on the floor than there was pumping through his body.

He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. He was losing Lorenzo's war of attrition, and what was worse was that Lorenzo knew this too.

~~~

Magnus watched as the glass fogged over, but didn't shatter like all of the other ones. It sat there in his hands, as if it was expecting Magnus to do something. He couldn't think of a single spell he hadn't already tried.

Magnus waited a full ten minutes for the projection of Lorenzo to turn up. He knew that Lorenzo had done it on purpose, done it to string out the pain just that little bit longer.

Lorenzo appeared and didn't speak. He raised an eyebrow at Magnus after a full minute of them staring at each other.

Finally, Magnus asked, “what do you want me to do?”


	23. Chapter 20

Magnus was in pain.

He couldn't get the vision of Alec, bleeding and broken on the floor of his cell, out of his mind. The red stood out starkly against all of the white, and the small gasps that Alec made when he moved sounded loud in the silence.

After the conversation with Lorenzo's visage, the glass had cleared again rather than exploding. Magnus was able to see all that Alec was going through. He saw the quick breaths Alec took when he moved and something hurt, he saw the wince that crossed his face when it happened; and he saw the following look of annoyance. It was utter torture and he could barely stand it. The fact that he knew Alec so well, knew exactly how frustrated he was with his own perceived inadequacies, hurt Magnus more than he could possibly explain.

Magnus didn't know exactly what Lorenzo was going to make him do, but he did know that it wouldn't be good. His only relief came from the knowledge that Alec would be well clear of it. He might even be able to take Lorenzo's regime down from the inside. 

Still, the wait was agonising. 

Alec had pulled his legs up towards his chest and rested his cheek on his knees with his eyes closed about 30 minutes ago, and hadn't moved since. It was only the audio that Magnus was able to hear. Alec’s ragged breathing was the only sign that he was still alive.

“Get up.” Lorenzo barked, slamming the door open and making Alec jump.

Magnus had never seen Alec startled like this before. He was always on high alert, his Shadowhunter training a constant presence in his life. Seeing him so utterly beaten down and broken was something Magnus knew he wouldn't ever get out of his head for as long as he lived. The idea of seeing that from here until the end of time horrified the immortal.

Alec struggled to his feet, pain clearly evident on his face as he stood up. He was hugging himself, his long arms crossed across his torso as if he could hold himself together by that sheer act alone.

“Come.” Lorenzo said, walking out of the door.

Alec wasn't sure if it was a trick or not, but at that moment he really couldn't bring himself to care. If he was being led to his death, then this was it. It wasn't like he could do anything about it anyway. He was too tired and in too much pain to put up a fight; and in any case Lorenzo had proved time and time again that he was the stronger of the two of them. There was nothing he could do.

They entered a room that was reminiscent of Magnus' loft, even though there was no furniture within it. In fact there was nothing in it at all apart from Lorenzo and Alec.

“Stand there.” Lorenzo said, pointing at a spot on the floor.

Alec moved to the spot, frantically wondering whether a piano or a weight was going to fall on his head as they did in the cartoons Madzie had shown him.

After several minutes, curiosity got the best of him.

“What are we waiting for?”

“Your boyfriend.” Lorenzo replied.

Alec had no idea what to say to that. All of the information that had been imparted to him over the last, however long it had been, was crowding into his head at once. Where was Magnus coming from? Why was he coming? Would he want to see him? And then overriding them all was the stark truth that it had all been a lie. He had gone through all of this, and Magnus hadn't even been in trouble. He absently rubbed his right fingertips over the raised welt of the new rune he had. He remembered making the decision to draw that rune because he thought he was saving Magnus. Now, he just knew Lorenzo had done it for a laugh. He had been branded for no reason. He had put himself through all of that pain for no reason. And yet, he knew that all things being equal he would do it again. If there was any chance that Magnus would be hurt, he'd save him every damn time.

As if on cue, a portal formed in front of them and Magnus stepped through.

Alec felt his chest constrict when he saw him. Magnus looked awful. He was clearly tired and upset, his clothes and hair choices proving that. They were drab and colourless and Alec had never seen Magnus like that before. In that moment, Alec felt guilty. Guilty for ever doubting that Magnus loved him. Guilty for causing Magnus' pain. If he'd just been stronger, if he'd just got out of the situation sooner, then Magnus would be safe. But no, he'd been broken, given up way too soon. He wasn't worth all of the worry lines etched into Magnus' face.

Even so, Alec whispered, “Magnus.” It sounded like so many words that he wanted to say but didn't have the time or energy to do so. It was 'I love you' and 'I'm sorry' and 'please get me away from this' and 'I'll never doubt you again'.

“I'm here, Lorenzo.” Magnus said slowly, looking over at Alec.

Alec looked awful. There were very few parts of his skin that weren't covered in some sort of injury. He seemed to have lost his gear jacket on the way somewhere, so the cuts and bruises littering his arms were more obvious. Magnus wanted to blast Lorenzo for doing this to his love; but he knew that he couldn't do anything until Alec was safe, so he clamped down on the rage he felt inside instead.

“I can see that,” Lorenzo drawled, “well don't stand on ceremony on my account. You can go to him, I'm not going to stop you.”

Magnus moved quicker than he thought he'd ever moved in his life, taking Alec into his arms and hugging him. He thought he had been careful, but Alec still winced when he made contact, even as his arms held his waist.

“I'm sorry.” Magnus whispered, pulling back slightly

“Don't stop,” Alec replied, starting to cry, “please, don't stop.”

So Magnus carried on, holding Alec tightly, moving him away from Lorenzo. He lowered him to the floor, keeping him in his arms. It was so much like when he had fallen into Alec's arms, the first time he'd known he'd loved him, the time when he knew he was completely gone for the man in front of him. The juxtaposition of him feeling so safe and warm in Alec's arms then and the feeling he had now of Alec slipping away, even though he was right in front of him, floored him.

Alec clung on to Magnus, knowing he was safe now, knowing everything was going to be fine. He was in Magnus' arms and nothing bad could get him there. He'd even forgotten that Lorenzo was present until the man spoke again. When he heard him, he jerked and that caused a jolt of pain to shoot down his leg. He sucked a breath in between his teeth and held Magnus harder.

“Don’t keep me waiting, Magnus.” Lorenzo said almost conversationally; but the threat was implicit in his tone anyway.

Magnus reluctantly moved Alec down to the floor, allowing him to rest. He’d have carried Alec out of here with his bare hands if he had to; but he couldn’t. After so long without him, he was going to have to lose him all over again. The very thought of that nearly broke him in two.

“Oh, and just in case you get any ideas about reneging on our deal, Bane..." Lorenzo continued.

Magnus looked at him levelly, his eyes shooting daggers, wondering what his old friend was talking about.

Lorenzo just laughed at his confusion. 

"...Check him."

Magnus reached down to Alec, knowing that there was nowhere on his body he could touch that wouldn't elicit some form of pain, and hating that once again he had to be the cause of it. In the end he reached for Alec's hand, rubbing his thumb in careful circles around the palm and gently stroking the back with his fingertips. He sent his magic out experimentally, checking Alec for wounds that weren't immediately obvious, wondering what Lorenzo could possibly be talking about. 

Finally touching Alec after so long, feeling his smooth skin, peppered with runes, was like a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing because he had longed for this, hoped he would get to feel his skin underneath his again. But it was a curse because that was about to be cruelly pulled away from him too, and he could barely stand the injustice of that.

Alec looked up at Magnus questioningly, but Magnus didn't have an answer for him. He just knew that Lorenzo was going to draw this out. That was what he did.

“It's okay, you're okay.” Magnus whispered, as much to convince himself as to convince Alec. He stroked his other hand down his boyfriend's cheek, wiping away the tears. “We're okay, you're safe now.” Magnus promised.

Alec couldn't understand why what Magnus was saying sounded like a goodbye. Being too tired and in too much pain, as well as too safe in Magnus arms was making him confused and unable to logic it out.

"You BASTARD!" Magnus shouted.

Alec recoiled from his boyfriend, looking hurt, until he realised that Magnus hadn't stopped holding on to him, hadn't stopped stroking his hand down his cheek. Magnus was glaring at Lorenzo, not him.

"Aren't we all, us Warlocks?" Lorenzo said laconically.

Magnus moved a hand away from Alec, an orb forming without conscious thought. He wanted to strike Lorenzo down, everything else be damned. 

Alec made a pained gasp and it brought Magnus back to reason. He looked down at his partner, only to see that Alec was having difficulty breathing. His chest was rising and falling quickly but very little air seemed to be getting into his lungs. 

Magnus looked over at Lorenzo again, who was smirking lazily.

Finally, with a sigh and a reduction in his magic, Magnus said, "I'm not reneging on anything. I'm coming." 

He picked himself up, gently laying Alec down on the floor; and then he shifted, squared his shoulders and tensed to stand up.

“No, Magnus. No.” Alec said, sounding so broken it made Magnus want to turn back; but he knew he couldn’t.

Alec was able to breathe again; but whimpered slightly when Magnus extracted himself from their embrace.

"It's okay. You're safe." Magnus repeated like a mantra, trying to convince himself as well as Alec.

And that's when it dawned on Alec, there had just been a hostage exchange. "No. No, Magnus you don’t have to. Please."

"I love you." Magnus said, running his hands through Alec's too long hair. He stood up, but he couldn’t bear to be too far away from him, not if this was the last time he would see him. So, he hesitated before letting Alec go.

Alec reached for him, catching his hand as he started to walk away; and Magnus let himself be pulled back down into another embrace. 

Alec, fully cognisant due to the weight of the situation and despite his pain, whispered into Magnus' ear, "I'll find you." 

He meant it with every fibre of his being.


	24. Chapter 21

“Shall we?” Lorenzo asked, smirking. 

Magnus stared at him, wondering what the hold up was. Lorenzo really was dragging this out. Magnus didn't want to turn, didn't want to look at Alec, but it was like a magnet. If this was going to be the last time he saw him, he wasn't going to lose out.

Alec was struggling to his feet, trying to get to him and Magnus needed to get out of here now, before he lost his nerve. The only thing that kept him going was the knowledge that if he didn't go with Lorenzo then Alec would be hurt, and he would do anything to stop that from happening.

“I'm waiting.” Lorenzo said, with a smile.

It was then that Magnus realised what Lorenzo’s final power play was. He was going to make him create the portal that took him away from Alec. _The bastard_.

Magnus created a portal, as he had so many times before.

“What about...” Magnus said, not wanting to leave Alec like this, looking so helpless.

Lorenzo fashioned a piece of paper and quill out of thin air and scrawled a very short note.

“Now the cavalry are on their way. Enough stalling, we're leaving.” Lorenzo said, and with that he hooked his arm through Magnus' and walked him towards the portal.

The last thing Magnus saw was Alec, bruised, bleeding and broken, attempting to move towards him, tears in his eyes.

The image was one he knew he was never going to forget.

~~~

Magnus walked gracefully out of the portal and then wrenched his arm from the hold that Lorenzo had on it. He stepped away from him and then turned, amber orbs already spinning in his arms. He knew that his cat eyes had descended, his glamour dropping as he used every bit of magic in his possession to form his weapons.

“Are we really going to go through this again?” Lorenzo said, with a tone of amusement.

“Yes, we are,” Magnus gritted out, “I saw what you did to him.”

“And wasn't that magnanimous of me? You could have been completely in the dark for a week. You should be _thanking_ me.”

Magnus spluttered, the orbs getting bigger in his hands and he was ready to let them fly when Lorenzo conjured his own ball of off-green light.

It wasn't a ball that was made to attack. After a moment it formed into a picture and Magnus' magic dissipated as he saw Alec still beaten and broken on the ground, struggling to stand.

“You bastard.” Magnus said, moving closer to the image even though he wanted to strangle the person producing it.

He saw Jace and Isabelle run into the loft space, skidding to a stop by Alec. Alec clung to Jace, holding him almost exactly the way he had on the day that Magnus refuses to think about, the day that he had almost lost him to that ridiculous Parabatai tracking ritual. Magnus was glad that Alec had someone to cling onto as he cried. He was glad that he was safe, to a point. But he jealously wished it was him that was nursing him back to strength and not them. It was selfish, because Jace and Izzy had been put through a trauma too, but he couldn't clamp down on his feelings about it even if he wanted to. He watched as the physical wounds on his boyfriend's body knitted together but knew that the emotional ones would take their time to heal. 

Before the orb dissipated, he saw, in a small movement, the agony rune, ugly and red against Alec's left wrist as he reached out for his sister. The rune was enough to make the magic in his hands spring back into action. Lorenzo had _tortured_ Alec and that was unforgivable. He had to pay.

Lorenzo must have seen his intention because he waved a disinterested hand.

Magnus saw through the connection that Alec's breath faltered slightly, almost as if he had hiccuped. Alec looked almost scared for a second before his breathing stabilised again. It was that fear that stopped him, that threat to his love's life. His magic disappeared again.

“I'm glad we understand each other Magnus,” Lorenzo said, walking off down the corridor. 

Magnus hadn't even looked at the place he had arrived at, too consumed with vengeance and his desperate need to get Alec back. The room was a carbon copy of the one that they had had in Paris all that time ago, and Magnus wanted to trash it out of spite. He wanted to do something.

“Your room's where we left it.” Lorenzo called back over his shoulder.

Magnus wished he had the power to reduce someone to dust with just one look. He wanted to kill Lorenzo. He couldn't remember ever actually wishing death on someone before. He'd killed, of course he had, but that had normally been in the heat of battle and when someone was hurting people. This was more insidious. Lorenzo was hurting someone, but there was nothing Magnus could do. Magnus would stay here, he'd do whatever Lorenzo asked, because he had to.

It was all for Alec.

He entered the rooms that he had frequented nearly a century ago. Everything was as he left it and it was at once alien and comforting. Memories of fun times with Lorenzo assaulted him, of them being in the living area of his suite. He remembered them drinking tea, mocking whatever had caught their fancy that day. He remembered Lorenzo rolling his eyes when Ragnor had turned up. He remembered finding it hilarious when Ragnor had attempted to engage Lorenzo in a discussion about the revolution. He remembered retreating from the room, hardly able to stand he was laughing so hard, so that he could go to bed. He remembered waking up in the morning, wandering into the area in his robe and seeing them still debating.

This was just one other way that Lorenzo was screwing with him and Magnus couldn't cope with it, not on top of anything else.

He raised his arms above his head, thought about the spell he wanted, and lowered them again. The room shimmered slightly, but retained the furnishings.

“Goddammit Lorenzo.” Magnus said tiredly, sinking into the nearest chair. His old friend had thought about everything. He was always two steps ahead. 

Magnus started to wonder whether he had bitten off more than he could chew. Lorenzo was clearly better than him in every way. He wasn't going to be able to save anyone. He was foolish to think that going with Lorenzo was the best choice. The hubris that he had clearly been exhibiting was going to get people killed. It might get _Alec_ killed.

On a whim, he attempted the spell for a portal and when it didn't work, he laughed a little hysterically.

Of course it hadn't. 

~~~

“Rise and shine!” Lorenzo called down the corridor.

Magnus woke up from a fitful sleep, the crick in his neck painful. It took him a moment to realise why he had fallen asleep in a chair, and why it looked like the early 20th Century in front of him. Once his brain had caught up, the despondency of last night was replaced by a curtain of rage. Lorenzo had to pay for what he'd done, he just had to wait for exactly the right time to strike.

He spoke to the room at large, half-hoping that Alec had a glass of his own, half-hoping that Alec never had to go through that heartache.

“I'm okay, Alec. He's not done anything untoward. I'm going to get out of this, I'm going to see you again. Please believe that. Izzy and Jace will look after you, they were so worried when you were gone. If you need any warlock help, then talk to Cat. She's great. Izzy has her number. Please don't worry, I'm fine. I'll continue to be fine. I love you, I love you so much.”

Magnus lifted his head to the ceiling, eyes roaming its entire surface area. He then moved to study each of the four walls in turn, trying desperately to find the point at which the glass would be broadcasting from. He should be able to see it, shouldn’t he? Surely Lorenzo wasn’t _that_ good.

He released a sigh, weighed heavy with the doubt plaguing his mind. He did his best to school his expression, straightened up his back, put the façade back in place, and walked out of the room.

~~~

Magnus got to the central area of the apartment, where the dining room table was. He looked down at the continental breakfast spread in front of him. He had never been less hungry in his life, but he knew that he needed to keep his strength up, so he sat down, reaching for a croissant.

Lorenzo was sitting on the other side of the table. He raised his coffee cup. “Cheers.”

Magnus glared.

Lorenzo didn't move.

Magnus poured coffee into his cup and raised it, a perfect mirror image to Lorenzo.

Lorenzo still didn't say anything.

“Cheers.” Magnus muttered.


	25. Chapter 22

Isabelle Lightwood wasn't one for swearing. She did it on occasion but it was always Jace who had had a talent with profanities. Now though, she was cursing the New York traffic and wishing she had an ability to make portals of her own.

_Come and get the pieces, L._

That was all the note had said, no other information and Isabelle wanted to scream because she thought that meant that Alec had died and she had nearly lost her head. Until she remembered that her surrogate brother had a soul bond with Alec and he would know categorically if he was gone.

She ran full pelt into Jace in the corridor. They collided so fast that they actually bumped off each other and bounced backwards. It was only their training as Shadowhunters that kept them on their feet.

“Alec!” They both said in unison.

“What?” They continued.

“You first.” Jace said.

“For fuck's sake, Jace! Talk!”

Jace just stared at her, taken aback at the phrase.

“Alec, he's...”

“Is he alive?” Isabelle had asked quietly, hoping for the best but fearing the worst.

“He's alive,” Jace said, pulling his shirt up, “but he's in a lot of pain.”

Isabelle reached up and slapped her brother around the head. “Lead with that next time!”

After a moment, she seemed to process what Jace had said, the important information of Alec being alive what she originally wanted to know. “You can feel him?” she said quietly.

“Yes. Now why were you coming to see me?”

Isabelle merely handed the piece of paper over to Jace. She watched as the colour drained from her surrogate brother's face.

“Pieces?” Jace whispered. He yanked his shirt up again and saw the black rune immutable as always on his skin, as if it had disappeared since Isabelle had seen it moments ago. Suddenly, as if a switch had been flipped, he stood up straighter. “Let's go.”

~~~

The building they ran into looked deserted. They were on high alert to any dangers that might be present but nothing jumped out at them from the gloom. They searched every room in the building, getting more and more frantic with every floor they passed.

“Where _is_ he?” Jace said through gritted teeth, entering the top floor.

The top floor was one giant room, and in the gloom they didn't immediately see where Alec was lying.

Isabelle took off at such a speed that Jace had a moment, despite the situation, to feel proud of her before following after her. Once he saw the direction she was running, he saw his brother lying almost entirely stretched out, his long limbs apparent.

“Alec!” Isabelle cried, falling to her knees. “Alec.”

There was too much blood, Isabelle thought. There was so much blood.

Jace fell to his knees on the other side of his brother and immediately pulled up his shirt to activate his Iratze. He could see that there was a lot of blood on his Parabatai's skin, but none of the wounds seemed to still be exuding the liquid.

Isabelle had frozen. Too much blood. She was going to lose her brother. She couldn't lose her brother.

Jace was surprised he wasn't fighting Isabelle for dominance over the skin where Alec's Iratze was situated. When he took his eyes off Alec for a moment, he saw her. She was staring, wide-eyed at her brother. He tried to speak with her, but she didn't seem to hear him.

“Izzy.”

Isabelle didn't know how she was going to tell their parents. How could she do what Alec had managed to do in his long life? She wasn't a diplomat. She was a warrior. There was no way she could fill the void he would leave behind.

“Izzy!”

Isabelle couldn't stop staring at the shreds of Alec's gear top, at the blood that was smearing his skin. She saw the wounds knit back together, but that wasn't going to be enough. Alec was dying right in front of her eyes and there was nothing she could do.

“IZZY!”

Isabelle fell backwards, tears stinging her eyes. She couldn't look. She couldn't see Alec, too still. She couldn't see Jace. Jace would be inconsolable and she would have to look after him even as she was dying herself. She couldn't do this without Alec.

“Izzy.” Alec said quietly, struggling to sit up and touching her knee once he had done so. 

Isabelle looked up slowly. Even if this was the last conversation they had, she wanted to at least be present for it. She would do this one last thing for Alec.

Alec rubbed his hand softly against his sister's knee. “Izzy, look at me.”

Isabelle let her eyes meet Alec's. He looked sad, but not weak. He was sitting up, rather than lying down, and didn't look like he was about to wink out of existence. He was too pale though.

“Alec,” she whispered reverently, completely bowled over that she was able to look at her brother. Her living, breathing brother.

“Hi.” Alec replied.

Isabelle threw herself at him and felt his strong arms around her. It was a balm to soothe all of her wounds. When one arm disappeared she was momentarily bereft, but then she felt Jace join in the embrace and she felt safe again. They could do anything between the three of them. She had absolutely no doubt about that.

When they had finally extracted themselves from each other, they stood.

Alec swayed slightly, but kept his feet. 

Jace knew Alec would need a Blood Transfusion rune as soon as possible, except Alec didn't seem to want to leave the building.

“Alec,” Izzy said patiently, taking his arm, “Alec, come on.”

Alec resisted for a moment but then let himself be led away. He didn't want to go. He rather illogically thought that if he did, he would lose Magnus more than he already had. Deep down, he knew that wasn't true, but he also knew exactly what Lorenzo was like and he couldn't bear to think that Magnus was suffering. If he stayed in this spot, it was almost as if he was with him.

When they got outside to the street, Jace turned to hail a cab, but Alec, on seeing they were in Brooklyn, had another idea.

"I need to go back to..."

"We should go back to the Institute and rest, Alec." Isabelle said, quietly.

"I can't, Iz. I need to be...I need to go home."

"Okay," Isabelle says slowly, "but I'm coming with you."

“ _We're_ coming with you.” Jace interjected.

Alec gave them long suffering looks, but knew that there was nothing he could say that would dissuade them. If he was honest with himself, he didn't want to be on his own. He'd had to endure too much of that recently.

"That's non-negotiable." Isabelle said firmly.

Alec slightly smiled. "Okay."

The walk to the loft was quick and they walked in silence. 

At one point Alec realised that mundanes were staring at him and he remembered that they could see him. It had been so long since he'd been outside without runes that the realisation made him feel completely naked, like he really was nothing without his runes. Lorenzo had been right. 

Alec made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. He couldn't deal with people seeing him, people knowing what had happened to him.

“What is it?” Jace asked, immediately worried when he felt the deep shame wash through him. He didn't know whether Alec's emotions were stronger, or whether the enforced separation had amplified them somehow, but he was almost bowled over by the intensity of the emotion.

Alec had stopped in the middle of the street and people were tutting at them as they took up some of the pavement. Despite it feeling like a failure, he turned to Jace.

“Stele.” Alec managed to say, closing his eyes and trying to take several deep breaths. “I need a Stele.”

Jace immediately handed his over and Alec activated his Invisibility rune.

Isabelle's heart hurt. Her by the book brother had activated the rune in public without a second thought. He hadn't seemed to care that anyone watching would have just seen him disappear into thin air. It was a punishable offence, telling mundanes about the Shadow world, and he didn't seem to care. 

This wasn't her Alec at all.

Jace felt Alec's immediate relief when he was no longer visible and he took a deep breath along with his Parabatai. Alec was often taciturn, but this was something else. Between the three of them he could count on one hand the number of times that they had had an uncompanionable silence. This was one of them and it just _hurt_. 

They had him back, but they didn't really have him back.

~~~

When the wards lowered to let Alec enter, he almost broke down. He'd forgotten that Magnus had done that. It had been fairly recent, Magnus telling him that he never wanted Alec to think he couldn't just walk in, whether he was at home or not. He had told him that this was a sanctuary, for whatever he needed. The word 'sanctuary' seemed particularly ironic now.

The loft felt wrong without Magnus in it, as if it knew that he wasn't coming back. When Alec had been there without Magnus before, it still had the lived in feel of someone coming back, this time it didn't. That alone made him ache.

He immediately walked towards their bedroom and stopped half way to the door. No. He couldn't go in there. He walked towards the spare bedroom instead.

When Alec saw all of Magnus' things in the room he lent against the door jamb, unsure whether his legs would continue to support his weight. This was too much. He knew Magnus too well. He knew that Magnus would have moved in here because he had missed him, and he couldn't think of that right now. Especially as he had spent some time in his cell doubting Magnus' love for him. This proof made him feel guilt the likes of which he'd never had before.

Alec felt completely untethered. Where did he go? This loft was a sanctuary, but it was also now somewhere he didn’t know that he had the strength to stay.

Jace felt the sorrow through their bond even before he heard Alec's sob. He walked immediately in that direction and took Alec away from the room.

“Maybe this was a bad idea?” Jace said, moving Alec towards the front door.

“No,” Alec said, shrugging out of Jace's embrace, “no, I have to be here.”

“Okay,” Jace replied, “whatever you need.”

Isabelle had disappeared and Jace was momentarily annoyed. She was always so much better at this than he was. He could hug Alec when he cried but he wasn't good at the chats that often accompanied the emotional fall out, or at least he didn't think he was.

Jace moved Alec towards the sofa, sitting him down.

Alec pulled the maroon throw off the top of it and covered himself in it, letting the scent of Magnus wash over him. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to be back in Magnus' arms and they were supposed to be okay. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Jace, feeling impotent and seeing that Alec didn't seem in imminent need of anything, went searching for Izzy. 

When he found her, he smiled. All of his previous thoughts of annoyance dissipated. This was _exactly_ the thing they needed. 

~~~

Alec looked up when his siblings walked back into the room, and despite himself, he smiled.

They were both carrying what seemed like hundreds of cushions and blankets in all sorts of different colours. Alec was gratified to see that they were all furnishings from other parts of the loft. There was nothing there from their bedroom, or from the spare room. He loved his siblings a lot for that.

Jace and Isabelle dumped their findings in the space between the living area, the kitchen and the front door. It was a huge space and exactly what they needed. For a brief moment Alec felt awash with a sense of peace, nostalgic for his childhood and simpler times. Jace looked up at him, obviously having felt it, and smiled.

Isabelle was always in charge of working out just how many blankets needed to be on the floor and in which order. Jace was always in charge of going to get snacks. Alec was always in charge of deciding where the pillows were situated. All three of them performed their roles well and it was if the years were stripped away. 

Alec couldn't remember the last time they had done this, which saddened him. It wasn't as if things had been calm in their world recently. There were any number of times that this would have been a great idea. After Jace came back from the City of Bones, after he and Isabelle were possessed, after Jace had _died_. But they hadn't and he didn't know why.

Isabelle dropped theatrically to the floor, leaning her head against the central of the three pillows. And pulling a blanket over the top of her.

“I declare this meeting open.” She said with mock solemnity.

The boys smiled at her, rolling their eyes at the same time.

Alec lay down next to her, taking the right hand pillow and covering himself up in the same way.

“I second that motion.” He said.

Jace broke the sacred bond of the fort and picked up the cushion Alec had placed on the other side of Isabelle. Isabelle was _always_ the one in the centre. He was _always_ on the right. Jace was _always_ on the left. He moved it until he was on Alec's right. 

Alec had never been in the centre before. He'd never needed to be, content to be on the outside, the protector of his siblings. The fact that they had done this for him made him ache. He didn't deserve all of this love, not when he'd failed so utterly in looking after someone who was supposed to be the love of his life.

“I actually really liked Harry Potter.” Jace said, after a moment.

Alec couldn't help it, he laughed. “You read Harry Potter?”

“There's not supposed to be any judgements in the Truth Fort.” Jace grumbled, “unless it's judgements on others.”

“You're right, I'm sorry.” Alec said, turning his head and hiding a smile in his pillow. This had been a really great idea.

They traded secrets back and forth, some big and some small. Periodically there were long stretches of time where no-one spoke. This was always how it was, either people didn't know what they wanted to say, or they _did_ know what they wanted to say and they weren't brave enough to do so. Yet.

“I miss Raphael.” Izzy said quietly, resolutely staring at the ceiling.

Alec reached for her hand, squeezing when he found it. Jace propped himself up on his elbow so he could reach across and squeeze her arm too.

The rules of the fort were no eye contact, it helped that way. 

Very quietly, she carried on, “sometimes I miss the drugs,” she paused, “but most of the time I just miss talking to him.”

When Isabelle wiped the tears from her face, her brothers both squeezed her one last time. Alec snuggled further into his blanket and Jace lay back down, lying slightly closer to Alec. 

Jace was worried about Alec. He'd shared a lot of random truths but nothing deep. Nothing that would explain how he was feeling right now and he knew that Alec was psyching himself up for something big. He wanted to be as close as he possibly could at that moment, as if his very presence would help his brother, even though he knew that it wouldn't be enough.

When no-one had spoken for an hour, and when Isabelle and Jace both thought that Alec had fallen asleep, he suddenly spoke.

"One day, I'd like to get married." 

In unison, Jace and Isabelle both answered him immediately. "You will." They lapsed back into silence after that. 

Alec hoped they were right, but feared they weren't. 


	26. Chapter 23

“You sound like the Clave!” Magnus shouted, getting right up in Lorenzo's face. The fury he was feeling was coursing through his body. He wanted to wrap his hands around Lorenzo's neck and squeeze, but he knew he couldn't.

Lorenzo went very still. “What did you just say?”

“You heard.”

Lorenzo took Magnus' shirt in his fist, bringing him very close. “I am _nothing_ like the Clave.” He pushed Magnus backwards causing him to stumble.

“Could have fooled me.” Magnus muttered.

Lorenzo looked at his old friend for a moment before he conjured a glowing orb in his hand.

Magnus didn't want to look. Magnus had to look.

In the orb, his Alexander was fighting demons with his sister and his Parabatai. The three of them moved fluidly with a practised grace and Magnus absently thought that it was beautiful. He saw the moment that Alec's shoulder twinged, the moment where he couldn't quite pull his bow back far enough, the moment when a demon got through their carefully constructed defence, the moment when the demon sliced a long wound down Alec's arm, making him grimace in pain.

Magnus immediately took a step back from the glowing light, from Lorenzo. 

“Stop it.”

“I'm not doing anything.” Lorenzo said, smirking.

The orb disappeared. The last thing Magnus saw was Izzy killing the final demon and Jace reaching for his Stele. Alec was safe, but for how long?

“What was it you were saying about recruits, Lorenzo?” Magnus said.

~~~

Magnus spent a lot of time agonising over how he could stop Lorenzo's plan. Lorenzo was many things, but witless was not one of them. He had to be careful if he was to undermine his plan without hurting anyone, especially Alec. He wasn't just gambling with his own life, he wasn't just gambling with the lives of the warlocks that were going to be dragged into this, he was also gambling with Alec's life. That thought alone was enough to make him want to fall silent and put up with Lorenzo's actions. It would certainly be the safer thing to do for Alec, but he couldn't leave his people at the mercy of Lorenzo either. No, he had to do this.

~~~

“There's a young warlock over in Harlem, Elias, you should go to him next.”

Magnus wasn't sure if Lorenzo knew that Elias was dead and was bringing it up to upset and unsettle him, or whether he genuinely didn't know he was dead. It would be just like him if the former was true.

“He's dead.” Magnus said succinctly, the feeling of grief washing over him. Elias was too young to die, he should have had centuries. He was one more person that Magnus had failed to keep safe. Being reminded of that on top of everything else was almost too much to bear.

“Oh, I didn't know.” Lorenzo replied, voice dripping with sympathy.

Now Magnus knew that Lorenzo knew. Those four words made it obvious. He swallowed down the rage that was ever present under his skin these days.

“Who's next?” He asked, voice dripping with anger.

“Magdalena Way, over in...actually just around the corner!”

Magnus hated it when the warlocks were in New York. It made him ache, because Alec was so close to him and yet so far away and he could barely stand it. It was easier if he had to travel the world to speak with them, the miles seemed to comfort his hurting heart.

The girl he met looked to be an early teen, but Magnus knew that didn't mean she actually was that age, she was a warlock after all. She was a waif of a girl, dainty and delicate, with a shock of ginger hair and incredibly pale skin. She looked like she would be blown over if there was a strong wind. Magnus wasn't prepared for the warlock. She reminded him of Clary, of Madzie, of all of the children he'd taken in over the years. He couldn't bring her into this faux war Lorenzo was starting. She should be far away from it all.

“I'm Magnus,” he said at the front door.

She looked wary, “I know who you are.”

“Good. I was just...can I come in?”

The girl looked like she was going to say no to begin with, the indecision evident on her face, but then she just nodded and opened the door wide enough for him to squeeze through.

Magnus walked into a small studio apartment. It was messy, with clothes strewn everywhere and take-out containers on many of the surfaces. He frowned. A warlock with a messy apartment didn't make much sense, not when a wave of the hand could fix things.

“Sorry,” she said, breaking into Magnus' thoughts. 

The girl rushed past him and started to tidy up, pushing clothes out of the way, revealing a worn armchair, which she gestured at for Magnus to sit in. When she turned, Magnus saw her warlock mark in the form of a beautiful tail which was the same colour as her hair. As he watched, she picked up some of the take-out containers with her tail and moved them to the other side of the room, clearing space for her to perch on a sideboard.

“I didn't have time to tidy up, I didn't know I would be having guests.” She blushed, and Magnus was reminded of Alexander. He could barely breathe for a second. “What did you want, Mr. Bane?”

_I was here to recruit you for a suicide rebellion, but it’s okay, I'm not going to anymore. I'm going to protect you because I'm actually under coercion and I don't have the same values as the megalomaniac who is intending to try and overthrow the Clave._

“Just checking on my constituents,” Magnus said. Even to his own ears it sounded fake. “How are you?”

“I'm fine,” She replied, confused.

“Well, great.” Magnus replied, unsure of how to continue. He knew he was right to protect this girl, his instincts were rarely wrong. She was, potentially, very young. She didn't seem to know how to use her magic (and if he got out of this Magnus swore he would come back and help her learn what she needed to know). No, there was no way he could’ve ever done this.

“Let me know if you need me.” Magnus continued, snapping his fingers and producing a business card. “Phone number is on there if you're over the archaic fire message!” he attempted a joke but he could hear that it fell flat.

He stood up and let himself out, knowing that he'd done a good thing. Magdalena Way wasn't going to be caught up in this upheaval and he was pleased.

~~~

“They weren't there.” Magnus said as he walked back in, “who's next on the list?”

Lorenzo looked at him levelly, sizing him up and Magnus had to lock his knees to stop himself from taking a step back under the scrutiny. After a few moments had passed, Lorenzo simply nodded and Magnus let out the breath he hadn't even realised he was holding.

Lorenzo thought it was cute that Magnus was still trying to fight him, but he let him have his perceived victories, it only played into his plan anyway. He knew that when he needed to he could get Magnus entirely on his slide. The infatuated Shadowhunter had seen to that. Lorenzo had never before wanted to thank a Shadowhunter, but he felt like he wanted to thank one now. Thank you Alexander Lightwood. Thank you for beating this warlock down enough for him to be swayed by a single mention of your name. Thank you for loving him...and damning him.

~~~

“...so in a nutshell, that's the plan.” Magnus knew that he was charismatic, but he was having real trouble trying to explain to the warlocks assembled that joining Lorenzo was in their best interests, because he didn't even believe it himself. 

The blank faces looking back at him all looked the same. They were all sorts of colours, with horns and a variety of eyes, several different skin tones, including one who was almost exactly the same shade as Catarina, which made him ache. He knew that at some point he was going to have to go and visit his blue friend and try to recruit her. He was going to have to lie to her. It made him hurt in a way he thought was only reserved for Alec's well-being. 

After Ragnor's death, it had been just the two of them. He desperately didn't want to disappoint her, but couldn't see a way out of it. What was worse was that he knew Catarina would know he was lying and he'd have to voice the terrible dilemma he was in. He knew that she would want to help, and he didn't know if he could ask her to do that.

Lorenzo had deliberately picked inexperienced warlocks to begin recruiting. Magnus thought his old friend must have thought that the older warlocks would fall into line after they saw how many younger warlocks had joined. Magnus was happy to let him continue along that line, because he privately thought it was the opposite. You got a few high-ranking, older warlocks on the pay roll and all the younger ones would follow.

Not that Magnus would tell Lorenzo that. This might be the one slip up that he'd made...and if he'd made one slip up, Magnus knew he was capable of more. He just had to bide his time.

He could fix this.


	27. Chapter 24

“Pass the sage.” Lorenzo said, holding his hand out.

Magnus looked down at the table in front of them and back up at the other man. They were working on a narrow, wooden, oblong bench, each standing on opposite sides. There was no part of the bench that couldn't be reached by either of them, which is why Magnus had ignored him.

“Did you hear me?” Lorenzo asked.

“I did, Lorenzo, yes,” Magnus said with a sigh, “however, as you’re just as close as I am, I thought I'd dismiss the statement for the idiotic thing it was.”

Magnus felt Lorenzo look at him with annoyance and he levelled him with a gaze matching his own. He wasn't letting Lorenzo think he could just walk all over him, no matter what the stakes were.

Lorenzo started to form a spinning orb of light. It hadn't even formed properly before Magnus handed Lorenzo the bundle of sage.

“Good boy.” Lorenzo said, smiling.

Magnus clamped down on the rage that threatened to engulf him. He knew he couldn't act out, he now knew that there was nothing he could do. He had to stop goading Lorenzo, no matter how much he wanted to. He had to pick his battles and work quietly with precision from within, not just go for petty jibes. 

He owed both himself and Alec that.

~~~

It was becoming easier to talk to the young warlocks, to convince them to do what Lorenzo wanted. Magnus knew that he was skirting the line of the Accords. He was very careful to remain on the correct side of the law, even if only by a fraction, but it was difficult because Lorenzo _did_ want to cross the line. Magnus couldn't do that. He needed to keep safe, he needed to keep them all safe, he needed to keep _Alec_ safe.

~~~

It was the sudden realisation that Magnus had fallen into a practised routine that left him feeling isolated and alone. 

He had fallen into a natural rhythm of the revolution, a rhythm that he'd experienced many times before, in the myriad of rebellions he'd been part of with Lorenzo. It was a rude awakening. He felt like he was spinning too many plates at once, trying to keep the warlocks safe, even as they were slowly poisoned by Lorenzo, and knowing that they wouldn't be there at all if he hadn't brought them in. He had to keep the spells Lorenzo was planning to use for taking down individual Institutes slightly off, so that they failed. He had to make the changes so minute that they caused the spell to weaken and diminish, but without Lorenzo knowing. He was abstractly proud of himself for being that astute as a magic user. It was a sliver of a silver lining on an incredibly dark cloud.

That same day, Magnus forced all of his magic out at once, breaking through Lorenzo's wards and managing to get a fire message to Cat. He was exhausted afterwards and slumped in a chair in his living area, unable to even find the energy to get up and go to bed.

~~~

“I thought we'd try that ward lowering spell again today. We haven't quite managed to get it right yet, but I think we can, with our combined brain power. Don't you think?”

Magnus just nodded, tired and unsure of what he was doing any more. He knew that at some point there was going to be a situation where all of the work that he had been complicit in would be utilised. There would be a tipping point, and he knew that it was rapidly approaching. 

He was surprised to find that he didn't know what he'd do when it came. Which side would he fall on? It was very easy to say that he'd be on The Clave's side, on _Alec's_ side; and he was, but he also had a duty of care to the Warlocks he had brought into this madness. He couldn't leave them to the mercy of the Clave. He was rapidly losing sight of how he was going to be able to get them out. He couldn't work out how one person held as much sway as Lorenzo, but the fact of the matter was that Lorenzo had Alec, despite his attempt to get him free; and Magnus would do anything for that man. 

Lorenzo knew he held all of the cards here. He was unafraid to play them and Magnus despised him for it.

~~~

“I couldn't help but notice the spell has failed again, Magnus.”

“Well it's a complicated spell, Lorenzo.” Magnus said in the same clipped tone. 

Magnus was tired. He hadn't bothered to do his hair, and his clothes were drab and lifeless, an extension of how he felt. He was trying very hard not to show it, to keep his spirits up; but the fact of the matter was that he was losing hope. Losing hope in his arcane skills. Losing hope in his mundane skills. Losing hope in anything he attempted to do.

“I don't think it's that.” Lorenzo said, with a flick of his wrist.

Magnus flinched, but the orb that he had come to love as well as loathe didn't appear. 

Lorenzo smirked, seeing how much of Magnus he had under his thumb. The flinch was a welcome sight. He was vaguely impressed with his old friend for holding out this long, but he knew that he would break him eventually.

A piece of parchment appeared out of thin air and Lorenzo handed it to Magnus.

“Read.”

Magnus took the parchment from Lorenzo, not immediately realising what it was. When he looked down at it, his heart sank. It was the letter that he had thought he'd sent to his friend two days ago. It could have been a copy, but some part of Magnus instinctively knew that it wasn't that. This had been Lorenzo messing with him, making him think that he'd managed to get beyond the wards, when he hadn't. It was uncalled for, but so completely _Lorenzo_ that Magnus found himself thinking he was foolish for assuming he'd ever got the better of his old friend. It was useless. He was as helpless as a babe. He couldn't rescue these warlocks, he couldn't rescue Alec, he couldn't even rescue himself.

“ _Read_.” Lorenzo repeated, sitting down in a plush armchair and gesturing for Magnus to do the same.

“Dear Catarina,” Magnus started. He wanted to make up something else. He didn't want to read this out to Lorenzo, but he also knew that there was no way that Lorenzo hadn't read this already. This was simply a power play on his old friend's side. He hated him for it, but he also couldn't fault his execution. He'd been well and truly played.

Magnus remembered writing it. It had only been a few days ago, and he could almost remember it word for word. He had drafted it over and over in his head, wondering how he should tell Cat what was going on without condemning him if the message got into the wrong hands. He was fed up with being on the wrong side. He had always had to do what was right. It didn't matter whether it was when he was younger, eking out an existence and helping as many Downworlders as he could, or whether it was more recently in his role as High Warlock. He always tried to do what was right, occasionally to his detriment. He knew that he wore his heart on his sleeve and that that had got him into trouble more than once, but he didn't know how to be anything else. Despite the tumultuous first fifty years of his life, he felt like he had finally got into his stride, and his stride included always being someone who couldn't look away from someone's suffering. He just wasn't wired that way.

_Dear Catarina,_

_I'm sure by this point you are aware of my predicament. I am pleased that I managed to get our mutual friend free from the issue plaguing him. I trust that you'll also be in contact with his colleagues in dealing with this matter._

_I am not, unfortunately, able to give you any more information as I am not myself privy to such documents._

_I remain forever your servant,_

_~M_

Lorenzo stared at him after Magnus had finished reading. Magnus dropped the piece of paper to the floor, waiting for the axe to fall, waiting to see the awful image of Alec being hurt.

Nothing happened. 

Lorenzo merely got up and walked back to the workbench they had been working at minutes ago. Gesturing after a moment to get Magnus to come back over too.

Magnus didn't understand what was happening, but he followed Lorenzo's direction anyway. Every time he had done anything wrong, Lorenzo had hurt Alec in some way. He'd made him breathless, or made his shoulder hurt, made him unable to fight properly. The retribution had been immediate and horrific, but this time, nothing happened. Obviously he didn't want to see Alec hurt, but the fact that Lorenzo had refrained, worried him more. What was he up to? 

Magnus wanted to hope that that meant the issue was resolved, but he couldn't get rid of the nagging voice in the back of his head that told him that Lorenzo was biding his time. Whatever he had planned was going to be so much worse than anything Magnus could imagine.

~~~

“I'm so disappointed in you, Magnus.”

Here it is. _Finally_. Magnus hated himself a little bit for wishing for this. He just couldn't cope with the waiting any more. Magnus’ nerves had frayed as the days had passed, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He knew it would eventually, but the way that Lorenzo was dragging it out had made him a wreck. He wasn't bothering with his appearance any more, and knew that he was being battered down, but he couldn't bring himself to pull himself back from the ledge that he had created. Whatever was about to happen was on him. 

Lorenzo threw a piece of glass at Magnus and he caught it with his magic. He didn’t trust his hands, which had started to shake as soon as he thought about what he was about to see. He couldn't decide if knowing or not knowing was more important to him at that precise moment.

When he looked down, he saw Alec. He was sleeping, he could see that much, and the view he had was a close up. Magnus was horrified that Lorenzo had been able to get this close, while also being thankful that he'd managed to do just that. He could see the individual eye lashes on Alec's cheeks and his eyes darting back and forth under his eyelids. He was gasping softly as well. 

Magnus looked up for a second at Lorenzo, sending him a glare.

“What have you done to him?” Magnus said through gritted teeth.

“I haven't done anything, I didn't even _have_ to do anything. He's having those nightmares all by himself. How pathetic.” Lorenzo sneered.

“Sleep well.” Lorenzo said, turning away and chuckling as he left the room.

Magnus couldn't even begin to be angry with Lorenzo at that moment. All he could think of was Alec. Alec, who was sweating, his hair plastered to his face. Alec who was tossing and turning in his sleep, back in the Institute's cold bedroom. Magnus was only vaguely aware of the niggling feeling that told him that Lorenzo was strong enough to break through his own wards and create a spell within the Institute. He had no idea how he'd even managed to get inside the Institute, let alone set up surveillance. But ignoring all of that, he found himself selfishly feeling thankful that Lorenzo had done it, which was the most hateful feeling of all.

“Alexander,” he whispered, stroking his hands across the glass as if he could reach through and brush the hair back from his boyfriend's forehead. Brush at the tiny curl that always fell into Alec's eyes and which Magnus had stroked back countless times. Being able to see and not touch was more painful than anything he could think of. He thought he would be able to cope with being captive if Alec was safe. He'd thought that that was what he was agreeing to when he'd consented to meeting Lorenzo. He should have known that the man would twist the deal to his own ends. He cursed his idiocy. He had been so focused on Alec being well, he'd forgotten what Lorenzo was like. He would never forgive himself for that.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered, the word just falling from his unconscious lips, “Magnus, help me.”

Magnus thought he actually felt his heart break then, hearing the plea from his lover’s lips. He knew that Alec wouldn't be able to hear him, knew that Lorenzo wouldn't be that kind, but that didn't stop him from trying.

“Alec. Alec you're going to be fine. We're going to work this out.” 

Magnus realised with surprise that he was crying, the tears falling on the glass as they had done last week. Had it only been last week? No it must have been a fortnight ago...or had it been three weeks? A month? Magnus was horrified to realise he didn't know. He had no idea how long he'd been gone. 

“Everything is going to be okay, Alexander. I promise.” Magnus could hear the pleading tone to his voice, but he couldn't stop it. He was half convincing himself that he had the skills to escape, even as he was telling Alec everything would be okay.

Lorenzo needed to pay. His wonderful boyfriend was plagued with nightmares because of Lorenzo. Death was too good for the man, Magnus thought.

When Alec gasped again, Magnus brought his thoughts away from revenge and back to solely focus on the visage in front of him. Alec had started to thrash around in his sleep, the sheets bunching up around him.

“I'll fix this, Alexander.” Magnus promised to the glass, unsure of whether he actually had the ability to deliver on it.


	28. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A _huge_ thanks to [AtraEris](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AtraEris) for their invaluable help on cleansing rituals and magic in general. Definitely couldn't have done this chapter without them. (Also the idea for the specific 'earth' was hers, so I suggest you shout at her and not me :D)
> 
> The beautiful artwork in this chapter is by [MarieMarion](http://mariemarion.tumblr.com).

Magnus woke up with the glass clutched to his chest. 

As soon as he moved, the fragile object turned to dust. He felt the sand slip through his fingers and he couldn't help but wonder whether this was an omen. He wondered whether it was the sands of time mocking him. With each grain that slipped through his grasp Alec moved further away, with no hope of ever feeling his embrace again.

He dressed as he had the day before, it may have even been the same clothes. He neither knew nor cared at this point. They were some sort of grey material. He couldn't have even said what type of clothing they were. His hair stuck out at inconsistent angles and his face was devoid of make-up. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd put any product in his hair.

When he walked into the dining area, Lorenzo gave him one look and tutted.

“Now, now, Magnus,” he drawled, “what _do_ you look like?”

Magnus merely carried on moving and sat down at the breakfast table, reaching for the coffee pot.

“Today is a big day. I won't have you looking like a tramp.”

Magnus couldn't be bothered to answer. It didn't matter. Lorenzo would get what Lorenzo wanted anyway, so there didn't seem to be much point in responding.

Lorenzo clicked his fingers and Magnus felt a change in his appearance. He looked down and saw his beautiful maroon silk shirt and navy blue suit with intricate and near invisible maroon swirls. No. He couldn't wear this. This was Alec's favourite outfit of his. Lorenzo didn't get to see this, this wasn't something he could show him. He looked up to see Lorenzo smile and he knew that he'd done it on purpose.

Magnus gritted his teeth and then summoned a different outfit for himself. He summoned a black shirt with copper dots accentuating it. It was one that he had yet to wear and so between one snap of his fingers and the next he ironed the garment to remove all of the creases. The satin waistcoat he wore over the top dipped low, to show off the maroon tie. He changed his trousers into a plaid pattern of teal, black and grey. On his feet, he conjured his comfortable, shiny black loafers. He felt much more him.

“Good start.” Lorenzo said, then gestured at Magnus' hair.

Magnus sighed again and then snapped his fingers, perfectly coiffing his hair. He swept his hair off his face and closely clipped it at the sides. He cavalierly put a teal streak in his hair to co-ordinate with his trousers. He hadn't used the hairstyle since before he'd known Alec. It seemed safer that way. If he was going to try and keep himself together today he couldn't think of his boyfriend too much. That thought in and of itself was enough to hurt him. He didn't want to push Alec to the back of his mind but right now it was self-preservation to do so. He couldn't keep his thoughts in line with working out how to take Lorenzo down if he was also pining and hurting for his Alexander.

“And...” Lorenzo said, waving his hand airily.

“I'll do the make-up after breakfast, can I drink my coffee now?”

“I suppose.” Lorenzo said, smiling to himself. If he had thought Magnus was whipped before, this was nothing to how he felt now. He had him well and truly to heel, which would make later on that much easier. He had been slightly concerned that Magnus would do something to disrupt their ritual, but now he knew that there was no chance that that would happen.

The revolution was finally about to start. He couldn't wait.

  
  


  
  


~~~

Magnus took a long time doing his make-up, stalling somewhat. It was taking all of his considerable brainpower to work out just how he was going to upset the ritual they would perform later to remove the wards on the Milan Institute. When the idea came to him he subconsciously rebuked himself because of its simplicity. He could do it in such a way that Lorenzo would think that the failure wasn’t Magnus’ fault, that they merely needed more warlocks. That of course would take time, both finding them and convincing them of the validity of the plan.

With that thought in mind, he eagerly applied the eyeshadow to his lids, finally taking care with his appearance. He wouldn't have told him, but getting dressed properly had done wonders for his emotions. Lorenzo had inadvertently made him feel good. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

~~~

When Magnus walked back into the living area, it was to find Lorenzo drawing on the floor with chalk. All of the furniture had been pushed backwards and there were items lined up neatly on the workbench, which had also been pushed back almost against the wall, with only a small walkway behind it for them to get to the items. 

They were really doing this.

Magnus walked around the workbench and closed his eyes for a moment, leaning against the wood and steeling himself for what they were about to do. When he opened his eyes again it was to the look that Lorenzo was levelling him. He thought that his old friend was going to bring up another perceived slight, make another dig at his skills, or his life, but he didn't, he just spoke two words.

“Water first.”

Magnus looked over to Lorenzo, who had gone back to drawing after he'd said the words. Did the man think he was fifty? He'd done a cleansing ritual so many times he'd lost count. This was just another way for Lorenzo to assert his perceived (although if he was honest with himself, nowadays actual) dominance.

Magnus poured water out of a jug, some into a small glass to the right of the urn, but the majority into a large earthen wear bowl. He purified it as he did so, sending his magic into the life giving liquid and hunting out any imperfections. Once he had done that, he dipped his hands in the bowl, making sure to cover them fully. He whispered words from Ancient Greek under his breath and he felt like he was letting go of his own impurities. Some part of it was probably psychosomatic, although he did know that there magical advantages too; but it certainly got him into the right frame of mind for the next portion of the ritual.

He lifted the bowl and raised it above his head, letting a small amount trickle over his crown, and down the sides of his head, closing his eyes so that he could concentrate and trying not to think about what he was going to do, or what he was going to try _not_ to do.

That complete, he then raised the glass of water to his mouth and drank of it, feeling the cool liquid flow down his throat. It was almost sweet with its crispness and he remembered now why he loved this form of ritual. He really did feel pure after each portion of the cleansing, or as pure as a half-demon could be, a snide voice thought uncharitably within him.

“Earth.”

“Yes, thank you Lorenzo, I do know how to do a cleansing ritual.”

Lorenzo looked up at him and raised an eyebrow laconically.

Magnus just sighed and turned back to the workbench.

“Where's the earth?” He asked, not seeing anything on the table that could be used for that portion of the ritual.

“Oh, did I not leave it out?” Lorenzo said innocently.

Magnus quelled his sudden urge to strike him. Why couldn't anything just be simple? Why did everything have to be a power play with him?

“No,” Magnus said, his voice tight, “you didn't.”

“Silly me.” Lorenzo replied, snapping his fingers.

A small jar appeared in front of Magnus and on opening the item, he was about to thank Lorenzo, for he was nothing if not polite, when he saw what it was. He saw what Lorenzo had done. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut, he could barely breathe with the knowledge of what he was staring at.

Magnus couldn't catch his breath, he'd entirely forgotten how to breathe. He thought that his body was supposed to do it automatically, why wouldn’t it comply anymore? Just when he thought he was about to pass out, blackness encroaching on his vision, he drew in one shaky breath and then another. It was only when he could breathe without dots forming in front of his eyes that he felt able to turn around. He'd never had a panic attack before, although he had coached others through them. He had no idea how hellish they were up until this moment. He wouldn't wish them on his worst enemy, not even the enemy that had just handed him a receptacle filled with the dirt that had triggered it.

He lifted his eyes slowly, still feeling a little dizzy, and levelled a look at Lorenzo which he knew wasn't anywhere near up to par. He had been so thoroughly shaken that he didn't seem to have the energy for anything more than a slight glare.

“Problem?” Lorenzo said, smirking.

“This ash is from Edom.” Magnus said carefully, the words themselves feeling like ash in his mouth.

Lorenzo shrugged. “It seemed apt.”

Magnus turned back to the workbench, the jar in his hand. He was going to have to touch the dust. He was going to have to actually run it through his fingers and make it into a paste. He was going to have to put the mud on him. He felt sick. The bastard had done it on purpose to wrong foot him. It had worked.

He forced himself to pour the ash into the mortar and pestle in front of him, gagging at the latent noxious fumes that he smelt as the ash poured out of its vessel. The ash wasn't like the ash in this dimension either. It seemed to have more weight to it, like it knew the dark place where it had come from and changed its properties accordingly. 

He started to work with the ash, crushing it into an even finer powder than it had been. When it was done, he poured it into a smaller earthen wear bowl to his left. As a gelling agent, he used tree sap, which Lorenzo _had_ left out for him. The mixture started to form a thick paste and when it was ready he just stared at it. He knew that the next part of the ritual involved him daubing himself in the earth, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. This was everything he always wanted to back away from in a small paste and he knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn't do it.

Lorenzo had appeared at some point as he held vigil. Magnus saw him very quickly cleanse himself with water, showing very little reverence to the process. If the magic of the world was satisfied, Magnus supposed it didn't really matter, but it still felt wrong somehow.

“Looks like I turned up just in time.” Lorenzo said, and scooped out a handful of the paste.

Magnus had only a moments warning before Lorenzo had dropped a dollop of the paste into his hair right on the top of his head. He flinched, but managed not to step back entirely, which is what he wanted to do. When Lorenzo had similarly rubbed the earth into Magnus' palms he stepped back.

“Now, me.” Lorenzo said.

“What?” Magnus asked stupidly, not immediately understanding his old friend's meaning.

“Now you do me.”

The weight of those four words seemed to root Magnus to the spot and his eyes immediately shot to the bowl of paste that he had created. He couldn't do it. He couldn't touch it with his bare hands. Lorenzo would have to mark himself. It didn't _have_ to be done by someone else.

“Do it yourself.” Magnus said, far more bravely than he felt. He reached for the next item that he needed for the air purification but he was stopped when he heard a noise behind him.

When he turned, he felt like his heart skipped a beat. There, in a glowing ball of light was Alec. His beautiful, proud warrior was training with his sister, safe inside the Institute and he nearly smiled...until Isabelle managed to get within her brother's defences and flip him over her shoulder and onto the floor. Alec huffed out a pained grunt, but got up. The ball of light disappeared as soon as it had arrived.

Magnus walked back the step that he had taken away from Lorenzo and reached for the bowl, swallowing down the bile that he felt rising in his throat as soon as he touched it.

“Good boy.”

Magnus cleansed Lorenzo as quickly as he could. The thought he had earlier about irreverence no longer applying. He couldn't do this quickly enough.

Once he was done, Magnus glared at him, reaching for the plants he would use for the second stage, the two elements that would be used to cleanse their auras instead of their bodies.

“Now air.”

“I swear on all that is unholy I will...” the words aborted on Magnus' tongue when he saw the predatory way Lorenzo looked at him and the slight flicker of magic that he brought to the fore. “Air, right.”

Magnus picked up the bundle of Sage, Sweetgrass and Cedar needles that Lorenzo had prepared. The differing textures rubbed against Magnus' skin in different ways. He cradled the bundle for a second, thinking about all of the times he'd used the items in his hands. He thought of all of the good spells he'd performed over the years and if he failed, he thought about how this one spell would wash away all of that good, and he hated himself. He knew that he had to cause it to fail but he worried that he would inadvertently do something that would make the spell actually work, and that thought terrified him. He didn't know if anyone had ever wished for incompetence before, but this was as close as he came. Except it wasn't incompetence really, it was absolute competence that he could make the spell fail just enough. Just enough that it would fail without implicating him. Just enough that it would put a spanner in the works for a few more days.

He lit the bundle of plants with a snap of his fingers, only afterwards realising that he probably should have done it with a match as he was supposed to be conserving his magic. Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. He walked around the room methodically, waving the plants around so that the smoke permeated all of the space. He paid particular attention to the ritual circle. Before the plants went out, he waved them around his body, purposefully exhaling and inhaling so that the fumes could fill his body too. He then handed the bundle to Lorenzo, because to hell if he was going to be his lackey.

Lorenzo raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything, just took the smouldering cuttings from his hand and waved them over himself too.

Lorenzo presumably opened his mouth to say something about fire, but Magnus merely walked away from him. He felt like he was being remarkably restrained considering all he wanted to do was throw Lorenzo through as many walls as he could find.

He took kindling from a basket in the corner and built a fire within the confines of another shallow, wide bowl. Thankfully, this bit required no speaking. If anyone did speak, it could cause the concentration of the other to be lost, meaning they would have to start all over again.

Magnus relished the few minutes he was able to stare into the fire, allowing the heat to wash over him, cleansing his aura of all the impurities that were attached to him. A lot of what he knew he was burning away was anger, hurt and grief. Whilst he wanted to hang onto them, he also recognised that he wouldn't get a chance to purposefully fail the spell if he held onto them. He could be torn to pieces by the intense magic involved. No, he couldn't do this half-heartedly. He took another deep breath before turning and putting his back to the fire, breathing out all of his negative emotions.

After a further few minutes he opened his eyes again, feeling calm. The first thing he saw was Lorenzo staring at him with an odd look on his face. Magnus smiled, despite the almost visceral reaction he had to his old friend. He didn't want to waste his cleansing.

Lorenzo took up the spot Magnus had vacated while Magnus went back into his bedroom to change. He stared at the ceremonial garb that he'd put out earlier on, trying to remember the last time he'd done a ritual this big. It had to have been nearly a century ago. It might have even been with Lorenzo.

Magnus took his time, trying to keep his thoughts collected. Every ring he took off his finger, every necklace he unclasped, every bit of make-up he removed, it all felt like he was shedding the skin of his old life and it hurt. He had to keep his brain focused, but he couldn't help thinking, when he stepped out into the ritual room, barefoot and clothed in a simple white linen suit, that the old Magnus Bane was dead. The two words his old friend said felt like a death knell.

“It's time.”


	29. Chapter 26

Magnus swallowed, the enormity of what he was about to do weighing heavily on him. If he accidentally caused the spell to work, a lot of people would die, and if he didn't let it work and Lorenzo found out, then he had no doubt that Alec would suffer for it. He knew the age old adage of one life verses the many but he couldn't apply that to Alec. This was _Alec_ , and God damn him more than he already had been by his birth, he would choose him every time.

Lorenzo moved into the ritual circle with a practised ease and serenity that Magnus wished he also felt. His old friend stood right in the middle of the chalked outline of symbols, eyes closed. He had his elbows bent and his palms up in front of him.

Magnus walked around the circle once, twice, getting himself ready. _He could do this_.

“Whenever you're ready, Magnus.” Lorenzo said laconically, keeping his eyes closed.

Magnus resisted the urge to roll his eyes and clapped his hands together in front of him instead, letting his magic spark and jump between his palms.

He took several deep breaths before starting the hopefully fated to fail invocation. 

“I call upon my power as a High Warlock, to receive magic from those willing to give it.”

He threw his right arm out and a jet of blue flame seemed to flow from his fingertips, along the point of the pentagram drawn on the floor. The flames flowed back up to his hand and the line on the floor glowed with a blue, flickering light.

“I call upon my power as a High Warlock to receive magic from those willing to give it.” Magnus repeated, watching the same thing happen along a different line of the arcane drawing.

“I call upon my power as a High Warlock to receive magic from those willing to give it.” 

Magnus clamped down on the portion of his brain which snidely reminded him that _he_ was the one who wasn't willing to give it. He couldn't afford to lose focus now.

A third of the initial power had built in the circle and the blue light it reflected made Lorenzo look inhuman. He was standing so still that if Magnus hadn't known that he was, unfortunately, a living, breathing warlock, he would have thought he was a statue.

“I call upon my power as a High Warlock, to receive magic from those willing to give it.” Magnus said for the fourth time, the blue flames flowing from his hand again. 

That time, he felt a jolt of magic enter him, as if he had been struck by lightning. It had been a very long time since he'd done a ritual this big and he'd forgotten the conflicting emotions that always accompanied it. On the one hand, there was the very real fear that he would lose himself to the magic, that it would consume him fully and that he would cease to be; but there was also the heady feeling of having that much power coursing through him, the way it would be very easy to turn into it, to lose himself to the magic in a different way, to let him take it in and become one with the magic and use it to wreak havoc.

He took two steadying deep breaths and let a small amount of magic leave his foot and snake down the floors, walls and beams until it found its way to the ground beneath his feet. That way, he could take in all of the power without it overwhelming his body. This way he only had to cope with making sure it didn't overwhelm his mind.

Magnus gritted his teeth and let another small amount of magic bleed from his body and into the floor, more than was strictly needed. It was better safe than sorry.

“I call upon my power as a High Warlock, to receive magic from those willing to give it!” Magnus shouted, the final line alight with power.

Magnus' back arched as the power of all the warlocks who had agreed to be a part of this spell entered him. It hurt without really hurting, more a dull ache across all of his bones and a tingling across his skin. He saw through his real eyes when he lowered his head again.

Lorenzo smiled and Magnus' willpower faltered slightly as he thought about all the reasons that Lorenzo smiling was not what he wanted to see.

He could feel his grip on the magic slip slightly when he thought about what this spell could mean, and he unconsciously closed his fists as if he could keep it in. Closing his eyes for a second, he wrangled it under control and opened his eyes again. Lorenzo looked the same, but at least he felt more in control.

Magnus reached his arm out to touch Lorenzo's shoulder and fed him the magic slowly. Lorenzo started to chant and the pentagram's blue light grew in luminescence until Magnus could barely see.

“More!” Lorenzo shouted and Magnus complied, pushing more magic into Lorenzo, feeling a slight tug as it flowed out of him.

Magnus was careful to siphon off a small amount of it, more than was needed to keep him tethered; but not enough that Lorenzo would notice.

“More!”

Magnus pushed more magic through their bond, his teeth gritted as the last amount of magic he pushed through fought against him. It wasn't wise to completely drain a warlock. It was dangerous, but Magnus knew that Lorenzo wouldn't expect anything less. If the spell failed and Magnus wasn't dry, then he really would be blamed for it.

“MORE!”

Magnus forced the last ounce of magic out and then collapsed to the floor next to the blinding light.

Lorenzo finished chanting and the pentagram somehow seemed to get even brighter.

Magnus covered his eyes with a tired and shaking hand. He was breathing heavily and was worried that he had miscalculated. Perhaps the spell really was going to work. He'd have the blood of many on his hands if he had messed this up.

Lorenzo's chanting reached a crescendo and then suddenly all was quiet and dark. The blue flames were doused and Lorenzo had stopped speaking, sinking to the floor himself.

They both sat there breathing heavily for a moment and then Lorenzo got to his feet, reaching down to pull Magnus up too.

Magnus was confused by the unexpectedly polite and collegial gesture. 

"How long have we known each other?" Lorenzo asked quietly, almost sounding like he was only musing to himself.

Magnus was thrown by the unexpected question and knew he looked confused.

“Well?” Lorenzo said curtly.

"Two, three hundred years?" Magnus replied, unsure what Lorenzo was getting at and actually having no idea what the number was. He was still swaying on his feet. _He needed to sit down._

"And how many spells do you think we have cast together?"

“I don't...I'm not sure.” Magnus was starting to think he knew _exactly_ what Lorenzo was getting at, so he staggered over to a chair. If they were going to have this conversation, he wasn't going to embarrassingly fall to the ground in the middle of it.

“Right, so what made you think I wouldn't notice if you deliberately withheld your power?” Lorenzo asked, still standing and looking down at Magnus.

Lorenzo wasn't close, but Magnus still felt pinned by his scrutiny, as if he was leaning over him, boxing him in.

“I didn't,” Magnus replied immediately, “do I look like I have any magic left?” 

He knew he had to continue to bluff, there was no other way through this, admitting what he did now would only cause more hurt. What he needed to do was make Lorenzo believe him.

Lorenzo looked at him over the top of his non-existent glasses.

“I _didn't_.” Magnus answered more emphatically. He had to make Lorenzo believe him or someone was going to get hurt. _Alec_ was going to get hurt.

“I thought we understood each other, Magnus,” Lorenzo said, tutting. 

He conjured a glowing ball of light which turned into a flat piece of glass, placing it down on one of the side tables in the chaotic living area. Pretty much every surface was covered with some form of ritual paraphernalia apart from this small bare portion of wood. It almost looked like it had been planned, and Magnus felt himself wondering if he had ever stood a chance, or if Lorenzo was going to find some fault in whatever he had done that day, some reason why he was going to torture Alec regardless.

"No, Lorenzo please. We can try again. I think I know where I went wrong. Let's try again?" Magnus pleaded. 

His bluff had failed and now Alec was going to have to pay for it. He felt sick. Magnus reached for the glass with shaky hands wondering what he had done to hurt Alec now.

"Maybe we'll try again tomorrow. For now, just think about what you did, eh?" Lorenzo called over his shoulder as he walked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were lots of margin comments between my beta and I but I felt this one needed to be shared:  
>  _A third of the initial power had built in the circle and the blue light it reflected made Lorenzo look inhuman. He was standing so still that if Magnus hadn't known that he was, unfortunately, a living, breathing warlock, he would have thought he was a statue._
> 
>  **Her:** "I’m fighting the urge to BOLD AND CAPS the ‘unfortunately’ here."  
>  **Me:** "The “not if I have anything to do with it” still breathing warlock?"  
>  **Her:** "The “oh dear, he is suddenly alight and disintegrating into a pile of ash” warlock?"  
>  **Me:** "The “whoops, he fell into a woodchipper” warlock?"


	30. Chapter 27 - FULL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **THIS CHAPTER VERY HEAVILY DEALS WITH CLAUSTROPHOBIA. IF YOU NEED TO SKIP OVER IT, PLEASE READ THE TRUNCATED CH27 INSTEAD. (You will not lose any jist to the story if you do so).**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Stay safe, please.

Magnus couldn't bear to look, but he owed it to Alec to do so. He very slowly lowered his eyes to the opaque glass in front of him. Of course. Lorenzo wasn't going to take it easy on him by showing him his punishment immediately. That would be too simple. Alexander was about to suffer for his own ineptitude and that truth threatened to swallow him whole.

_Think about what you did._

As if he was going to do anything else.

Magnus actually fell asleep in the armchair that he had sunk into. The glass was still clutched to his chest, still fogged with swirls of smoke. When he awoke, he hated himself for falling asleep, thinking he might have let Alec go through something harrowing alone; but deep down he knew Lorenzo wouldn't let that happen, which he was grateful for, despite everything.

It was only after a moment that he realised what had caused him to stir, it was a series of a soft gasps coming from the glass in front of him.

Magnus watched as Alec huffed out a soft 'no', shaking his head as he did so. His jet black hair framing his head on the stark white pillow. Magnus remembered another time when he saw soft words drip from Alec's lips whilst he was unconscious. Alec might have been dying last time, but this scene was somehow worse. He gripped the glass tighter, scoring lines into the palms of his hand.

The scene changed, and Alec got bigger as the glass seemed to zoom into his head. Magnus just knew that he was now seeing Alec's dream, or more accurately Alec's nightmare. He hadn't realised that Lorenzo was proficient in dream manipulation and lucid dreaming. He'd add that to the list of things he didn't know about the sociopath. 

Magnus impotently watched as Alec was put through hell. A hell that he himself had wrought.

~~~

Alec awoke slowly and didn't, for the moment, understand what was happening. There was a soft light ghosting his features, but it wasn't sunlight coming through his curtains at either the Institute or the loft. He was instantly alert, his Shadowhunter training kicking in, telling him to assess the situation and work out what the threats were. 

He tried to move his hands to his sides so that he could push himself up and work out where he was and found that he couldn't separate them. When he tried to sit up to work out what was going on he cracked his head on something. Dazed, he dropped his head back down again. He was confused, he couldn't think of any situation he'd be in where the information he was getting would make sense. Instead of trying again, he attempted to move his hands up towards his face and found his elbows hit something of a similar density that his head had hit mere moments ago. 

He struggled to move his hands up in the confined space and finally got them into a position where he could see them. He saw that they were tied together with some leather that looked suspiciously like the restraints of the interrogation chair from the Institute. He twisted his wrists and the leather creaked but didn't allow him any give at all.

Experimentally he tried to move his legs and found that they were similarly held together. He couldn't lift his head high enough to make out details but he assumed they were tied with the same material.

It was only then that peril of his predicament sunk in fully. He was tied up and in a confined space.

 _Cupboard_. His brain supplied. But that wasn't exactly it. He never lay down in the cupboard, there simply wasn’t enough space. He’d always been tall, even as a child, and whilst he was able to see its many advantages in battle it also came with its disadvantages. He’d sit in the cupboard, anxiously waiting in yet another place he didn’t fit, his too long legs pulled up tightly to his chest. He hugged his arms around them, as if he could hold himself together. He also remembered that he was never tied in the cupboard either, unless you counted his inability to move whilst he was trying to keep himself as small as possible. That way the darkness and the spiders couldn’t get to him.

No, this was something different.

He moved his elbows out again to feel how much space he had to the side. It wasn't a lot. He estimated about six inches on each side. Then he moved his head up slowly so he didn't hit the ceiling with any force. Carefully, he worked out how much space he had above his head from the angle of his neck. He thought he had another six inches. With a sinking feeling, a dawning realisation washing over him, he tilted his head and looked behind him, to see another wall close to his face. He twisted his hands to the right, pushing them as far as he could so that he could lift his head and look down the length of his body. Just as he had suspected, his ankles were tied together too and they were very close to the final wall on his inspection. 

He was tied. In a box. 

_In a coffin_ , his mind unhelpfully supplied. 

He'd been buried alive.

Alec lost his head after that, kicking as much as he could in the confined space and punching his hands against the ceiling. Nothing moved. He was well and truly sealed in, which made him kick out harder, attempting to break his bonds as he did so, pulling his ankles as far apart as the leather would allow only to have them snap back into place again.

He pushed his hands against the ceiling with all of his strength and managed nothing besides straining his shoulder and neck muscles. He dropped back down to the bottom of the box and lay there for a moment unsure of what to do. _He'd been buried alive_. He was under the earth, in a coffin that was barely big enough to fit his height and frame. He was stuck and couldn't get free. There was nothing he could do.

He tried to look for a hidden latch or button, running his fingers along all of the space he could reach and couldn't help but think about the cell Lorenzo had him in before, how he'd run his hands around that place for what felt like hours and had no luck in escaping. His movements became more frenetic. He clawed at the roof of his prison, breaking two nails and causing himself to bleed slightly.

As if he'd run out of energy all of a sudden, he slammed his wrists one more time against the lid and then cradled them to his chest, twisting his hands this way and that to try and get them free. He brought them to his mouth to see if he could pull them apart with his teeth, but there didn't even seem to be a knot to them, which was odd considering how constricted he fe... _it was magic_. This had to be Lorenzo's doing. Lorenzo had buried him alive.

The thought filled him with horror. Lorenzo who had hidden him from Magnus for weeks, Lorenzo who had locked him in that cell with no way to escape, Lorenzo who had tortured him. Lorenzo was now doing it again. He'd caught him again. Or maybe he hadn't been rescued at all? Perhaps the rescue he thought he'd had and the teary reunion with Magnus had been just another torture that Lorenzo had put him through. Perhaps the joy of that reunion, even though it was cut short, had been an illusion, just a way to lift him up only to make him fall further. He had never felt this blind before, this untethered to reality. What if he was still alone? What if he was still being subjected to whatever Lorenzo could think of to break him, still aware of his own ineptitude?

He was going to die. Hidden under the earth, Angel knew where. He was going to die and no-one was ever going to find him.

_No._

He couldn't think like that. He had to keep his head. There was a logical way out of this, he just had to think it through.

He reached down as far as he could into his pocket to see if there was anything in there that he could use, see if Lorenzo had accidentally left him with something. When that didn't yield any results, he lifted his head again as much as he could, and stared further down his body. He wondered if his dagger was still in his boot. He didn't know what he'd do with that information if he did have it. He didn't think he had the flexibility in the confined space to pick it up, but it would still feel like some sort of win, would still make him feel partially in control of the situation.

Just as his head dropped again to the hardwood floor of the coffin, his neck muscles straining, he saw a flash of light in his right boot. His Stele.

Lorenzo had left him with his Stele.

If he could pull it out of his boot he might be able to activate his Strength and Heightened Speed runes, allowing him more power to escape the confines of his prison. 

But no matter how he twisted, how much he stretched his hands, he couldn't reach his boot. He could barely bend his knees to bring his ankles closer, and his arms didn't stretch down far enough even if he twisted his upper body as much as he could.

He lay still again, releasing a defeated exhale. This had to be Lorenzo. He must have placed his Stele in his boot, just out of reach, knowing that it would mess with him. Knowing that the frustration of his salvation being so close and yet so far would hurt him. He hated how well Lorenzo knew him. This was exactly the sort of helplessness he couldn't deal with. He hated to be impotent, to need rescuing but he knew that he did. He couldn't do this alone.

“Help!” He shouted, feeling stupid even as he did so. “HELP!”

He banged on the lid of the coffin, kicking his legs out at the same time, making as much noise as possible, as if it would make a difference to his predicament. When he had tired himself out he lay back on the floor and just stared at the ceiling, only six inches above his head. If he wasn’t so useless, he could’ve activated his stamina rune by now, could’ve at least summoned the energy to keep fighting. Instead, his mind roamed everywhere, always coming back to the same question. What else could he do here?

A sudden hideous thought wormed its way into his mind. How much air was there in the coffin? Was he about to run out? He lay incredibly still, as if by doing so he would get the answer to his question. 

After some moments he started to move again, twisting his now bruised wrists to try to get them free. At least if he made his wrists bleed he might get the lubrication required to slip his bonds. He didn't know if that would help exactly, but it would certainly make him feel like he was in charge of his own life, not at the whim of a psychotic warlock. He started to laugh hysterically then, as if he had any control of this situation, and only stopped when he realised he was gasping and it had turned into soft sobs instead.

He alternated between fits of rage, attempting to get free from the coffin with brute force; and squirming around, trying to get his Stele, and struggling to get his arms free. He ignored the nagging voice that told him even if he did get his Stele it would be nigh on impossible for him to twist himself enough to actually activate the required runes, but he couldn't think about that now. One step at a time. He had to fight, that's what shadowhunters did. He wasn't just going to lie there and take whatever this was.

“Lorenzo! What do you want? This is ridiculous!” Alec shouted, sounding far braver than he felt. Because there was no doubt in his mind that this was now a trick. He wasn't really buried, this was just another mind game. He was back and trapped in that stupid white cell, cold and alone, but relatively safe.

“Come on, Lorenzo! Haven't you had enough of these games?” Alec called, banging his pained hands against the roof of the casket. _His_ casket, an insidious voice inside him said.

There was a resounding cracking noise and Alec felt a small amount of earth fall on his torso. 

He looked down the coffin and saw that a crack had formed, running the length of the box from his hips to his toes. He stilled, unsure what to do. Did he carry on trying to get out of the box and potentially bring the whole thing down on himself, or did he stay here and just tough it out, wait until Lorenzo had tired with the stupid game, trying to keep calm? What if it _wasn't_ a trick? If it wasn't, getting out was paramount and he had to rescue himself. But if it _was_ a trick, then he wouldn't be able to go anywhere, he'd be working himself up for no reason.

The thing was, he just didn't know. He didn't know whether this was real or not, which meant he didn't know which course of action to take.

In the end, he settled for one more brute force attack, and when that failed spectacularly, making a larger crack form and earth fall onto his boots, he stopped and lay still again.

He tried to keep himself prone, tried to keep himself calm, but the fact of the matter was his tomb was filling up with cold, unforgiving dirt and he was going to die here. Buried alive. 

It was a horrific way to die.

As if bidden by his thoughts, the concept of breathing came back to him. The cold weight of the earth on his legs and the small space he was in reminded him that he might run out of air before the dirt even covered him. He might die gasping for breath in a whole other way. 

As if the air had heard his thoughts, he felt a constriction in his chest and he didn't feel like he was getting enough air. The more he tried to breathe, the worse it got. He inflated his chest, expecting his lungs to fill with life-giving air, and he felt he only got less than half of his usual capacity. Did that mean that the air was thinning? Did that mean that he was about to run out? Did it mean that Lorenzo was messing with his breathing again? Or was he just having a simple panic attack? He hated that he didn't even know that. The knowledge of something as simple as breathing had been taken away from him.

If he could just get a breath, he thought he would be able to keep his head, but he couldn't. He was sucking in what seemed to be lungfuls of air and getting no use from them. He might as well not be breathing at all.

“Please.” Alec gasped into the small space. He knew he sounded like he was begging, knew that if this _was_ real that this might be his last word, but he couldn't shake the feeling that this was just another trick. Lorenzo had stopped his mental torture before when he'd begged, and so he did it again, his pride be damned. He couldn't die like this, even if it wasn't a real death. He couldn't go through this. He did breathe easier after the simple word, but nothing else changed. He hated himself for begging the warlock and not getting release from his ordeal. It felt like just one more thing he'd be able to hold over his head. One more defeat.

Lorenzo didn't stop, or the world didn't stop. He had no idea what was real and what wasn't any more. The earth that was trickling in had covered his legs and was slowly creeping up his body. He could feel the cold dirt covering him and he wondered if he'd die from hypothermia before he was smothered to death. He hoped that would be the case. He didn't want to die gasping for breath. If he had to die, he'd rather drift off to sleep. _If this was real_. He hated that he didn't know. He hated that he couldn't get free. He hated that either way he'd never see his family again. He hated that either way he'd never see Magnus again. He hated that it didn't really matter, he wasn't strong enough without his Stele and without his runes. He hated most of all that Lorenzo had been right all along. He really was weak...and he was going to die because of it.

Alec couldn't decide whether it was a better idea to keep trying to break out of the box or lie back and hope for rescue, or hope to wake up. Which was it? He just didn't know. If he hit the box he might break it more, might speed up his demise. If he didn't, he'd have to just wait and hope someone found him in time. He was paralysed by indecision. _If this was real._

_If._

He hit the roof out of frustration more than anything else and he heard a loud crack. The thin trickle of earth then turned into more of a flow. The dirt was moving up his torso, his legs already completely covered and weighed down. He struggled, but all that did was move the earth, allowing more to pour in. No, he had to stay still and hope for rescue, or hope Lorenzo would finish with him soon.

“Magnus,” he said, “help me, _please_.” 

He felt weak pleading to the air, but if there was any chance that somehow Magnus needed his voice to pinpoint his exact location, he'd do it. He knew that if this wasn't real Lorenzo would use it against him, but he couldn't stop. He needed to get out of here. He couldn't die like this. He was supposed to die in battle, taking down as many demons as he could, he wasn't supposed to die struggling for breath, tied so he couldn't even fight. This shouldn't be how Alec Lightwood died. But it seemed like it would be.

“Lorenzo, _please_.” He moaned, feeling the earth move further up his body, his hands now coated in it. He shook it off, but all it did was shift the earth so that it covered more of him. With that knowledge suddenly imparted, he made sure he locked his muscles and tried not to move. He didn't want to speed this up. “Please, I give up. You win.” He whispered, hating himself for the admission.

After he had said that final sentence, the last words he'd ever say, he felt the earth rise around his ears. This was it. He was about to go. He closed his eyes and mouth as the earth got to his face. He wasn't sure why, it wasn't like it would matter in a moment.

When he couldn't bear it any more, he opened his mouth and tried to take a deep breath, the very act of doing so difficult with the weight of the earth pressing down into him.

He felt the earth enter his mouth and trickle down his throat. His last thoughts were of Magnus, Izzy and Jace. He hoped that he was never found. He didn't want them to find him like this. He'd rather he was just here, for eternity. That would be best.

~~~

Magnus had been holding his breath for a long time and when Alec started to beg it all came out in a rush of breath.

“Alexander.” He said softly, stroking the glass, watching it smear with the water that was falling from his eyes. “Alexander, you're safe. It's just a dream. You're okay.” 

Magnus was under no illusion that Lorenzo's wards would let him, but he wished he could send out his own magic to try to soothe Alec. He'd never learnt much about dream magic, but he knew how to use healing, even from a distance. He wished he could at least do something. He’d do anything to give Alec the security he so desperately needed, to ease the pain and guilt he knew his boyfriend would be weighed down by. Magnus knew he was at fault here, entirely. He might as well have put the nails in the coffin himself.

“Alexander. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” he sobbed to the glass, “forgive me.”

Magnus didn't know why he asked for it. He didn't deserve the forgiveness at all.

He leant back against the chair and watched the final portion of Alec's nightmare, watched him plead with Lorenzo for deliverance, watched him lose hope, watched him finally accept his fate, and then watched him die.

Magnus didn't think he'd ever forget the single tear that fell down Alec's face as the dirt reached his cheeks, how a tiny pool of mud formed and marred his porcelain skin before the dirt covered his face entirely. He would never be able to unsee Alec's death, regardless of whether they got out of this or not. He was going to have to remember that for eternity. Even when Alec was really dead and gone, Magnus would have that vision burned into his life.

It was what he deserved.

When the glass fogged over, he merely hugged it to his chest, wishing he could be hugging his boyfriend, stroking his hair and telling him that it was all going to be okay, that it was just a nightmare, that he was safe. Instead, he was just hugging the inanimate object in his hands, as if that was a good substitute.

~~~

“Sleep well?” Lorenzo asked.

Magnus looked up at him. He knew his eyes were ringed in red and he probably had bags under them but he didn't care, he couldn't bring himself to care about his appearance right now. The glass had disintegrated hours ago, but he was still cupping his hands around the dust, as if the proximity to his body could send comfort to his boyfriend.

“You know, you shouldn't sleep in a chair Magnus, it won't do your neck any good.”

_You win. You. Win. No more. YOU WIN._

"Okay, Lorenzo,” Magnus said tiredly, locking eyes with his old friend, but not getting up, “let's try that spell again."


	31. Chapter 27 - TRUNCATED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This is the truncated Ch27. If you have already read the longer one, please skip this chapter and move on to Ch28.**

Magnus couldn't bear to look, but he owed it to Alec to do so. He very slowly lowered his eyes to the opaque glass in front of him. Of course. Lorenzo wasn't going to take it easy on him by showing him his punishment immediately. That would be too simple. Alexander was about to suffer for his own ineptitude and that truth threatened to swallow him whole.

_Think about what you did._

As if he was going to do anything else.

Magnus actually fell asleep in the armchair that he had sunk into. The glass was still clutched to his chest, still fogged with swirls of smoke. When he awoke, he hated himself for falling asleep, thinking he might have let Alec go through something harrowing alone; but deep down he knew Lorenzo wouldn't let that happen, which he was grateful for, despite everything.

It was only after a moment that he realised what had caused him to stir, it was a series of a soft gasps coming from the glass in front of him.

Magnus watched as Alec huffed out a soft 'no', shaking his head as he did so. His jet black hair framing his head on the stark white pillow. Magnus remembered another time when he saw soft words drip from Alec's lips whilst he was unconscious. Alec might have been dying last time, but this scene was somehow worse. He gripped the glass tighter, scoring lines into the palms of his hand.

The scene changed, and Alec got bigger as the glass seemed to zoom into his head. Magnus just knew that he was now seeing Alec's dream, or more accurately Alec's nightmare. He hadn't realised that Lorenzo was proficient in dream manipulation and lucid dreaming. He'd add that to the list of things he didn't know about the sociopath. 

Magnus impotently watched as Alec was put through hell. A hell that he himself had wrought.

~~~

**ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW HERE IS THAT LORENZO CAUSED ALEC TO HAVE A HORRIFIC DREAM AND MAGNUS WATCHED.**

~~~ 

When the glass fogged over, he merely hugged it to his chest, wishing he could be hugging his boyfriend, stroking his hair and telling him that it was all going to be okay, that it was just a nightmare, that he was safe. Instead, he was just hugging the inanimate object in his hands, as if that was a good substitute. 

“Sleep well?” Lorenzo asked. 

Magnus looked up at him. He knew his eyes were ringed in red and he probably had bags under them but he didn't care, he couldn't bring himself to care about his appearance right now. The glass had disintegrated hours ago, but he was still cupping his hands around the dust, as if the proximity to his body could send comfort to his boyfriend. 

“You know, you shouldn't sleep in a chair Magnus, it won't do your neck any good.” 

_You win. You. Win. No more. YOU WIN._

"Okay, Lorenzo,” Magnus said tiredly, locking eyes with his old friend, but not getting up, “let's try that spell again." 


	32. Chapter 28

Alec woke up, soaked in sweat, unable to move. Something was constricting his body. _He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He was going to die._

A few seconds later, he realised where he was. He was in his room at the Institute. His sheets were just that, sheets. He could breathe. He wasn't buried. _He was alive._

He let out a soft gasp of air, sitting up. The soft gasp turned into a choked sob as he pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Putting his head on his knees, he raked his fingers through his hair. Somehow burying his face in his knees had always soothed him.

He wanted to be strong, wanted to not let this affect him, but the fact of the matter was that it did. He could pretend that he didn't need to cry, but that didn't stop the tears from falling anyway.

Underlying it all was one overwhelming thought. Was this scene even real? Had he woken up? Was he really at the Institute? Or was he still in that cell? Had he actually died and this was hell?

He pushed the sheets off his legs and stood up, shaking slightly. He pulled his fingers through his hair again, not caring that it now probably looked a mess.

Alec slipped out of the door and padded down the hallway towards his sister's room, hoping to get some semblance of normalcy in the action. They'd always been a family of sneaking into each other's rooms in the middle of the night. Strict parents bred a conspiratorial childhood. When Jace arrived, it had only got worse. He didn't think at the time that they had been particularly mischievous, but when he found himself moving along the corridor, making sure to jump over certain spots that he knew would creak, he started to re-evaluate. They probably had bed times assigned for a reason.

He didn't care how old he was now though, he needed his sister. He just really needed to know. _Was this even real?_

~~~

Isabelle woke up suddenly, her Shadowhunter training immediately kicking in when she heard a noise by her door. It was a shuffle and a heavy breath and she reached for the dagger under her pillow as she turned on the light, kicking off the covers so her legs would be free. She had never been attacked in the Institute, but recently it had become very apparent that their hallowed halls weren't as safe as they thought.

The door opened and it was her brother. Her once tall, brave and solid brother, who now looked both small and scared.

Alec was wearing his pyjamas trousers low on his hips, a sleeveless vest over the top of his body, showing his long muscled arms; but his shoulders were hunched, his head was bowed and his hair was every which way, as if he had been fiddling with it. He was breathing heavily, and Isabelle felt her heart break for him.

"Oh, Alec."

"Sorry, I thought you'd be awake, I'll..."

He turned to go, but his movements were slower nowadays and he was no match for her speed. She took his hand and led him back to the bed, pushing him down and grabbing the covers off the floor.

"Lie down."

"Iz.."

Isabelle Lightwood didn't have much in common with her mother, but the 'you'll do what I say' stare was one thing they did share.

Alec laughed softly and got into bed, feeling the warmth of where his sister had been lying before. She got into the bed too and wiggled her arm underneath his neck, forcing his head onto her chest.

Alec stayed still for a moment, and then he turned, hugging his sister to him, taking comfort in her embrace. They were too big to really do this properly, and usually it was him holding her, but he appreciated it more than he would ever be able to say.

They stayed like that for several minutes, and Isabelle thought that when Alec's breath evened out that he'd managed to fall asleep. She stroked her hands through her brother's hair, and counted the many ways she was going to make Lorenzo pay for what he'd done to him.

"He doesn't do well in small spaces." Alec said softly.

Isabelle pulled away slightly so she could look at him. "What?"

Alec shifted so that he could lie on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Isabelle turned onto her side so that she could hear him better, and be there for whatever the fall out was about to be.

"Magnus," Alec said, his breath hitching on the name, "he...he doesn't like confined spaces. If he's got him in a..." _coffin_ "...in a cell. He won't cope well."

There wasn't anything that Isabelle could say to that admission, so she settled for a promise instead.

"We'll find him."

"Will we?" Alec said quietly and with such pain Isabelle didn't think she'd heard anything more heart-breaking.

She carried on staring at her brother but he didn't say anything more. When he eventually closed his eyes, tears flowed down his cheeks, as if he could have held them back when they were open; but closed and in defeat he could do nothing to stop them from falling.

~~~

The next morning, Alec woke up well rested and smiled. It was great when that happened at the Institute. It meant that no demon attacks had been reported in the middle of the night, which didn't happen often. He snuggled back into the sheets, letting the warmth calm him. It was always disappointing when he had to sleep here and couldn't wake up in Magnus' bed, but he knew that it was a rare occurrence nowadays. Tonight he'd get to... _Magnus_.

It was as if everything crashed back into his brain all at once. Magnus wasn't there. That was _why_ he had been sleeping at the Institute. He was alone.

He sat up quickly, his head spinning for a second due to the quick movement.

“Alec.” 

Alec turned his head and saw his sister, sitting in a chair, writing in a book. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Isabelle use a journal and that hurt his heart. It meant there was enough going on at the moment that she felt the need to do so. It was just one more thing that he'd have to atone for when this was all over.

“Can we train?” He said immediately, suddenly needing to be moving, needing to be in control of his body. He needed to be himself for a moment.

Isabelle looked confused by the sudden question, but quickly schooled her features into a smile.

“Of course. Ready to lose to your baby sister?” She taunted.

“As if.” Alec said, smiling back at her. It wasn't a real conversation, his heart wasn't really in it, but he loved his sister a lot for trying, and for not bringing up his failings.

~~~

The training room was quiet in the middle of the day, which Isabelle privately thought was a good thing. She was worried about her brother and she didn't need a lot of young, upstart grunts laughing at the Head of the Institute, even if he wasn't currently holding that office at the moment. It wouldn't do for them to see him broken, not when he would be their Commanding Officer again one day. She had no doubt in her mind that he would be, even if she could tell Alec didn't believe it himself. She couldn't be held responsible for what she'd do to his subordinates if they so much as looked at him wrong.

Isabelle walked across to the selection of training weapons and turned, throwing a Quarterstaff in Alec's direction. Her brother caught it, but the movement seemed stiff and unnatural. Alec’s bodily responses didn’t seem second nature to him anymore. It was like he had lost his ease or no longer trusted his instincts and it pained her to see him like this. He was unsure of what he was doing, unsure about whether he had any skills, and, if last night was anything to go by, he was also spiralling without Magnus around. They needed to get her future brother-in-law back as soon as possible, otherwise there wouldn't be a partner for him to come back to.

“Runes?” Isabelle asked.

Alec screwed up his face in confusion. They _never_ used runes when they were training. Maybe Isabelle also thought he was nothing without them. Had he really become that weak? Had Lorenzo really been right? Overwhelming his thoughts was the idea that he wasn't sure he wanted her to use the runes anyway, so maybe her comment was a blessing in disguise.

“No.” He said in a clipped tone. “Bare.”

Isabelle shrugged as if it didn't matter, but Alec could see the sharp line to her shoulders and knew that she was anything but nonchalant about it.

Alec squared up to his sister, desperate to prove that he wasn't broken. 

They sparred for a few minutes, each of them getting in several blows against the other, until Alec stepped forward to attack his sister and his ankle just gave way. He fell to the floor in pain, immediately grasping both of his hands around the injury. His breath came in fast between his teeth. That had _hurt_. 

Isabelle crouched down next to him, pulling her Stele out. As soon as she had done so, Alec leant down, straightening out his ankle, swallowing the groan he wanted to make. Before he could stop her, she ran her Stele over his Iratze and he felt the injury mend, the pain dissipating at the same time.

“Ow,” Alec jested, pushing his right hand on the ground so that he could get himself up. 

“Alec,” Izzy said, reaching out her hand, “wait.”

Alec was confused but he listened to her anyway, staying seated on the floor, his now-healed leg out in front of him.

“What happened?” She asked gently.

Alec wished people would stop talking to him using funereal tones, like he needed to be handled with kid gloves.

“I'm _fine_ , Izzy.”

Alec moved to stand again and she threw her weight onto his legs so he couldn't do so. 

“We're talking about this,” she said, giving him another patented Maryse Lightwood look.

“About _what_?” He asked, exasperated. “We were training, I hurt myself! It would be stranger if one of us _didn't_ end up on the floor with an Iratze burned into our skin.”

“Alec!” 

Alec turned to the door of the training room only to see his Parabatai barrel into the space, running to his side and dropping to his knees.

“Where?” Jace asked, looking over his brother and trying to see what he could do to help. He thought he'd felt a twinge in his leg, but pain radiated around the body and that didn't necessarily mean that that was where the pain had originated from.

“Jace, I'm _fine_.”

“But...”

“I said, 'I'm fine'.”

“I felt...”

Alec couldn't stand it anymore. He pushed them both away from him and he stood, stalking out of the room. He could hear the whispers from his siblings behind him, but he didn't look back.

~~~

Jace and Izzy found their brother on the roof of the Institute. It was somewhere that they all liked to go when they needed to think, somewhere they could go to and still not be lying to their parents when they said they 'hadn't left the Institute'.

“Alec.”

Alec turned to them, anger rising to the forefront as soon as he saw the sympathetic looks on their faces.

“What?” He asked, frustrated. He didn't need them to feel sorry for him, didn't need anyone to feel sorry for him. He was here, he was alive. They needed to feel sorry for, and save, Magnus. He was what mattered.

“We're worried about you.” Izzy said quietly.

“I'm fi...”

“No you're not.” Jace joined in, walking towards him.

Alec backed up, as if his movement would stop the conversation that he really didn't want to have. He wasn't fine, he knew that, but if he said it often enough maybe he'd believe it, and so in turn maybe other people would believe it.

“What do you want me to say?” Alec said, in a clipped tone. “I went through hell, I wasn't fine, but I'm back now. I'm fine now. We should be focusing on Magnus.”

“Alec...” Izzy tried.

“NO! You don't get it! You don't know what it was li...” he took a deep breath, “look it doesn't matter. We need to find him.”

Isabelle reached out for Alec's hand and pulled him down to sit on the roof. 

Jace sat down next to them.

“Talk to us, _please_.” 

Alec thought it was the please that did it. Isabelle really wanted to know, really wanted to help. And he supposed he couldn't keep saying he was fine when he was creeping into his younger sister's room in the middle of the night and sobbing on her shoulder.

He sighed. “What do you want me to say?”

“Anything.” Jace said, which Alec was surprised by. Jace was good at distracting him and talking to him about issues when he felt a particularly strong emotion through their bond, but didn't normally start a deep conversation.

Alec just shrugged. He didn't know where to start. In the dark recesses of his mind he wondered whether this conversation was even real, or whether he was about to see a flying demon land on the roof and snatch the remaining two people who meant most to him.

“What happened in training?” Jace tried again.

“What do you mean?”

“You hurt your ankle.” Isabelle reminded.

“Yes, I know what happened, I just mean why is that something we're discussing?”

“You hurt yourself.” Isabelle carried on.

Alec just looked at her askance, he really didn't know where she was going with this. He knew he still wasn't quite up to par, especially without the crutch of his runes, but he didn't think the training had gone _that_ badly. People hurt themselves training all the time, it was almost the Shadowhunter way. 'Initiative, Innovation, Injury and Iratze' was an unofficial motto of the dojo.

"And what about the other day?" Isabelle said.

"When?"

"When we were on patrol and your shoulder twinged."

"What about it?"

“You were nearly taken out by that demon. You don't think that was odd?" Isabelle continued.

"No?" Alec replied, confused. “It was just an unlucky strike.”

"And last week? With your knee?” Jace chimed in.

Alec threw his hands up in the air, exasperated with his siblings. “What about it?”

“And those are just the injuries we know about! Who knows what else you've Iratzed away and not told us?" Isabelle finished.

"What are you getting at Iz?" Alec said, seeing the look in her eyes and knowing that she wasn't going to stop with this line of questioning until she got something from him.

"Jace is worried too."

Jace threw his sister a look and she just smiled sweetly back at him.

"About what?"

"About you, about this." Izzy said, gesturing at her brother. "We think it might be Lo..." she started, but stopped when she saw the look in her brother’s eyes.

"Can we just get you checked out?" Jace asked, hoping that Alec would begrudgingly let them have this. 

He was a lot more worried than he was letting on. There was something wrong with his brother and it needed to be fixed. He'd known him for over half of his life, and he'd never been fighting this badly, never been sleeping this badly, never been feeling this badly.

"The infirmary cleared me for field duty." Alec said petulantly.

“I know.” Both of his siblings answered at once, and despite the topic of conversation, they giggled. 

Alec rolled his eyes fondly.

Jace gestured for Izzy to continue, and she threw him a glare. She didn't know how to word this either.

“We'd like,” she started, faltering almost immediately. She summoned all of the courage that she had and forged on. “We'd like you to come to Catarina's with us. Have her look you over. Check that...”

“No.”

“Alec.” Jace said, reaching for him.

“ _No_.” Alec answered firmly, getting up quickly and walking back inside. His siblings didn't follow him and he was grateful for that. He didn't think he'd be able to explain why the idea of magic poking at him filled him with horror.

~~~

“There's got to be a way to...hi Alec!” Isabelle finished unconvincingly.

“Don't mind me.” Alec replied, making tea in the Institute's kitchen. It was green tea with camomile and he was hoping that it would soothe him before he tried to sleep again that night.

Isabelle saw what Alec was making and it made her body flood with cold. Her brother was hurting more than she had thought. She nudged Jace, but he had already noticed.

Alec picked up his cup and moved to leave the room, but Jace moved quicker, blocking the door.

“Jace.” Alec sighed. “What?”

“Camomile, Alec?”

Alec looked down at his cup and back into Jace's face and cursed how well his brother knew him. He couldn't believe he'd been rumbled simply by his choice of tea. He stepped backwards until he was standing next to Izzy who was sitting at the table. Taking a seat, he cupped his hands around the hot mug and waited. There was no point in him backing away from them now they knew. They wouldn't leave him alone, so he might as well meet them head on.

“We're just worried about you, Alec.” Isabelle said.

Alec took his hands away from his cup, running them through the hair at the nape of his neck. He stared blankly at the steam rising from the cup in front of him, searching for a way to verbalise how he was feeling that would make sense, but also not leave him feeling exhausted from the effort.

“I can't...” Alec started, then aborted the sentence because he didn't want to say it out loud.

“You can't what?” Jace asked carefully.

“I don't want any magic near me.” He said brokenly.

Both Jace and Isabelle thought it might have been the most heart-breaking sentence they'd ever heard their brother say.

“Cat is good at healing, Alec. She won't hurt you.”

Alec looked up into his sister’s eyes and saw only love there. He knew Catarina. She was Magnus' oldest friend and it wasn't that he didn't trust Magnus. It was just that Lorenzo had been an old friend of Magnus' too. He thought she was a good person, she had been looking after Madzie ever since Iris had been exiled to the Clave, but he still couldn't let himself trust her straight away, even despite that. Many people throughout history had been horrendous people and yet good parents. Even Valentine had had his moments being a good father to Jace.

He sat up straighter, squaring his shoulders. “Do you trust her?”

Alec saw his sister look over at his brother and then saw the resolve reflected in both of their eyes.

“Yes.” They both said at the same time.

“Okay, let's go.”


	33. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izzy's rant about the Institute in this was fully inspired by a similar rant that [Causteek](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Causteek) went off on after I mentioned Alec was going to start going on missions.

Alec still wasn't entirely convinced that he wanted to do this, but if it would help his siblings sleep then he was willing to do anything, even if the idea of someone using magic in his vicinity filled him with dread.

Cat opened the door and Izzy immediately hugged her, which calmed Alec down slightly. The easy going way his careful sister was with the woman made him feel more at ease.

Jace tried to slip through the doorway without a hug, and Cat tutted and pulled him in too.

Alec hovered by the door. Now he was here and faced with the knowledge that he actually had to cross the threshold, it seemed like too big a task. He couldn't do it, he couldn't have someone put magic in him, it didn't matter how much his siblings trusted her. He needed to leave, this wasn't good.

He felt a small, soft hand grip onto his own, the one that had he had been nervously tapping against his leg. When he looked down, he saw a head of curls, with some very pretty green sparkly hair ties. _Madzie._

She pulled him across the threshold into the apartment, navigated him around the other three adults and sat him down on the sofa, all without saying a word.

Alec smiled at her when she sat down next to him and was about to say hello to the young warlock, when she slid her hand up to his left wrist and touched the rune forever burnt into his skin there. He tried to pull his hand back, but she was surprisingly strong for such a small person, and in any case he didn't want to hurt her, or scare her by the sudden movement. He watched as she carefully traced over the lines of the Agony Rune, her face scrunched up in concentration.

Madzie looked up at her tall friend and felt the depth of sorrow within him. She pulled back slightly and conjured a small orb of glowing magic in her tiny palm. It was pink and glittery and that made Alec smile, his concern about magic near him dissipating. He knew that Madzie wouldn't hurt him. She'd saved his life twice already.

The orb hovered over the rune, then formed a bubble over the top of it. Nothing happened. She made a second orb and made it fly over to the same space to make a bigger bubble. Nothing continued to happen.

She created a third orb, but Alec reached his right hand out to her. 

“It's okay, Madzie.”

Madzie looked up into Alec's hazel eyes, her brow furrowed in confusion. She clearly didn't understand why her magic wasn't working; and Alec had no idea how to explain it to her. Yes, that rune was causing him pain, but it wasn't the sort of pain that she could heal through magic.

"We need tea." She said in a small voice and then hopped off the sofa and ran into the other room.

Alec heard a gasp from behind him and he looked over to see Cat wiping her eyes. Izzy looked like her eyes were glassy too, and even Jace looked overpowered with emotion.

Cat was so proud of her daughter. She'd obviously seen her make tea for people who were hurting before, and had tried to emulate her. It made her ache. There had been so much that had happened to her in her young life and the fact that she had become a caring and kind person anyway was something to behold. 

He opened his mouth to say something to them but closed it again when he saw Madzie returning holding a plastic tea pot and two plastic cups and saucers.

Madzie very seriously poured imaginary tea into one of the cups before passing it over to Alec. The pink cup with purple flowers on it looked tiny in Alec's large hands. She turned back to the coffee table and poured herself a cup too, carefully sitting back up on the sofa next to him. She lifted the cup to her mouth and Alec mirrored her.

“Tea helps.” She said seriously.

“It does,” Alec replied, “thank you.”

“Madzie?” 

The child looked up when her adopted mother spoke.

“Can you go and play with your toys in the other room? Mommy has to talk to Alec, see if she can help heal him.”

The tiny warlock nodded and immediately cleared up the 'mess' that she'd made. She reached down and grabbed Alec's left hand again and held it for a second before moving off into another area of the apartment. Alec heard a door close quietly and it made him smile. This child was so considerate and helpful, even after everything that she'd been through.

“She's a good kid.” Alec said into the silence, staring down at his wrist, rubbing his right hand over the wound that would be there until he died, remembering the physical pain that had accompanied it. That wasn't what Madzie had picked up on though. She’d felt the emotional turmoil that lingered beneath the rune, under his skin. She’d sensed the pain that he tried to hide, the torture of seeing his worst memories forced to the forefront of his mind. She'd sensed the pain he still felt. She'd sensed the utter helplessness he still felt. He was out of the cell, but that didn't mean he'd stopped being a prisoner. It didn't mean he wasn't still seeing those memories every time he closed his eyes.

He was back in that chair, pinned there by the knowledge that he was doing this to keep Magnus safe, except it had all been for nothing. Lorenzo hadn't had Magnus, and if he'd been more astute he would have known that. If he hadn't been such an idiot, he might have been able to get out of this, get them both out of it. If he had fought back harder Magnus might be with him right now, he might be safe. He'd failed him. Was Magnus even going to want to see him anymore? He had a permanent wound that was going to remind Magnus every day of what he himself had suffered at the hands of the Clave. Would he come to resent him for that? Had Lorenzo not only taken his ability to live, his ability to be a viable Shadowhunter, his ability to look after his siblings without being a liability; but also taken his love away from him? Alec didn't know what he would do if that were the case.

Isabelle watched as Alec sunk into himself, watched the hunch to his shoulders that seemed to be ever-present at the moment, and she stepped towards her brother. 

Cat stopped her from moving towards him. “What's been happening?” She asked quietly.

Alec didn't turn around. He didn't even seem to have heard the question. He certainly wasn't listening to the answer, because they thought he would definitely have had something to say if he knew they were speaking about him as if he weren’t present.

“He's not right.” Jace said, unsure how he should explain it. His bond just felt _wrong_ somehow.

Cat turned to Izzy, hoping that she would get slightly more information from her.

“It's a bit difficult to explain.” She said.

“Try.” Cat said kindly but firmly.

“He's just not operating at full capacity?” His sister said. “He's obviously too far into his head about the whole thing. He's been through an ordeal, that's obvious and his condition is making him sleep badly and drift off like this into his own mind. They cleared him for field duty because his body is apparently fine which quite frankly is ridiculous because anyone with half a brain can see that you could cover him with Iratzes and they wouldn't do any good right now. It's absolutely ridiculous, but that's the infirmary for you. Can you hold a Seraph blade? Great! Why don't you just...”

“Iz.” Jace said, putting a hand on her arm.

“What? Oh, right. Sorry.” She looked a little sheepish after her rant, but took a deep breath and looked directly into Cat's eyes. “I think there's something actually wrong with him, like he's still ill. He hurts himself in training, odd injuries that and don't make any sense. Like earlier, his ankle broke in a movement that at the most should have popped out his shoulder. He's also getting breathless sometimes. He keeps shrugging it off, says his body just needs a minute to get back to full speed, but I don't think that's what this is. There's something wrong.”

“Okay, I'll have a look.” 

Catarina walked around the sofa and watched Alec for a moment. She could see that he was in shock, see that he had retreated into himself and was having flashbacks to whatever he had been through. He had that vague look on his face that she had seen so many times before. He was rubbing his fingers across his wrist, seemingly without thought.

“Alec,” she said softly, “Alec, can you hear me?”

She sat slowly on the sofa next to him, not making any sudden movements. She reached out her hand to his arm and called out to him again.

Alec could hear someone calling to him, someone with a calming voice. It was so far removed from the thoughts he was currently having that it shook him out of his stupor.

“What?” He asked softy.

“Alec, can you look at me?”

Alec slowly moved his eyes away from the rune and forced his head up to look at Magnus' oldest friend. “Cat?”

“Yes. That's right. Do you want tea? Real tea, not imaginary tea?”

Alec smiled softly, remembering how adorable Madzie had been earlier.

“Thanks.”

Isabelle reached out a hand for her other brother and found that Jace's hand was there immediately as if he was reaching out to her at the same time. They clasped hands and watched as their brother was handled very carefully. It broke their heart that their strong, brave and resilient brother had been reduced to this.

Catarina waved her hand and blue light appeared.

Alec flinched backwards away from the magic. As soon as he did, Catarina extinguished the glowing blue orb.

Alec rigidly moved back towards her again, his movements were jerky with no allusion to the grace a Shadowhunter normally showed. 

Isabelle could see the strain to her brother’s shoulders, could see that he was forcing himself to move back towards the thing that had made him recoil. He was deliberately meeting his fear head on. Ordinarily that would make her happy, sometimes he got in his head too much and he just needed to swallow down his anxiety and do things. This was not one of those times. He was trying to cover his pain with bravado. She took an almost step towards her brother, but Cat made a minute shake of her head in her direction and Jace pulled her hand back so she merely rocked on her toes instead.

“I'm just going to see if there's anything still ailing you, okay? It won't hurt.”

Alec swallowed with difficulty and then nodded.

Catarina reached out a hand and Alec forced himself to link hands with her.

He saw the magic form again and he locked every muscle in his body to stop himself from backing away. This was ridiculous. He knew that Izzy and Jace wouldn't bring him somewhere that would hurt him. He knew Cat, even. He didn't think that Cat would want to hurt him either. But he couldn't stop the almost visceral reaction he had at the sight of the magic.

The light extinguished again.

“Alec, I need you to relax. I can't do this if you're blocking me.”

“I'm not.” Alec said through gritted teeth, and then huffed out a laugh. “Okay, I'll try.” He lowered his shoulders that had bunched up around his ears.

Isabelle moved around the side of the sofa, dragging Jace with her. She sank to the floor in front of her oldest brother and pulled her other brother down with her. Jace crashed into her.

“Damn, Izzy!” Jace cried.

Alec smiled in spite of himself.

“Did you hear what Max did?” Izzy asked.

Alec automatically rolled his eyes. “By the Angel, what now?”

“He was at the Riyadh Institute...”

“He never acts out in New York.” Alec said, laughing. “That would be too easy.”

“I think he likes the challenge of making those who don't know him roll their eyes.” Jace said, smiling.

Alec saw the magic form out of the corner of his eye, but he forced himself to pay attention to what his siblings were saying. He was safe. He didn't need to worry. _He was safe._

Jace and Izzy continued to avail him of tales of their little brother. Alec wasn't sure whether they were all true, but they were entertaining and he almost forgot why he was sitting in Cat's living room. _Almost._

“Okay I'm done.” The warlock said.

Three faces turned to look at her, two expectant, one hesitant.

“There is something in there.”

“What?” Alec said, the word slipping from his lips unbidden.

He was going to be sick, he needed to get out of here, he needed to run, there was something inside him, Lorenzo hadn't just said he was damaged. He really was.

“Alec.”

He couldn't breathe. 

“Alec.”

There was something wrong with him.

“Alec! I'm going to need you to take a breath.”

He had been let go but he had been let go broken. He knew it. If he was honest with himself, he had known it for a while, but had not wanted to believe it.

“ALEC!”

He thought that might have been his sister’s voice, he wasn't sure. A second later he felt a sharp pain on his left cheek and he shook his head, taking in an unsteady breath as he did so.

“That's it. And another one.”

Alec took another breath as well, that one was easier.

And another.

And another.

“Izzy, did you just slap me?” Alec finally asked.

“Yes. And I'm not sorry about it.” She replied, crossing her hands across her chest.

“I'm sorry,” Alec said, “I just...”

“There's nothing to be sorry for.” Catarina said firmly. “This isn't your fault.”

“It...”

Catarina wasn't having any of it. “It's not.”

Alec gave her a soft smile, but said nothing.

“So, what's happening?” Jace asked, saving Alec from agreeing to anything he didn't believe.

“You were right,” Cat said, using her business voice, the one she used when she was delivering diagnosis information to her patients, “there is something wrong.”

Alec sucked in a breath. He suddenly remembered being cradled in Magnus' arms, and Magnus swearing at Lorenzo. He had been bleeding and broken but he should have remembered that. He was furious with himself for not remembering it sooner.

“What is it?” He gritted out. “What did he do?”

Jace saw the look on his brother's face. It was the look he had on his face just after he'd applied his Calm Anger rune. It was the look of someone on a mission, someone who knew what they wanted to do. He hadn't seen that look on his brother recently and he was surprised to see it now. Maybe the old Alec wasn't as lost as he thought he had been.

“He left a bit of his magic inside you.”

Alec's smile faltered, “he did _what_?” 

Jace felt his face fall. All of the hope he'd had a second ago was extinguished with those three words from his brother. He sounded so small.

“It's kind of difficult to explain.” Catarina said.

“Explain.” Izzy said, although it came out harsher than she intended, so she smiled apologetically afterwards.

Catarina gesticulated, wisps of blue smoke appearing in the air and forming into a picture of the human body. 

Alec jumped again when he saw the magic conjured. “Sorry,” he said, letting out a nervous laugh.

Catarina waved away the apology with a delicate hand, turning back towards the conjuring.

Izzy lent her head against Alec's knee, giving support without actually saying anything at the same time that Jace lent around his sister and placed a hand on his brother's arm, right over his Angelic Power rune. 

Alec smiled at him. He always marvelled at how close the three of them were, how they seemed to know exactly what each other needed, sometimes even before they knew themselves. Alec loved them a lot for that, even as he hated himself for needing it.

She twiddled her fingers again and created a glowing off-green light as well.

Alec closed his eyes. “No.” 

He thought he could do this, he thought he could look at the magic but he couldn't, he was wrong. He tensed, as if to stand.

“Alec,” Izzy asked, stroking her hand against his leg, “what is it?”

“I can't...”

Catarina disappeared the picture that she had formed.

“Alec,” she said, “okay, it's gone.”

Alec took several deep breaths and then opened his eyes, half expecting it to be a trick.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Catarina asked carefully.

Alec took another deep breath, warring with himself. He didn't want to talk about this, he didn't want to be this bare, this open. He didn't want to be weak. But he was weak, that was just a stated fact. So, maybe this would help. He had no idea what his actions would do any more, whatever he did seemed to cause someone pain.

“It was the colour.” He said, feeling idiotic for the admission.

“Of the body?” Catarina asked.

“No.” Alec said, chancing a look at his siblings. They were both looking at him with such love it threatened to overwhelm him. They didn't care that he was having trouble with mystical pictures. He slightly smiled at them and then turned back to the warlock. “It was the other bit.”

“Okay, what colour would you like instead?”

Alec raked his hands through his hair, pulling slightly. He let out a choked sob and stood. This time, his siblings let him. They could see his posture, knew him down to his bones. He needed to pace. He wasn't bolting entirely. At least they didn't think he was going to.

Alec rubbed his eyes, forcing himself not to cry. He paced the space behind the sofa and tried not to look anyone in the eye. He couldn't do this if he was looking at anyone.

“It doesn't matter. Just not that colour. That was his...I...just...not that one, okay?”

Catarina wanted to smack herself in the head. PTSD 101 was not to trigger the patient intentionally, unless the patient was fully aware and you were going to try and walk through the panic and flashback with them. You didn't just spring something on them. She couldn't believe she'd forgotten the colour of Lorenzo's magic.

“How about red?”

Alec stopped pacing, leaning against the back of the sofa. “Sure.”

Catarina created the same picture as before. This time a red orb entered it and started to spread out, breaking off into tendrils that filled a not insignificant portion of the chest cavity.

“The small bit of magic left in you will have spread out, touching as many organs in the body as it can. It's sort of like your nervous system. It can create pain signals and send them to your brain, but unlike the nervous system it can also cause real damage when it's activated. That's why you've been getting pains. It's likely...”

“What?” Jace said at the same time as his sister.

“It's likely that when it happens, when you feel pain, it's deliberate...”

Alec cut across Catarina's explanation. “Could it cause dreams?”

“I don't see why not if the tendril has got as far as the brain, maybe?”

Alec pushed himself off the sofa again and started to pace.

“It’s got as far as the brain.” He said flatly.

Izzy suddenly realised what had happened the night before. Alec hadn't just been unable to sleep, he'd woken up from a nightmare. She was annoyed with herself that she hadn't joined the dots sooner. She was furious with this other warlock. If she ever came face to face with him, she was the only one who was going to walk away from the interaction.

Alec felt sick. 

He suddenly knew what was happening. He was being used as a pawn. He was being used to keep Magnus subdued. He knew that now. Lorenzo was using exactly the same tactic that he had used with him. He was being leveraged. Who knows what Magnus was being forced into? Lorenzo could be manipulating him for all manner of gains; political, personal, social. He just _knew_ that the implied threat would be to himself. Which meant all the times that he'd felt pains, all the dreams that he'd had, they had all been because Magnus was fighting back. That should have made him feel good, make him pleased that his boyfriend hadn't lost hope yet. But he also knew how Lorenzo operated now. If Alec was being hurt, then he would be throwing that back in Magnus' face. He'd be torturing him with the knowledge that Magnus' actions had hurt him himself.

“I need a minute.” He said, walking out of the room and into the small bathroom further into the apartment.

Alec leant against the sink for a moment, his head bowed, taking deep and potentially calming breaths. At least he could get his breath, which was a small mercy. 

After a moment he raised his head to look at himself and took in just how wrecked he looked. His hair was sticking up every which way, his eyes were sad and red rimmed, and he had bags under them. Even his skin was blotchy, as if the very act of holding in his tears had caused his skin to mottle. He turned on the tap and splashed cold water on his face. As if that act gave him permission to create his own water, he started to cry.

“Angel, Magnus. What is he doing to you? I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.” He spoke into the mirror, the tears dripped down his face and into the sink where they disappeared down the drain, like his hopes of finding his boyfriend. Lorenzo was too good. _They were never going to resolve this._

After several minutes of anguish, he splashed water on his face again, and turned off the tap. His eyes were red, but only marginally more than they had been when he went into the bathroom. He shrugged, it wasn't like his family didn't know he was defective now, maybe he was now someone who was seconds away from crying at all times. Maybe this was his life now.

He knew that he needed to go back into the room, so he held his head high, set his shoulders and did so, ducking under the door frame.

“Can you fix it?” Alec asked, walking back into the living area and hating how small and yet how hopeful his voice sounded at the same time.

“The spell is complicated, it's not strictly healing. I can't do it.” Cat said, frustrated that she couldn't ease some of the burden on her best friend's soulmate.

Three Lightwood siblings all sagged in defeat.

Cat couldn't help them with this specifically, but she could heal in other ways. She could give them hope.

“Magnus is better at this than me, _he_ could fix him.”

“Then we'd better find him.” Isabelle said emphatically, looking directly at Catarina. The grouping might have changed, but she knew that the other woman was still the one who she would need to work with on this.

Alec gave a very soft smile at his sister's words. He'd never heard her use that tone of voice and then not succeed at something. Although it seemed like Lorenzo was unstoppable, the tone of his sister gave him a small amount of hope. 

Maybe he hadn't lost Magnus after all. 

Maybe they _could_ find him.

With Isabelle Lightwood on his side, they might just do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta told me that this chapter was 'Slow Burn Angst' and I feel oddly proud of that.


	34. Chapter 30

“See, that wasn't so hard was it?”

Magnus scowled at Lorenzo from where he had fallen, too tired to stand. 

“Oh don't give me that look, you saved your pretty Shadowhunter from more pain, and helped the cause whilst you were at it. It's a win all around. Now, go and rest so we can enact Phase Two.”

Magnus pulled himself to his feet, swaying slightly. He felt sick, both from the loss of magic and from his actions. He wondered how many more people's lives he was going to ruin through his inability to get out of the situation he was in. How many people were going to die as a result of his many errors?

When he got to his suite of rooms he drew a bath by hand, leaning against the sink as he watched the hot water pool in the bottom of the porcelain tub. When the steam started rising from it, he slipped out of his clothes and sunk into its warm embrace. For a moment, he was able to forget where he was and what he had been doing. He submerged his shoulders beneath the water, feeling calm for the first time in days. He wished he could keep this feeling with him as he went back out into the world he now lived in, but he knew that was impossible. There was nothing calming about his predicament at all.

When the water started to cool, he forced himself from the bath, slipping into a soft towelled robe. He picked up his ceremonial clothes and threw them into the laundry hamper. The mundane nature of it unsettled his thoughts slightly. He struggled to remember the last time he'd needed to do things like this by hand. He definitely knew that this was the first time in over a century that his magic had been sucked dry like this. It was just another thing that he needed to curse Lorenzo for. 

Draining a warlock was dangerous and his old friend had done it so cavalierly. Magnus wasn't dense enough to think that Lorenzo cared for his subordinates, but he thought that his insistence that Magnus join him was because Lorenzo wanted him to be his second in command. If that were the case, he thought that killing him would have given him some pause. Apparently not. He really was just as expendable as anyone else. Knowing that meant that he would have to be more careful. When he'd thought Lorenzo wanted him specifically, he had been taking certain risks, assuming he was relatively safe. He had been a fool. 

Magnus left the bathroom, snapping his fingers and moving half of his wardrobe from home into the room, as well as summoning a steak from his favourite Brooklyn eatery. Seconds later, he realised that the wards must have been lowered for him to be able to do that; and despite his depleted magic he attempted to create a portal. Nothing happened. He wondered how long the wards had been down for. Had he missed his chance to escape? And if he did have a chance to escape would he even have taken it? Because what would Lorenzo have done to Alec if he had? Would he have had to watch Alec die in his arms as Lorenzo attacked from a distance, as he knew he could? No. He knew he was going to have to stay here for as long as possible, as long as he could, in order to resolve this madness he’d been pulled into.

He slipped into some sweatpants and a t-shirt. It was only after a moment that he realised it was Alec's t-shirt, the one he had been wearing after Alec had been taken. It still vaguely smelt of his boyfriend and he felt his eyes well up with tears. He angrily wiped them away. If he started to cry now, when his magic was depleted, he knew he wouldn't stop. His barriers were down and he couldn't afford to lose it, not now. Not when he had just been complicit in taking down the wards of the Milan Institute, not when his actions would have wide reaching implications that he was terrified to learn about.

He tucked into his steak and he could feel it giving him energy back. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten. Even so, the meat felt like ash in his mouth. How could he enjoy his normally gratifying meal when he was about to cause so much hurt? He could feel it topping his magic up, the nourishment kick starting his metabolism. When his nerve endings were singing with arcane power, he breathed a sigh of relief. He always felt untethered without his magic, it having been part of him for so long, even if he could count on one hand the number of times in his life he had been this drained. Of course Lorenzo would want to weaken him like this. Magnus was much better than him in some types of magic, although none of those seemed like they would be of much use at the moment. Magnus knew that in a war of attrition, he would win against Lorenzo; but Lorenzo using wards and dream magic? He couldn't match him there, more was the pity. 

Magnus knew that he really needed to get out of this predicament; but he couldn't think of a way to do it. Lorenzo seemed to have thought of everything. Magic aside, perhaps Lorenzo was cleverer than him. Perhaps there really was no way out of this and Lorenzo had been right when he'd taunted him with that sentence.

~~~

“Feeling better?” Lorenzo asked as Magnus walked back into the room they had used for their last ritual.

Magnus gave him a filthy look. He wasn't sure what you said to someone who had just nearly killed you by sucking all of the magic out of you. What was the correct response to that sort of situation? He nearly laughed when he realised that he was actually thinking about the social constructs regarding this entirely anti-social situation. He was going mad.

Lorenzo raised a perfectly formed eyebrow at his old friend, waiting for an answer.

Magnus gritted his teeth, but forced himself to answer. “Yes, I'm fine.”

“Good. Then why are you dressed like a hobo?”

Magnus rolled his eyes. “Does it really matter how I'm dressed?”

“It does if I have to look at you all day whilst we work.”

“Ugh. Fine!” Magnus said, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. When he brought his hands down again he was dressed in a beautiful crushed velvet suit. It was royal blue and it suited him very well. After another look from Lorenzo, his hair matched his suit, a streak of blue running through it, and his jewellery perfectly accentuated the outfit as well. “Happy?”

“It'll do for the moment. I assume you'll do your make up before going out?”

Magnus rolled his eyes again. “Where am I going this time?”

Lorenzo looked at him seriously for a moment. “To recruit obviously.”

“Obviously.” Magnus muttered under his breath.

“Anyway, we need to do this second spell before they realise their wards are down...not that I expect them to notice, Shadowhunters are so superior that they think they're safe in their feeble Institutes. It doesn't occur to them that they aren't. They just use us for their ends, tell us to create their wards, to strengthen them, not realising that we are so much more powerful than they are, that we can bring them down in seconds if we wanted to. Their hubris is going to be their downfall.”

If Magnus hadn't thought Lorenzo was already mad, this tirade would have been enough to tip the balance. He sounded utterly insane. Sure, there were shadowhunters who still thought of them as second class citizens; but there were also shadowhunters who were willing to work with them, who actually saw them as people and not the half-demons that they were. Magnus wasn't naïve enough to think that they put them on the same level, yet. He wasn't sure if they'd ever be seen as equal, but certainly as close to as possible. The new generation of shadowhunters certainly seemed willing to learn.

“Are you done?” Magnus asked, trying to at least bring some sanity to the conversation.

Lorenzo looked at him as if he had just slapped him.

“You know I really don't think you're as on board with this plan as I am.” 

He snapped his fingers and a glowing orb appeared. He saw the look of naked fear that crossed Magnus' face and he smiled. He knew he had him and it was glorious.

“I'm on board, Lorenzo. I'm on board.” Magnus said quickly. He couldn't watch Alec be tortured again, not when a simple admission to his old friend was enough to stop it.

“Good.”

Lorenzo stood as he said that single word and walked back out into the area they had cleared for the spells. Magnus found that he wasn’t even annoyed that Lorenzo had done so. He didn't expect anything less anymore. He knew that dwelling on it and stoking the fire smouldering within him would help no one at this point. 

Lorenzo was sitting on the floor next to a small pentagram. The symbols in the gaps of the arcane sign were different from the ones that had been drawn for their last, much bigger, ritual.

“Astral Projection?” Magnus asked, interrupting the symbols on the ground without conscious thought. 

“How else did you think we were going to get the information?”

Magnus shrugged. He actually hadn't given much thought to it, because of course he had been expecting not to have to. He had thought the spell was going to fail, that he was going to win, but of course he hadn't. He'd had to recast the spell anyway. He had rationalised that he could stop Lorenzo further down the line, that it didn't matter if he'd actually completed the huge ritual; but he wasn't entirely sure he believed that anymore. Of course Lorenzo had won. He was naïve to think that he could have outsmarted him. He knew that now. 

He was rather frustrated with himself for not coming up with something he could do at this juncture. It was the height of hubris not to at least have a back-up plan and knowing he had damned so many souls to whatever unknowable hell Lorenzo was going to cook up was enough to make him sick. Whatever happened now was all on him.

Magnus sat down opposite Lorenzo, noticing the much smaller pentagram chalked into the floor as he did so. He saw that there was a score in the floor linking the two pentagrams. It wasn't unheard of to use runes, bones or i-ching to start the spell of Astral Projection, but it seemed like such a pedestrian method for Lorenzo to use that Magnus was momentarily surprised. The surprise fizzled when Lorenzo rattled the purple suede bag in his hand and Magnus immediately felt the nausea welling up inside him at the contents.

Lorenzo tried to hand the bag over to Magnus, who refused to reach his hand out and take the proffered item from his old friend.

“No.” Magnus said firmly.

“No?” Lorenzo asked, opening the drawstring of the bag and reaching in towards the sound.

“No,” Magnus reiterated, “no.”

Lorenzo withdrew his hand from the bag and raised an eyebrow at Magnus, conjuring a flat piece of glass and handing it over to the other warlock.

“Your threats are getting old, Lorenzo.” Magnus said, sighing, hoping to appeal to Lorenzo's vanity if nothing else. Lorenzo often stopped doing something once people got bored with his actions. He was hoping to goad him into that this time. If he could prove to Lorenzo that hurting Alec wasn't worth it, then perhaps he could get the jump on him. Or if not that, he could save Alec more pain, which was more important. He hated himself for putting Alec ahead of everything and everyone else, but he couldn't help how he felt. 

“Oh?” Lorenzo questioned.

_I'm sorry, Alec._

“Do whatever you want with the Shadowhunter. You broke him. After seeing him in that glass the other night, I'm not sure I even want him anymore.” Magnus felt sick even saying the words but he hoped that they had the desired effect.

“Is that so?” Lorenzo said, looking amused.

_I'm so sorry, Alec._

“Yes. Did you _see_ that dream? Pathetic.”

“Well, I wasn't expecting this. Pleading, yes. Begging, maybe. But indifference after you saw what I put him through? That I wasn't expecting. You've surprised me. I'm glad you've seen the light. Hopefully you'll date someone more worthy next time.”

Magnus felt that actually, it was him who wasn't worthy of Alec, but he couldn't say that, which made him feel awful. He couldn't defend Alec, couldn't tell Lorenzo that he was a thousand times the man that either of them were. Magnus let himself hope that he might have made Alec safe with his nauseating words. If Alec was safe, then he only needed to worry about getting both him and the other warlocks free from Lorenzo. He knew that there would be some who would want to stay with the man, but Magnus also knew that he'd be able to convince the majority to see the error of their ways, especially as he himself was the one who had persuaded them to join the absurd cause in the first place; added to which, they'd have the Shadowhunters on their side. As soon as Magnus went to them, he had not doubt he'd be able to convince them of the threat as well.

Lorenzo watched Magnus carefully, but saw a resolve there that he hadn't expected. Maybe this really had been enough. Maybe all he'd had to do was break the Shadowhunter to get Magnus in line. If he'd known this weeks ago he could have broken the part-angel and got on with things. Still, he didn't fully believe what Magnus was saying, so he decided to test the theory.

He looked down at the piece of glass very deliberately and was amused to note that Magnus was staring at him and not the glass. Maybe he was wrong and he really had got Magnus on task. Maybe they were back to being the revolutionaries that they had been before. That thought filled him with joy. As much as he'd enjoyed blackmailing Magnus into servitude it was much more fun when they were both working for a goal. He wanted that Magnus back, not this lovesick fool.

Lorenzo waved his hand and sent a piece of magic towards the glass. It was dramatic more than anything else. He didn't need to send the wisp of magic towards the glass to actually cast the spell on the Shadowhunter. He did it solely to test Magnus.

Magnus hadn't moved.

The off-white wisps of magic hit the glass. 

Nothing happened for a moment and Lorenzo smirked at Magnus, then twisted his hand again. It was still utterly pointless to perform the movement, but he did it anyway. He was nothing if he wasn't a showman. One had to take pride in one's work.

The glass un-fogged to show a picture of Alec that Lorenzo stared at, before snapping his fingers. 

Alec gasped in pain.

Magnus forced himself to stay looking at Lorenzo instead of staring down at the vision of Alec hurting. He didn't know how he did it. When he heard Alec make a hissing noise between his teeth, which Magnus knew was as pained a noise as Alec used to make, before the screams that had happened recently, screams that still echoed in Magnus' head and probably always would, he knew he twitched slightly. He hoped Lorenzo hadn't noticed.

“That's what I thought.”

Magnus' face fell as he realised he'd failed and he hungrily looked down at the glass and watched another vision of Alec in bed, dreaming. He was voicing a litany of broken words “No.” “Please.” “Help.” and whimpering in pain. Magnus couldn't see the dream this time, but he knew that Alec was suffering and he couldn't bear it.

The magic item fogged over again and Magnus looked directly into Lorenzo's eyes again, a steel to is voice.

“I'll do it.” Magnus said, lowering the glass.

“I thought you would.”

“But...”

Lorenzo raised an eyebrow at Magnus, amazed that Magnus thought that he had any leverage at this moment. He'd tried to play him and failed, so he wasn't going to give him any quarter. Magnus was lucky he wasn't torturing his partner right there and then. He'd do that later, once Magnus thought the issue was resolved. Lorenzo was frustrated that Magnus still didn’t realise that everything had consequences, despite him showing him over and over again. He knew that Magnus wasn't this dense. He couldn't work out why Magnus kept trying to weasel his way out of the deal they'd struck. When the hostage exchange had gone down, he'd naively thought that Magnus would hold up his side of the bargain. He was disappointed to find out that Magnus wasn't the man of honour that he thought him to be. He wasn't keeping his word. It had been a good job he had left some magic in this Alec person, it turned out he needed it.

“But?” Lorenzo asked, smiling.

“But I'm not using those.” Magnus gestured at the bag that Lorenzo still had in his hand.

“Oh, Magnus.” Lorenzo replied, looking at Magnus like he was prey, “you don't have a choice. These are what _I_ want to use, and as we've just proven, you care far too much to get to tell me what to do.”

Magnus just stared at Lorenzo, wanting to argue but unsure what to say.

Lorenzo stared back, amused.

Magnus saw, out of the corner of his eye, the glass clear. He took a deep breath and then reached out and took the bag from Lorenzo.

“Good boy.”

Magnus bit back the response he wanted to make, thinking of Alec. _Only_ of Alec. He had to push back against Lorenzo just enough that he could get out of this, get them all out of this, but he was also hyper aware that he was toying with Alec's life whenever he did so. It was a fine line to walk, and he couldn't help but think he was failing his boyfriend. Alec shouldn't have had to go through any of this, and if he had just stood up to Lorenzo in the first place, he wouldn't be. This was unequivocally all his fault.

As if bidden by the last thought, a sudden all-encompassing thought crowded into his mind. What if Alec didn't love him anymore? What if all of this forced a wedge between the two of them that they couldn't remove? How did they come back from knowing that his actions deliberately caused him pain? Would Alec even want to see him? Was he keeping someone alive who would hate him by the end of it? One last thought crowded into his mind before he tried to pour the items into his hand. 

_It didn't matter._

It didn't matter if Alec hated him for the rest of his life, he would protect him as much as he could in the meantime. Even if the response was hate, all he would give was love. He didn't know how to do anything else.

“Any time, Magnus,” Lorenzo said in a bored tone, “we don't know how long their wards will be down.”

Magnus swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat and reached in to the bag, feeling the runes beneath his fingers. The runes were made of glass, spun using sand harvested from one of the hell dimensions. Magnus couldn't quite tell which one, he supposed it didn't matter. He hated himself a little for just being relieved that it wasn't Edom. He didn't realise he'd fallen so far down that that was where the bar was now. Although the runes were glass they felt slimy, wrong in his hands somehow. He knew that he was part-demon, but he always privately thought that he was more human than not. He did good deeds, he normally used his magic to help rather than hinder. Working with demon powers always made him feel ill. The reminder of his heritage always slapped him in the face, like he was being given the knowledge for the first time. 

He could remember the first time he had been told he was part-demon. He thought of his mother, how she couldn't cope with the shame; and centuries of resentment for his birth came back in an instant when he touched the stones. He could see Lorenzo taking glee in his discomfort and he wanted to kill him, wanted to call forth all of his demonic powers and smite him. It was only the threat to Alec that stopped him. If he knew with certainty that the link would be removed with Lorenzo's death and not sign Alec's own death warrant, he'd have done it. As it was he just took a few deep breaths and tried to quell the rage which seemed to bubble just beneath his skin nowadays. The rage sat just next to his sorrow, vying for dominance. He didn't know which one was winning

He could still see the glass out of the corner of his eye. He knew that it could clear in an instant, and that was the thing that forced him to do what he did next. He grasped five demonic runes and pulled them out of the bag slowly. Closing his eyes and saying an incantation in Chthonian, he cast the runes into the pentagram. The pentagram glowed blood red as soon as the runes hit the floor, tumbling over the arcane symbol. One of the runes looked like it would tumble out of the circle but it hit what looked like an invisible wall and tumbled back towards the centre.

Magnus continued to chant over the chalked drawing. The power built, the red light getting brighter as it did so. When the circle was fully glowing, he opened his eyes and stared down at the picture in front of him.

The light oozed with menacing power that eventually spilled over onto the floor, feeding into the larger pentagram via a rivulet of pulsing red energy. He could see the larger pentagram charging up and knew that it wouldn't take long for it to be glowing just as brightly as the smaller one. Magnus kept a small amount of his power flowing into where the runes had fallen, to keep up the charge.

Both warlocks looked down at the runic pattern.

“Interesting,” Lorenzo drawled, “I wasn't expecting _that_.”

Magnus stared down at the runes in shock. He couldn't be reading them right. The runes were suggesting a huge amount of power would be unleashed at some point in the near future as well as a big battle. He saw an adversary overcoming a foe. His mind spun with the implications of what he was seeing. The huge amount of power being unleashed could have been the big spell that they did to lower the wards on the Italian Institute, but it could also be something else Lorenzo was going to make him do. Or it could be power from an unknown source completely unrelated to the current situation. It could be something else that the world would have to deal with. He didn't want to think about that. The adversary overcoming a foe could be a reference to him overcoming Lorenzo. They were demonic runes, which would mean that he was the adversary, unless the runes saw him as a demon and therefore he was the foe. Except both him and Lorenzo had the same lineage. No, it had to mean something else. Of course the whole thing could mean that the warlocks and the shadowhunters were going to have an epic battle, which filled him with dread, not least because he knew that in an all-out battle, the warlocks would probably win. Magnus didn't like that one bit.

This was part of the reason he didn't like working with runes, or with tarot, or anything that was open to interpretation. He didn't like working with prophecy in general. You could go mad trying to prevent the future from happening, only to find out that by not doing all of the things you thought would lead to the horror, you had brought it about. The whole thing gave him a headache.

Lorenzo got to his feet and stood next to the larger pentagram that was drawn.

Magnus stayed seated until Lorenzo gestured for him to stand. There was nothing more that Magnus could do. The runes had charged the spell. When Lorenzo stepped into the larger circle, he would be astrally projected into the Institute, able to walk around and gather intel for as long as the spell held out, which was going to be as long as Magnus could keep it going. The spell, now cast, needed little magic to keep going, so Magnus could keep it charged almost indefinitely. It was plenty of time for Lorenzo to get any piece of information he thought he would need for phase whatever the hell number phase they were on now. Magnus had given up caring or wanting to know what stage they were on. He just nodded along and hoped Lorenzo didn't kill too many people. He couldn't believe the qualifier was now 'too many'. He realised that thinking Lorenzo wouldn't kill _anyone_ , was naïve on his part.

Magnus looked down at the symbols and then looked back up into Lorenzo's eyes.

Lorenzo didn't move and Magnus was confused. He cast the spell, there wasn't anything else he could do. Did he think that he would stop the spell when Lorenzo was inside it? Stopping an Astral Projection prematurely was dangerous and if it was just him, he might consider it, despite his aversion to killing. Killing Lorenzo was something he abstractly wanted to do because of everything that he had done to Alec, but the reality was something different. He wasn't sure that he'd be able to actually do it if it came down to it, killing in cold blood was very different to killing in the heat of a battle. Then again, he couldn't blame Lorenzo for worrying about it. He wasn't sure he'd trust Lorenzo to keep him safe if their positions were reversed.

“Any time, Lorenzo, we don't know how long their wards will be down.” Magnus sassed, throwing his words back at him. 

“What made you think I was going?”

“What?” Magnus asked, completely shocked, he hadn't been expecting that. “You want _me_ to go?”

“Of course. You're going to need to know first-hand who should be recruited. Getting into the Downworld database is a nuanced thing, and so sending my best guy in just makes good sense.”

“But...”

“Added to which, I don't know what other surveillance they have. I'd hate for them to see me before our revolution fully takes off. You've got to have an ace in the hole...and that's me.”

That made more sense. It wasn't that Lorenzo was concerned he'd be killed, it was that he was concerned he'd be seen. If Magnus went and was caught, then it was just him who had tried to steal information from the Shadowhunters. Magnus thought there was probably a way that this would be a breach of the Accords. If he was caught there was going to be very little he could do to talk his way out of it. Lorenzo could disappear and then it would be his and Alec's word against the Clave. The Clave would assume that he had done this all by himself and that Alec had been compromised or ensorcelled somehow. They wouldn't believe their story. Magnus had known shadowhunters for centuries and their propensity for assuming Downworlder guilt was legendary. No, he'd be on his own.

“Don't worry, I'll keep your Shadowhunter safe until you come back.”

Magnus, who hadn't wanted to go anyway, felt his body flood with ice. He couldn't bear to leave Alec in the hands of Lorenzo, but what was his alternative? If he didn't go, Alec would definitely be hurt. If he did go, Alec only _might_ get hurt. It wasn't a choice at all. 

Magnus sighed, steeled himself for the exertion on his body, and then stepped into the circle.

_I'm sorry, Alexander._


	35. Chapter 31

“So, how _do_ we find him?” Izzy asked, practical as ever.

“I have an idea, but it's a bit out there.” Cat replied.

“How far out there?” Jace asked, already not liking the sound of this. He held in the hundreds of questions he wanted to ask about how this would hurt his Parabatai, because he could feel the glimmer of hope and resolve burgeoning in his chest from his soul bond.

“Dream-walking.” Cat said, waiting for the shouts of indignation from the three shadowhunters in front of her. When she didn't get any she was momentarily happy, only to realise that that was because they didn't know what she was talking about, didn't know the risks of such an endeavour.

Alec looked at Catarina expectantly. 

She could see the hope in his eyes, the desire for this to be it, for this to be the thing that got his partner back, but he needed to understand that this was dangerous. She had to tell him that people had been lost in the subconscious of another, people had died. This wasn't something to be trifled with. And that was all _if_ she could get through the wards that Lorenzo no doubt had up. That was a big if. Without Magnus' power amplifying her spell, she actually wasn't sure if she was strong enough to pull it off.

"You have to know Alec, this might not work. Lorenzo's wards might be too strong."

"It'll work." Alec said immediately, suddenly absolutely sure that it would.

~~~

That night, they came back to the apartment. Cat had cleared space on the floor, pushing back the furniture in her living room, allowing her to draw a circle with a pentagram. There were several symbols inside it, between the points of the design, symbols that the three young shadowhunters couldn't look at for too long. It was as if they were too powerful to be looked upon. They watched her work for a minute before making their presence known.

Jace and Izzy were trying not to think about the last time they'd watched Cat work, the last time they'd watched Magnus work. They were worried that if this plan didn’t succeed, Alec would shrink even further into himself. They'd both seen him emotionally retreat when he thought no-one was looking. He tried hard, trained, went out on missions, but it was like a light had gone out behind his eyes. If this didn't work, they didn't know what would happen. They weren't sure how much of their brother they would have left.

Alec tried unsuccessfully to curb his hope, but he couldn't. He was minutes away from potentially seeing Magnus for the first time in over a month and he could barely think straight from the excitement. If this went wrong he didn't know what he would do. He needed him back, couldn't bear to think about what Lorenzo might be doing to his love. He could cope with torture, but the knowledge that Magnus might be suffering was almost too much to bear. He could barely think of it from one moment to the next. He needed to save him. If there was a way for him to swap places again with Magnus, he'd do it. He would gladly go back to Lorenzo, with all of the anguish that came with it. Anything to keep Magnus safe.

“It's time.” Cat said, gesturing for Alec to get within the circle.

Alec hesitated for a moment, his newfound fear of magic causing him to stall. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Fixing a picture of Magnus in his mind, he set his shoulders and walked into the circle quickly, before he could change his mind.

“Sit down.” Cat said gently.

Alec was about to ask why, when Cat continued to speak.

“As I said to you before, there are dangers to this. The main one is getting lost in the dream and being unable to return.”

Alec looked over at Jace and saw nothing but love shining back in his eyes. He knew that they were both thinking about the time that Alec had nearly died trying to find Jace through similar means. As far as he understood, this was just like that. He needed to keep his autonomy or he would be lost to the visions. 

“The other danger is that this is going to hurt. You're not a warlock and it takes a toll on people who aren't like us. You'll be safer if you're already on the floor.”

Alec nodded, sinking to the floor, all limbs, and crossing his legs.

“Alec...” Izzy said, worried.

“I'm doing this, Iz.”

“But...”

“No, Iz,” Alec said, turning to his sister, “you don't understand. I have to do this.”

Isabelle nodded when she saw the resolve in her brother's eyes. “Okay.”

“Jace?” Alec said, checking his Parabatai was on board. He was going to do this, but he needed to know that he wasn't going directly against him. He knew that Jace had felt some of the pain that he'd felt when he had been held captive and Alec would do anything to keep Jace from feeling that sort of pain again. He knew just how painful it had been when Jace had been gone, off with Valentine. He knew just how painful it was to feel Jace die. He needed to know that Jace was aware of the risks he might be under, as well as the risks that he himself would endure. This was going to hurt both of them, and he needed his Parabatai to be okay with that before he moved forward.

“Say 'Hi' to Magnus for me.” Jace said, smiling.

Alec didn't know what to say to that, seeing the unwavering support from two of the people that meant most to him in the world was something that always bowled him over, but this seemed different somehow. This seemed more important. All three of them knew how important this moment was.

“I'm ready.” Alec said, looking at Cat.

“Okay. I need you to think of Magnus, hold on to your love for him, think about what he means to you, what your lives are like.”

Alec smiled at Cat. That was the easiest thing anyone had asked him to do. He closed his eyes as he heard Cat start to chant. He felt the power rising in the circle, it was like all of the hairs on his arms stood up all at once. Then the pain started. It started as a tingling in his fingertips and ended up feeling like sharp stabbing pains all over his body.

Alec's eyes flew open and he could barely see anything through the haze of magic in the circle. He knew that he took a shuddering breath, hissing through his teeth at the pain. This was nothing, he could do this for Magnus. This wasn't as painful as the Agony rune and he'd done that for Magnus, albeit erroneously, but this was no different. He held onto the fact that at the end of this, he'd get to see Magnus. Everything else was just background noise.

Alec closed his eyes again, taking a few deep breaths. He focused on another memory of Magnus and he knew that he could do this. He could do anything for Magnus.

~~~

“Magnus?” Alec asked, suddenly in the loft that they shared. It almost hurt to see Magnus standing there, as he'd seen him do numerous times before. It was such a mundane picture and somehow that was worse, somehow that made the scene all the more painful. This was something that they used to have.

Magnus turned in surprise.

Alec ran over to him, taking him up in a bruising hug. He'd missed him, so much. Seeing him here in front of him was like getting a present that you didn't know you needed. He was so overcome with emotion he didn't know what to say, so he just held him.

Magnus didn't return the embrace, and after a moment he pulled away, actually pushing Alec slightly to get him to let go.

“Magnus?” Alec said in response, feeling hurt. He wondered what was going on, more confused than he remembered being in a while.

“I'm not falling for your tricks Lorenzo,” Magnus said to the ceiling, “and this one's low, even for you.”

Alec moved back towards Magnus, reaching a hand out.

Magnus batted the hand away.

“Magnus it's me. It's Alec.”

“I'm not playing this game.” Magnus said, walking out of the room.

Alec was deterred slightly. He'd known there was a chance Magnus would be hurt, that he might need to provide support and healing; but he hadn't been expecting this. It made him angry, because it meant that Lorenzo had been torturing Magnus mentally and that made Alec ache. He knew exactly what those tortures could be like. He followed Magnus into the other room and moved towards Magnus again, but Magnus stepped back again, evading his touch.

“No.” Magnus said firmly, dancing away from the spectre.

“Magnus, what...”

“No! I'm not doing this again! I've done what you wanted, Lorenzo! Please. Just _please_ don't let me go through this again.”

Alec paused, and as if the words floated across the time, he heard Magnus say, _the key to having no fear is having nothing to lose. I guess that's why I haven't opened my heart up for almost a hundred years, and then I met you_. Suddenly, he knew what Lorenzo had been doing to his partner. He'd been hurting him, using Magnus' love against him, the one thing that was Magnus' weakness. The _bastard_. He needed to come up with a way to prove to Magnus that this was real. 

“Magnus,” Alec said slowly, suddenly not sure what he was going to say after he'd done so. How could he distil their entire life together down to a conversation, when Magnus wasn't even sure Alec was real? It hurt that he couldn't tell, but he was the absolute last person that was allowed to get upset about that. When he had been held captive, he had been tricked into thinking that Magnus didn't love him anymore. Lorenzo had got into his head, just like he knew Lorenzo would have got into his boyfriends' head. It didn't make him feel any better, but he could understand how it had happened.

Alec took another deep breath and started to speak again, putting as much feeling into his words as possible, willing Magnus to believe him, believe that he wasn't a tool used to hurt him, that he was here to build him up, not break him down.

“You once told me that emotions were like symptoms,” Alec said slowly, his voice soft, “that they were never black and white. You told me about getting breathless when your love walked into a room, that your heart beat faster when they walked by you, that your skin tingles when you feel their breath. That's how I feel, how I _still_ feel when I see you. Even after all these months, you were right. This is exactly how I feel. I was wrong when you told me all of that, I brushed you off, but you were so right. This is it for me, this is what you do to me.”

“Lorenzo! Enough!” Magnus shouted to the room. He couldn't hear this, he didn't want to hear this. This was just evil.

“Magnus, this is _real_ ,” Alec said, emphatically, “I love you.”

“This is cruel,” Magnus said to the ceiling, a slight hunch to his shoulders, “even for you.”

Alec walked across to him and put his hand on Magnus' arm. When Magnus shrugged him off, he tried to school his features so he didn't look too upset by what had happened.

“Oh, you're good.” Magnus sneered, still speaking to the room at large, not looking at Alec.

“Magnus...”

Magnus whirled around and looked at Alec. 

“No. You know what? _No_. I'm not playing your game. I don't care how good you think your, your _visions_ are. This isn't going to work. You've got me, Lorenzo. You don't need to do this anymore. I'm here. You've won.”

Alec stepped forward again, reaching out a hand that didn't touch his boyfriend, despite how much he wanted to. He took a deep breath, searching his memories for ones that stuck out, ones that would make Magnus see that this was reality, that he wasn't a construct of Lorenzo's, memories that Lorenzo wouldn't know. He wanted to kill Lorenzo for making Magnus seem so small, for making Magnus question everything.

“Magnus...”

“No.” Magnus said tiredly, scrubbing his hand across his face and moving to sit in his favourite chair in his loft. 

He knew this loft wasn't real, knew that it was merely a fabrication of Lorenzo's in his dreamscape. He knew that the comfy chair beneath him was fake, but he took comfort in it anyway. Despite his many attempts to get free, he would never put Alec in real danger. He would never try to go back to his loft without solving the ‘Lorenzo problem’, and yet he couldn't help but feel relieved that he was getting to experience this. He was so homesick, both for the locale and for Alexander. 

Magnus looked up at the imposter, at Lorenzo's version of Alec. He looked right, down to the flecks of green in his hazel eyes, the way his hands shook at his sides when he was thinking, the way his head tilted to the side when he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. He hadn't been lying. Lorenzo really _was_ good at this, which is why it hurt so much. He didn't know when it would happen, but any minute now Alec would die in a horrendous way and Magnus would have to cradle him in his arms as he died. He'd watched Alec die from attacks, demonic, mundane and Downworlder alike. He'd seen him claw at his throat, overcome with some invisible affliction, poison or magic. He'd seen him drown on dry land, spitting up water, never enough to make him able to breathe again. He'd seen him have a mundane heart attack. He'd seen everything and nothing and every single time it was worse than the last. This was the longest time that Lorenzo had allowed him to see Alec, which was both a blessing and a curse. He didn't know whether he wanted to kill or thank Lorenzo in that moment.

“Just listen, _please_.” Alec said.

Magnus was too tired to fight back, just waved at Alec to continue. He'd listen to his love's words and look at him greedily until once again he was taken from him. He would hold him and cry over his body, and then it would all start again. It was never just once. 

“Do you remember when we went to that movie theatre a couple of months ago?” Alec asked, smiling fondly from the memory.

Magnus just stared at him. He didn't know what to say, it wouldn't matter in a second anyway.

“And I took you to that burger joint that I like, even though it's got Formica tables and smells of grease and you just looked at me with horror and with love at the same time?”

Magnus continued to watch silently.

Alec faltered slightly, but forged ahead after a moment. “And that man spilled nearly an entire cup of chocolate milkshake on that beautiful jacket you own? The emerald green one? And you looked so murderous, but the other man apologised so profusely that you ended up apologising to him, and you bought him another milkshake! I already loved you, but I think I fell in love with you all over again in that moment. Your kindness is a thing to behold.”

Magnus smiled slightly at the memory, in spite of himself.

“And then we went to that awful movie. I picked an action one because I thought it would be interesting, but it was just full of people who didn't know how to fight. And we got glared at by so many people because I kept calling out that it was unbelievable. And you ended up giggling at me even as people threw popcorn at us. And _then_ you didn't tell me until after we'd got home that I had popcorn in my hair, that I'd walked all the way home from the theatre with this sticky mess of corn on my head! And how you'd brushed it out of my hair, then ran your hands down to my neck and kissed me, making a joke about how I was 'sweet' afterwards. Do you remember all of that?”

Magnus smiled more, then remembered what was about to happen and his smile fell again. He couldn't get swept up in the joy of reminiscing when this wasn’t real. Yes, they'd had a glorious failure of a date, which had actually turned out to be perfect because of it, but this was Lorenzo pulling these memories out of Alec's head as he slept, twisting them so that they could be repeated back to him. This wasn't real. He had to remember that. He had to keep that in the forefront of his mind.

~~~

Alec could feel the pain tingeing his thoughts. He didn't know whether it was getting worse or whether it was just that over the prolonged period of time his body was rebelling against him, but he knew that he was running out of time. He didn't know how much longer he could stay within the spell, and didn't know if he would ever get a chance to try again. No, he had to try something drastic. He swallowed down the bile in his throat, even though he knew that his body was sitting in Catarina's living room, he still felt sick to his stomach because of what he was about to do. 

The memory he was about to invoke was one that he didn't ever want to talk to Magnus about again, but he had run out of ideas, maybe this would be the one thing that Magnus would trust, the one that would make him realise that this was real, that _he_ was real. The memory would hurt, and maybe that's _why_ it would work. He liked to think that he knew at least a little of how Lorenzo worked. Lorenzo would want this meeting to be full of love and cuteness, so as to make the subsequent heartbreak that much worse when Alec apparently 'died'. Magnus would know this as well. It was why the loving memories weren't working. A horrific memory would work, it _had_ to work, because Lorenzo wouldn't have thought about it. If this didn't work, then nothing would.

“I gave you that Omamori charm that you carry with you every day.” Alec started, “it was after our night in Tokyo. We were at the Palace Hotel and I kissed you on the terrace, and then I took you into...”

“What did you just say?” Magnus said softly, completely surprised by the change in tack. Lorenzo hadn't deliberately tried to hurt him head on before. It didn't seem like something he would do, he always liked to play with his food before eating it.

He felt a flicker of hope starting deep inside him.

Alec smiled, trying not to hope too much. He had seen the surprise in Magnus' eyes when he had started to speak the exact words Magnus had said to him during that fraught time that he tries not to think about, the time he almost killed him.

“...the penthouse suite and kissed you until you could barely breathe,” Alec said, his eyes twinkling, he could see that Magnus was starting to think this might be real, he needed to carry on, “the first time, we didn't even get under the covers. You had a hilarious indent on your back because of the brocade on the throw. When I'd stopped laughing, we snuggled under the covers until we were ready to...”

Magnus' eyes seemed to soften and he looked at Alec directly in his eyes. 

“Alexander?” He whispered.

Alec couldn't help it, he walked towards Magnus and pulled him into a constricting embrace, forgetting his previous decision not to touch Magnus, lest he spook him; but this time Magnus hugged him back and he melted into the soft body in front of him, a place he always felt safe. It felt like the hug they had shared after they both thought the other had died, the first time that Alec had said he'd loved Magnus. 

“I love you, Magnus.” Alec whispered into Magnus' shoulder.

“Alexander,” Magnus said again, seemingly unable to stop himself, “you're here.” He pulled away, looking Alec over as if for the first time. “Wait. How are you here?”

“Cat.” Alec said, assuming that Magnus would understand the intricacies of the dream-walking. He didn't understand it himself so couldn't even begin to explain if he wanted to.

Magnus smiled fondly at that one word. If Alec was working with Cat, they might all have a chance. "Of course." 

A moment passed, and then Magnus' smile fell. "You're not a warlock, the pain..."

"I can take it." Alec replied. 

Magnus couldn't help it then, he stepped closer, and re-embraced his boyfriend, taking in the scent of sandalwood and leather that was always so uniquely _Alec_ that he would know it anywhere. He pulled back slightly and stared deep into his partner's eyes, knowing that the depth of love would be echoed back in his own.

He leaned in and ghosted his lips against Alec's, kissing him softly and never wanting to stop.

~~~

Magnus could feel the pull of consciousness, but he didn't want to follow it. Now he knew that this was real, he wanted to stay within the dream, stay with his Alexander. After a further minute, his conscious mind won over his subconscious, finally catching him up with what was going on in the real world.

_Lorenzo._

_Lorenzo was calling him._

He had an almost visceral reaction when he realised that was what he was hearing, because Lorenzo had no place in this haven, he didn't want his taint anywhere near this beautiful moment.

Magnus knew that he needed to shut this down now, in case Lorenzo found out what had happened and punished Alec somehow. Magnus would never forgive himself if Alec was hurt because of his own idiocy at not realising that it was real sooner. If he'd only believed Alec immediately, they'd have had more time together. He knew that the reason Cat had been able to get through Lorenzo's wards surrounding the compound was because Lorenzo had opened up that channel so that he could mess with Alec's dreams. It would never occur to him that Alec would try to contact him like this. He'd assume that Magnus was the only warlock that Alec would let near him. That was one thing that Lorenzo would never understand; he merely used people. He didn't know what true friends were.

Reluctantly, he pulled back from the beautifully safe and _right_ embrace of his lover and instead looked into his eyes instead. Both of them had been crying, after being so long apart, after having been through torture that few had endured before, after thinking they'd let each other down. He never wanted to let go, but he knew he had to. If he ever wanted to have this feeling again, he needed to cut this short.

“Alexander.”

Alec traced Magnus' cheek with his thumb and Magnus leaned into the touch. The smile that Alec had on his face was one that he wanted to remember. If there was a possibility that this was a one-time thing, if there was a possibility that Cat wouldn't be able to get him free, if this was the last time he would see it, he wanted it to be etched into his memory for as long as he had left.

“Alexander, you have to go.”

Alec looked hurt and Magnus rushed to reassure him.

“I don't want you to, but you have to. Lorenzo...” Magnus felt Alec tense, and he pulled him into another embrace, “I have to go. I don't want him to find this. I love you, so much.”

“I love you too, Magnus.” Alec said, squeezing harder. Between one blink and the next, Alec found himself standing alone in the middle of Magnus' loft.

He blinked again and the loft started to fade around him. He felt both put together and torn apart at the same time.

~~~

Alec came back to himself slowly, realising he was lying on the floor. The pain and the fact that he could feel the unforgiving floor made him think he was back in that wretched cell again, and a jolt of fear went through him until he saw a pair of tiny sneakers on the other side of the room. Madzie. He was at Catarina's. He was safe.

He sat up gingerly, testing his body for injuries. When he didn't feel any, he moved as if to stand up, pushing his hands on to the floor next to him.

“Careful,” Catarina's kind voice broke through his reverie, “just stay down there for a moment. Drink this.” She finished, handing a cup to Alec.

Alec drank it without question and he felt his body rejuvenate, the warmth spreading throughout his every pore. As the pain receded and the room came back into sharper focus, he realised that he was drenched in sweat, his shirt sticking to him. He could feel his hair glued to his face as well. He reached his hand up to his face and he felt that it was wet too. He ran his hands through the tear tracks, smiling.

“I saw him. He's alive.” 

Isabelle hadn't seen that smile on her brother's face in a long time and she vowed to do whatever she could to keep it there for as long as possible.

Jace, who had had an identical cup thrust into his face when he'd sat up too, having felt the pain course through his own body, smiled at his brother. He had known that they needed to get Magnus back, but now he _knew_. Anything to keep that look in his Parabatai's eyes.

Hope blossomed once more in four hearts that had started to lose it.


	36. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The art in this chapter was done by the wonderful [MichelleMisfit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleMisfit) and made me SHOUT when I first saw it.

"No! It was an accident, I promise. I'll be better. You've got me now, I'm not trying to escape anymore. I'll stay with you. You don't have to do this. Lorenzo, _please_?"

It had been such a small mistake, something that anyone could have made, but Lorenzo took everything that Magnus did incorrectly as a personal slight, a way to try to undermine him. The worst part was that Magnus knew that he had given him no reason to believe he was telling the truth, except this time it really _had_ been an accident, he'd just mixed the wrong amount of Valerian root for the potion. It was a common mistake and could have happened to anyone. Unfortunately he was in the captivity of a homicidal warlock, one who had his hooks into his boyfriend. 

Lorenzo looked over at him, watched the way that Magnus' eyes shifted around, not knowing where to look. Hoping for support from somewhere, but not receiving it. “You see I just don't believe you anymore, Magnus.”

“I didn't...” Magnus started and then paused after a moment, composing what he wanted to say. “It was an honest mistake. I'll do whatever you want, just please don't hurt him."

"You're pathetic, Magnus." Lorenzo said, conjuring a piece of glass that Magnus had come to loathe and love in equal measure. “Sleep well.”

~~~

Magnus picked up the glass every few minutes, looking into the opaque item, waiting for Alec to fall asleep, waiting to see what Lorenzo was going to do to his boyfriend now. He couldn't watch, but how could he look away?

When the glass finally cleared, it was in the middle of the night. That fact alone was enough to make Magnus hurt because he knew that it meant Alec wasn't sleeping well. He didn't know how his boyfriend was even managing to sleep at all after everything he'd seen him go through. He didn't know how well _he'd_ be sleeping. Magnus had no doubt that there were other things that Lorenzo had done to Alec that he wasn't privy to. Additionally, he knew the guilt of being swapped with his partner would be weighing heavy on Alec's mind, but there was nothing that would have changed his mind about that. He'd give himself up for Alec every time. He'd take Alec’s distress regarding their exchange over Alec being tortured every damn time. 

Magnus became immediately alert, staring down at the item in his hands. To begin with he thought that the glass hadn't cleared properly, but then he realised that the 'room' that Alec was in was the same room that he had been held captive in. It was the same room that had been filled with so many nightmares and he couldn't bear for Alec to have to go through any of that again.

“No. No, Lorenzo. Not this room, please.” Magnus begged, speaking to the room at large. He knew that there was a ward across the door, knew that he wouldn't be able to go to Lorenzo to get him to stop this, but he also knew what Lorenzo was like, knew that Lorenzo would be listening and enjoying their ordeal.

His room stayed silent and Magnus watched in horror as Alec came into focus in the cell.

Alec was on his knees, bare chested, with his arms shackled to the wall above his head. The green colour of Lorenzo's magic was evident around his wrists and the light was pulled up so that Alec's body was making a shortened Y shape. Even the position that he was in was one of defeat. His head hung down between his bound arms, so that he was merely staring at the floor. Magnus wanted to reach out to him, tell him that everything would be okay. Tell him that this was only a dream and not something that was actually happening.

The dream Lorenzo walked into the cell and taunted Alec. All Magnus could do was watch on impotently, only able to send unhelpful love across the distance. He knew that he was really just assuaging his own guilt by watching what Alec was going through. If he was the one who had caused this to happen to his partner, the least he could do was be there for him. He owed Alec that.

~~~

“Well, well, well, Mr Lightwood. Fancy seeing you here.” Lorenzo mocked, waving his hands and tightening the light surrounding Alec's wrists, causing them to flex painfully.

Alec winced, but didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. Lorenzo would do whatever he had planned and there was absolutely nothing Alec could do about it. He thought that he was dreaming, thought that this would be over soon, but he wasn't 100% sure. He thought that he had been rescued, thought that he had seen Magnus recently in a dream, but that could have been his mind playing tricks on him. Perhaps he'd had a psychotic break. Perhaps Lorenzo had really broken him and this was just another torture that he had to endure. Perhaps he had never been rescued. Perhaps he was never going to be rescued.

Lorenzo waved his hand again and the light seemed to retract into the wall, pulling Alec up straighter, straining his shoulders.

Alec struggled against the renewed pain, but felt that he had little movement at all. The light, though see-through, felt like it was stiff, as if he was tethered to the wall by long poles. He attempted to stand, wanting to at least deal with whatever was coming on his feet, but he couldn't even get the purchase under him to do so. Lorenzo wanted him on his knees, so he was on his knees.

“Come now, _Alexander_. Not talking to me is just childish. You're not being a very good guest are you?”

Alec looked up at that, glaring at the man who held him captive. He thought that maybe he would be able to cope a bit more with the situation if Lorenzo wasn't so continuously passive aggressive and simpering. It made his captivity that much worse when he was taunting him all of the time. A Shadowhunter could deal with a lot of pain, and he prided himself with being able to deal with more than most, but this sort of torture was too much. Mental torture had never been his forte, because he was in his head too much as it was. He often had to deal with his own thoughts of inadequacy, he didn't need someone else to tell him about them too.

“What do you _want_ , Lorenzo?” Alec said, and Magnus didn't think he'd ever heard him so defeated. He would do absolutely anything to take that tone out of his boyfriend's voice.

“I want you to take responsibility for your actions. I want you to really understand what you and your _Shadowhunters_ have done to this world. I want you to really get it.” Lorenzo said, stalking across the room. He took Alec's chin in one of his hands and lifted his head up, forcing it back so that he could look into his eyes. “I want you to really _get it_.” He repeated.

Alec's neck felt like it had a band around it, and when Lorenzo let go of his chin he found that he couldn't lower his head. It was probably better like that, it made him feel slightly less beaten, even if he knew he had been. Lorenzo had done him a favour, he thought, until Lorenzo moved away from him and he saw what was in front of him.

As if they had been invisible, two more figures appeared in the room. Pinned to the wall either side of the door and directly opposite Alec, standing up straight, with bands of light around their necks, arms, waist and ankles, were Jace and Izzy.

Alec struggled then, nearly dislocating his shoulder with the force of his movement.

“Lorenzo, you touch them and I'll...”

“You'll what, Alexander? What will you do?” Lorenzo mocked. He was leaning against the wall to Alec's right, able to see all three shadowhunters from his vantage point.

“I'll kill you.” Alec said, never more sure of anything in his life. “I'll _kill_ you.”

Lorenzo just laughed.

“Cute.”

~~~

Magnus broke the vase next to him with his magic. He hadn't even intended to do so, the magic just seeped out of him. He needed to get a handle on things, but it was really difficult. With a great effort, he wrestled his magic back inside of himself. He couldn't help Alec if he fell apart, even if he felt like he was dying inside.

This was all his fault. If his penance was to watch this, then so be it.

~~~

“It's simple really, Mr Lightwood,” Lorenzo said, “dealers choice. I'm going to hurt one of them, there's nothing you can do about that, but you get to pick which one. If you don't, I'll hurt them both.”

“You're sick.” Alec bit out, struggling against his bonds and getting nowhere with his movements.

“Is that you not choosing?” Lorenzo asked, swirling a wisp of the off green colour in the air threateningly.

“Hurt me,” Alec said. “It's me you want to hurt, me you want to punish, so hurt me. They've got nothing to do with this. It's me and Magnus you have a problem with. So have at it.” 

He knew he sounded far braver than he felt. He could cope with pain, he could cope with heartache, as long as he knew that his loved ones were safe. Lorenzo asking him to choose was yet another head game that he wanted to play, but it wasn't one that Alec would let him enact. He wasn't playing anymore.

“As you wish.” Lorenzo said.

Alec was suddenly and hysterically reminded of 'A Princess Bride' and wanted to laugh out loud. The situation absolutely did not warrant it, and yet he couldn't stop the association in his mind. He knew he needed to keep it together, knew that he needed to stay sane, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. He didn't even know if this was real. This could just be another sick dream. But if there was any chance that it was correct, and that Lorenzo had somehow captured him again, he needed to keep his loved ones safe in every way that he could. 

The magic constricted the bonds at his wrists enough that Alec felt them bruise and he gritted his teeth, refusing to bite out any pained noises, refusing to let Lorenzo know that he was getting to him. The pressure continued and he started to lose all feeling in his hands, and just before the pain became excruciating, the bonds loosened and Alec took a deep and shuddering breath.

“Oh, I'd forgotten just how stoic you were, Mr. Lightwood. I'm going to thoroughly enjoy beating that out of you, _again_. I'm so glad you're back with me. I was getting lonely without you.”

Alec glared at his captor, but started to second guess himself again at the same time. Did that mean that this _was_ real? Did it mean that he had been captured again in the real world? Or was Lorenzo just playing with him, just making him _think_ that it was real? He hated that he didn't know. He thought that he'd be able to deal with it if he knew, at least then he'd know whether getting free was possible or necessary. If this was merely a nightmare, then all he had to do was tough it out. If this was real, he had to solve the puzzle. Neither of which were important if he got the reality wrong. 

_So, which one was it?_

“Same question though. Which one shall I hurt now?” Lorenzo asked. He sounded bored, which made Alec furious, but he couldn't do anything about that. He needed to apply as much logic to the situation as he could.

Alec looked at each of his siblings in turn. Each of them looked back at him with such love in their eyes that he could barely stand it. He knew that whichever one of them he chose, they wouldn't blame him, but it was still a horrendous thing to do. He knew he'd blame himself regardless.

“Me.”

“No dice, Alexander. This time you really do have to pick one of them.”

Alec swallowed with difficulty, calculating the variables, before settling on one of his siblings above the other. It had nothing to do with blood, and everything to do with the soul bond he shared with his brother. He thought Lorenzo would like the two for one deal he was getting if he hurt Jace. He knew that he would turn off whatever the block was that stopped them feeling each other, and allow him to feel the pain. By picking Jace he was causing himself pain too. Pain he deserved anyway.

“Jace.” Alec said quietly, damning them both.

~~~

Another vase broke on the other side of the room and Magnus had to take several calming, deep breaths before he looked back down at the glass in front of him.

He couldn't do this.

He had to do this.

_Goddamn Lorenzo to every hell dimension in existence._

~~~

Alec didn't know what was about to happen, but he wasn't expecting to see his brother writhe in pain without waking up. He moved in his bindings, whimpering slightly, but didn't return to consciousness. Alec braced himself for the pain to come to him too, but nothing happened. When Jace had stilled, he looked over at Lorenzo.

Lorenzo laughed. “What were you expecting?”

Alec didn't know what to say. He couldn't say 'I was expecting that to actually hurt more' because he didn't want to wish pain on his brother, or himself. He knew that this was what Lorenzo was like, that this was the way Lorenzo acted, that he enjoyed teasing this out over as long a period as possible, but it wasn't like Alec could ask him to hurry up, he didn't want that either.

“Same again?” Lorenzo asked, as if he was taking a drinks order at a restaurant.

“Me.” Alec said, hoping for the best and expecting the worst.

Lorenzo shrugged and snapped his fingers.

Alec grunted in pain as it felt like a weight fell on his right arm between his elbow and shoulder. He actually looked across as much as he could with his neck held as it was, but he couldn't see anything there. 

Moments later it was if he could feel the bruise forming, as if time had accelerated by a day and the injury had come to the fore.

“Again?”

~~~

Magnus watched Alec make decisions over and over again. The decisions were always himself first, and if not, Jace. Magnus knew his boyfriend well enough to know that the reason Alec was picking Jace was because he thought Lorenzo would hurt him too, that he'd be thinking that he deserved it. That thought hurt him more than anything else he'd seen.

The fake Jace and Izzy struggled, trying to get free, but didn't seem to be able to speak, which was callous even by Lorenzo's standards. He had removed any bit of support Alec would have in that situation. So close, and yet so far.

~~~

“It's been fun, Mr Lightwood, but how about we change things up a bit?”

“How so?” Alec said tiredly. He was bruised and bloody. A particularly deep cut on his leg meant that blood had fallen from his leg to the floor, showing up conspicuously against the stark white of the cell. He found himself staring at it as much as he could, it grounded him somehow. He didn't know what that said about him.

“10 seconds.”

“What?”

“The pain will last for 10 seconds. Who is...”

“Me.”

Lorenzo rolled his eyes at Alec and then waved his hand. 

Jace started to writhe, still unconscious; but at the same time, Isabelle started to scream, fully conscious and clearly in unimaginable pain. The only part of her body that was moving was her mouth, it was as if Jace's body was taking the physical brunt of the attack, and Isabelle was taking the nerve damage. A single person's worth of pain spread across two bodies. It was hellish to watch.

“Me! I said ME!” 

“You did, and _I_ said 'how about we change things up a bit'.” Lorenzo smirked.

“You son of a bitch!” Alec shouted, struggling against his bonds. He had very little movement and that just made him thrash harder, made him want to work harder for it, get free so that he could rescue his siblings from the injustice of it all.

“Language, Alexander.”

“Go to hell.”

“You. First.” Lorenzo said, snapping his fingers.

Jace and Isabelle both started to writhe in silent pain. Whatever Lorenzo had done to their voices before, was back. It was only after a moment that Alec worked out what the new noise was, it was sizzling. Lorenzo was using the same magic that he'd used on Alec however many weeks ago it had been now. He was making the bonds warm, burning his siblings. He couldn't watch this, couldn't hear this, couldn't _smell_ this.

“Stop it. Just stop it!”

“Are you going to behave?” Lorenzo asked.

Alec heard the question in stereo, and Magnus recognised the other voice as Maryse Lightwood, before Alec's dream had rearranged into a memory. The simple phrase seemed to have catapulted him backwards in time to when his mother would ask him the same question. 

Magnus watched impotently as another torture unfolded in front of his eyes.

Alec remembered when they were smaller, he would always try to take the fall for the three of them, and it would very rarely work. Their mother was always too astute and he was always too eager to please for the antics of Jace and Izzy to really be passed off as his own, but that didn't stop him from trying.

_Are you going to behave?_

“Yes, mother.” Alec always nodded, always tried to be ever the dutiful son. Being the eldest came with certain responsibilities, responsibilities that he took very seriously. One of the ones that he took seriously was his capacity as a leader; and even from a young age he knew that with a leader, the buck often stopped with him.

“Being a leader doesn't mean taking the blame for everything, Alexander!”

“Yes it does!” Alec had shouted back. It was one of the only times he could remember shouting at his mother, but he remembered being so annoyed and so confused at the same time that it had just slipped out. He'd calmed down almost immediately and tried to explain his thinking. “It does. Father always says that the actions of his subordinates reflect on him.”

His mother had gone very still, and then just beckoned for him to follow her as she walked away. They had ended up at the training room door, watching Jace and Izzy train together. Alec's heart had filled with such love when he saw the two people whom he loved most in the world spar in front of him.

“Which one of them did it?” His mother had said, her voice very cold. 

Alec couldn't even remember now what it was that they had done, couldn't even remember which one of his siblings should have been in trouble. He could only remember the all-encompassing protective streak he had, that he still had. 

“I...”

“Don't lie to me, Alexander.”

Something broke in Alec then, and before he knew what he was saying, he'd incriminated himself again, standing taller as he did so. He felt proud of himself for doing that, for doing as his father would have done, for keeping them safe.

“Very well,” his mother had said. “Jace! Isabelle!”

Alec's siblings packed away their weapons before coming to the door way that he and his mother had been standing in. 

“Follow me.”

The siblings trailed after their mother, throwing each other confusing looks as they did so. She was leading them on a winding route around the Institute and they had no idea where she was taking them. After a few minutes, he'd started to get a sinking feeling, but wasn't entirely sure whether he was right until he saw them cross over into the Old Institute.

Izzy had trailed closer to him and hooked her pinky finger around his, offering silent support. Jace had looked at their linked fingers and quirked his head to the side in confusion. Alec knew that Jace would be feeling the panic that was settling in inside him, but there was no way to explain without their mother hearing, and it wasn't as if she didn't know what she was doing.

“You all want to take the blame for this together? Okay. You can.” Maryse had said, stopping outside a wooden door and opening it.

“I don't under...” Jace had started to say, but Maryse had cut him off.

“Alexander? In.”

Alec had moved to do so, but Jace had grabbed his arm. “Alec?”

“It's fine, Jace.” Alec had said, even though Jace would be able to feel just how not fine it was. He stepped through the doorway and sat on the floor, wrapping his arms around his legs.

His mother had closed the door without putting either of the other two in there and he'd been momentarily confused until he'd heard his mother's voice again.

“Jace? Lock it.”

Jace had said “What?” at the same time that Izzy had said “Mother, no!”

“You wanted to be punished together, this is it. Do it.”

Alec had heard Jace scrabble to get his Stele out of his pocket, then saw the door glow in the way it always did when it was secure. He waited a moment, hoping to find out what Izzy's punishment was going to be, waiting to start coming up with ways to make her feel better after it was over, just as he was already thinking up ways to make Jace okay after this. He knew that Jace would feel guilty for it, could feel the beginnings of the guilt through their bond already, but there wasn't anything that could have been done. He had brought this on the three of them for not being convincing enough when he'd told his mother he was in the wrong.

“And Isabelle?” His mother had said.

“Yes. _Mother_?”

Alec smiled slightly, thinking about what his sister was looking like in that moment, all of four foot but defiant. He couldn't wait to watch her grow up into the amazing woman he knew she would be.

“You can't stay.”

Alec heard the footsteps recede and then he was truly alone in the dark.

~~~

The night it happened, Jace and Izzy had bundled into Alec's room and they'd all piled into his bed together. They were slightly too big to do it, but Alec knew that none of them wanted to be alone. After that, whenever they'd done something wrong, Jace and Izzy had owned up to it immediately.

Alec's mind swum back to the present, and he realised that he needed to answer Lorenzo, lest something else happen to his siblings.

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I'm going to behave.” Alec said, locking eyes with his tormentor.

“Good boy.”

~~~

It didn't matter which name Alec said, it was never the person who was hurt. Just when Alec thought he'd worked out Lorenzo's pattern, it seemed to change and he was once more on the back foot. 

After a particularly brutal round of torture, when Isabelle had been struggling against her bonds, sweating and seemingly unable to voice any pain, just open her mute mouth, Alec had had enough. He had thought he could reason his way out of this, but he obviously couldn't. He wasn't so proud he couldn't beg, not when the people he loved were on the line.

“Lorenzo, stop. _Please_.”

“Stop?” Lorenzo asked, pushing off from the wall. 

The man walked towards each of the shadowhunters in turn, grasping their chins in his hand and making them look him in the eye. Alec was proud of his siblings, proud of the defiance that still shone out of their eyes despite how ragged they were looking. When he crouched down in front of Alec, Alec tried to plead his case again.

“Lorenzo. You don't have to do this. You can keep me here. I'll do whatever you want. You can kill me if you want to, just please. Please, just let them go.”

“Let them go?” Lorenzo repeated softly, tilting his head as if he were truly thinking about it.

“Yes. Just,” Alec wiggled the manacles he was shackled with as much as he could, “you've got me. You don't need them.”

Lorenzo just laughed.

“You don't get it do you? Of course you don't, ugh Magnus always did like the dumb ones. This isn't about _them_. This is about you. They get hurt and _you_ get hurt.”

Alec was stunned. It was so simple and he wondered whether he would have worked it out sooner if he hadn't been under such immense pressure. It was so obvious now that Lorenzo had said it. He didn't know what to say to his captor anymore. What was there to say? Lorenzo would do whatever he wanted and he would just have to take it. He wasn't sure how it was possible, but he was managing to hate both himself and Lorenzo in almost equal measures. If he'd been able to get free before now, this wouldn't be happening at all, if he'd been better and not been captured in the first place none of them would be going through this.

“So, back to it?”

“Me.” Alec said tiredly.

Lorenzo smiled, “obviously.”

The wisps of light flew at all three of the young shadowhunters at once, and they all arched their backs as their bodies shook in pain. The pain between Alec and Jace seemed to amplify, creating a feedback loop until they were both shouting, tears streaming from their eyes unbidden.

“Pathetic.” Lorenzo sneered after they'd all sunk back into their bonds again.

“Next?”

~~~

Alec had lost count of the number of times Lorenzo had asked the same question, lost count of the number of times he'd seen his siblings tortured. It was a picture he knew would forever be etched on his mind. He didn't know if this was a dream or not, but either way it wasn't going to be anything that would fade. He knew that the universe wouldn't be that kind to him, even if it was only in his subconscious.

“Just kill me,” Alec said softly.

“What was that?” Lorenzo asked, walking over to where Alec was secured and wrenching his head further back by gripping his hair in one of his hands.

Alec winced, but as it was nowhere near the amount of pain that he had been dealing with recently, so it barely registered as an issue.

“I said, 'what was that'?”

Alec looked Lorenzo directly in the eyes and repeated himself louder. “Just kill me, you know you want to. Just do it.”

Lorenzo looked Alec over, tapping his index finger against his cheek as if he were pondering what Alec had said.

“ _Please_.”

“So polite!” Lorenzo crowed. “As you wish, Shadowhunter.”

An arc of green light hit him square in the chest and he felt an odd tugging sensation deep inside, as if something was being pulled out of him.

Alec heard his siblings shout “No!” but he was already fading fast. “It's okay. It's okay.” Alec repeated over and over again into the room, trying to soothe them even as he felt his life force drain from him. 

Just before he passed out, he saw a portal open in the corner of the room and watched as Lorenzo pushed his siblings through it. At least they were safe. That meant he had done his job.

He closed his eyes.

  
  


  
  


Magnus could barely see, he was sobbing so hard. He knew that Alec hadn't really died, knew that he wouldn't be able to see into Alec's dreams if he had, but for a brief moment, before the dream had faded, he'd been able to see that stark white room with a lifeless body in it and he had felt his heart break.

Moments after the vision that he knew would haunt both his nights and his days had faded, he saw Alec in his room at the Institute. He had clearly been thrashing in the sheets, presumably when he thought he'd been struggling to escape his bonds within the nightmare. Now though, he was still, although sweat continued to bead on his face and neck. Magnus worried for a second that the death in the dream had transferred over into the real world, which wasn't unheard of. Magnus didn't think Lorenzo would kill Alec like that though, that would be too kind.

Alec took one deep and shaking breath, sitting up with a sob. He took a few more breaths before putting a shaking hand to his face.

As if to maximise the anguish further, that was the point that the glass faded.

Magnus threw it at the wall, hoping to vent some of his frustration simply by being destructive, but Lorenzo managed to take even that away from him by ensuring the glass shattered into a million pieces before it hit the wall.

“Temper, temper.” Magnus heard from the vicinity of the doorway.

Magnus just waved a hand at Lorenzo in response, too weary to come up with anything to say. There didn't seem to be anything he could say anyway. All of the excitement he'd had about Cat and Alec possibly rescuing him had gone. He had been a fool to let himself hope like that.

It just hurt that much more when that hope was taken away.


	37. Chapter 33

Once Alec's hands had stopped shaking, he turned his body, setting his feet onto the floor of his room. The cool feel of the floorboards beneath his feet grounded him. He took a few deep breaths, tricking himself into thinking that he wasn't just stalling. If he was completely honest with himself he was waiting until he knew that he was fully mobile before he stood up. He didn't think he could cope with falling down on top of everything else. It would feel like one defeat too many.

When he was convinced he could stand with only minutely wobbly legs, he did so. He walked across to his wardrobe and pulled a sweatshirt out. He was suddenly feeling cold. The sweat that had been pouring off him in waves when he was in the midst of his nightmare had dried on his skin and he was now shivering. That seemed like yet another failure, like Lorenzo was reaching across the distance and changing even his body temperature. 

_If this was real._

He padded down the dark and quiet halls of the Institute towards his siblings' rooms. He just needed to see them, just needed to see that they were okay, that they were safe, that they were unharmed, that Lorenzo didn't have them in his clutches.

By dint of its location, he stopped outside Jace's room first. He opened the door carefully, making as little sound as possible. Jace was a light sleeper, they all were, shadowhunters had to be; but Alec had known him a long time...and he'd activated his Soundless rune before he'd tried to open the door. This was the one time he'd activated a rune recently that didn't make him feel inadequate. This was activating a rune to help his siblings, it didn't count as activating it for himself. He knew that Jace hadn't been sleeping properly, knew that he had been worrying about him. He knew that Jace needed the rest, so it didn't feel like a crutch to use this one rune. Just this once.

Jace was sleeping, flat on his back, his arms at his sides on top of the sheets that were covering him up. To begin with, Alec had found the way Jace slept funny. That was until Jace had told him that the reason he did so was to ensure both of his hands were free in case of attack. When Jace had told him that, Alec's heart had constricted painfully. His parents hadn't always been the best at raising them, and there had actually been some things that Valentine had been a good parent about; but when Jace had told him that the reason he slept like that was because Valentine would attempt to attack him in the middle of the night to see how quick his reflexes were from sleep to waking, he had wanted to kill the man. Jace had said it so innocently. They had been fourteen or so, and he hadn't understood why Alec had needed to take a break from training for a bit. He'd needed a minute to cope with the myriad of emotions that he had felt. He was furious with Valentine for putting a child through that, for putting Jace through that. But he was also so desperately sad that Jace had had to deal with that upbringing, as well as troubled that Jace didn't seem to understand just why it was a problem.

Alec watched Jace sleep, watched the rise and fall of his chest, and took solace in the fact that his brother was sleeping a few feet away from where he stood. He didn't know how long he stood there, syncing his breathing with his brother; but it was long enough that he started to drift off into sleep leaning against the door jam. Before he could make a sound and wake his Parabatai, he pushed off and carefully pulled the door closed again.

He moved further down the corridor and cracked open the door to his sister’s room as well. Izzy slept in a completely different way to her brother. She surrounded herself with the sheets, so much so that Alec could only see the top of her head. As if she was aware that he needed to see her, Isabelle turned and the sheet fell off her face a little, revealing her face, still lost in slumber. 

Alec stared at her, mapping her peaceful expression with his eyes. He could remember when she had been put in his arms as a baby. He had looked down into her tiny face and vowed to do whatever he could to keep her safe and he was pleased that he had managed to uphold that vow. On that day, she had reached up a tiny hand and grasped his finger with the surprising strength of a child and he had fallen instantly in love.

He watched her for long enough that his arm started to go to sleep where he had been leaning against the door frame and he closed the door slowly, latching it quietly and stepping back into the corridor.

He returned to his own room and sat on his bed, debating whether he should just surrender and get up, unsure whether he was going to get back to sleep. Even sitting on the bed, looking at the bundle of sheets, proof of his pain, was too much. He ran his hands through his too long hair, pulling a little on the roots to ground him. This was real. This was the truth. He had been saved, Magnus, the man that he loved with all of his heart had traded himself for him. 

Alec had tried not to think about Magnus' sacrifice, but when he did think about it, it nearly broke him. Magnus had willingly swapped himself, willing gone into that unknowable hell, _for him_. He didn't deserve it and yet he now had to live with that knowledge. He wished Lorenzo had killed him, wished that Magnus didn't love him so much, even privately wished that he'd never met Magnus. At least then Magnus wouldn't be going through this hell. But he was, and it was all his fault.

~~~

Izzy always dropped in on her brothers in the morning, collecting Alec from his room. They’d both wrangle Jace out of his room, teasing and mocking him with familial ease. He slept really lightly, so waking him up was never the issue, he just faffed, a lot. Jace always had more leeway with their parents than they did, and so often when Jace was late getting up he wasn't told off, so waking him up last was a good shout. It meant that they had an excuse, even if he woke up really quickly that day, although that wasn't often. Alec was frequently up before her, but always sat there with his book until Izzy came to get him. It was a ritual that they had been doing for as long as she could remember, but today something wasn’t right.

_Alec wasn't in his room._

The jolt of panic that went through her was palpable. Her mind spun off in a million different directions at once, each scenario worse than the last. By the time she'd got to Jace's room she was in such a state that she could barely think. She didn't dodge Jace's blade swipe and the stinging pain across her forearm actually brought herself back to reality.

“Crap, Izzy. I'm sorry!” Jace said, reaching out for his sister.

Isabelle let herself be dragged towards her brother and felt the slight sting that was prevalent when her Iratze was activated. She looked down in surprise to see the wound knitting itself back together.

“You okay, Iz?” Jace asked, seeing the look on her face.

“Alec.” She said simply.

Jace got up quickly and started to get dressed. “What's happened?”

Isabelle turned her eyes on Jace, filled with tears. “He's gone.”

Jace faltered putting his gear top on. “He's what?”

“He's gone, he's not in his room.”

Jace started to breathe again. Slightly. That didn't necessarily mean what they thought that meant. He might just be somewhere else in the Institute. They didn't have to panic. Yet.

“He's never...we've always...it's a morning...” Isabelle started and aborted so many sentences, not seeming to know which line of speech she should go down. 

Jace knew exactly what she meant though. He didn't know how to think through the problem either. He was never the sensible one. One of the main reasons that the three of them worked well together was because of their different strengths. Alec was always the sensible pragmatic one, with Jace being the impetuous passionate one and Izzy being the powerful heart. Jace taking on Alec's leadership role was something he wasn't sure how to do, but he was damned if he was going to let Izzy spiral off into a panic before they had all the facts. He lifted his shirt up to see his implacable rune.

“Izzy, look at me.”

She raked her eyes across his torso, stopping on his Parabatai rune. She let out a heaving breath when she saw the sharp black lines.

“Okay,” she said, taking another breath, “okay.”

“Right,” Jace said slowly, “now let’s go and look for him. He can't have gone far.” He didn't know who he was trying to convince, himself or his sister, but he didn't think it really mattered. There was no use worrying until they knew where Alec was. He might have just gone for an early morning walk.

He wondered how long it would take for him to stop panicking whenever Alec wasn't where he expected him to be.

~~~

Alec punched the bag in front of him, ducking and weaving as he did so. He didn't know how many hours he had been training. It still wasn't enough.

He needed to be better, learn as much as he could about hand to hand combat, and give himself an edge without his runes. He needed to be able to get out of any situation he might find himself in in future. He couldn't rely on his runes to protect him, he'd been relying on them for too long.

He noticed whilst he was training, that he got breathless too quickly, without a Stamina rune he was unfit. He couldn't believe he'd let himself get to this level. He'd been activating his runes as a second nature and hadn't realised that they were holding him back, making him use them by rote, without conscious thought.

The second time he missed the training dummy when he did a roundhouse kick, he realised that his Accuracy rune had been doing all of the work for him over the course of his life. He wasn't actually good at this sort of thing. 

On a whim, he picked up his bow and attempted to hit a target on the other side of the room. The impeccable bullseye that he would normally get wasn't present, instead he hit about an inch to the left. He nearly dropped his bow in shock. He wasn't actually good at archery. The one thing that had defined him for the majority of his life, was a lie. He wasn't an archer at all. He threw his bow down then, only narrowly avoiding stomping it to pieces like he wanted to. He didn't, because he didn't think he could cope with missing the place on the floor he would need to put his feet to do so.

He turned to the wall, backing up and attempting to run up it slightly so that he could flip over and land on his feet. He tried several times but was unable to get up the speed to do such a manoeuvre. Eventually he was able to run up the wall enough, when he gave himself a run up of the entire length of the training room, only to fall when he attempted to do his flip, landing on his ass instead of his feet.

In frustration, he punched the wall next to him with his full strength, the pain momentarily making him feel better. It was only after a minute that Alec knew that he'd broken his arm. He could feel it in the way he got a shooting pain from his wrist to his elbow whenever he moved it. He sunk to the training room floor, breathing heavily and cradling the arm to his chest. After several minutes, the pain getting steadily worse, he reached up onto the shelf, pulling down the communal Stele always present in the training room.

He activated his Iratze rune and felt the bone knit back together, the pain starting to recede as it did so. He looked down at the rune, tracing it softly with his fingers. Mapping the lines of his failure. 

In a fit of sudden anger he threw the Stele across the room, hearing it clatter across the floor and not caring at all whether he had broken it. 

Lorenzo had been right. He was weak.

~~~

When Jace and Izzy walked into the room a little while later, Alec was still on the floor, still contemplating his life, still working out how he could make himself better. As soon as he saw them, he leapt to his feet, not wanting them to know how he was feeling. He'd been wallowing for too long, he needed to do more.

“Lets spar.”

“Alec, how long have you been...” Isabelle started, but her brother cut her off.

“Okay, fine. Jace, you want to go?”

Jace also opened his mouth to protest, to tell Alec to stop; but Alec must have seen on his face what he was going to say before he said it. He momentarily cursed their bond and how well they knew each other. Jace knew that Alec needed to stop, he needed to rest. He needed to get through to him somehow. At the moment, all he could feel through his rune was frustration, which was a step up from the bone deep sorrow that Alec had been feeling, but nowhere near where he needed to be to be better. He'd thought that getting Alec back was the issue, it turned out that the issue was far bigger than they had realised.

“Raj! RAJ!” Alec called, spotting the other Shadowhunter crossing past the training room door. He strode across the room and poked his head out.

Raj stopped and turned, looking slightly panicked that the Head of the Institute had called for him directly. He wondered what he had done to provoke his ire.

Alec laughed, which did nothing to assuage his panic.

“Get yourself into some gear and come and train with me.”

Raj's smile was one of surprise and relief that he wasn't in some sort of trouble.

“Sure.”

Jace and Izzy watched as Raj pulled his preferred short sword and dagger combination from the weapons rack, as Alec uncharacteristically picked up the same weapons.

“I'll see you two later.” Alec said to his siblings, in a clear tone of dismissal.

Jace opened his mouth to protest but Isabelle took his arm and led him out of the room. They needed to work out how to get through to Alec, but they wouldn't be able to do it head on, they needed to come up with a plan. They needed to get Magnus back.


	38. Chapter 34

“He's just not...” Isabelle was saying as Jace walked in the door, carrying coffee and pastries.

Cat looked over at the apparently graceful shadowhunter, who was actually doing a very good impression of an ungainly bird and not someone who looked like they fought demons for a living. She watched the easy way that Isabelle rolled her eyes at her brother and then got up to help. She was reminded of how Ragnor and Magnus interacted, and that thought made her heart hurt a little. The fact that 'immortal' meant long-lived and not truly immortal always seemed like a cruel twist of fate to her, it meant that when they did lose someone, it meant they had known them longer and it ended up hurting more.

Shaking her head to dislodge that line of thought, she took the proffered cup from Jace, sinking back into the chair she had been sitting in.

“You were saying?” She asked, taking a sip of the coffee and then inhaling the heady smell of caffeine and hazelnut afterwards.

“Alec, he's...” Isabelle seemed to run out of words and surprisingly Jace seemed to know exactly what to say.

“He's been training too hard, joining missions or patrols with any group that happens to be going out, whether he was assigned to it or not, he's barely sleeping, hardly eating. It's like...It's like he's trying to work himself to death, like he's chasing sensation, not letting himself think. He's wasting away in front of us. I can't...” Jace scrubbed his right hand through his hair, his left holding his coffee cup.

Isabelle reached out and pulled Jace's arm down from where he was fiddling with his hair. It was such a practised manoeuvre, Cat could see that it was clearly a nervous tick that he had.

“We need to get him back,” Isabelle took over from her brother, whose verbosity had apparently been short-lived, “he's not going to get better without him.”

It felt like a failure even admitting that. As if she was saying that she and Jace were inadequate, that they couldn't help their brother and were incapable of even coming up with a plan without running to someone who was being held hostage. But the fact of the matter was that they were. They needed Magnus to bring Alec back from the brink, which meant they needed Cat.

~~~

Over the next week, Cat spent a lot of time coming up with exactly how they were going to manage to pull it off, still not entirely sure that it was going to be possible. She'd known Lorenzo a long time too, and so she knew just how slimy he could be.

During one such dream-walk, she had been able to talk with Magnus at some length about what they were going to do and how they were going to get him home, but eventually Magnus threw a very large, Spanish, spanner in the works.

“We need to take Lorenzo with us.” Magnus had said.

They were slouched on the sofa in Magnus' loft, scotch in hand, as if this was a real occurrence and not a dreamscape that they shared. Both of the warlocks privately vowed that if they managed to get out of this, they would recreate this scene. Magnus had a very good bottle of scotch he'd been saving for a rainy day, and this would definitely be it.

“We need to _what_?” Cat had exclaimed, nearly dropping her imaginary drink down her imaginary front.

Magnus couldn't help it, he laughed at his old friend. “You should see your face.”

“Oh shut up,” she said, playfully swatting Magnus' shoulder, “now, back to this insanity...”

“I've been studying him when he's...” Magnus took a deep breath and averted his eyes from his old friend for a moment before squaring his shoulders and returning her gaze. “When he's been hurting Alec. He needs to use a conduit, sending his magic through it, but I think it's still linked to him. If we're going to get Alec free, we're going to need him as well.”

“Damn.” Cat said succinctly.

“Yeah.”

~~~

_Got it._

It was just two words, but they were the best two words that Izzy had seen in the last few weeks and she showed the phone to Jace, who grinned.

Alec barely noticed them moving and probably wouldn't have even realised they were going somewhere unless they spoke to him.

“Alec?” Jace said, softly. Everything was softly around Alec these days and he hated it, hated that Alec had been reduced to this shell of a man, hated that until today there had been nothing he could do to fix it.

Alec brightened considerably when his gaze settled on Jace, dressed in gear, “mission?” he said hopefully.

“No. Just getting back.” Izzy lied, knowing that it was a white lie. Alec hadn't been able to distinguish between comings and goings, probably not even noticing that they had got back from their mission several hours ago. They had been shielding him, attempting to head him off so he didn't go out too often. They weren't doing a perfect job, but they thought they'd saved him a little. If this worked, it wouldn't matter that they'd lied to him one more time.

Alec sagged back down again, looking defeated.

“How about you try and rest for a bit?” Izzy tried, hopeful that this time would be the one time that her older brother would listen to her.

“Can't. I'm going to go over to Mag...I'm going out.”

Izzy's heart broke for a brother who couldn't bear to say the name of his lover, and a brother whose heart was breaking along with him. She had been holding things together by the skin of her teeth. She needed this over almost as much as they did.

~~~

“We're going to have to do this fast. Magnus and I have been slowly widening the wards to allow enough space for a portal to form, but it's going to be close. We've got to get in, hope that the portal opening will surprise Lorenzo enough that Magnus can disable him, and get out before any traps or alarms go off.”

Izzy and Jace shared a determined look. Cat had no idea why she'd been worried at all.

Of course the whole thing hadn't gone off entirely without a hitch. The portal hadn't quite been wide enough when it formed, so the three of them couldn't walk through together. Izzy had tripped on thin air and nearly fallen before they'd even started and Cat was worried they'd blown it; but as soon as they'd crested the threshold of the portal, she saw familiar amber light fly across her vision and she knew that she needn't have worried.

“Ms. Loss.” Lorenzo simpered.

Even tied up he was an obnoxious jerk, she thought. “ _So_ glad to see you again, Lorenzo.”

Jace snorted, then walked up towards Lorenzo and punched him square in the face.

“Jace!” Magnus said, surprised. He'd wanted to do the same thing for weeks, but it was one thing thinking it and wishing for it and knowing you couldn't do it, and another actually seeing it.

Lorenzo lowered his head back down from where it had been forced back from the intensity of Jace's punch. He spat on the floor, both spit and blood.

“I see the brute force portion of the duo has turned up. Wish I'd had a chance to break you instead...you'd probably have been far more of a challenge.”

Jace pulled his arm back again, but Magnus stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on, let’s take him home.” The 'to Alec' was silent but heard nonetheless.

Jace knew that the quicker they got this bastard back, the quicker they'd be able to unshackle Alec from him, which meant the quicker he'd be able to kill him, once and for all.

~~~

 

Alec heard the tell-tale sound of a portal opening in Magnus’ loft, a sound he’d heard many times before. He refused to let himself hope, but it could only be someone who had permission to pass Magnus’ wards, and that list of people was small.

Izzy and Catarina walked through the swirling vortex, supporting Magnus who was sagging slightly against Catarina. Jace followed them through, dragging Lorenzo none too gently. Lorenzo was tied by some sort of glowing blue cord, ending in orbs that looked similar to boxing gloves over his hands.

When the surprise had worn off, Alec found himself suddenly incredibly angry.

"What the hell did you think you were doing? Why would you go without me? You could have all…” Alec’s voice trailed off. 

It was like he was seeing Magnus for the first time. 

The anger he had been feeling completely evaporated; because now he was looking at his boyfriend, looking at his dull clothes and his lifeless hair. He could see that he was tired, with bags under his eyes and something inside him just _broke_. 

Alec strode across the room and took Magnus into a crushing embrace, Catarina letting her old friend go, knowing that her new friend wouldn't hurt him. Alec thought the embrace was filled with so much feeling it might make him explode.

It was only after several minutes that he realised they were both crying softly and unable to let go of each other. It was like when Magnus had traded himself, but a hundred times better because they were both home, both safe and with their tormentor subdued. They might get out of this after all.

"How touching." Lorenzo drawled, breaking them out of their bubble.

In a feat never again to be repeated, five people turned at the same time and shouted. "Shut up!'

Magnus and Alec chuckled weakly into each other’s shoulders; but didn’t let each other go.


	39. Chapter 35

They all stood around for a moment, unsure of what to do, what to say. Eventually, Catarina broke the silence.

“Spare bedroom?” 

“ _Third_ bedroom,” Magnus replied, “opaque ward.”

Catarina rolled her eyes at her old friend and smiled. “This isn't my first rodeo, Magnus.”

Jace pulled Lorenzo along, following Catarina's lead and all but threw Lorenzo into the room when he saw it. It was a little box room with a single bed and sparse furnishings. There seemed to be stock artwork on the wall and the whole place had a drab feel to it. It didn't seem like a very Magnus sort of place.

When Catarina saw Jace's look, she smiled again. “It's mostly vacant, he decorates it when he has people to stay.”

Jace smiled at her. He hadn't realised that his thoughts had been written on his face...or that Catarina was a mind reader. He didn't think Warlocks could do that, but he was slightly concerned nonetheless. Who really knew that for sure?

“I'm a guest now am I? Great, paper and coffee at 8am please.” Lorenzo drawled and Cat had to throw herself at Jace to stop him entering the room.

“Guest? _Guest_?” Jace had never felt rage like it. The word 'guest' had sent his mind catapulting back into the memory of Alec being tortured, of Lorenzo telling him he wasn't a good guest. He wanted to kill the man.

“Jace,” Catarina whispered in his ear, having body-checked him into the wall next to the room, “I hate him too, and he'll pay. He will. But right now? We need him to fix Alec.”

“I think it's really cute you think you can fix him. He's defective. He's _weak_. I broke him and there's nothing you can do about it!”

Jace struggled against Catarina, who was deceptively strong but finally stilled. “We need him for Alec?” He reiterated.

“Yes.”

Jace put his hands up in surrender and then stepped away from the doorway.

Catarina moved her hands in a complicated way. It was both exactly the same and completely different to the way that Magnus did magic, and Jace found himself transfixed.

Jace saw the blue light shimmer around the door frame, but there didn't seem to be any opaque barrier, he could still see into the room without hindrance. The orbs around Lorenzo's hands had been reduced too, so they were just circles of light around his wrists, almost like glowing bracelets.

Catarina saw the scepticism on Jace's face and explained the situation to him, calming him down somewhat.

“He can't see or hear us. And no magic is getting out of those anti-magic bands on his wrists. Alec is safe.”

“Good.” Jace replied, still not entirely sure if she was proficient in telepathy or merely good at reading people. Maybe he was just really bad at schooling his features.

~~~

Izzy decided to busy herself making tea, leaving Magnus and Alec in the living room on their own, still holding onto each other.

“I...” Alec said, at the same time as Magnus.

“You...” they said in stereo.

“We...” they wanted to smile, wanted to giggle about that, but weren't sure they were allowed any more.

Alec didn't know what to say. He'd waited for this for so long, and now that Magnus was here, now that he was standing in front of him, he was broken. He couldn't work out what he should say. Magnus' ordeal had been his fault. Perhaps Magnus wouldn't want him anymore, wouldn't want the constant reminder of his pain. Perhaps this wasn't a hug hello, perhaps this was a hug goodbye.

Magnus couldn't work out what to say, didn't know how he was supposed to act. Here was Alec in front of him, alive and currently unharmed. He was safe and he didn't think he had ever been as thankful about anything else in his life; but he was worried. He didn't know if this was too big a mountain for them to climb, too much for them to deal with. He didn't know if this was going to be the last time he was going to get to touch him. Before, he'd have said there was nothing they couldn't do together, now he didn't know if their love was strong enough to weather this storm.

“Sofa?” He asked hopefully, seeing the way that Alec's eyes had darted to the door several times over the last minute.

Alec took a moment to answer, and Magnus started to worry that actually this was it, he had lost him, that they weren't going to survive this. They were still holding each other though, that had to mean something, didn't it?

“Sure.” Alec answered. He wasn't sure whether he should have left, but Magnus hadn't told him to go, hadn't even let go of him, so he let himself hope that maybe everything would be okay.

When they both let go of each other so that they could walk around each side of the sofa, they felt bereft but neither of them said anything. They sat on opposite ends of the sofa and just stared at each other, unsure what to say. The seat in between them seemed to be an insurmountable distance.

Izzy returned to the silent room a few minutes later and stopped in shock, staring at the tableau in front of her. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, couldn't believe that they weren't talking. She had seen them both lose a part of themselves when the other was missing, and now that they were back it wasn’t the joyous occasion she had hoped to see. 

“I've got the tea here,” she announced loudly, and both of the men jumped away from each other. Izzy could see that they had only been leaning infinitesimally towards each other anyway, so it wasn't like she had caught them in the act. She needed to do something. Now.

When Cat came back into the room, she surveyed the scene in front of her and then looked over at Izzy. She raised her eyebrows and they had a conversation entirely with facial expressions. Alec and Magnus didn't even notice.

Jace was just behind Catarina, oblivious to the tension in the room until he saw them. It was only when he really thought about the feeling he was getting through his bond that he realised it for what it was. It was fear. But what did Alec have to fear now? Magnus was back, and he was whole. The fear should have been gone.

“Lorenzo is locked up tight, Alec.” He said, assuming that was what Alec had been scared of, but the tension in his body and the fear coursing through their bond didn't change. “Alec, did you hear what I said?”

Alec looked up at Jace. “Yes, thanks.”

There was an uneasy silence.

Alec leapt to his feet, starting to pace and ticking things off on his fingers as he spoke. 

“Actually, I should probably get on that. Won't he need sending back to The Gard in Idris? Yes. Oh Angel there will be so much paperwork and of course I'll have to take statements from all of you...and myself I suppose. I hope Lydia will be okay running the day to day whilst I project manage the end of this because I think that...”

“ALEC!”

In any other situation, the comical way that Alec turned to his sister would have been legendary, now it just fell flat.

“What?”

“That can wait.” His sister said patiently.

“It can't, Iz. There's so much to do, you have no idea. When something of this magnitude happens, you have to make sure that...”

“Alec.”

“And of course there's the implications to the Clave considering...”

“Alec.”

“Oh and by the Angel what about me, I'm probably compromised. Should I even be leading this investigation?”

“Alec!”

“Actually there might be a protocol about this, am I even supposed to be out and about? Should I be in a cell in The Gard? I can't remember exactly how this works, it's been so long since this has happened. I've probably only even read the protocol once.” 

“ALEC!”

“In fact what if the protocol itself has changed? I might be going off old intel which is never a good...”

“ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD!”

Jace did a double take towards his sister. She'd sounded so much like their mother in that instance, and before he'd even looked back over at Alec he knew that that, rather than any other way of getting his brother's attention, would work. He'd been about to hit him over the head, and he hadn't been convinced that would have worked, but this was brilliant. His sister was brilliant. He'd never even considered cracking out the middle name. That was next level sensible. 

Alec spun to look at his sister, a look of horror on his face. 

Magnus only narrowly avoided the smile that threatened to cross his own face. He took a sip of tea to hide the emotion, unsure whether the jokey banter that he and Alec always shared was allowed at the moment.

“I don't want you thinking about any of that tonight. Tonight is not about that, those are issues for another day.”

“But...”

“Jace? Hadn't we better be going?” She continued, hooking her arm through her other brother's arm.

“Er...what? Oh! Yes. Lots to do.”

“Subtle.” Izzy whispered under her breath, and Jace shot her a winning smile.

“I'll be in the guest room.” Catarina said, once the front door had closed on the young shadowhunters.

“There's...” Magnus started to say, wanting to let Catarina know that her room was messy, that he'd been living in there when Alec was gone and all of his things were strewn across every surface.

“I've moved it all back to your room.”

Magnus knew that she meant 'your' in the plural sense, but he wasn't sure whether that was actually true anymore and he didn't know how to work out whether it was or not. The middle ground hurt. It meant he didn't know if he and Alec were together, but at least in this middle ground, he couldn't be broken. Not knowing was harsh, but knowing and having it be the heart-breaking option was so much worse. He didn't want Cat to go, was too scared to be alone with Alec, too scared that he was about to have his heart broken, that he was going to lose Alec all over again, that Lorenzo had taken this from them.

“Loren...”

“I've got it, Magnus. Just rest. We'll fix all of this tomorrow.”

The silence that descended after Catarina left the room was total. After a moment, Alec pulled his hands through his hair and then resumed the pacing he had stopped when his sister had shouted at him. He was walking across the portion of the floor where Izzy and Jace had made their fort, as if he could garner some latent support from the spot.

Magnus watched his boyfriend (was he still allowed to call him his boyfriend?) pace behind the sofa until he couldn't bear it anymore. He stood and walked around the edge of the chair and then just stopped. He didn't know what to say, didn't have any clue how to start building the almost infinite number of bridges needed to get them back to where they had been.

“Didn't want your tea?” _I love you, we can get through this._

“I don't even trust Izzy with a tea bag.” _I've missed you so much._

“She is a menace in the kitchen!” _I can't apologise enough._

“She's actually banned in the Institute.” _Why is this so hard?_

“Really?” _I refuse to let him take this from us._

“There's a sign and everything.” _Please don't walk away from me._

They lapsed into another awful silence.

“Anyway, you must be tired.” Alec said, hating himself that it was his fault that Magnus had bags under his eyes.

“You too.” Magnus replied, taking in Alec's gaunt frame and knowing that he had caused that look.

They stopped speaking again and just stared at each other, the gap seeming to widen more and more as the moments passed.

“You can sleep on the sofa if you'd like.” Magnus said, waving a hand and creating blankets and sheets out of thin air to rest on the piece of furniture.

“Oh.” 

“Or I can.”

“Oh.”

There was a deafening silence.

“I don't want you to.” Alec whispered quietly. “ _I_ don't want to. I...”

Magnus crossed the gap that seemed to have been ever present since he'd arrived back home. After the initial embrace, which was passionate and fraught because neither of them thought they'd get it again, the chasm had opened up and neither of them had been sure how to broach it, neither of them had been sure that they were _allowed_ to broach it.

“Good.” Magnus whispered into the small gap between them.

Alec tentatively leant down and took Magnus' lips with his own, lifting his head with them, like he had so many months ago.

Magnus rested his hands lightly on Alec's waist, and Alec's right arm held his bicep, pulling him in close.

Neither of them were sure how long they stood there like that, lips pressed together with no passion, but with a depth of love immeasurable by time or space.


	40. Chapter 36

Alec awoke in a cold sweat. The sheets sticking to him were constricting around him, boxing him in. It was like he was buried again. He needed to get free. He wrenched away from the fabric, pawing at the cloth that had been keeping him prisoner. He heard a muffled exclamation behind him and his blood ran cold. What was Lorenzo up to now? What was he going to _make_ him do now? Was there going to be a demon behind him that he'd have to fight with his bare hands? Would there be another horrendous image that he would never be able to unsee? That would haunt him as soon as he closed his eyes? Was Izzy dying? Was Jace? Was _Magnus_?

He pulled away, standing up as quickly as he could, wanting to be on his feet to deal with whatever it was...until he realised _where_ he was. He was in their shared bedroom in Magnus' loft. He was standing, trembling, staring down at a sleepy faced Magnus who had a confused look on his face.

“Alec?”

Alec closed his eyes, backing away until he felt his back hit the apparent wall next to the apparent bed. He slid down the wall, taking the sheets with him so they just ending up bunched in his lap. He was gripping them, as if the material could give him some support.

“Not this. Anything but this. _Please_.” He heard the begging tone in his voice but he couldn't stop it. He meant it. He couldn't be shown this. Whether this was a vision Lorenzo was using because he was taken, or whether it was a particularly graphic dream, it didn't matter. He really couldn't deal with this softness, not if it was all about to be pulled from him. He'd rather the status quo was maintained, even if that was a horror in and of itself.

“Alec?” 

Alec heard the soothing tone to Magnus’ voice, wanted to wrap himself in it and run away from it all at the same time. He could barely deal with the fact that either his subconscious or Lorenzo had summoned this dream to him, had been so horrific to him that he had woken up in the one place he'd wanted to wake up in for what seemed like months now. It wasn't fair.

“Alec, you're okay.” Magnus said softly, shuffling off the bed and planting his feet on the floor. He didn't immediately go to Alec because he didn't want to spook him further. “Alec, can you look at me?”

Alec didn't want to look, didn't want to see whatever it was that he was going to see, but he couldn't help it. Even if this Magnus wasn’t real, even if it was all going to be shattered in the next breath, he couldn't help looking at his partner. He had missed him so much.

Magnus saw the indecision war across Alec's face, but was pleased that he did look into his eyes. “Good. Now can you take a deep breath for me?”

Alec wasn't sure what was happening, normally something bad would have happened by now. He knew that he was setting himself up to fail but he couldn't stop it. He _wanted_ the support, even if it wasn't real.

“Good. And again?”

Magnus talked him through his ragged breathing until Alec was breathing properly without prompts.

“I'm going to sit next to you now, would that be okay?”

Alec looked at Magnus, still waiting for a trick. “Okay,” he said softly.

Magnus sat down next to Alec on the floor, leaving a space between them for a moment. They'd come a long way in the last twenty minutes, he didn't want to push too fast too soon. He left a gap between their bodies so as not to crowd Alec, despite wanting so desperately to pull him in and embrace the pain out of his features.

Alec let his hands be pried away from the sheet he was still clutching and when they were free, he allowed Magnus to hold his hand. He was too tired to care that the hand would soon morph into something else, or his own would be shattered, or any number of other horrors. He just wanted to be held.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Magnus asked softly, entirely unprepared for the fast movement that Alec made, wrenching his hand free of his grasp and standing up.

That was too much for Alec, he couldn't have this version of Magnus being so kind to him, not when it was all about to fall down around his ears. “You know what? No. I can't take this. I can't. Just stop, please.”

Magnus got to his feet slowly. He started to take a step towards his partner but faltered when he saw the look of naked fear in his eyes. He never wanted to see that look on Alec's face, but seeing it directed at him was more pain than he knew how to deal with.

Alec backed further away from Magnus, away from whatever it was that was about to happen, but he backed up too far, toppling onto the bed when it connected with the back of his knees. That was when he gave up. He could almost taste his own defeat. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable.

Moments passed and nothing happened.

“Alexander, it's okay.” Magnus said softly.

Alec opened his eyes, settling them on Magnus, and laughed again, completely without mirth. It turned into a choked sob as he said “No, it's _not_.” He ran his hands through his hair again, leaning his elbows on his knees and letting the tears fall to the floor.

It was killing Magnus that he couldn't go to him, but he knew that him doing that was not what Alec needed right then, and so he stayed away, trying to come up with a way to get through to him, a way to make him see that this was real. When it came to him, he only narrowly avoided laughing at himself for his stupidity. Alec had already given him the answer.

“You gave me that Omamori charm that I carry with me every day...”

“What?” Alec asked on an exhale, lifting his head up.

“It was after our night in Tokyo...”

Alec stood up but was still reluctant, couldn't bear to bring himself to hope that this was real, that he had Magnus back, that they were both safe.

“We were at the Palace Hotel and we kissed on the terrace...” Magnus continued, allowing a small smile to come to his face. He could see Alec finally peeking through the haze of disbelief.

“Magnus?”

Magnus moved then, bringing Alec in close and hugging him tightly. Alec sagged against him, all of his energy seeming to leave him all at once.

They stood like that for several minutes, Magnus stroking Alec's back and Alec breathing in the familiar scent of his partner.

“Are you cold? Would you like some hot chocolate?” Magnus fussed. He thought he'd earnt the right to fuss, and it was probably going to be a long time before he stopped.

Alec laughed softly, forever amused by the way that Magnus attributed certain beverages to different situations. Hot chocolate was for comfort and tears. He snagged a T-shirt that had fallen to the floor at some point and pulled it over his head. Now that Magnus had mentioned it, he was cold. He was also tired, but he didn't think he could face getting back into that bed again yet, even if Magnus would be cuddling him.

“Sure.”

Magnus moved his hands in the way he always did, but before anything could appear within them, Alec clasped both of his own over them.

“Can we just do it by hand?” Alec asked quietly, sounding lost and broken again.

Magnus almost asked why, until he realised why Alec was asking. The anger that simmered beneath his skin at all times about what Lorenzo had done to his love rose to the forefront again. He wanted to kill him. He wished he _had_ killed him.

“Of course, Alexander.”

They moved off into the living space and towards the kitchen. Magnus held Alec's hand the entire way. Neither of them wanted to be far away from each other.

Magnus waved his other hand surreptitiously at his side, concentrating so that he could do magic undetected. It was always possible for him to do it, but it took more of a toll on his magic and didn't look anywhere near as impressive. He knew a lot of his more insufferable clients didn't believe he'd done anything even if they could see the results, unless they saw the magic swirls in the air. He conjured every possible computation of hot chocolate paraphernalia in his cupboards.

Alec smiled when he opened the cupboard and a bag of marshmallows fell on his head. Magnus would make a hundred of those slapstick moments happen if they could just keep that smile on Alec's face indefinitely.

When they had settled on the sofa, cups in hand, Magnus finally felt able to broach the subject that so clearly needed speaking about.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Alec replied immediately, taking a sip of his mint chocolate drink.

Magnus would have been surprised if his boyfriend had said yes. Alec had come a long way since they'd met, but he still found showing weakness in front of others very difficult to deal with. He was starting to think of other ways that he could get Alec to open up about the matter when Alec spoke again.

“But I think I need to.”

Alec took a few deep breaths but couldn't think of the words to say. How did he explain to Magnus what he was feeling, what he had been feeling for weeks now? How did he explain the utter powerlessness he had felt with Lorenzo? The same powerlessness he felt, even when he was out from under Lorenzo's grasp? How did he explain to Magnus that he was defective now? That he wasn't the person he fell in love with? How did he explain to him that he was broken and no longer whole, no longer brave, no longer worthy of his love?

Magnus saw the cogs whirring in Alec's head, could see him over thinking everything, could see the look of sadness on his lover's face, and wanted to do anything to get rid of it.

“Alexander,” he started softly, “it doesn't matter what it is, you can tell me.”

Alec looked at Magnus, at this beautiful man in front of him that he wasn't sure he had the right to love anymore. The man who had been through hell because of him, who had been tortured because of him, and he couldn't do it. He couldn't get the words to flow, couldn't make them come out of his mouth and into the air. If he gave voice to them the bubble would break and they would be forever pulled apart, and he couldn't take that.

Alec carefully took his hand out of Magnus'. He didn't want to wrench away like he had when he thought this wasn't real. This was real and that was almost worse. Almost. He stood up, needing to move, needing to pace, needing to be doing something to tame the racing thoughts rampaging through his mind. Exercise had always been something that had calmed him down, and whilst this wasn't strictly exercise, he hoped that he could trick his body into thinking it was good enough.

“Alexander, I mean it,” Magnus said, and then with a wry smile added, “when things get crazy, don't push me away.”

Alec stopped at that and turned back to his boyfriend, the man that he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the man who he'd damned.

“By the Angel, I want to tell you. I do.”

“Then do, Alexander. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.”

Alec walked back over to the sofa and sunk down into it, he reached forward to snag his now lukewarm cup of hot chocolate and took a sip. He put the cup down again and leant back into the sofa cushions. He loved this sofa. It was comfy, but it was more than that, it seemed to hug your body shape however you sat or lay on it. He privately thought that Magnus had somehow spelled it like that. Either way, he was grateful for the comfort it was affording him.

“I...”

Magnus moved closer and took Alec’s hands in his own, squeezing slightly. 

“Ugh. I don't know where to start.” Alec finally said. It wasn't a lie, so much had happened to him that he didn't know what he should say. There didn't seem to be any good way to say any of it. How could he explain all of the horrific things that had happened, both when he was taken and since he'd been back? There weren't even words for how scared and alone he'd felt.

“Start wherever you like, I'm here.”

Alec took another few deep breaths but didn't say anything. He was bursting with things to say but couldn't bear to say any of them. He wasn't ready for this to end.

“What about starting with the nightmares?” Magnus said gently. Perhaps giving Alec a specific goal in mind would help him to talk. He clearly wanted to and he wanted to facilitate that as much as he could.

“Which one?” Alec said quietly.

“Whichever one.” Magnus said, matching the volume of Alec's voice.

“I...” Alec sat up straighter and seemed to pull himself together long enough to start to speak more than a single syllable. “When you were gone, I...Look this piece of magic he left in me...Um...”

Magnus squeezed his boyfriend’s hand, rubbing his thumb across the back of it in a gesture of support. He wasn't going to prod Alec anymore, he needed to get this out, so he was going to let him.

“When I was taken...he. Oh by the Angel I can't do this.” Alec tried to pull away his hand from Magnus, but Magnus held on.

“Alexander, it's okay.”

Alec did pull his hand away then, standing up again and pacing. He had to move, couldn't stay sitting on the sofa, it felt too much like he was confined, too much like he'd been taken all over again.

“It's not okay though, is it?” Alec said, his voice rising in volume. “It's not fucking okay! I'm...he...He _broke_ me Magnus, and I don't...I can't...I don't know how to put myself back together again, I don't know if I even can.”

Magnus stood too, navigating around the coffee table to stand in front of Alec, reaching out with his hand to try and still his pacing boyfriend.

“You don't have to do this alone.” Magnus said, rubbing a hand up Alec's arm, showing him he was there without crowding his space.

“Can we...can we go outside for a bit? I can't be in here right now.”

Magnus took Alec up onto the roof, refilling their hot chocolates as he went until they were steaming hot again. He passed one of the cups over to Alec and Alec realised with a shock that it was the gag gift that Magnus had given him however long ago that had been. He supposed the fact that Magnus had given him this mug meant that Magnus at least thought that this relationship was still worth it. That was comforting to know.

“It's nice up here,” Alec said after a moment, “big.” _Open. Not like my cell. Not like that box._

“Hmm.” Magnus hummed, leading his boyfriend over to their favourite bench, with their favourite view over the city.

“He had me in a cell, Magnus.” 

Magnus waited, not wanting to interrupt lest Alec stop talking, even if he did want to rail and scream about the fact that Lorenzo had put Alec, who couldn't bear to be inside for too long before he got antsy, in a cell with no stimulus at all. It was brilliant in its cruelty, and it made him hate the man he had once called friend more.

“I don't know for how long, time seemed to...I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. I think he thought it was funny to put someone like me in a cell, to take away my ability to train, my ability to draw runes, my ability to do anything really. And he said you...he said you were there too, in that place. I was so stupid, because I believed him. I believed his lies and I could have got free so many times if I hadn't thought you'd be hurt if I tried.” Alec said, stamping down on the voice inside him that told him he'd never have got free, not with Lorenzo's magic, not with the way he'd acted with him.

Magnus moved closer, aligning his body along Alec's side, close enough that Alec could feel his presence but far enough away that if Alec wanted to lean away, he could. He was happy to feel that Alec actually leaned into him.

“It was...the things he did, Magnus. I can't...”

Magnus squeezed Alec's hand. “I know.”

Alec turned to his partner, running his free hand though his hair as he did so. “You don't know, Magnus it was...”

“I _know_.”

“How?” Alec asked, incredulously.

“Lorenzo likes to play his games. He sent me these pieces of enchanted glass, let me see what you were going through, made me watch and ensured I was powerless to stop it. I _get_ powerlessness, Alec. I get it.”

“You saw...” Alec asked, wide eyed.

“I guess I didn't see everything, Lorenzo wouldn't have done that. But I saw enough. I know what he did to you.” He reached his free hand and ran it over the new rune on Alec's left wrist.

Alec pulled away, a scared look on his face.

“I know what he did to you.” Magnus said again, clearly. Putting emphasis on his words, begging Alec to understand what he was saying. He knew the pain of that rune, knew exactly what it represented and how bad the visions were. He couldn't begin to understand the other things that Alec had gone through, but this was something they now both shared. It was a horrific something, but it was something that bonded them nonetheless.

“Do you really think this is going to be okay?” Alec asked in a quiet voice. He hated how small he sounded, how broken, but that was how he felt, so he supposed it made sense if his voice sounded like that too.

“I do,” Magnus said firmly, “tomorrow, we're going to get you free of his clutches Alec, and then he'll be in a cell in The Gard and it'll be over.”

Alec didn't want to contradict him, but he privately thought that Magnus was wrong. This wasn't likely to ever be over.

~~~

The next time Alec woke, it was early morning. The last few hours had been nightmare free, he thought probably by dint of the fact that Magnus had hugged him to sleep, their legs tangled together and his breath ghosting the back of his neck.

He padded into the living area and then turned towards where the third bedroom was. He had to see Lorenzo with his own eyes, know that he was no longer a threat to them. He needed to prove that he was his own man and had the power to get through this, even if 'this' was only the next five minutes.

Alec looked into the room where Lorenzo was held captive. There was a slight blue shimmer to the door frame, and when Alec touched it, it felt warm and spongy, like he was touching a hot water bottle.

He felt Magnus slip up behind him. He thought he'd been quiet when he'd got out of bed, but apparently he hadn't been quiet enough. He couldn't quite admit it to himself, but he was glad his boyfriend was there. Even behind a barrier, Lorenzo looked threatening.

“Can he hear us?” He asked quietly.

“No.” Magnus replied, slipping a hand into his. “Are you okay?”

“No, but I will be. He's not going to break me again, to break _us_.”

Magnus smiled brilliantly at Alec, and pulled him into an embrace. “You're amazing.”

Alec didn't believe it, and Magnus could see that reflected on his face, but he vowed to tell Alec every day until he did believe it. Lorenzo wasn't going to take this from them.


	41. Chapter 37

Alec wasn't sure how long he stood there in the doorway staring at Lorenzo, Magnus standing by his side offering him silent support, but it was long enough that he felt his stomach rumble.

“Come on, I'll make breakfast.” Magnus said, leading him away. He saw fear cross Alec's face again and Magnus felt the rage beneath his skin threatening to engulf him again. It was a good job that Lorenzo was behind a ward, because Magnus wanted to rain harm down on him. It wasn't that he couldn't get through Cat's wards, but that it would take a while and his rage would have dissipated before he could get to him. That, and he wouldn't want to put Alec's life in danger just for the satisfaction that he'd get from hurting his old friend. He knew that he had to keep it together, for both of them.

As they walked across his loft, he cast the same silent and invisible magic he had the previous day, making sure he had all of the ingredients for pancakes. If Alec thought it was odd that all of the ingredients were readily available, he didn't comment.

Alec sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar and watched Magnus make pancakes from scratch, flipping them expertly and gracefully. There seemed to be no end to his boyfriend's talents and he felt an upsurge of love within him watching him do this mundane task. He was grateful that he hadn't had to remind Magnus that he didn't want to summon breakfast from their local eatery. He didn't think he could voice that particular weakness again so soon, not when there were so many others trying to push themselves to the surface alongside it.

“I should have been there.” He said, almost without conscious thought.

Magnus caught the pancake he was making on a plate and put it down in front of Alec, squeezing a bit of lemon juice onto the top and throwing blueberries to finish it off with a flourish.

“Where?”

“When they got you back, I should have been there.”

Magnus paused mid shake of the pan, the newly squirted oil for his own pancake drizzling around the hot surface, and waited for Alec to carry on speaking. This didn't seem like a time to interrupt and potentiality make him withdraw again, so he waited.

“What happened?” Alec asked, suddenly needing to know all the details, as if not knowing was going to make Magnus disappear again.

“I'm home, Alexander. That's all that matters.”

“I think I need to hear it, Magnus. Please?”

Magnus brought his own plate with a pancake on top of it (strawberries with a sprinkling of cinnamon) around to the other chair and sat down. He turned to his boyfriend.

“Okay. Well as you know, Cat...”

“Pretend I don't know anything.” Alec said quietly. “I haven't really been around much recently.” Deep down, he knew that he'd been falling to pieces without his partner and probably would have been a liability on the mission in any case, but it killed him that he hadn't been there. It killed him that his siblings had known that he wasn't up to such a mission and had left him at home. It killed him that they knew what kind of man he was now. It killed him as he wondered whether or not he had always been that man.

Magnus nodded, understanding what Alec was not saying, understanding that Alec's analytical mind needed all of the facts to make sense of what had happened. Ordinarily he loved that about him, but he worried about what telling him every detail might do, what memories it might evoke.

“Cat spoke to me, in a dream, several dreams, just like she helped you to do. We worked out exactly how we were going to get me out, how we were going to take him with us, how we were going to save you.”

Alec scoffed. “I didn't need saving. You were the one who...”

Magnus reached across to his boyfriend, taking his hand in one of his own. “We both did, and that's okay.”

Alec opened his mouth to argue, to tell Magnus that he wasn't worth it, that whatever had happened to him when he'd been within Lorenzo's clutches was his own fault, no-one else's, that he didn't deserve this love. If Magnus only knew what he'd done, or not done, he wouldn't want to be near him, let alone hold his hand. He tried to pull away, but Magnus only tightened his hold.

“Alexander,” Magnus said kindly but firmly, “Alexander, look at me.”

Alec looked up at Magnus under hooded lashes, not raising his head.

“We _deserved_ to be rescued, okay? Both of us.”

Alec nodded his head once, quickly. He didn't believe it, but if it would help Magnus to think that he did, he'd do it. Anything to take that haunted look from his partner's face.

Magnus was frustrated with his boyfriend, frustrated with the situation that Lorenzo had put them in, frustrated with the fact he couldn't seem to make Alec believe him, frustrated that they even needed to be having this conversation. The fact that his time in captivity had caused him to doubt himself, doubt this reality, doubt his worth, was something that Magnus would never forgive Lorenzo for. The fact that Alec didn't believe him stung, but he knew that it wasn't his boyfriend's fault, he just needed to try harder to get him to understand how loved and needed he was. If it took until the end of time, he was willing to do it. Anything for Alec.

“So...” Alec said after a second, squeezing Magnus' hand as he did so.

“So. Right, do you want the technical warlock stuff?”

Alec smiled a little at that.

“I want everything.” Alec replied, and it sounded like he was saying something else.

It was Magnus' turn to smile. He knew that he blushed slightly too.

“Okay,” Magnus replied, “here goes.”

Alec listened, really listened, in a way he realised he rarely did. He knew how much he supported his siblings and they knew he was always there for them, but listening to Magnus, he came to the realisation that they didn't seek him out for advice, didn't want him to listen, and he felt like he had been neglecting that, and he vowed to be better.

“Cat and I worked out that the...” Magnus took a deep breath and gripped Alec's hand harder, “...that the opening that Lo...that he had made in the wards so he could affect your dreams, was something we could exploit.” 

Magnus waited to see if Alec was going to say anything.

Alec nodded at Magnus, letting him know that he'd like him to continue; but in his head the word 'exploit' was getting very, very loud. He had been exploited. He'd been exploited by Lorenzo because of his love, because of his weaknesses, because of his failure to protect anyone. He was a fraud.

“Alexander!”

Alec looked at Magnus, who was struggling in his grip and he let go, standing up so quickly the stool he had been sitting on toppled over.

“By the Angel, Magnus. I'm so sorry, I...”

Alec moved forward a step as if to go to Magnus to help him and then immediately stepped back as if he realised that that wasn't a good thing to do, wasn't what Magnus would want right then and there.

Magnus saw the indecision on Alec's face, saw it in his movements and he didn't want to lose him again, not when he felt like over the last twenty-four hours they'd made so much progress.

“Alexander, it's okay. _I'm_ okay.”

Alec looked up at his boyfriend incredulously. “You keep saying that Magnus, but you don't know. You can't...I _hurt_ you! How can...”

Magnus moved slowly towards Alec, trying not to spook him any further. When he got to him he reached out both hands and pulled Alec's own towards him. He stood facing him, and yet Alec's eyes were settling on anything but him.

“Alexander, please look at me.” Magnus said softly, “please don't hide from me.”

Alec shifted his gaze to Magnus, pulling him in closer and raising their joined hands to his lips, kissing them. “I hurt you.”

“I'm okay, Alec. Really.”

Alec looked away from the golden eyes that he loved so much and spoke in a very quiet voice. “I don't just mean now. I mean before, when...” he swallowed, “when you were with him, when I was with him.”

“Alec, that wasn't your fault.”

Alec looked up again, his gaze fiery when it rested on his boyfriend's. “Wasn't it?”

“Of course it wasn't, Alec! You can't think...this _wasn't_ your fault. None of this. This was all Lorenzo's doing, the blame lays firmly with him.”

“But...”

“No.” Magnus said firmly. “No. You need to hear this Alec. This was _not. Your. Fault_. I know he...I know there's a lot that we need to work out, but believe that singular truth if you can't believe anything else. This wasn't your fault, and I'll shout down anyone who says it was, even if that person is you. Okay?”

Alec gave a soft smile at that, and Magnus counted that as a win.

“Do you want to go back to eating your pancakes now?”

Alec's stomach gave a rumble as if on cue, and they both laughed.

When their plates were cleared, Alec turned to Magnus once more. “So, how did you escape?”

Magnus chuckled, hoping that the third time was the charm, and that hopefully Alec would be okay this time, would be able to hear this story without any further trauma.

“The opening he'd made,” Magnus started carefully, waiting for any signs of distress. When he didn't see any, he continued. “It didn't just work one way. Once you've created a hole in a ward, you can't stop things from coming in, until you fix it again. Lorenzo, ugh, he's so arrogant that it didn't occur to him that anyone would try and come at it from the other direction, probably didn't think you'd even go and see another warlock, probably didn't think that you _knew_ any another warlocks.”

“It was Izzy that suggested Cat,” Alec said, his eyes lighting up as they always did when he mentioned his sister, “she said that you were her friend.”

“I am. I guess I'm her oldest friend now.” Magnus said, his eyes darkening as he once more remembered all those that he had loved and lost over his long life.

“Madzie wanted to help too.” Alec said, smiling and attempting to chase that look of sorrow off his boyfriend's face.

“Of course she did. Oh how I love that little Munchkin.” Magnus said, his face brightening again at the mention of the young warlock.

“So, broken wards...” Alec said, interested to see how a small hole in a giant ward equalled them getting him out.

“Cat and I widened the hole in the ward, ever so slowly. It felt too slow at times, especially when you...” Magnus swallowed and then met Alec's eyes with his own, “especially when he hurt you. I wanted to get out of there, get to you, but Cat said, and she was right, even though I fought her on it at the time, that we had to be as slow as possible, or he might notice the hole and close it. And every time I did something wrong, every time he used that mistake to hurt you, I wanted to speed up the process.”

“He did what?” Alec asked, his voice low and menacing.

“What?” Magnus asked, confused. He thought Alec knew this, he wouldn't have been so cavalierly talking about it if he had thought Alec didn't know. “You knew that, didn't you?” He asked softly, afraid of the answer.

“I knew that he had used that link to hurt me, to send me dreams, whatever his sick mind could come up with, but I didn't know, God Magnus, I didn't know that it was because of you.”

_Oh._

“I'm sorry.” Magnus said, dropping his head. “I'm so, so sorry.”

Alec reached forward and lifted Magnus' chin with a slender finger. “You've got nothing to be sorry for, Magnus. This is _him_. I just didn't realise that he was punishing you like this, I didn't _know_. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through that because of me. Forgive me?”

Magnus smiled and chuckled softly. “Did you just hear yourself?”

It was Alec's turn to be confused. “What?”

“You just said that I had nothing to be sorry for, that it was all Lorenzo's doing, that you hadn't realised what he'd been doing to me because of your perceived slights. Alexander, can't you see that if you can forgive me for this, even though I apparently have nothing to be sorry for, then I of course forgive you, even though you have nothing to be sorry for? This was him. Not us.”

“Magnus, I...”

“It's okay if you don't believe me now, and it's okay if you don't believe me the next ten times I tell you, but I'm not going to stop saying it until you believe it, okay?”

Alec smiled. “Okay, Magnus.”

Magnus waited to see whether Alec was going to say anything else, but when he didn't, he carried on with his story.

“So, Cat and I managed to widen the hole enough that we thought she could get in with a portal. The problem was, I didn't know exactly where we were though. Every time Lorenzo sent me out on an errand, he moved the apartments afterwards so I was disoriented. We had to do extensive work, an extensive spell that allowed Cat to use me as a focus for the spell. I got the idea from Lorenzo actually. Loathe as I am to praise the man, he is very good at that sort of thing. The _thing_ he did to you was just his brand of maliciousness; but it did give me an idea. Cat essentially did what he had done, drip feeding me a bit of her magic every time we met in a dream...”

Alec looked confused and Magnus took pity on him. He knew that Alec said he needed to know everything, but this everything was incredibly complicated to explain to a magic user, let alone someone who had never had any schooling in the subject. He wasn't entirely sure that he and Cat hadn't done something completely new, a new branch of magic that he'd have to study in depth with her at a much later date. It was fascinating how they'd managed to transcend a dream and allow her to give him a pinprick of her magic through that subconscious barrier and into his conscious body.

Magnus laughed kindly. He could feel himself spiralling off into 'research mode' and took a concerted effort in reining himself in. 

“Sorry. Right, all you need to know is that Cat used me as a tether, which meant that even though she didn't know where I was, she could feel her magic. Even if your spells are decades, or even centuries old, you can always feel your own magic. It's like a fingerprint. So, she was able to create a portal right into the suite where I was standing with Lorenzo. We deliberately set a time when I would be working in the main room with him, and she came through. As soon as I saw the portal start to form, I used the distraction to attack him, disabling him. I think Jace was upset that Lorenzo didn't put up much of a fight to be honest. Cat put him in anti-magic bonds and we brought him back here.”

Alec was quiet for a long time before he spoke, taking Magnus' hand in his own.

"I wasn't there." Alec said quietly, after Magnus had finished his long explanation of events. It was the first thought that had popped into his head when Magnus had been brought back through that portal and it had been banging around in his head since then. He hadn't even realised he had said it out loud until Magnus started to reply.

"Alexander listen to me. You weren't there right at the end, but you were there with me every minute of every day. You got me through this. They might have brought me home, but you kept me sane. I couldn't have done this without you."

Alec got off the stool he had been sitting on and embraced Magnus. 

Magnus slipped off his own stool so he could hug Alec properly. They held on tightly, knowing that they had a long way to go, but knowing they could get there, supporting one another as they did. Both of their eyes were shiny with unshed tears when they pulled away from each other. They knew one thing with absolute certainty.

Together they could achieve absolutely anything.


	42. Chapter 38

Magnus knew that they would be having lots of conversations between them. They might forever be having similar conversations until both he and Alec were okay, or as close to okay as they could be after what they'd both been through. There was a lot that needed to be discussed, after all; not least the blame that Alec seemed to have placed on himself for the actions that had happened. It didn't seem to matter what Magnus said, it always crept back in. He wasn't naïve enough to think this would be resolved overnight, but he couldn't help but feel slightly hurt that Alec didn't believe him, didn't think that he was loved. It felt like a slight somehow, though Magnus didn't know how to broach it within his own mind, let alone explain it to Alec and work out a way that they could get through it.

Alec was grateful that he'd managed to get through the night without any dreams, although Magnus had told him that he had still been tossing and turning. He was grateful that even if his subconscious had been having nightmares, his conscious self was at least blissfully unaware of them. Waking up next to Magnus, being able to pull him in close and hug him, settle him across his chest and run his hand lazily through his hair, as one of Magnus' arms rested on his torso, seemed like a level of perfection he thought he'd never have again. To have their legs tangled together and have him feel safe, rather than boxed in by the weight, was something he'd be forever thankful for.

“Magnus, I...”

“GET SOME CLOTHES ON! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY NAKEDNESS WHEN I WALK IN THERE!” 

“Then don't come in!” Alec and Magnus chorused and then fell into a fit of giggles. They couldn't possibly have heard Jace tut through the doorway, and yet they both felt like they had heard it anyway.

“We really should get out there.” Alec said into the top of Magnus' head, moving to pull his arm away so that Magnus could move.

“If you stop me snuggling with my incredibly hot boyfriend, you'll be sorry.” Magnus threatened.

Alec laughed then, a full throated laugh. He moved anyway, capturing Magnus' lips with his own before Magnus could protest. They lay like that, lazily kissing and enjoying each other's presence after so long without.

An amount of time later, that neither of the two inside the room knew, there was a knock on the door.

“Magnus, we really do need to get started,” Cat's sensible voice came through the door, “I'm not sure how long this will take.”

“Ugh, fine.” Magnus grumbled, pulling away from Alec. He looked for a moment upon lust filled eyes and kiss bitten lips and he marvelled at what he might have lost, and how lucky he was not to have done so.

“What?” Alec whispered into the space, looking at the sappy grin on his partner's face, at his beautiful real eyes, at his plump and glistening lips. He thought about how lucky he was to still have this, how lucky he was that the universe had let him keep this other side of his heart.

“I was just thinking about how much I love you, Alexander.” Magnus said, leaning in for another chaste kiss.

Alec smiled at him and Magnus thought that was one of the best views in the history of the world.

“I love you too, Magnus. So much.”

~~~

“Finally.” Jace said.

“We _did_ have to get dressed.” Alec said good-naturedly.

“Interesting, I didn't take you for the naturist type, Jace.” Magnus quipped and Jace rolled his eyes.

“The coffee is cold, but the pastries will be fine.” Izzy said, gesturing at the offering that her and her brother had brought around to the loft.

“Ye of little faith,” Magnus said, handing Alec a cup with one hand and snapping his fingers with the other. The coffee started to steam again from the Styrofoam cup.

Alec jumped when Magnus snapped his fingers and Magnus kicked himself mentally for being so inconsiderate. Magic was such an integral part of him that he did it almost instinctively nowadays. The fact that he was going to have to second guess his every movement from now on made him furious, not at Alec, but at the man with whom he would soon be face to face. He once again was grateful for Catarina's wards.

“I'm sorry.” Magnus said softly, when he handed the cup over. “I didn't think.”

“It's okay.” Alec said, even though it wasn't, but it wasn't Magnus' fault that he was so weak that he couldn't even accept a hot drink when it was offered, so he let the lie continue.

“So,” Cat started, slipping easily into her teacher role, “we'll all have specific roles in this ritual. Alec, you'll be with me in the centre of the pentagram. I'll be able to support you as Magnus casts the spell. Lorenzo will be over here, in a smaller pentagram. It will be linked to the larger one to enable us to untangle the link between you. We'll have to remove his anti-magic cuffs to do it, but Magnus will be able to keep him secured in his portion of the ritual circle.”

Alec looked at Magnus, eyes wide and a look of such naked fear on his face that Magnus found the ever-present rage rise within him again.

“He'll have his magic?” Alec asked, hating how broken he sounded from the small question. He felt through his bond a sense of pride, and the realisation that Jace thought he was strong enough to do this was enough to make him stand straighter. Even if it was only by a little bit.

Magnus slid his fingers into Alec's, gripping him tightly.

“We have to let him have his magic, or we won't be able to extract it from you. We need that channel to be unbroken.”

“But...”

Magnus plucked the coffee cup out of Alec's hand and handed it off to someone, he didn't even know who. He then held his own cup out for someone to take.

“Alec,” Magnus said, moving so he could hold both of his hands. He hated that Alec had a hunch to his shoulders, hated that it reminded him of the time he had broken up with him, the last time that he had seen Alec look this broken. “Alec, can you look at me?”

Alec let his eyes settle on Magnus' but almost immediately he looked away again.

“Alexander...”

Alec looked back at the person he loved most in this entire world. “He'll have his magic, Magnus.” Alec said, trying to say everything he wanted to say in those five words without saying anything else _apart_ from those five words. He hoped that Magnus would understand, that he wouldn't have to explain it all, partially because he wasn't sure if he even could.

Magnus felt like his heart was breaking in two watching Alec. He let go with one of his hands and cupped Alec's cheek with it. Alec leant into the touch and he saw that as a good sign, a sign that Alec was drawing towards support and not pulling away from it.

“I'm not going to let _anything_ happen to you, Alexander.”

Alec closed his eyes for a second, then gave a deep sigh. “Okay.” He took another deep breath and then turned to Catarina, who was holding two coffee cups in her hands and beaming at the both of them. “Okay, so he's over here. Where are Jace and Izzy?”

Catarina explained that Jace would need to be out of the pentagram, but that he would likely feel some of the effects of the spell, so Izzy would need to be with him to mitigate any of them with Iratze runes or similar.

“I'm not going to sugar coat this for you, Alec. This is probably going to hurt. Essentially we're pulling something out of you and it might actually feel like that at times.”

Alec nodded grimly.

“Okay then,” Cat said, “let’s get started.”

~~~

Alec and Isabelle had ended up on the roof waiting for them to be called down when the spell was ready to be cast. There was a lot of warlock preparation to be done and whilst they hadn't expressly been told to get out of the way, they suspected their nervous energy and hovering had got on the immortal's nerves after a while, so they took their cue and left.

Jace had run out to get more coffee, despite Magnus telling him they had a perfectly good coffee machine in the loft. Alec suspected that his Parabatai had just wanted to have something to do, so he hadn't pushed.

“Do you want to talk, Big Brother?” Izzy said, flopping down on the hot roof and staring at the sky. It wasn't quite the truth fort, but she hoped that her brother would take advantage of what she was offering anyway.

Alec lay down next to his sister, watching the clouds pass overhead. The hot roof beneath him had a soothing effect and he felt one of the knots in his back start to loosen from the thermal application.

“I'm okay, Iz.”

“No lies in the truth fort!” Isabelle said automatically, forgetting where she was.

Alec laughed, despite himself.

“Sorry, old habits.”

“No, you're right, Iz. No lies in the Truth Fort. Or Truth Fort au naturál, I guess. Actually, I like the ring that has.” Alec said, turning to his sister. 

Isabelle turned too, giggling. Silly Alec was one of her favourite versions of her brother, even if she knew that this time would be short lived, the darkness within him was ever present at the moment. She was about to say something before Jace came up the stairs holding a take-out tray of coffee cups and a bag that Isabelle very much hoped contained more pastries.

“Same again?” He said.

Alec didn't correct him that he hadn't managed to either drink or eat something the last time round, but he understood Jace's sentiment. It was sweet.

Jace sat down on Alec's left and he was grateful. He couldn't do this without them. 

“Thanks,” Alec said, taking the proffered cup and inhaling the sweet cinnamon scent that reminded him so much of Magnus. He remembered the conversation they'd had yesterday over their pancakes, and he felt so grateful that he had three people in his life who loved him despite his many flaws.

Izzy snatched the bag out of Jace's hand and he attempted to swipe it back, but his sister was quicker.

“Now now,” Alec said, “I think you'll find the eldest gets to pick their pastry first.”

“I've never heard that before.” Izzy said, at the same time that Jace said “sounds like a made up rule to me.”

Alec smiled genuinely at his siblings. Moments like this made him forget, if only for a moment, what he had been through, what Magnus had been through, what they were all still living through; and he was more grateful for this time than he could say.

When they had all finished their coffees and breakfast, Alec was the first one to lay back down on the roof.

Izzy and Jace shared an inscrutable look above his head before lying down themselves. It had to be serious for Alec to be the one who initiated the sacred rite that they had enacted for longer than they could remember.

“I'm scared.” Alec said into the silence a few minutes later.

Alec didn't elaborate on his sentence, so after a moment, Isabelle spoke.

“About the ritual?”

“Yeah, I guess?” Alec hedged, not even really sure what he was getting at.

“Magnus knows what he's doing, so does Cat. It'll be okay.” Jace said, and Alec couldn't help thinking that it was amazing the distance they'd all come in such a short space of time. Izzy had always been something of a free spirit, but if someone had told him a year ago that Jace Wayland was going to be vouching for warlocks, he'd have laughed them straight into the infirmary for a check-up.

“It's not them,” Alec said timidly, hating that his voice sounded the way it did. “Or it's not _just_ them. Having that man there, having him near us all, near you, near Magnus. It makes my skin crawl.”

“We'll fix this, Alec.” Isabelle said, putting a hand on his arm.

“You don't get it, Iz. None of you do. He's always twelve steps ahead.”

Jace put his hand on Alec's other arm. “Not this time.”

~~~

They had stayed on the roof, lying and basking in the rays of the sun that deigned to break through the clouds for over an hour, not moving. They didn't say anything to each other, but they didn't need to, their familial bond speaking in lieu of words.

Chairman Meow arrived on the roof and nuzzled Alec's ankles, which made him sit up. When he did, he saw that the door to the loft was open and he knew it was time. Taking a few deep breaths, he stood up and, knowing his siblings would follow, he started his descent back into the loft.

Alec had only just set his feet on the floor of the loft, merely a step away from where the staircase met the floor, when he was assaulted with the visage of Lorenzo, stationary, but seemingly free, in the middle of Magnus' space. His logical brain was telling him that Cat and Magnus wouldn't be milling around like they were if Lorenzo was really a threat, but his animal brain was telling him that he needed to escape, needed to leave, _now_.

He took a step backwards and Jace, who was the step above him on the staircase, put his hand on his shoulder, steadying him. He must be feeling the terror that was emanating from him through the bond they shared. If he hadn't been standing behind him, Alec wasn't sure what he'd have done.

“I hope your little chat was healing, Alexander. I know how fragile you can be.” Lorenzo said, needling at just the right spot to cause maximum hurt, like he always did.

“What?” Alec breathed out, barely a word.

Jace moved around his Parabatai and advanced on Lorenzo, wanting to shut his mouth permanently. Without conscious thought he had a dagger in his hand and had it to the warlock's neck before he felt Isabelle's hand on his arm, pulling him backwards.

“Jace, no!” Izzy said, wrestling the knife from her brother's grip and handing it off to Magnus who had come over to restrain Jace himself if it was necessary. He wasn't having Jace ruin their work now, not when he was so close to getting Alec whole again.

“Try it, Blondie! What do you think happens to your poor, broken, Shadowhunter if you kill me?” 

Jace backed away slightly.

“I mean, can you really afford to lose any more of your family?”

Jace surged forwards again and Isabelle held him back. She stayed on guard, wanting to hurt Lorenzo for both of those questions, but knew that she couldn't, knew that she needed to keep both of her brothers, and Magnus if it came to it, calm. She looked over at Cat who inclined her head slightly. She could see this situation for the powder keg that it had become too. 

“That's right, back up. Follow your sister. Try your fancy spells. You'll never untangle what I've put in there. You're going to have to keep me alive, safe, and subdued, until he dies. If I get free, I could kill him, like that.” He punctuated his final word with a snap of his fingers, and Alec jumped, hating himself for it.

Lorenzo just laughed.

“Let's get this done.” Jace said, feeling the fear that was now coursing through the bond he shared with Alec intensify. He wanted this over with so that he could kill the warlock for thinking he could hurt Alec without consequences, could hurt _Magnus_ without consequences. Even if he had no stake in it, even if he didn't like Magnus, even if he wasn't starting to see him as a friend, there would still be consequences. Lorenzo had broken the Accords and he needed to be punished for it. He just wasn't planning on letting it get to The Clave for trial. Lorenzo was going to have an accident along the way, and he was going to cause it. He could promise him that.

“As we discussed then.” Catarina said, moving to the centre of the pentagram with Alec following her, reluctantly.

He took a couple of deep breaths and then lay down as he had been directed. He tried not to think too much about what was about to happen. He trusted Magnus, he trusted his magic, he knew that he wouldn't hurt him; but he also knew that Lorenzo was going to be partially free and he didn't trust him one iota.

“Good boy.” Lorenzo drawled from his position in the second pentagram.


	43. Chapter 39

Alec lay on the floor, Catarina kneeling by his side. He knew that Jace and Izzy were off to the side somewhere and that Magnus was getting ready to start the spell that would free him from Lorenzo's clutches. He’d feel self-conscious about the scrutiny if he wasn’t so terrified. He didn’t know what was going to happen and he worried that Magnus would be hurt somehow because of the spell. The mocking that they were getting from the peanut-gallery-of-one wasn't helping matters.

“Just lie down, let your big, strong warlock do the hard work for you. _Pathetic_.”

“You're lucky I can't kill you.” Jace threatened, and despite himself, Alec smiled. He really couldn't have asked for a better Parabatai.

Alec felt the hairs on his arms start to raise as Magnus called down the arcane power required to charge both of the pentagrams; and he heard his boyfriend start to chant in a language he didn't understand. He was scared, but he still found the melodic lilt to his partner's voice soothing, the words seeming to wash up and over him like a wave cresting a beach.

“I wouldn't have done the spell like _that_ , but to each his own.” Lorenzo called, trying to get a rise out of Magnus, trying to throw his concentration off.

Alec moved to sit up. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, whether he wanted to run, to hide, to take Lorenzo down, to beg Magnus to stop, he just knew that he couldn't do this. He couldn't be here. He was about to be swallowed up with magic and he couldn't cope with that. He couldn't die like this, not lying down, helpless. He needed to be on his feet, fighting as he had always known he'd go, the way he and Jace had spent hours talking about, fighting together, back to back, dying at the exact same time so that their oath was complete.

“Ignore him,” Cat whispered to him, leaning over him and pressing a firm hand to his chest. “It’s okay.”

Alec's mind was still firing in all directions at once and he could feel his chest constricting, the air becoming more and more difficult to pull into his lungs.

“Alec, Alec listen to me. You're okay, you're safe, take a deep breath.”

Alec couldn't take a deep breath. He couldn't take _any_ breaths. All he could feel was the magic fizzling along his skin, and hear the echoing laugh of Lorenzo in his ears.

“Alec,” Cat tried again, but she knew that she wasn't getting through to him. She looked up into the eyes of her oldest friend, saw the depth of love there for the man lying in the centre of the tempest, saw the trust he had there for her, and she dug deep down and worked out just what to say.

“Alexander.”

Alec looked at her in surprise and took in an accidental shocked breath. That small breath seemed to kick start his body into remembering it needed to breathe, and so it took another breath, and another until the grey spots that had been encroaching on his vision had receded.

“Alec,” Cat said kindly, smiling her warm smile, “Magnus is in control of this spell. Do you think he'd ever do anything to hurt you?”

Alec lifted his head up and looked through the haze of magic at his boyfriend, saw the concentration on his face and the love in his eyes and knew that there was no way he would.

“No,” Alec said, dropping back to the floor, “he'll keep me safe.”

~~~

When the pentagrams were glowing with a faint amber light, Alec could no longer see out of the circle, even when he turned his head. He had been able to see his siblings off to his left, and he was grateful that Cat, kneeling next to him, was blocking his view of Lorenzo to his right. Magnus could be seen if he lifted his head and looked between his feet too. Now though, the magic had created an impenetrable wall and he couldn't see anything. Maybe that was for the best. There was even a dome shaped 'ceiling' above him, obscuring the brickwork of Magnus' stylish loft.

He felt it when Magnus started to run his magic through him, like a jolt of electricity through his nerve endings, not unlike when he hit his elbow on something. When the magic got to his chest, he felt something move inside him, like a weight that until that moment he hadn't even realised was there. He knew that it was alien, and he knew that it was Lorenzo's magic. He only narrowly avoided clawing at his own shirt in an effort to get the foreign body out of him. He felt sick. Scrabbling on the floor for purchase, not knowing what he needed, he found Cat's hand and he grabbed on, not caring in that moment how weak that made him look. He was still scared, scared that he'd be hurt, scared that Magnus would be hurt, scared that this wouldn't work. He didn't think he'd be able to cope with that if it happened, didn't know how he'd live knowing that there was this _thing_ inside him that would never go away, this thing that was a reminder of his hellish ordeal.

Magnus felt the tendrils of his magic pull back into him, reporting back on what they'd found when they'd entered Alec. It was bad, he knew that, it was going to be difficult; but he was confident. If it took every last drop of magic he had, he was going to do this. He was going to get Alec free of this hell. The spell was complex, and he was impressed, despite himself. He couldn't doubt Lorenzo's skill. It was like the spell that he always used to attack with, a small blob of power which sprouted tendrils and wrapped around the offending object. He'd been subject to it when Lorenzo had tried to ask him to go with him months ago. He knew he'd always hate himself for bringing this down on Alec's head, would always hate himself for not seeing that this would happen. He could feel the spell in the centre of Alec's chest with the spidery tendrils wrapped around his heart and lungs. He could feel how it had branched up his spinal column, how there was even a tendril entering his brain. No wonder Alec was having nightmares. They weren't just aftershocks to the horrible things he'd been put through, they were planted their post-evacuation. Not for the first time in the last few days, he wanted to _kill_ Lorenzo for bringing this down on them, for hurting Alec like this, for hurting _him_ like this.

“See something you like?” Lorenzo drawled, noticing the minute change in Magnus' demeanour. They'd known each other a long time, and sometimes he thought he knew Magnus better than he knew himself.

Magnus ignored him, working out just the right position that he could start unravelling the mess in Alec's chest. He pushed his magic up into Alec, finding the end to the spell, the part that he could start pulling at to get this over with.

Alec grimaced in pain, but Magnus, despite the fact he couldn't see him, _felt_ him, deep within his bones. This was intimacy of a whole new level. Even his heartbeat was synced to Alec.

Magnus stopped straight away, the walls of the pentagram becoming clear as he let the wards soften slightly. He couldn't do it. Even if it was dangerous, even if The Clave would have to swear to keep Lorenzo alive, even if he would worry every single day that Alec would be hurt or worse, he couldn't do this. He couldn't be the one to cause him more pain, not when he had already suffered so much.

"Wait, why have you stopped?" Jace asked, looking between Catarina, Magnus and Lorenzo. Alec hadn't made a sound and yet Magnus seemed to be 'powering down'. “Is it finished?”

Alec had his hands balled into fists at his sides, the pain in his chest felt like it was lessening, like the pain had been due to Magnus' magic and now that it was withdrawing it was too. He knew that Magnus wouldn't intentionally hurt him, knew that Catarina had been right earlier, but he still felt the almost ever-present fear he had in his bones recently. He knew that magic could hurt, knew that implicitly, he just hadn't thought that Magnus' magic would do that to him, even though Magnus had told him it would. He had to remember that this was Lorenzo's magic that was hurting him. It had nothing to do with Magnus. Magnus was undoing this. Magnus loved him.

"Just do it." Alec gritted out, “Magnus, I trust you. Just do it.”

Lorenzo laughed at the conviction in Alec's tone, at the hubris that he was showing. There was really no end to their idiocy and he couldn't wait for them both to destroy one another. "You can't. You'll never do it. Not without me helping you." 

Magnus and Alec, at exactly the same time turned to look at Lorenzo, Alec merely speaking through Catarina in Lorenzo's general direction. "Watch us." 

Alec looked over at Magnus then, before Magnus raised the wards into opacity. They gave each other a private smile, the trust in their eyes complete. 

Magnus clapped his hands and started the ritual again, this time knowing that he was going to get it done, no matter what. Alec was with him and they truly could do anything together.

When Alec started to gasp in pain, Catarina fed her magic in slowly so as to offer him pain relief. She couldn't do too much for him, but she could take the edge off. The spell could be thrown off easily if she put too much magic into him. Magnus' complicated ritual needed to be able to extract Lorenzo's influence, and if Cat put too much magic into Alec's body, she could kill him. The three different strands of magic warring inside his half angel body could overwhelm him, making his body shut down entirely. 

Alec was seeing everything he'd been through played out in glorious technicolour just behind his eyelids. It was like a movie that he wished he'd never seen. All of the visions that he'd been trying to get out of his head crowded back in and he was overwhelmed by the images. It was worse than the first time as well. It was like he was within his own body living through them _and_ watching them through a screen at the same time. He was reliving it twice and it was killing him.

“You're never going to be free from me, Alexander. I'll always be just around the corner, in your next thought, in your next breath, because you're weak, you can't push me out.”

Alec heard Jace make an exclamation at Lorenzo's taunt and a rustle of clothes made him realise that Jace was going to stand up.

Magnus knew that it was a bad idea for Jace to do so, knowing that he would fall over as soon as the pain got too much to handle; but he didn't have the energy to tell him so. He wanted to kill Lorenzo too, but he couldn't, not yet at least, not while he held Alec's life in his hands. Literally in his hands. It was almost too much for him to deal with, the power of knowing that Alec's life rested with him was intoxicating. He found that this level of intimacy made him love Alec so much more; and he hadn't thought that that was possible. 

He pushed more of his magic into the spell, finding the tendrils and attempting to extract them from Alec's body. There seemed to be hundreds of them and for the first time he wondered whether he actually could do this, but then he remembered the look of faith in everyone's eyes before he started. They all thought he could do this, and for his oldest friend, his love, his love's soulmate and his love's sister he could do anything. These were the people who meant the world to him so he could do it, for them.

“Magnus is _killing you_ , Alec. I told you he was bored with you, that you were just a game to him, that you were merely something to pass the time. He deserves to be with someone worthy of him, someone who actually can be with him for centuries, not your weak, Shadowhunter body. A body that can't even function without drawings. You're _pathetic_...and I think you know that. I think deep down you know I'm right. I know you more than these fools ever will. I know you down to your _soul_.”

Alec tipped his head back, his body once more shuddering under the assault of the magic. He heard a gasp from Isabelle and he knew that she was about to launch into a tirade against Lorenzo, but then he heard Jace fall.

When Alec started to scream, he vaguely heard an answering shout from Jace outside the circle.

“You're killing your Parabatai,” Lorenzo laughed, “not content with taking yourself down, taking Magnus down, now you want your brother to die too? I knew you were a lot of things, but heartless wasn't one of them.”

Magnus felt Alec start to fight against his magic, felt him to try to cling on to the jellyfish-like aberration inside his chest.

“Alec! Don't fight me on this! I can't...”

“Now you're going to get Magnus killed as well! I thought you loved him! What was this all for if it wasn't about keeping him safe? I can't believe you! After everything that I put you through, after everything that _you_ put _him_ through, you're going to kill him? You're going to force him to drain himself? Gasping for breath like a fish on the shore? This is _disgusting_. I didn't think much of you, but this is too much...even for me.”

“Alexander! _Please_! Fighting me will drain me more! Don't listen to him.”

Magnus felt the grip Alec had on the magic lessen slightly, felt his own magic flow into Alec more easily. He would have smiled if he had the energy to do so. The ritual was draining him at a faster rate than he had been expecting; and he found himself once more wondering whether he would be able to finish it. He wondered whether he should have taken Cat up on her offer to stand outside the circle with him and feed him power, but he hadn't wanted to leave Alec alone and in agony. He'd seen how scared of magic his boyfriend was. He couldn't leave him in the centre of that maelstrom without someone to help him. Except now he might have killed them both. And if he didn't have enough magic to keep Lorenzo contained after the ritual was over, he might be letting a criminal escape too. It had been a long time since he'd felt this incompetent.

"You take this magic out, Alec, and I'll get free and I won't come for you. I'll come for _them_. How long do you think it'll take me to break your sister? I bet it'll be longer than it took to break you. She looks much stronger than you. Fiery."

Alec struggled to sit up then, even as another wave of pain ran through him. He could hear Jace panting and Isabelle whispering soothing words to him, although he couldn't hear exactly what she was saying. He couldn't let Lorenzo come for his siblings, he'd rather die than see them hurt.

He couldn't get his limbs to cooperate, he needed to stop this. He needed to keep them safe. He could feel that his face was wet and he didn't know whether it was sweat or tears. He couldn’t remember starting to cry, but then he didn’t know a lot about his own mind anymore, maybe he had.

“Stop.” He managed to whisper, “stop! Magnus, _please_.”

"Don't listen to him, Alec. He's desperate. He knows we're almost done. He'll say anything."

"Magnus." Alec gritted out, his body racked with shudders.

"Trust me, Alexander."

"Yes, do please trust your dear warlock who got you into this mess in the first place. Without him, we'd never have shared such a delightful amount of time together. Without him, you'd be safe. Without him you wouldn't be this _shell_. You are many things Alec, but I didn't think you were stupid? Staying with him, trusting him? You are a fool.”

Alec let himself go, fully relaxing his body and thinking of all the love and trust he had for Magnus. He pushed back all of the hurt, all of the fear, every memory, every feeling he'd had in his cell. He let it all go and concentrated on one thing, surviving. 

It was if a lock suddenly popped and all of Lorenzo's magic was sucked out and up into Magnus' hands at once. He struggled to contain it within a ball; but eventually he managed to mould the light into an orb that crystallised into something that resembled a glass paper weight. The tendrils of the off-green colour were held within a clear glass ball, trapped and dormant. Magnus resisted the urge to drop the spell on the floor, smashing it to pieces. He thought that Alec probably deserved the honour of doing that.

He rested the ornament on the table behind him and then went through the process of lowering the wards around the main pentagram, making them clear before dismantling them fully. He left the wards around Lorenzo up, not wanting to give him even a moment to cause any more problems.

Magnus watched as Cat helped Alec to sit up. Alec was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, his hands shaking slightly as he dropped his head within them. He looked at Catarina and he saw her send in some healing magic and Alec's shaking stopped. She looked up at him and smiled, nodding perfunctorily.

He smiled back, his eyes glassy as he saw his love, whole and unharmed. He knew that he'd hear Alec's screams echoing in his ears for as long as he lived; but right now, looking down at him and thinking about all they'd achieved to get there, all he thought of was love.

It took several minutes, but once Alec thought he could move without causing himself further injury, he tapped his hand against Cat's arm, raising his eyes to hers. “Thank you.” He said, putting as much feeling into the words as he could.

Cat smiled back with such a genuine light that Alec wondered how he had ever been scared of her magic. He didn't know whether he would ever be comfortable around magic, but certainly right now, with the sunlight streaming into the loft, he felt safe, despite his proximity to everything arcane.

He turned to Jace to check he was okay, but could see that he was, and that their sister was looking after him, activating his Iratze even as he was saying he was fine. She had to bat his hands away and he laughed at the familiar scene, he was always like that when he needed help.

Finally, he looked over to where Magnus was standing and was instantly worried. Magnus looked like he was going to keel over at any moment. He stood quickly, Cat tutting behind him at his fast movement, and rushed to his side, supporting his weight and glancing worriedly over his shoulder.

“Cat?” He said, and he could hear the worry tingeing his words as he lowered Magnus into a nearby chair.

Catarina rushed over and started to fuss over Magnus, gently pushing Alec out of the way. Alec moved, but he didn't let go of Magnus' hand.

“He's okay, just drained. This was a pretty big spell.”

“And who knows if he even did it right?” Lorenzo mocked from his prison inside the second pentagram, the one which had not powered down after the ritual.

Before he'd even realised what he'd said, a soft exhaled “what?” fell from Alec's lips.

“He might not have got it all. And you know what happens then, Alexander? It grows again. My magic will be in you, _forever_.”

“I got it all.” Magnus said firmly, despite his exhaustion.

“How do you know?” Lorenzo mocked.

Magnus levelled a steely glare at his former friend. “I _know_ , because if there had been anything else, I wouldn't have stopped.” _I'd have gone until I died to get him free of you._

“Interesting,” Lorenzo said, tapping his finger against his chin as if he was thinking, “you want rid of the boy so much that you were willing to die? Wow, he must be really bad in bed.”

Alec saw Jace move out of the corner of his eye and he stood up in his way, blocking Lorenzo from his view.

“Jace, no.” 

“He...”

“I know. I _know_ , but he's got to go to The Clave. We can't mete out our own justice. This isn't who we are.”

“It might not be who you are, but I...”

“You're not that person either, Jace.” Alec said patiently.

“You're wrong. After what he did to you? I'll tear him...”

“ _Jace_ , you know I'm right.”

Jace crossed his arms over his chest and glared, but he didn't continue trying to get to the warlock. He nodded at Alec, which Alec thought was probably all of the admission he was going to get that he was willing to follow his lead.

"You really _are_ weak. You've got your enemy right where you want them and you still can't follow through?” Lorenzo drawled. “ _Pathetic_."

Alec knew that without a shadow of a doubt if Jace could bear to fight him and put him down so that he could get to Lorenzo, then Lorenzo would be dead from that comment alone, let alone all of the other things that he'd done. Alec knew that at some point he was going to have to talk to his siblings about all of this, but he didn't want to have that conversation until Lorenzo was safely at The Gard. The irony of him wanting to protect the man who had hurt him wasn't lost on him, but he couldn't think about it too much lest he be swayed by Jace's line of thinking. After all, he had wished death on Lorenzo himself because of what he'd done to Magnus. He also knew that the right thing to do was put him in custody and have him stand trial for his crimes.

Magnus looked at Cat and she turned towards Lorenzo. Magnus lowered the wards and before Lorenzo could attack anyone, Cat had cast her spell at him and soon there were newly formed, glowing, blue anti-magic bracelets around his wrists.

“Quick draw, Ms. Loss. I wonder how good at duelling you'd be when your opponent was actually ready.”

“Unfortunately we'll never find out. Enjoy Idris.”

“Just stand right there, Lorenzo,” Magnus said, “I want to indelibly ink this moment into my memories.”

“Magnus, after everything we've been through...”

“Exactly, after everything we've been through, you deserve this. Now stand there.”

Lorenzo didn't move, he was still frantically trying to work out a way out of the current situation, but he couldn't think of anything. He'd played all of his cards and he didn't have the mental capacity to change the game at this late stage.

Magnus stood up again to create the portal. Despite being tired, he needed to be the one to do this, for him, for them. Cat had stepped back when she'd seen the look of determination on his face. She couldn't have been that worried about his magic depletion, which made him feel a little better about it too, or she wouldn't have let him cast. She'd have leapt across the loft and snapped anti-magic cuffs on _him_ and then spent the next decade telling him how much of an idiot he was for even thinking it was a sensible idea.

When Lorenzo felt himself sucked into the portal that formed in front of him, still struggling against his cuffs, he thought he heard Magnus' voice.

“ _Good boy_.”

Alec smiled at Magnus' quip, though the phrase made him undeniably sad at the same time. Magnus smiled back and Alec knew that for him, he'd needed to say that, needed that to be the end of this story.

After a moment, Alec moved back closer to Magnus and linked fingers with him, not saying anything. He knew that Magnus needed a second to mourn, just like he had after he had sent Camille to The Clave, because this was a part of his past, regardless of the current situation. It was a part of his past that at least did mean something to him at one point, even if it didn't mean anything to him now. 

Magnus linked his fingers through Alec’s, but couldn’t help thinking that this all could have been avoided. He knew there were unsavoury parts of his past; but he wasn’t prepared for just how horrendous this part of it was. The love of his life had nearly _died_ , and it had been him that could have stopped it.

Catarina quietly pushed Izzy and Jace out of the loft, closing the door softly behind them. The fact that Jace didn’t resist was something Izzy would marvel about later, knowing he wasn't normally one for picking up nuanced feelings. She guessed that he must be feeling some relief or other such emotion through the bond, something that was letting him know that it was okay to leave Alec in Magnus' hands.

When Magnus and Alec realised they were alone, they tore their eyes away from the spot, moving to sit on the sofa instead, holding hands and sitting close together. 

Lorenzo might be gone, the threat may be over, but they couldn’t bear to let go, not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [highqualitymercy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/highqualitymercy) suggested 'Shame' by Bastille encapsulates Lorenzo and Magnus' relationship well, and I couldn't agree more. Take a listen!


	44. Chapter 40

Alec wasn't sure what strings Izzy and Jace had managed to pull, but he and Magnus were left alone after the ritual, and he was more grateful than he could possibly explain. He needed to just sit with Magnus, to just _be_ , before they had to deal with the fallout from their ordeals. He knew that there would be multiple interviews and conversations that they were going to have to have, the same questions being asked over and over again. He needed time to get into the right frame of mind for it. He couldn't go to pieces at the mere mention of the things he had been through. He needed to be strong.

After Magnus had conjured steak out of nowhere, something he had asked Alec if it was okay to do; but something that Alec had scolded him for considering he was so tired, he'd started to get some colour back in his cheeks and a lingering glint behind his eyes.

Alec hadn't eaten much. He found he still couldn't stomach large amounts of food and he had to keep stopping to look at Magnus, as if it was all going to disappear.

“This is real, Alexander.”

Magnus could see the cogs whirring in Alec's head, could almost see the thought bubble floating there with all of the things he wanted to say but didn't think he could. He reached across the space with his right hand, grasping on to Alec's left and linking their fingers together.

Alec smiled.

Magnus moved their hands until they were holding them properly and Alec's sleeve rose up, showing off his new rune.

Alec jerked his hand away, pulling his sleeve down and looking down at his plate, as if it held all of the secrets of the universe. He wanted to run, he wanted to hide, but he didn't know how to move. It was as if he had been glued to his chair. The knowledge that this rune wasn't going away was a truth he had known, but now he actually _felt_ it. 

This rune was going to be part of him forever. It didn't matter that Lorenzo's magic had gone from within himself, he still had the outward brand of his ordeal. He was going to have to see it every day. _Magnus_ was going to have to see it every day. At what point would Magnus tire of seeing it? At what point would he tire of being reminded of their nightmare? At what point would he say 'enough' and kick Alec out, wanting rid of someone who was so weak? At what point would he have his heart broken?

Magnus saw the look on Alec's face and could guess what he was thinking. He was uniquely qualified to talk to Alec about that rune, about how painful it was both physically and mentally and he vowed to get through to him. He remembered what it had been like to feel the literal agony of the physical pain, making him writhe in the restraints, as well as the agony of the emotional pain. One or the other he thought maybe he could have coped with, but both at the same time was a hell he never would have imagined. He wondered what Alec had seen when he'd been in that chair, in that _same_ chair he had once been in. He knew Lorenzo had done that on purpose and he wanted to kill him for that alone. The layers of ways that he'd hurt Alec would be something they would need to work on for years to come, Magnus knew this. He just wasn't sure where to start.

He got up from his chair and came around the table, kneeling on the floor next to Alec in a mirror image to how Alec had comforted him after his time with the rune and The Clave. He hoped that his position would comfort Alec, the reminder of their shared loss a way to bring them closer not drive them apart.

Alec turned in his chair to look at Magnus, though he still pulled away from him when he tried to touch his wrist. He couldn't bear to have Magnus touching it, couldn't bear for him to be close to the symbol of such naïvety. He had been manipulated into thinking this rune was necessary. The fact that he had thought that Lorenzo had been telling the truth, the fact that he had missed a chance at escape because he had fallen for his lies, the fact that Magnus might not have even been taken if he'd been stronger, if he'd fought more, if he'd only tried a little harder, was almost overwhelming.

"You don't have to hide it from me.”

“Magnus...” Alec started, continuing to pull his hand away. His boyfriend didn't understand, he had been weak, he didn't deserve this kind of gentle handling, he'd damned them.

“You never have to hide anything from me."

"But," Alec said, still pulling his sleeve down.

"But nothing." Magnus replied, taking Alec's left hand in both of his own.

"Magnus, I..."

Magnus pulled Alec's sleeve away from his wrist and bent down to kiss directly in the centre of the rune. When he looked up again, he saw the shimmer of unshed tears in Alec's eyes.

"We're going to be fine, Alexander."

When he said it like that, Alec almost believed him.

~~~

Alec felt Magnus tense next to him as they got into the elevator and he kicked himself for not thinking about it sooner. This was exactly where they'd led Magnus when they’d believed he was Valentine. He couldn't believe he'd been so preoccupied. He had been thinking so much about what they were going to say when they got to the actual interview that he had completely forgotten just where the interviews were going to be held. He should have pushed for it to be held in his office, or at Magnus' loft, or in any of the number of meeting rooms that were _above ground_ at the Institute.

“I'm going to be next to you the whole time.” Alec promised.

“I'll be fine, Alexander.”

Alec smiled at his boyfriend. “That's great. I'm still not leaving your side.”

Magnus chuckled at how protective Alec was being, but secretly he was pleased. He had tried not to be, after all he wasn't being thrown, bound into a cell and about to be tortured this time; but the lower levels of the Institute were not somewhere he wanted to be. Even when he had come to reinforce the wards, he'd had to swallow down the fear that threatened to rise and engulf him. He knew that there was nothing that he had done wrong, but he couldn't shake the thought that someone was going to appear out of a doorway somewhere and bundle him into a room, never letting him go because of some trumped up charge. 

He liked to think that Shadowhunters had evolved somewhat over the last few hundred years, but the fact of the matter was that he still knew that in some parts of the world, Shadowhunters fighting 'demons' took down many Downworlders and then wrote it off as collateral damage. Sometimes the mistakes of Shadowhunters had been covered up with 'rogue Downworlders'. It made Magnus furious, but denying it was happening didn't do him any good. He just had to remain vigilant.

He reached out and linked his pinkie finger with Alec's and he felt Alec jump, they didn't normally engage in PDA in the Institute's environs. He wanted to show that although they were together they were separately both powerful, professional men in their own right, leaders in their respective communities. He was about to pull away again, when Alec linked all of their fingers together and squeezed. He let go as soon as the elevator doors opened, but Magnus could still feel the slight pressure on his hand as he stepped out into a stark hallway. It would be enough.

When they got to the room allocated to them, Inquisitor Imogen Herondale was already waiting for them. She sat in her trademark grey, her runes only visible at the very base of the cuffs of her blouse. If you didn't know, Magnus thought you might mistake her for any other bureaucrat in any other bureaucracy.

“Mr Lightwood, perhaps you could wait outside?”

 _You said you wouldn't leave me_.

“No, thank you, Inquisitor Herondale.” Alec replied, meeting her eyes square on.

Magnus had never before wanted to high five anyone, and he didn't think that Alec himself would even know what a high five was, but he vowed to teach him later, just so that he could. The slight quirk to his lips as he said it was the strong, confident, amazing man that he had fallen in love with. If it took being interrogated by The Clave to keep that look on Alec's face, he'd sit there and answer this woman's inane questions until sundown.

Imogen Herondale was many things, but foolish was not one of them. She knew that if she pushed this particular issue, she was likely to get more resistance to her questions, perhaps even have them both walk out of there. If that happened she would have to actually apprehend the warlock and make things completely official, so she let it slide. If High Warlock Bane was going to talk more easily with his partner there, then she'd allow it.

“Well then, please. Take a seat you two.”

Alec hadn't realised how small the interrogation rooms were. Having all three of them in there, as well as a table and three chairs made the walls seem awfully close. He suddenly wondered whether in fact he was going to be able to keep his promise, whether he was going to be able to support Magnus without running away. The thought of letting him down _again_ made him feel sick.

Magnus dropped his hand on to Alec's thigh and he felt the muscles under his hand that were tensed, relax slightly. He had been so caught up in his own anxiety of being at the Institute that he hadn't even thought about Alec having to venture into one of these tiny rooms. He wished he could have thought of it before hand and then tried to get them to change the venue. It was so like Alec that he hadn't mentioned it, and he kicked himself for being so self-absorbed.

Alec exhaled a slow and calming breath, feeling Magnus next to him, he slid his own hand over the top of Magnus' until Magnus turned his own and they could clasp them together. He could sit here, knowing that Magnus wouldn't do anything to harm him, knowing that although the room felt like it was getting smaller, it really wasn't. He was an idiot for not realising that the stark grey interrogation rooms would set him off, but he was more of an idiot for them setting him off in the first place. He was a Shadowhunter, he was supposed to be better than this. He was supposed to be fearless, not almost brought to his knees by a _room_. Except that was the old Alec Lightwood. The new Alec Lightwood was broken. Interior design now broke him.

If Imogen Herondale noticed that the men sitting across from her were holding hands under the table, she didn't say anything about it, something that both Magnus and Alec were grateful for. Neither of them were sure they could get through the next few hours without the tactile support.

“So, Mr. Bane. What can you tell me about Lorenzo Rey?”

The visceral reaction that Magnus felt at the name of his old friend was almost total, and he had to swallow several times before he could speak.

“I've taken the liberty of making a full dossier about everything I know about the _man_ ,” Magnus spat, clicking his fingers.

A thick purple folder appeared in Magnus' right hand and he dropped it on the table in front of the Inquisitor. Her surprised look was more than worth it. He didn't want to be in this room any longer than he had to be and he didn't think Alec did either.

“That was very thorough of you, Mr. Bane.”

“As scintillating as your company is, Inquisitor, I'm sure you can appreciate that being away for so long, I have a lot of work to catch up on and I needed to streamline my time.”

Magnus saw the quirk of Alec's lip out of the corner of his eye but he didn't make eye contact with his boyfriend because he knew that he wouldn't be able to resist dropping a wink and making Alec smile more.

“That's everything that I can remember about him, along with rumours, myths and brags that he himself gave me over the course of our _friendship_. The second portion of the folder is things that I know he did since he took...” Magnus swallowed again and only managed to continue after Alec had squeezed his hand again, “...since he took Alec, as well as everything that he did when I was with him. There are detailed accounts of all of the warlocks I had contact with, anyone who helped his cause, as well as everything that I myself had a hand in. There are asterisks next to those items and there is a corresponding remedy to those spells right at the back. I'm happy to walk back any spells that you would like me to, however I would understand if you would rather another High Warlock did it in my stead.”

Alec was proud of Magnus, even if he realised that this amount of organisation came from a place of terror, a fear that this would never be over. He'd seen Magnus work on the dossier at all times of the day and night and more than once thought that Magnus had lied to him about how long he had been awake and working on it.

“This is all fantastic stuff, Mr. Bane. I'm sure there will be lots of information that we weren't aware of, and there will probably be some follow up questions.”

“I would expect nothing less.”

“I do have one question that I need to ask before reading all of this though. Mr. Rey tells us that you were involved in an altercation in which a Shadowhunter died, Mr. Bane?”

“WHAT?” Alec shouted, forgetting himself.

“I let you stay in here out of kindness, Mr. Lightwood, don't make me regret that. Another outburst and you really will have to wait outside. That time I won't be asking.”

Alec nodded in a perfunctory fashion and gripped Magnus' hand harder.

_I'm going to lose him._

Magnus didn't want to tell the Inquisitor about the 1800s. They had been a horrible time for many reasons and he didn't think he could bear to explain about the London Institute at that time, not when the pain of losing his friends was still sharp, despite the length of time that had passed.

“I understand that you did a lot of work for the London Institute.”

Alec couldn't feel his hand. Magnus was squeezing it so tightly that he was starting to lose circulation. He rubbed his thumb along Magnus' and little by little his hand relaxed.

“I did.” 

Magnus couldn't believe this, she was going to make him talk about his time in London and he was going to have to talk about...

Suddenly he realised something. _Herondale_. Her name was Inquisitor Herondale. He looked up into her eyes and he saw a resolve there that he hadn't expected. She wasn't going to bring him up, and he didn't have to mention him.

He nodded.

“What did you want to know?”

~~~

“We've been going around in circles for hours now!” Alec said, momentarily forgetting himself.

“I did say what would happen if you had another outburst, Mr. Lightwood.” The Inquisitor said.

“No.” Magnus said, his eyes downcast. “He needs to be here for this.” 

_I'm going to lose him, after I just found him again._

The defeated tone to his boyfriend's voice made him pause, all of his earlier annoyance dissipating. 

“Magnus?”

“He needs to hear this.”

“Fine,” the Inquisitor said, “just get on with it.”

Magnus turned to look at Alec then, mapping the lines of his face so that he would be able to remember him when he invariably never saw him again. He'd probably assign one of the other four High Warlock's to the Downworld Council so he didn't even have to see him professionally.

“Magnus, you're scaring me.”

Magnus pulled his hand out from underneath Alec's, but still rested it on top of his. Just because he didn't deserve comfort, didn't mean that he was going to stop giving it to Alec when he so clearly needed it.

Alec felt that Magnus was resting his hand on top of his so lightly that he had to have been straining to do so. He wondered why Magnus had changed the position, why Magnus didn't feel like he was owed the support he had been giving him.

“I assume Lorenzo told you about 1892?”

“You assume correctly.” Inquisitor Herondale said, leaning forward and tapping the stack of documents.

“Is it in this folder?”

“No.”

“Why not? You don't think the death of a Shadowhunter was relevant?”

Magnus heard the sharp intake of breath from Alec, but he was surprised to find that Alec didn't pull away from him.

“It wasn't relevant to Lorenzo, no. Therefore it's not in there.”

“You understand that this makes you look guilty.”

“I might be guilty about something, but I guarantee it's not what you think I'm guilty of.”

The Inquisitor leant back in her chair. “Do continue.” She waved her hand at Magnus in a clear gesture that he should get on with it.

Magnus supposed it was a miracle that he hadn't been thrown directly into a cell, though they clearly didn't have enough evidence to convict him, despite the seriousness of the crime. There was no statutes of limitations on murder though, so he tried to come up with a way that he could explain this without incriminating himself.

“And Mr. Bane? I don't want the edited version that you think I want to know. I want all of it. I'll sort out what is relevant. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” 

Alec waited, looking at Magnus, desperately trying to catch his eye. He didn't know what was going on, but there was no way that what Inquisitor Herondale was true. Magnus hadn't killed a Shadowhunter. Not only was he having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that it had happened at all, he was having trouble with what would happen if it was true. If they were lucky, Magnus would be remanded to The Gard in Idris, imprisoned for life, if they were unlucky Magnus would be killed. He couldn't believe that the universe would be so cruel as to bring them back together again only to have them pulled apart like this.

Magnus kept his eyes facing forwards, refusing to look at Alec, he didn't think he could do this if he was looking at him. He was already steeling himself for the moment when Alec moved his leg away, maybe even pushed his hand away. Magnus’ mind was already attempting to protect this last memory of Alec, the last time he would see his face untainted by a look of disgust when he found out what he’d done.

“I don't know if you know anything about that time, but it wasn't like it is now, not even like it is now in _London_ , which let’s be honest is always a little behind us on being progressive.”

Magnus hadn't been expecting a laugh from the Inquisitor, but he was also completely taken aback by the snort of laughter that Alec gave him. He needed to get through this quickly, couldn't let himself be caught up in Alec's presence, intoxicated by Alec's love. 

_He doesn't know. He's laughing because he doesn't know._

“I don't think it matters how progressive you thought the time was, or was not. I should think killing a Shadowhunter was frowned on whichever time period you were in.”

“Hold on now...” Alec interrupted.

“Mr. Lightwood...”

“No, Inquisitor. I'm sorry, but no. This man has done nothing but be a friend to this Institute. He brought me back from my...” Alec lifted his thumb and ran it along the side of Magnus' hand, and was grateful when Magnus slowly slotted their fingers together. “He brought me back when I was taken. There is just no way.”

“Alexander,” Magnus said fondly and sadly. 

_This was it. This was where he lost him._

“Magnus?”

“It's true.” 

Alec turned to face Magnus, the quick movement making Magnus' hand fall off the top of his. His face was a mask of shock.

“It's true?” Alec whispered. 

Magnus didn't know if Alec had deliberately made his hand fall from his thigh, but he wouldn't have been surprised if it was the case. It was a hard day when you found out your lover was a murderer.

Magnus sighed, closing his eyes for a second before he opened them, staring directly at the Inquisitor. He couldn't look at Alec.

“Nathaniel Trueblood, was an American Shadowhunter working out of the London Institute. I don't know why he was over there. The Institute got embroiled in a battle between themselves and a Demon in Bermondsey. It was, by all accounts, brutal and many people lost their lives, both Shadowhunters and mundanes. Ragnor, Lorenzo and I got called in to try to help and it went south really quickly. This demon was enjoying possessing people, putting lesser demons inside mundanes and collecting still more. It was a mess. By the time we turned up, Nathaniel was...well he was already gone. The main demon had possessed him and he was just casting a swathe of destruction through a community of mundanes. We did what was needed to keep those civilians safe.”

There was silence whilst Magnus and Imogen stared at each other across the table.

Magnus felt his hand brush skin and looked down in shock. Alec had taken up his hand in both of his own and was clasping it. He looked up into the pair of beautiful hazel eyes that he loved so much. It was an instinctive reaction, the shock breaking through his resolve to not look at his boyfriend.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Alec said softly. “This wasn't your fault, why didn't you think you could tell me?”

“How did you suggest I brought that up in conversation? Even assuming it wasn't a member of your family?” Magnus said, smiling fondly. He felt like his face would burst from how happy he was. He’d thought he was going to lose it all. He’d given in to his crippling insecurities and kept it from Alec, assuming that he wouldn’t see this for what it was, an accident. How could he have been so wrong?

“Gentlemen!”

Alec and Magnus turned back towards the Inquisitor, looking slightly sheepish as they did so. They'd both forgotten she was there.

“And you thought that keeping this a secret from The Clave was advisable?” The Inquisitor interrupted.

Magnus kept her gaze for a second and then smiled. “When you found this out, what was your first thought?”

“Excuse me?”

“When Lorenzo told you that I'd killed a Shadowhunter, what was your first thought?”

Magnus hadn't been expecting Imogen Herondale to speak with such candour, and when she did, he felt himself re-evaluating his opinion of her once again.

“That you needed to be brought to justice.”

“And how would you have done that?”

“I...”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, in complete command of the situation. He knew what some of her 'justice' looked like.

Imogen Herondale sat up straight and finished her sentence.

“I'd have brought you in for questioning.”

“Come now, surely _that's_ not true?”

He saw Alec's quirk of the lips out of the corner of his eye again and he forced himself to stay looking at the woman across the table from them.

“What do you want me to say Mr Bane?” The Inquisitor asked, clearly exasperated by the conversation.

“I want you to think long and hard about what you would have done in 2018 to bring me in to The Clave for questioning, rather than this invitation to the Institute that I received...and _then_ I want you to think about what would have happened to me 130 years ago.”

There was a silence so complete that you could hear a pin drop.

“I know I'm immortal, but I had rather got used to being alive...and to be honest I'd have been supremely annoyed if I had missed the 1980s, great music.”

“Your point is granted, Mr. Bane,” The Inquisitor said with pursed lips. “Is there anyone who could corroborate your story?”

“I assume Rey won't be a character witness?” Magnus questioned, spite colouring the tone. He sighed. “No, everyone's...gone.”

“Well, given your service to this Institute, and this city, as well as character references from three other Shadowhunters, I suggest we draw a line under the incident.”

“And the rest?”

“Given what we know to have happened to Mr. Lightwood, and your testimony about what you did and how to fix it, this should all be resolved as well...but don't disappear.”

Magnus nodded, standing up and moving towards the door. He was accidentally dragging Alec with him without realising it. Alec hadn't let go of his hand.

“Mr. Lightwood?”

Magnus turned back around to face them, Alec's hand dropping from his.

“Go, I'll be fine. I'll meet you outside.” Alec said, smiling and making a quick shooing gesture with his hands.

Magnus looked like he was going to argue, but he did as he was bid, although he did leave the door open after he had left the room. He didn't do it to eavesdrop, walking down the corridor towards the elevator, but more so that Alec wouldn't feel boxed in. Without him there to calm him down, he didn't want to leave anything to chance.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Lightwood?”

“I'm fine.”

Imogen looked like she was going to argue with him but after a moment she seemed to change her mind.

“Good to have you back, Mr. Lightwood.”

Alec smiled and then left the room, a huge weight lifting off his shoulders. When he saw Magnus waiting for him at the elevators, he felt his heart leap in his chest. 

This really might all be okay.


	45. Chapter 41

Magnus thought that they'd turned a corner in regards to Alec's healing and his own concern for his partner whenever he was out of his sight, but he had started to notice that when Alec got back into his duties as a Shadowhunter, he was injured more often than not. He'd patched his boyfriend up enough times in the past to know that shadowhunters weren't exactly the safest of individuals, but even he could see that Alec was slipping, and he was worried about him.

To begin with, it had seemed normal. Alec always had an excuse for why he had been injured. It was usually that if Jace had been quicker then the demon wouldn't have got to him, or he'd been running away to get some distance before he'd turned and fought and he'd misjudged the distance to the wall and slammed into it. Magnus had just drawn him a bath and healed him up and they'd settled into a normal evening together.

After a few weeks, Magnus came to the realisation that Alec was coming back from _every_ mission banged up and that wasn't normal at all. He worried that Alec had gone back into his duties too soon, that he was distracted from his job; but he was also starting to get an inkling that he might know what was happening. He needed to work out a way to approach Alec without upsetting him further.

Magnus pulled Alec down onto the sofa next to him, ignoring his wince. He stared impassively at his partner, not offering his services. He could see that Alec looked scared. His boyfriend had stopped jumping whenever he'd seen magic, even accepting his help in the form of healing. Magnus had been so happy that Alec was no longer scared of an intrinsic part of him that he hadn't realised what was happening. He couldn't believe he'd been so self-involved.

“Maybe you could use your Iratze today, Alec?” Magnus asked, gesturing at the side of his boyfriend where he knew the rune was situated.

“Good evening to you too, Magnus!” Alec said, standing up, “I'm not feeling at my best, but by all means don't offer your healing services, just point out I could have done this myself. Great!”

“Alec, you know I'd love to heal you, but...”

“Then do it.” Alec said, his voice cold.

“No.” Magnus replied.

“Fine! Guess I'll just suffer in silence. Shall I sleep in the spare room tonight to stop you noticing my aching bones, or will you be able to cope with my grunts of pain throughout the night?”

“Alec...”

“Save it, I don't want to hear it. I can't believe you just...” Alec said, walking off into the bedroom to get changed.

“Alec...”

“Ugh, WHAT?” Alec said spinning around.

“Why don't you use...”

“I can't, okay. I left my Stele at the Institute. Look, I'm tired, can't you just…”

Magnus went to the sideboard in the living room and opened a drawer, pulling out Alec's other Stele, the one he left in the loft for just such an occasion. He proffered it at Alec.

Alec blanched. 

Magnus saw the colour drain from Alec's face and his worries solidified. He hoped he didn't understand why the item was having that reaction for his partner, but he feared he did.

“I can't, Magnus. Please don't make me.” Alec whispered, rooted to the spot. He wanted to run away from the offending item, wanted to break it into pieces, even if that was nigh on impossible.

“Alec...” Magnus started, advancing on him.

“Please, don't. I can't...” Alec said, backing away. Magnus had only heard him this tired, this beaten down once before, when he'd traded himself for him.

“Why?” 

Alec walked out of the room and after a minute Magnus heard the shower start to run. He put the Stele back in the drawer, hidden behind a partition. He wasn't sure why he did it. Partially, to help Alec in case he accidentally came across it and was triggered by it, as he seemed to be right now. He also didn’t want Alec to try and get rid of it and then come to regret it.

Magnus had been staring at the same page of his book for the last twenty minutes that Alec had been in the shower. When he saw him come out, sweatpants around his waist, pulling a T-Shirt over his head, he gasped. Alec was covered in bruises. He tried to remember the last time that Alec had slept with his t-shirt off, and he was shocked to find he couldn't remember. He didn't know how long Alec had been hiding this and he ached that he hadn't realised it sooner.

“Oh, Alexander,” Magnus said, “come here.”

Alec moved slowly, clearly hurting, and Magnus let him settle between his legs on the sofa so that he could send his healing magic into him as well as massage him at the same time. He hummed contentedly under Magnus' fingertips, enjoying the feel of softness after such a hard day.

“Do you want to tell me what's wrong?”

Alec stiffened, and Magnus thought that he would move away, but he remained where he was, on high alert nonetheless.

“I _can't_ , Magnus.”

“Try, please. You're hurting, and I can't help you if I don't know why.”

“I can't...” he said taking a deep breath. He held it in for a long moment, before he exhaled. It was easier to talk like this, with Magnus behind him, supporting him but unable to make eye contact. Maybe he could talk about this.

“I just can't, okay.” Or maybe not. “Can you please just respect that?” Alec asked, waiting for any hint that Magnus understood what he was talking about. 

Magnus looked at the back of Alec's neck, trying to work out how to broach the subject with him, thinking and discarding many lines of questioning.

Alec thought he had managed to get off the hook, until he heard the next thing out of his highly intelligent boyfriend's mouth. He was a fool to think he would be able to pull the wool over his eyes, but he thought he had managed it nonetheless.

“Alec, have you...have you been going out all this time without activating _any_ of your runes?”

Alec's silence was enough of an answer.

Magnus was furious. Concern and anger mingling together in his mind. He had to exercise a lot of restraint to not just scream at Alec for how foolish he had been, how he could have been killed, how this made absolutely no sense, but he didn't. He stayed still and breathed out once, twice and then spoke calmly.

“Alexander, you could have been seriously hurt. Why would you do that?” Magnus had a horrible feeling he knew the answer, and he wondered how many times he'd want to kill his old friend, how many times he'd regret not doing so.

“I...I need to be better, to train harder. I have to learn to fight like a mundane.”

Magnus waited until Alec elaborated, but when nothing was forthcoming, he replied.

“But you're not a mundane.” He said simply.

Alec spun around so he was facing Magnus, taking his hands in his. Magnus had a moment to think how wonderful it was that Alec was turning towards him and not away.

“I know that, and that's what got me taken. That's why I need to train, work harder, be better, without my runes.”

“Your runes are what make you, you.” Magnus said, attempting to get through to his partner.

“My runes are what make me _weak_ , Magnus. I need to learn how to stand on my own two feet without using them as a crutch. I need to just be better.”

Magnus had to take a few more deep breaths, closing his eyes as he did so. He tightened his grip on Alec's hands as he opened them again.

“Your runes were given to you by an Angel, Alexander. You are a Shadowhunter and nothing can change that, not even you.” He said, imploringly.

“Maybe that's the problem.” Alec muttered, turning back in Magnus' embrace and sinking back to rest on his chest.

Magnus left the conversation there for now, wrapping his arms around his partner. He didn't think he was going to get any more sense out of Alec that evening, and if he was honest with himself, he didn't know what else to say either.

~~~

“Alec, can we have a word?”

Alec was instantly alert at the tone of Jace's voice. That was the tone of voice that said “I've just broken your bow string”, it was the tone of voice that said “Izzy cooked dinner and I couldn't stop her in time”, it was the tone of voice that said “I couldn't think up a quick enough excuse, so we're on weapon cleaning duty.”

“What have you done now?” Alec said, exasperated. Being Head of Institute was often like having a hundred younger siblings, and yet these two were able to pull an exasperation out of him that no-one else could.

“Roof? If you've got time?” His Parabatai evaded.

Alec looked down at the tablet that he had in his hand. “Give me half an hour.”

“Sure. I'll find Izzy.” Jace replied, and Alec had a second to think what they'd done must be really bad if they were tag teaming him.

~~~

Alec had spent the last forty-five minutes in a frustratingly dull meeting about requisitioning new daggers from the Iron Sisters. He felt that the entire meeting could have been done in less than five minutes. The gist seemed to be that: daggers didn't grow on trees, which he knew; that they were being lost at a high rate at the moment, which he knew; and that this practice needed to stop, with people taking better care of their inventory, which he _knew_. It definitely didn't need one and a half Heads of Institute at the meeting.

Lydia had been an absolute blessing. Since becoming an ex-fiancé, they had actually become good friends, and he knew that if Magnus hadn't come into his life they would have made a formidable team running the Institute side by side, even if he could never have been truly happy. She had been helping him get back into the swing of things, drip feeding him more and more responsibility as he healed. She seemed to know exactly when he could take on more chores without him asking, and he was more grateful than he would ever be able to say.

“Do you need me for a bit?” Alec asked, walking out of the room.

“Off to loot the armoury for all those daggers you've been stealing?”

“Busted,” Alec said, smiling, “I'd better stop burying them in the rose garden.”

Lydia laughed her sweet tinkling laugh and although the smile didn't quite reach his eyes, he was grateful for the jovial way they were able to talk. It made him feel slightly more normal. 

Lydia looked at Alec with an intensity that she had perfected in her early years, trying to get a feel for the situation, trying to work out whether Alec was fraying, whether he was asking for a break, or a break. She chalked it up to the former, considering his joke.

“Go, I've got the next one.”

~~~

“Sorry, I got caught up in a horrendously dull meeting about...” Alec stopped talking.

Jace and Izzy were both standing on the roof, whispering to each other when he opened the door. It was never good when they were looking like that, conspiratorial. It was even worse when he walked in on them and they immediately looked guilty. 

“Guys?”

Jace and Izzy jumped away from each other as if they had been shocked and Alec would have laughed, if the situation hadn't been exactly the same as all the other times they'd had serious conversations over the last decade.

“Alec,” Izzy started at the same time Jace said, “right.”

Alec rolled his eyes, then walked closer towards them. When he turned around a low wall, he could see that his siblings had spread out a picnic on the roof and he smiled.

“You've been working so hard, getting back into the swing of things that we thought we'd do something for you.” Isabelle said, sitting down.

“Uh huh,” Alec replied, sitting too but still on high alert for when the other shoe would drop.

“So we thought we'd have a meal together in our favourite place.” Jace said brightly.

“Uh huh.” Alec repeated.

Isabelle wasn't sure why she and Jace had thought they were going to be able to pull one over on their brother. He was always far too astute for his own good. She thought maybe they should have just gone at this head on. 

Jace could see the momentary look of panic on his sister's face but knew that they couldn't change the plan now. This was a conversation that should have happened several weeks ago and he never would have forgiven himself if anything happened to Alec because they hadn't had the conversation sooner.

“Alec, we wanted to talk to you.” Izzy said, and Alec only just managed to resist rolling his eyes. Obviously they had wanted to talk to him or this charade wouldn't have been needed.

“Go on...”

“Alec, we wanted to talk to you because...” Jace seemed to fizzle out in the same way his sister had moments before.

“Guys, Lydia said she could handle the next meeting, but I shouldn't take advantage of how wonderful she is being after...I shouldn't take advantage of her kindness. What do you need to talk about? Are you two okay? Is Clary,” Alec sighed, “what has Clary done now?”

Jace harrumphed slightly but smiled as well. Alec and Clary were actually getting on far better recently, but he couldn't deny that Clary did have times when she made things difficult for all of them, so he let it slide. They had more important things to talk about anyway.

“Alec, I can feel that something is wrong.” Jace tried again.

“I'm fi...”

“You're not Alec, and you know what? We don't expect you to be, what Lo...” off Alec's look, Izzy changed her wording, “what _he_ put you through was enough to need you to take a minute. We get that, but you're not fine, and you don't have to be. Even if you're 'fine' with everyone else, you don't have to be fine with us.”

“Iz...”

“You've been in pain ever since you started going out on patrols again.”

“Jace...”

“If you're not ready to do it, no-one is going to force you. You've probably got so many other duties as Head of Institute anyway, you don't have to go out on patrol.”

“I like patrols, you know that.”

“Yes...” Jace said, though didn't know where to go from there, he looked over at his sister imploringly.

She smiled at him, then took a deep breath. “Alec, are you using your runes?” She said softly.

“What?” Alec whispered.

“Are you using your runes?” Jace repeated.

Alec was silent for nearly a minute before he answered. “Have you been talking to Magnus?”

“What? No. Alec this is about y...” Isabelle said, mistakenly thinking that Alec was trying to change the subject, and knowing they couldn't let him do that. This was a conversation that was long overdue, and she wasn't letting him leave the roof without them having it. There were so many times in her life that her brother had been strong for her. This was a time when she needed to be his support. She wasn't going to let anything get in the way of that, even if 'that' was Alec himself.

“It's just that he mentioned this yesterday as well.” Alec said quietly.

All three of them waited for the next one to speak but when no-one did, Alec stood and moved to the edge of the roof, staring out over the parapet.

“Do you remember when I activated my sure-footed rune and I jumped off this roof to get away from talking to you, Jace?”

“Yes,” Jace said worriedly, looking at Alec's clothes and noting that he was in Head of Institute mode, wearing a suit, and not in patrol mode, wearing Gear. He had no Stele in his thigh sheath, he wasn't even wearing a thigh sheath. If Alec jumped off the roof right now, he would die. “Alec?”

“Izzy? Do you remember when I got my stamina and agility runes? And I'd use them to play Hide and Seek, before Mother stopped us, and I'd always win because you couldn't catch up to me when I ran back to base?”

“Yes...” Isabelle replied, still confused.

“Remember when that demon caught me and I nearly lost all my insides, but you got to me in time, activated my Iratze and then got me to the infirmary?”

Jace and Izzy looked at each other, still hoping that they were wrong, but both secretly fearing that they had been right. Fearing that they'd known for weeks and kicking themselves that they hadn't pieced it together until now.

“I shouldn't have been able to do that.”

They both answered him at the same time, and the “what?” would have been comical if the situation wasn't so highly charged. 

“That's not natural. No-one should be able to do those things.”

“Of course it is, Alec. We're _Shadowhunters_ , that's what we do. We use those Angel-given runes to protect people.” Isabelle tried.

“I've been protecting people.” Alec replied almost petulantly, “haven't I?”

“Yes, but...”

“So what's the problem?”

“This isn't you, this isn't who you are. Alec, you're a Shadowhunter, this is your birth right. You can't change that.”

“I know that.” Alec spat, he wished he could.

“Then you need...”

“Was this all you wanted to talk about?” Alec said, desperately needing this conversation to be over.

“Alec,” Jace tried, walking over and putting a hand on his arm, “you don't have to go through this alone, you can talk to us.”

“Jace...” Alec tried. He couldn't talk about this. He knew who he was now, no words were going to change that. He wasn't truly a Shadowhunter, and apparently he was also a piss-poor human as well if his aching body was anything to go by.

“At least don't come out on missions anymore.” Isabelle said, worrying far more now she knew the depth of concern she needed to be feeling.

Alec turned to her, a hard look on his face. “I can do what I want Iz, no-one can stop me. Head of Institute, remember?”

“Lydia...”

“You're going to tell on me now?”

“If we have to.” Jace confirmed.

Alec threw his hands up into the air and stalked over to the door, slamming it open. Just before he disappeared into the stairwell, he heard his sister.

“You don't have to talk to us Alec, not if you don't want to, but don't hide this from Magnus. He loves you, he can help you through this.” It hurt for her to say, hurt that maybe her and Jace weren't enough, but she supposed it didn't matter, as long as their brother was safe.

Alec straightened his shoulders and moved his head slightly, which could have been a small nod. Izzy took it to be such, and part of the weight that had settled in her chest at Alec's admission lifted slightly. Maybe they had got through to him. She hoped they had. 

When Jace walked towards her and hugged her, she clung on. She couldn't imagine how much harder this must be for him, the way that he would be able to feel through his bond how Alec was feeling.

“I should have worked it out sooner.” Jace whispered into Isabelle's hair.

Isabelle pulled back to look into her brother's face. “ _We_ should have figured it out sooner.”

“You don't understand, Iz. I could have...” Jace stepped back to run his fingers through his hair. 

Isabelle smiled, it was such an Alec gesture. She wondered which one of them started it, which one of them emulated the other without realising it.

“When we were gearing up to go on missions. I could feel it, a feeling of shame when people were activating their runes, but I didn't realise that's what it was until now. I was so conscious of how he was doing, whether he was limping, whether he was scared, that I didn't recognise it for what it was. I was too busy listening to his orders, too busy organising my own weapons and runes, I didn't notice.”

“Jace, you can't blame yourself.”

“I do. What's the point of a Parabatai if they can't help you in times of need? Do you know how many times he's helped me? Do you know... after the soul sword I was just hurting all the time Iz, and he helped me so much. Why didn't I know?” He finished on a whisper.

“You know what he's like,” Izzy comforted, “if he doesn't want to talk about something he'll obfuscate and throw us off. How many times has he casually told us something that was upsetting him five years ago? All that stuff that happened when we were younger? This isn't on you.”

“But...”

“Jace, if you really want to place blame? This is on us, okay? We will help him.”

Jace smiled at his sister, bringing her in for another hug. She hugged him back, and he knew that she was right. They'd both dropped the ball on this one, but that didn't mean they couldn't pick it up again now. 

“Yes we will.” Jace confirmed into her hair.


	46. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art in this chapter made by the amazing [Max](https://www.instagram.com/max_maks_art/).

Alec came back from a mission several days later aching and wanting nothing more than to spend time with his boyfriend. It had been a long one. He had been worried that Jace and Isabelle would follow through on their threat to talk to Lydia regarding his runes, but they hadn't and he was grateful. He needed the normalcy of going out on patrol. They were needlessly protective of him when they were out though, which was frustrating, but he knew that they meant well.

“Magnus?” Alec called, his heart constricting when he didn't immediately get an answer.

He knew that eventually he would stop being irrationally worried about his boyfriend when he didn't answer his phone, when he was late for something, when he didn't hear him when he called, but he wasn't there yet.

“Magnus?” Alec called again, shrugging out of his jacket, walking throughout the loft and getting more and more concerned as he did so. Magnus wasn't anywhere. He turned around to walk back out into the living area when he spotted a movement on the balcony. The relief that he felt in that moment was total. He felt like a great weight had lifted off his shoulders, even if he also felt ridiculous for feeling that way.

Alec joined Magnus on the balcony, sitting down on the day bed beside him.

“Bad day?” He asked, seeing Magnus' tense posture.

“The worst. I swear some of my clients expect miracles. I can do many things, but actually bending space and time isn't one of them. They get so touchy when you try to explain to them the arcane world, thinking you're holding back on them or being difficult deliberately. I feel like saying 'if I could do the spell to get away from you quicker, I would'...but you can't.” Magnus sighed. “Anyway, how was yours?”

Alec didn't answer for a while and Magnus started to wonder whether once again his partner was going to shut down and not let him know what was going on with him.

“Can we go inside?” Alec asked, his voice quiet.

“Of course, Alexander.” Magnus replied, standing and reaching for Alec's hand.

Alec took the proffered hand and allowed himself to be pulled up to standing. When he had stood, they were very close together and Alec leant in and placed a chaste kiss on Magnus' lips.

Magnus started to worry more after that. It felt like a goodbye somehow. He followed Alec into the living area with a heavy heart. Maybe Alec had decided that he really couldn't reconcile Magnus' past to their present, their future.

Alec started to root through one of the drawers in the sideboard and it took Magnus a moment, but then he started to regain hope in his heart about what Alec was looking for. He snapped his fingers and the partition that he had created disappeared.

Magnus could tell when Alec found his back-up Stele because he exhaled loudly, his shoulders rising to around his ears and his back muscles tightening. 

Alec turned, holding the Stele. He was holding the Stele as if it were a bomb that was about to go off, holding it lightly, perhaps so he could drop it if he felt he needed to. He walked back over to the sofa and placed the Stele on the coffee table.

Magnus sat next to Alec, not saying anything, waiting for his boyfriend to speak. This wasn't his time to blunder in with careless words, this was his time to sit and listen and see if he could fix the issue afterwards.

Alec turned towards him, pulling up his left leg so he could sit facing him.

Magnus mirrored his position, reaching out to take hold of Alec's right hand.

“I need to tell you something.” Alec said.

“Okay.”

“You asked me about my runes the other day.” Alec began, the rest of the words he had planned evaporating almost immediately.

“I did.”

“And I wasn't very kind about it.” Alec said, with a slight smile.

“No, you weren't.” Magnus agreed.

“I couldn't talk about it then, I didn't know how. I'm still not sure I know how.” Alec admitted. “It's really difficult to explain runes, but I'm going to try, if you want to know?”

“Alexander,” Magnus said, gripping his hand harder, “I want to know everything about you, you know that.”

“Okay,” Alec said, “okay.” He took a deep breath, and tried to clear his mind, remembering what his sister had said, that it didn't matter who he spoke to, just that he spoke to someone, that Magnus loved him and wanted to help him.

Magnus waited, faintly stroking his thumb across the back of Alec's hand, offering silent support and hoping that would be enough to get him to open up, like he so clearly wanted. 

“I'm not...um...” Alec took another deep and steadying breath and concentrated on the feeling of Magnus on his hand, the unending support that he knew he would receive, whatever he said.

Magnus waited.

“When you get your first rune it's really exciting. It's like you're finally being inducted into a secret club, like you're finally an adult, even though really you're still a child...but then you start to train, you learn more runes, you practice them, you draw them. They become a part of you, like your magic, I guess?”

“Exactly like my magic,” Magnus confirmed, “it's an intrinsic part of me that I can't separate from the rest of me.”

“Right. So, it's second nature after a while, you just activate and go on missions, you heal yourself up, you carry on. Rinse and repeat, for over a decade. Now...” He took another deep breathe, steeling himself for the part of the conversation that he really didn't want to have. “Now it's different.”

Alec stopped speaking and looked away. Magnus took up his other hand in his. 

“It's okay, Alexander.”

“It's not though,” Alec said quietly, “it's not...because that part of me? It's tainted now.”

Magnus searched Alec's face, squeezing both of his hands. “Alexander...”

“And I'm just so tired with the whole thing. I'm tired of feeling like this, tired of the looks people shoot me when they think I'm not looking, tired we are even having this conversation, tired that I'm broken now.”

“You are _not_ broken, Alec.”

Alec looked away again and Magnus let go with one of his hands so that he could reach up and cup Alec's face, bringing it back towards him. They made eye contact again.

“You are not broken. You might be a little bruised at the moment, but that will heal. You're not broken.” Magnus felt the repetition was warranted, if he continued to tell Alec that truth, perhaps he would come to believe it. Just as he believed it.

“How do you know?” Alec asked quietly, sounding very small.

“Because I know you. You are one of the strongest people I know. You're one of the most courageous. You're one of the best Shadowhunters that this Institute has, hell any Institute has. You're loyal to a fault even, one of the best siblings that I have ever seen. You're determined when you set your mind on something, bull-headed sometimes, caustic even,” he smiled them, so that Alec knew that he was quietly poking fun, not attacking him, “and even after everything that's happened you are still standing, you are still standing tall. You're inspirational and I am so proud to be able to call you my boyfriend. You have no idea how special you are, Alexander. How amazing it is that you have lived through all of this and are still who you are. A lesser man might have crumbled, but I have absolutely no doubt that you can get through this. None whatsoever.”

Alec didn't know when he'd started crying, but he smiled slightly when Magnus wiped one of his tears away with his thumb.

“You think I'm that strong?” Alec whispered.

“I do.”

“Okay.” Alec said, drawing away from both of Magnus' hands.

Magnus thought that he had lost him, that he hadn't said enough to convince him, that he was going to walk away from the conversation again, but he didn't.

Alec crossed his arms in front of himself and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, pulling the garment off.

Magnus couldn't help it, he gasped. Alec's chest was littered with cuts and bruises, some of varying stages of healing, meaning he had been hiding some of the injuries from him too. He'd thought that Alec had been letting him heal him, but clearly that wasn't always the case.

When Alec picked up the Stele from the table, Magnus could see the tremor in his boyfriend's hand and Magnus picked up Alec's left hand, holding it as Alec moved his right towards his Iratze rune.

Alec had to take a deep breathe before he activated it. _You're pathetic_. “No, I'm not.” Alec said out loud, and activated his rune, letting the familiar wave of healing wash over him. He opened his eyes and they settled on to the man he loved.

“I'm proud of you, Alexander,” Magnus said, reaching for Alec's t-shirt. He handed it back to him and Alec got dressed again, pain free.

Alec, his hands now steadier, placed the Stele down onto the coffee table. He started to think that he might be okay after all.

~~~

It was easier after that. 

Alec still hated activating his runes, still heard Lorenzo's voice in the back of his head every time he did. _You're weak. Useless scribbles. Stupid drawings. Head Scribbler._ But the voice was getting quieter. 

Jace felt the shame that Alec felt, and now he knew what it was, he was able to help.

“I'll do your back.” He said, holding out his own Stele. The answering smile and almost overwhelming feeling of relief that came through his bond made him aware that he'd made the right decision.

They fell into a rhythm, Jace activating all of Alec's runes before he went out, Alec activating his. If anyone thought it was odd that they were doing so, they kept it to themselves. Runes activated by Parabatai were often stronger than those activated by themselves, so people probably thought that it was that.

Alec didn't have the same problem activating Jace's runes, which he thought was odd to begin with, until he realised it was because he wanted Jace to be safe and he couldn't let him go out without protection (which at one point Jace had threatened to do and Alec had knocked him on his ass for doing so). The irony of the fact he couldn't take those thoughts and apply them to himself wasn't lost on him.

Unless Alec was bleeding out on the floor and it was a necessity in the field, Alec didn't let anyone activate his Iratze, not even Jace. Jace was concerned to begin with, but he started to feel the faint tingle that he recognised as Alec's Iratze being activated whenever Alec left to go back to Magnus'. Jace thought that if Alec wasn't ready to activate his runes in public, that was fine, he was just relieved that he was starting to think that he could activate them at all. 

~~~

The day that Alec got into bed without a t-shirt on, Magnus stared at him. He couldn't help it. It wasn't that he'd forgotten how attractive his boyfriend was, it was just that _he'd forgotten how attractive his boyfriend was_.

When Alec casually opened the covers with a cheeky “see something you like?” Magnus nearly shouted for joy. If Alec was joking, if Alec was willingly lying in a state of undress where he could see his own runes, they really _had_ turned a corner.

Magnus had to swallow with difficulty before he had whispered “always,” and got into bed next to his partner. He leaned over for a kiss but was stopped by a hand on his lips. 

“Wait.”

Magnus pulled back, confusion on his face.

Alec reached into the top drawer of his bedside table and pulled out a Stele. His Stele. Not the back up one that was at Magnus' loft, but his one, the one he carried around with him, the one that he had used for a decade. Magnus didn't know what this meant, but he knew it was a big deal, so he said nothing as he watched Alec activate his Stamina, Endurance and Agility runes.

Magnus quirked an eyebrow up.

Alec put his Stele back in the drawer and just lay back on the bed, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. 

Magnus smiled and then dove towards him, one of his hands cupping Alec's face and then reaching around to scratch and pull at the hair of Alec's neck, the other holding himself upright. He pulled back slightly so that he could stare into Alec's eyes for a moment.

Alec smiled and pulled him back down for another kiss. The kiss was everything that all of their small, recent kisses hadn't been. This one was passion manifest, the world narrowing to two sets of lips, the rest of the world be damned.

Magnus pulled on the back of Alec's hair again and Alec gasped, allowing him to deepen the kiss. He stopped kissing Alec's mouth after an indeterminate amount of time, instead moving to kiss down his jaw and down his long neck.

Alec gasped when Magnus licked up the length of his deflect rune and he had a wild thought that if he wasn't a Shadowhunter then that rune wouldn't be there and Magnus wouldn't know exactly how much that drove him crazy. So, it was a damn good job he was and Lorenzo could suck it.

Magnus stroked his hands up and down Alec's chest, licking and then kissing along all of Alec's runes. It was something he had done many times before, but this time it seemed like he was doing something else, something important.

It took Alec a moment to work out what he was doing, but when he did, the depth of love he felt for his lover was almost overwhelming. Magnus was worshipping the portion of him that he didn't think he deserved to have anymore and it was as if a healing balm had been soothed across his body and across his soul, even as he was coming undone with pleasure.

Alec pulled Magnus up his body again, wanting to kiss him for doing that, wanting to try and explain how much it had meant to him, how _okay_ he felt after so long feeling untethered.

Magnus linked their hands together and moved them above Alec's head pushing them into the mattress like he knew he loved.

Alec stilled, almost not breathing. He couldn't be held down again, couldn't have this happen, couldn't feel this helpless. He struggled slightly, trying to get free, but couldn't get his body to remember how to move. His body had flooded with cold and he wasn't entirely sure he was breathing properly.

Magnus felt the change in Alec's demeanour. His hands had fallen open, no longer clasping his own. His body had gone rigid under him after his initial squirm, and the soft gasps and moans that he had previously been eliciting were no longer happening. He backed off immediately, sitting up. 

“Alec?”

Alec moved his arms from above his head and sat up, leaning on his hands. He was smiling. “What's wrong? Get back here.” He smiled again but it didn't quite reach his eyes and Magnus knew that he was trying to bravado his way through this.

“Alec...” Magnus started but was interrupted almost immediately.

"He's not ruining this for us." Alec said firmly. “Not this.”

"No, he's not. But we can stop that specific part for a while, maybe forever. It's okay." Magnus said, drawing closer and putting his hand on Alec's shoulder.

"I used to like it when you did that." Alec said in that same soft and small voice that made Magnus want to kill Lorenzo for the hundredth time.

"And you might again, one day,” Magnus said, “but if you don't? That's okay too."

Alec, not for the first time, wondered how he had managed to get so lucky in his choice of partner. He didn't know how he had managed it, but he was so glad that he had, Magnus was amazing.

Magnus smiled at him and Alec fell in love with him all over again.

Alec took Magnus' hand from where it was lying next to him and dragged Magnus in for another slow kiss. Magnus let Alec set the speed, continuously worrying that something more would set him off, but nothing did.

It wasn’t their first time, just a mirror image of the moment. Their gentle touches and tenderness overpowered their insecurities and doubts, and suddenly it felt like the fragments of their lives were mending, fusing back together. They weren’t healed, and probably wouldn’t be for a long time, but they weren’t in pieces any more, and that knowledge filled them both with joy.

  
  



	47. Epilogue

Magnus felt like they were getting there.

He knew that they spent a lot of their time worrying about each other, more so than any other couple would, but he felt like they had a good reason to. They had been through hell and the hell hadn't magically ended when they'd both been physically freed from the clutches of Lorenzo. The mental scars would be something they knew that they were going to spend years working through, but they were both happy that they could at least recognise the progress that they had made. They had been working things through, _together_.

Alec was hopeful that they would survive this.

He knew that they had been clingy, but he thought they had earnt it. No-one said anything to them if Magnus came to the Institute to collect him instead of him walking home, or if they went out on patrols together. He was more grateful for that than he could say, mostly because he didn't know how he'd explain the desire to be safe to a Shadowhunter; it wasn't normally one that applied to them.

Life slowly got back to normal, with Alec taking on more and more responsibility at the Institute until Lydia told him that she didn't think she was needed anymore.

“Are you sure?” Alec had asked. He’d been standing taller recently, but when his friend had said that she was leaving, he felt his shoulders sag again slightly. He wasn't sure that he could do this alone. 

“I've been sure for two weeks, I was just waiting for you to tell me to go away.” Lydia joked, though got serious again almost immediately, squeezing Alec's forearm. “You can do this, Alec.”

Alec smiled softly at her and put his hand atop of hers.

“Thank you, Lydia. For everything. I don't think I could have done this without you.”

“Well I doubt _that_ , but it's nice to be wanted.”

Alec laughed and then smiled at himself afterwards. He'd been laughing more recently, and that seemed like an achievement in itself.

“Alec Lightwood,” Lydia said, smiling up at him, “you are hereby promoted to the Head of the New York Institute.”

“Lydia Branwell,” Alec said, smiling back at her, “you are hereby relieved of your command of the New York Institute.”

They stared at each other for a moment before they parted, Alec back to his own, no longer shared, office; and Lydia back to her rooms to pack. She had been away from Idris for too long, the ever increasing frequency and length of letters from her mother would have been a reminder of that even if she hadn't known it herself; but she wouldn't have gone back sooner for anything. Being able to support Alec meant too much to her.

~~~

A week or so later, Alec received a fire message from Idris.

He opened it absent-mindedly, still thinking about the requisition form he had been wrestling with prior to the interruption.

_Regarding the accused Warlock, Lorenzo Rey, and all warlocks deemed to have perverted the course of justice or aided/abetted the perpetrator._

Alec felt his blood run cold and he dropped the document onto his desk, unable to continue reading. He took a few deep breaths before picking up his phone and texting Magnus.

**[15:23]:** _It's here._

Alec couldn't move, and so he just waited, sitting behind his desk, staring at the offending sheaf of papers. He wasn't sure how long it was until Magnus arrived at his door. It could have been minutes or hours, time seemed to have lost all meaning. He knew why Magnus couldn't portal directly into the Institute, but not for the first time he wished that he could, wished he could have been there almost instantaneously.

“Alec?”

Alec blinked once, tearing his eyes away from the paperwork in front of him.

“It's here.” Alec repeated, this time audibly.

Magnus exhaled loudly. He thought they had come on a long way, but he couldn't deny that he had been terrified that he was going to walk into Alec's office to find him panicked, or worse, catatonic. He had thought the worst when he'd walked in and Alec was staring down at the paperwork, but when he answered immediately, he felt a weight lift from his chest.

“Do you want to...?”

“Can we go home?” Alec interrupted.

“Of course,” Magnus said quickly, “but isn't this official? Don't you need to open this here?”

Alec smiled slightly and picked up the opened missive. “Technically I _did_ open it here.”

Magnus laughed. “Okay, Alexander.”

~~~

When they were settled back in the loft, Alec put the papers down onto the coffee table and sat down, leaning against the back of the sofa.

“Right.” Alec said. He leant forward again to pick up the documents, but then aborted the movement just shy of grasping them. He leant back into the soft cushions, throwing his head back so it was leaning on the back of the chair. After a moment, he squeezed his eyes closed, then opened them, almost flinging himself forward. 

“Right.” He repeated. Close to the papers, Alec stopped again. He threw himself back into the sofa cushions and groaned. 

“Alec.”

Alec raised his hands to his head, running his fingers through his hair.

“Alec.”

Alec turned towards his boyfriend's soothing voice.

“Do you want me to open it?” Magnus asked gently.

Alec sighed. “No, I should do it.” He dragged a hand down his face, squeezing his chin. He sighed once more and then moved forwards quickly, snagging the pieces of paper in front of him, and leaning back into the sofa again.

Magnus waited, ready to support Alec in whichever way was needed. He was apprehensive too. He was pretty sure of the way that the Clave would rule, but he'd learned long ago not to trust them too much. They often made decisions that sounded sensible at the time, but with hindsight turned out to be catastrophic. He would never forgive them for thinking that The Circle was something that wasn't to be taken seriously. He had lost friends in The Uprising; and he'd lost friends when Valentine had attacked the Institute this year as well, a second massacre that shouldn't have happened. He was trying not to worry, especially as Alec needed his support too.

Alec opened the sheaf of documents and started to read down the page.

Magnus sat close to him, listening to the mutterings that he was pretty sure Alec wasn't even aware he was saying. “Co-operating.” “Arrested.” “Escaped.” “Rounded up.” “Refusal to renounce him.” “Five years.” “Ten years.” “The Gard.” Every minute that went by, Magnus got more and more concerned. Surely the most important thing should be on the first page? Trust Alec to want to read the whole thing from start to finish. If it had been him, he'd have skipped to the end and then gone back and read the fine print.

When Alec turned the final page, his hand was shaking slightly. This was it, this was what was going to either make everything that much better, or that much worse. He knew he was barely breathing as the text went past, as he read every single word on the page, not wanting to miss anything out. As the words ran out, he started to think of all the things that could go wrong. What if Magnus was about to be implicated? What if he was going to find out about Magnus' arrest from a Clave Memo? _What if? What if? What if?_

Alec exhaled forcefully, then let out a shaky laugh, raking his free hand through his hair, dropping the myriad of other pages on the floor, whilst thrusting the single sheet in his right hand towards Magnus.

Magnus read the piece of paper three times before he looked at Alec.

“Tell me this is real,” Alec said, reaching for and then gripped Magnus' hand, “tell me that I just read what I just read.”

Magnus smiled, dropping the single piece of paper to the floor so it joined the other parts of the document. He took up Alec's hands and brought them both to his mouth, kissing them softly.

“This is real. You read that correctly.”

Alec smiled a blinding smile at Magnus, a smile that Magnus hadn't seen in far too long. It made him smile back with a smile Alec probably hadn't seen in a very long while too.

“Life imprisonment. Solitary Confinement.” Alec whispered, a disbelieving tone still in his voice.

“It's over.” Magnus said, kissing Alec's hands again.

“It's over.” Alec repeated, sounding brighter than he had in months.

~~~

Magnus and Alec had just had another wonderful evening in Tokyo, enjoying their favourite restaurant, walking hand in hand under the stars, taking another silly set of photos in a photo booth that this time Alec had dragged Magnus towards, much to Magnus' delight.

When they got back to the loft, Magnus let go of Alec's hand. He felt empty without it, he couldn't remember when they'd starting holding hands that evening, only that the ghost of the touch was still a loss. He never wanted to let go of Alec ever again.

“I want to show you something.” Magnus said softly.

Alec fell contentedly onto the sofa, his long legs hidden underneath the coffee table. He leant his head against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. He was content, happy even. He couldn't remember the last time he had been happy, which was depressing in and of itself. He was still smiling when Magnus joined him, pulling a leg up so that he could sit sideways on to him, so that he couldn't snuggle.

Alec opened his eyes and settled them on his beautiful boyfriend. As soon as he saw the serious look on his face, he sat up properly, mirroring Magnus' position.

“What is it? Are you okay?” Alec asked quickly, scanning Magnus for any sign of injury.

“I'm fine.” Magnus said, then he took a steadying breath.

“Magnus? You're scaring me.”

“Do you remember when we did the spell to disconnect you and...the two of you?”

“Me and _Lorenzo_.” Alec said, with a small smile. 

He couldn't hurt him anymore, couldn't hurt _anyone_ anymore, and suddenly being scared of his name seemed foolish, even owing to what he had been through. He had nearly lost everyone. He had nearly lost Magnus. He had nearly lost his own sense of self. He had nearly lost his _sanity_. Even owing to all of that, being scared of a simple word was irrational. He knew it would take him some time to feel fully himself again, and he knew it would be a long time before he stopped being on high alert whenever something untoward happened, but that didn't mean he had to let that stop him living his life.

Magnus widened his eyes in surprise, but then he smiled, ecstatic that Alec had said that, that his boyfriend had healed enough to be able to say the name of their tormentor was a huge step forward. It seemed comparatively recently that Alec hadn't even be able to even hear his name, so this was ground-breaking. It solidified his resolve that this was the right time for what he was going to show Alec. He had been almost completely sure that Alec was ready, but with that one word, Alec had proven to be the strong and brave individual that Magnus had known was still hiding underneath.

“Yes. When I severed the connection between you and Lorenzo?”

Alec smiled. “Honestly? I don't remember much about it, just the pain...and the memories.” He finished, his smile faltering.

Magnus took up Alec's right hand with his left, squeezing in support. He reached behind him and brought out a glass ball. Alec had a vague memory of seeing it on the table after he'd come out of the ritual, but he had been so relieved that it was over, that he was in Magnus' arms, that everyone was safe, that he hadn't paid it much mind at the time and if he was being truthful had completely forgotten about its existence until now.

“Do you remember this?” Magnus asked softly.

“I saw it afterwards, I think. Was it a spell component?” Alec asked, confused.

“Sort of.” Magnus put the clear orb down on the table next to them and then shuffled closer so that his leg was pressing into Alec's, the distance between them minute. He took up Alec's other hand too.

“Magnus?” Alec had moved past confused and into concerned. “What is it?”

“This is the spell.”

“I don't...” Alec started, swinging straight back over to confused again.

“It's the spell I took out of you.”

Those words hung in the air for a full minute before Alec spoke.

“It's the spell that he...that _Lorenzo_ put in me?” Alec asked slowly.

“Yes.”

Alec let go of one of Magnus' hands and reached towards it, then stopped short. “Can it hurt me?”

“No,” Magnus said, “it's inert.”

Alec reached for it again and this time he picked it up. He hefted it in his hand and was surprised to find that it was a lot lighter than it looked. Still keeping in contact with Magnus' leg, Alec let go of his other hand and passed the orb back and forth between his hands. He brought the glass to his face and looked inside it, seeing the off-green coloured blob with tendrils coming out of it. He turned it in different ways to see the way that it caught in the light. He thought about all of the things that had happened because this thing was inside him. It looked so innocent like this, like it could be an ornament.

Magnus watched Alec twist and turn the offending item in the light, watched the almost childlike wonder his boyfriend was displaying and he felt his heart clench with the thought of what he'd almost lost. There had been many things that had happened in his long life but this was by far the most horrific. In the dark of night he frequently wondered just how they'd managed to get through it all.

“It's beautiful, in a way.” Alec said, with wonder in his voice.

Magnus nodded, then realised Alec wasn't paying him any attention so he replied in the affirmative instead.

After a further minute, when Alec lowered the orb to the table again, Magnus linked both of his hands with Alec's again.

“I thought you might want to break it,” Magnus said quietly, “that's why I kept it.”

Alec looked at the orb and then back at Magnus.

“It's inert?”

“Yes.” Magnus confirmed.

Alec looked at it again, letting go of one of Magnus' hands for a second time so he could pick the orb up. He turned back towards Magnus, conviction lacing his voice. “Then yes, I'd love to hammer this into the _ground_.”

Magnus laughed as they both stood, walking towards the stairs to the roof so that they could do just that.

~~~

A week later, Alec walked into Magnus' apothecary, his Agility rune being used to good effect as he wove his way through the teetering piles of books and ingredients. It would never not be funny to Alec that Magnus could tidy up with a wave of one hand, but when he was mid-spell or mid-research, his work area looked like a bomb had hit it.

“Can you make a copy of that spell?” Alec said, the words coming out in a rush.

Magnus looked up from what he had been working on, “what spell?”

“ _The_ spell. The orb. Can you make a replica for me? And can you make it twice the weight?”

Magnus' mouth quirked up into a smile. “I can.”

“Thank you,” Alec said, speaking slower, “see you later?”

“I'll come and get you when you invariably lose track of time again and forget our date.” Magnus teased.

“Oh shush.” Alec replied, smiling.

~~~

Magnus knocked on the door to Alec's office at the Institute.

“Date?” Magnus asked, laughing.

“Magnus!” Alec said, dropping the paper he was holding, “Damnit! I swear I was paying attention to the...” he picked up his tablet and looked at the small clock flashing in the corner, “...oh.”

Magnus laughed at his flustered boyfriend. “I quite like it actually.”

“You like me continuously forgetting our dates?”

“I like that I can pick you up for our dates, like a true gentleman.”

Alec blushed, then gave the small private smile that was just for Magnus, a smile Magnus loved wholeheartedly.

Magnus walked towards the desk, meeting Alec as he rose to meet him, their lips pressing together quickly.

“I made it.” He said after they'd separated.

“Show me.” Alec breathed. He felt his heart rate speed up, but he held his hands out despite that.

Magnus twisted his wrist and there, sitting in his palm was a replica of the spell. An off-green squid-like thing housed all in glass. Alec lifted it to twist it in the light and it even refracted the light in the same way as the real thing.

“It's _perfect_.”

He turned towards his desk and placed it down on top of the papers he had been using.

He looked up into the eyes of the man he loved, a man who had known, without asking, just why he wanted to have this. A man who had gone through this hell and come out the other side too. Not for the first time, he marvelled about how lucky he was.

“I love you, Magnus.”

“I love you too, Alexander.”

As they turned to leave the room, Alec saw the orb out of the corner of his eye and he knew he had made the right decision in asking for it to be created. 

_It was a reminder of a horrific, yet overcome, past._  
_It was an inspirational memento, telling him he was strong._  
_It was a promise that whatever the future held it couldn't break him, couldn't break THEM._

The click of the door felt like a metaphor for moving on with their lives, and so they did, _together_. 

~FIN~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 90 days ago I had a blank planning document and the self-prompt of "What if Lorenzo kidnaps Alec to get to Magnus?" I had a potential budding friendship with [TeachMePatience](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TeachMePatience) which came from me DMing and asking the first person who said they wanted to read this if they wanted to Beta. I didn't know where this was going, whether it was going to work, whether we were going to gel.
> 
> Then _this_ happened and I couldn't be happier, both to have created this immense work and to have made a dear friend.
> 
> Lemon Squad were so instrumental in this being as long and detailed as it was, given their crazy motivation and Word Wars, and I've made firm friends there too. I can't explain how pleased I am I took a chance and signed up for my first Big Bang, but I'm so glad I did.
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone.


	48. The Many Ways in Which Lorenzo Could Have Died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst our heroes couldn't/shouldn't enact their own justice, that didn't mean we didn't want to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sent in by various people in Lemon Squad, but started by the awesome [astudyinfic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic), please see below, the many ways in which Lorenzo could have died/the many ways that we wanted to kill him.

**The Many Ways in Which Lorenzo Could Have Died**

  * Tripped over shoelaces
  * Sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads
  * Crossroads demon
  * Arrow to the:



            Eye  
            Mouth  
            Stomach  
            Heart

  * Simon talking him to death
  * Buzzards
  * Hacked to death by pink-haired gnome with a battle ax
  * Adders
  * Run over by a bus
  * Run over by a fleet of buses
  * Bad deli meat
  * Knife to the:



            Eye  
            Mouth  
            Stomach  
            Heart  
Up the nose because why not

  * Green threads around the throat
  * Green thread around the little Lorenzo
  * Bees?
  * Pecked to death by pigeons
  * Piano dropped on his head
  * Smashed inside piano
  * Dropped on head on top of piano
  * Trampled by swans
  * Eaten by dragon
  * Autoerotic asphyxiation
  * Poison
  * Allergic reaction to sandalwood
  * Drowned in moonlight, strangled by his own bra
  * Knitting accident
  * Set on fire
  * Rolls a 1 while facing a monster; it does not end well
  * Eyes clawed out by Chairman Meow
  * Horrific dishwashing accident
  * Face eaten by lion
  * Parasites
  * Bisected by beautiful woman with razor sharp feet
  * Seraph blade across the throat
  * I’m not saying it was aliens, but ALIENS
  * Angry monkey
  * Stabbed by icicle
  * Defeated by the Huns
  * Bad tea
  * Brazilian sexy dance fighting
  * Nearly decapitated
  * Struck by lightning
  * Lost in sinkhole
  * Ate the “do not eat” Silica packet
  * Bitten by vampire
  * Eaten by werewolf
  * Lost forever to the Wandering Wood
  * Valentine-Lorenzo death match
  * Monopoly night gone horribly wrong
  * Miss Scarlet in the Kitchen with the Revolver
  * Skinned with a potato peeler
  * Throw him off a cliff (or something)
  * Pool our collective forms of torture and hit him with them all at once
  * Turn him into a statue and take a sledehammer to him repeatedly
  * Turn him into a statue and chisel away at him slowly
  * Set him alight and watch him burn until he's a pile of ash
  * Throw him in a woodchipper
  * COULD LORENZO SUFFER THE PAIN OF THE AGONY RUNE FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY PLEASE?
  * Let's just make a Voodoo doll
  * Impaled by a narwhal
  * Drown him in Magnus' tears 
  * Knit him back together and kill him over and over again
  * Kill him, then resurrect him just so that you can have the pleasure of killing him again 
  * Strangle him 
  * Make him disappear on Mars or wherever 



 


	49. Notes from the Beta - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best margin comments between me and [TeachMePatience](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeachMePatience).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several someone's told me they wanted more notes from me and the Beta, and so here they are.

**Chapter 1**  
_Magnus got a whiff of Sandalwood when Alec sat down in the chair opposite him and he smiled. Alec smelt so good_

 **Her:** I completely derailed myself here by thinking about the fact that I want to smell Alec too. Does that make me weird?  
**Me:** Hey if that makes you weird, I guess I'm weird too.

  
**Chapter 2**  
_Having compassion caused you pain_

 **Her:** BOY IT WILL!!!  
**Me:** I nearly spat my tea out reading that comment. :D

_Alec had never felt so small in his life, or so useless. He wished he could fix this immediately. No people should have to deal with this, no-one should have their entire existence questioned or belittled. The fact that until this very moment, when he himself had been slandered, he hadn't thought about it properly made him sick. He should have thought about this more deeply than he had. Of course he knew that this racism existed between the different species in the Downworld, Mundane and Shadow World, but until this moment he hadn't known it._

**Her:** Take note world!! Alec Lightwood for president please!!  
**Me:** If only!

  
**Chapter 4**

**Her:** I hate him so much. He’s like an overly aggressive, sadistic car salesman. 

  
**Chapter 6**  
_After the highly confusing and frustrating events of the last few weeks, he thought they deserved it._

 **Her:** But he will never get to see it…*sobbing into my tea here*  
**Me:** What are you talking about? Chapter 7 is clearly an adorably fluffy Malec date.  
**Her:** Phewww…guess I’d better cross the box of tissues off my shopping list for this week!

  
**Chapter 7**  
_Alec didn't say anything and it was only after he felt the bonds get unbearably cold this time that he gasped out a pained “yes.”_

 **Her:** I love to be slowly angsted to death…its fine…its not fine…im fine…  
**Me:** I know EXACTLY how you feel.

  
**Chapter 8**  
_Alec was sitting against a white wall which didn't seem, at first glance, to have any identifying characteristics. Alec's head was resting against his chest and Magnus flashed back to the horrific image of Alec, slumped on his balcony, after he'd tried to kill himself. The similarities were striking and he found himself wondering how long Lorenzo had been spying on them._

 **Her:** WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!?!?!?!  
**Me:** Because I am Queen of Angst?  
**Her:** ALL HAIL.  
**Me:** And also because I love parallels so damn much?

  
**Chapter 9**  
_He snagged a memory of Alec from his brain. It was a memory of them smiling, drinking wine on the balcony. A memory that was right at the beginning of their relationship, but one that was so precious to him. Alec was laughing at something that Magnus had said. Magnus had no idea what that had been. It didn't matter, he looked so happy. It made Magnus want to cry again, but he didn't. He had work to do._

 **Her:** My heart just cracked…its not holding out too well here tbh…  
**Me:** I'm running out of ways to say sorrynotsorry...  
**Her:** I’m running out of ways to say you’re killing me here!!!

_Magnus knew that he had to tell Jace and Isabelle, he just wanted to have something concrete to tell them when he did. He wanted to be able to say that Alec was gone, but that he knew where he was and he knew how to get him back. But he couldn't. He didn’t._

**Me:** Just kill me, it would hurt less.  
**Her:** I think this is the most painful chapter yet…NO THAT’S NOT A CHALLENGE!  
**Me:** Ahahahahha you know me so well. ;)

_“So?” Jace asked lowering his shirt. “He's alive but I can't find him. So, I'll ask you again. What did you do to him?”_

**Her:** BACK THE HELL OFF JACE…AS IF HE’D EVER HURT HIM!  
**Me:** This comment made me actually laugh out loud.

  
**Chapter 10**  
_Alec awoke slowly, his head pounding. He was sitting on the floor, his chin resting on his chest and for a moment, he couldn't remember what had happened. The plain white room that he was in afforded him with no reference point at all, and the pounding behind his eyes meant he could barely see. When he tried to move his hand to his head, he realised that his arms were constricted at his sides._

 **Her:** Took you exactly 4 sentences to give me anxiety. I hope you’re proud.  
**Me:** I really am strangely proud. :D

_“Any chance you're going to take this all quietly and be a good little Shadowhunter?”_

**Her:** HURT. PAIN…AM I REALLY TRYING TO EAT WHILST EDITING THIS?!?!?!?! *puts taco down*  
**Me:** Because if Lorenzo was honest? He WANTED Alec to be all stoic and not back down straight away...it was more fun like that.  
**Her:** Ohhh of course he does. Sadistic little fucker. Urghhh.

_Eventually, he was rewarded with a pained gasp. It was a gasp that he would have known anywhere. It was Magnus, hurting._

**Her:** No he’s looking for you! LORENZO IS A SICK WANNABE PROTAGONIST FROM A SAW MOVIE!!  
**Me:** Screaming in the comments? I've clearly been doing my job well :D

_Alec let himself sink to the ground when the bonds disappeared. Wondering how in the hell they were going to get out of this one._

**Her:** I am DONE with these bloody parallels if they are going to hurt this bad!!!  
**Me:** Once again a parallel that I wasn't intending to make...but here we are. *whistles*

  
**Chapter 11**  
_Even before he saw Lorenzo's scrawl on the envelope, mockingly calling him 'High Warlock Bane' as if he didn't know who he was, he knew that it was from him_

 **Her:** I AM NOT INTO HIS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE SHIT!  
**Me:** Your margin notes make me laugh so much.

_You didn't want to be part of this revolution? How about you just **watch** instead?_

**Me:** Good God just adding that one word makes it so much worse, because Lorenzo is saying “You had your chance, I'm not even giving you the chance to take it back.”  
**Her:** I thought it was more ultimatum. Like you’ve made your choice…deal with the repercussions. I thought that was your jam! Hahaha.  
**Me:** Oh no, don't get me wrong, it's so RIGHT. It's just, WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SO RIGHT???

_Magnus was looking into an all-white room. It looked small but he couldn't properly tell from the perspective that was afforded him. He couldn’t quite make out all corners of the room. He didn’t need to be able to. He knew it had been designed and created to feel suffocating and oppressive._

**Me:** Why. Why. Why. Why would you...WHY?  
**Her:** Believe it or not I’m trying to help!!

_Lorenzo raised an eyebrow. “Intriguing. Seems you're ready for more already.”_

**Her:** NO!!! NO HES NOT!!!!  
**Me:** I missed that comment the first time through! You okay?  
**Her:** I AM NOT OK WITH THIS CHAPTER. THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE MAGNUS ANGST.

_The pain increased to such a level that Alec's legs folded and he crashed to the floor. His knees hurt but it was actually that focus on a different type of pain that helped him ground himself, allowing him to contemplate moving._

**Her:** I think my chest just heaved from grief, not even lying. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!  
**Me:** Him collapsing to the ground? It was exactly like in 2x20. Just in case you needed a visual representation...  
**Her:** I feel bullied by this comment.

_"I guess you're just a useless pretty boy with some even prettier tattoos."_

**Her:** I may have jumped on the parallel bandwagon and done this as a ref to when Alec and Magnus first met? Too much?  
**Me:** Why would you. I can't.

_“Magnus.” Alec whispered into the void, remembering a completely different warlock who had once called him 'pretty boy', however long ago that had been._

**Me:** This was clearly your fault because of your edit. ^^^  
**Her:** Ok, mine was subtle. Now you’re just throwing pain in my face.  
**Me:** You know though, if you hadn't amended YOUR bit, I wouldn't have even thought of it...so really, who's the bigger bully?  
**Her:** YOU! DEFINITELY YOU!

  
**Chapter 12**  
_What if Jace was going to lift up his shirt and show a patch of bare skin to Magnus, a patch that until recently had been runed with a soul bond? He wanted to keep his wards up. He wanted to hide away inside, wanted to bury his head in his hands and just grieve. Don't tell me this, Jace. I don't want to know. Please._

**Her:** Right that’s it. I’m done with this chapter already!!!  
**Me:** It's only been 160 words!

_Magnus looked up sharply at the tone of Jace's voice, the hesitation present in it. He had never seen him hesitate before. His bravado was unmistakable and usually masked any other emotions. He looked so much like Will in that moment that it made his heart ache for his long dead friend, and his descendent in front of him._

**Her:** UGLY CRYINGGGGGG  
**Me:** Okay that one I AM sorry for. I wrote it and then immediately said “WTF HANNAH?!” And then left it in anyway. *shrug*  
**Her:** This was uncalled for!!

_But now, as Jace looked down at the tea in his hands he felt only numb, and alone. He’d take whatever tiny association he could get._

**Me:** WHAT THE _FUCK_???  
**Her:** I’m helping!!! I think I am anyway…  


  
**Chapter 13**  
No notes on this one, in case you had trouble with this chapter, just shouting...

 **Her:** Ok, this is tense. Like very well written, but TENSION!!!! NO!!! NO HANNAH!! BAD HANNAH!!!  
**Me:** But...but...angst? :P

 **Her:** I was so ANGRY at that bit that I started typing a comment to it without actually clicking ’new comment’ so started writing NOOOOOOO in the body of the chapter!!!

 **Her:** THIS IS NOT OK!!!! ITS NOT OKKKK

 **Her:** Here is where I died! Write these words on my grave. It’s the banging on the door…I think it really hit home that he can’t get out. I need to cry again. I hate you. Damn you!  
**Me:** You clearly love me.

 **Her:** I HATE YOU!!! WHY CANT I CHANGE THE SIZE ON THESE FUCKING COMMENTS TO MAKE THEM BIGGER?!?!?! I NEED SIZE 72 HERE! FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!

 **Her:** I’m actually broken. I am no more. Like my eyes are stinging. I stg I’m going to fucking bottle my tears and mail them to you as evidence for why you should never write anything this painful EVER AGAIN!

 **Her:** EVERY TIME I READ THAT WORD...I don’t even know what to say anymore. Like, I haven’t been THIS upset at some funerals I’ve been to! **AHHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU MICROSOFT I CAN BOLD MY COMMENTS SO THEY STAND OUT MORE!! THIS IS NOT OK!!!!**  
**Me:** I am genuinely laughing out loud right now. You're cursing Microsoft because you want to be cursing at me/Lorenzo. This is GOLD.  
**Her:** I’m reading my own comments like, I need some serious anger management here…

  
**Chapter 14**  
_As soon as he woke he would feel different sheets and he would just know. Somehow that was better._

**Her:** Hi, welcome to chapter 14. Here we are going to start with a small Magnus scene. DIDN’T NEED MY HEART ANY WAY!  
**Me:** Yeah that was pretty brutal straight off the bat. Whoops?

_but eventually his body had given out on him, falling into unconsciousness out of necessity._

**Her:** DO NOT EVER GIVE ME THE IMAGE OF ALECS BODY GIVING UP EVER AGAIN!  
**Me:** Challenge accepted? ;)  
**Her:** NO!!!!

_Lorenzo waited again, eager to see whether Alec would disobey him. He was gratified to notice that he'd at least broken the Shadowhunter partially after yesterday's torture, because Alec didn't move to do anything untoward._

**Her:** OK, IM GOOGLING SYNONYMS FOR HATE BECAUSE THAT WORD JUST DOESN’T WORK ANY MORE AND I CANT FIND ANYTHING THAT EQUATES TO JUST HOW MUCH I HATE HIM.

_“Good boy.”_

**Her:** Ok, I am all one for a praise kink in a good bit of smut but I swear to GOD, if he calls him that ONE MORE TIME!!!  
**Me:** I know. I can't believe I'm writing two fics, both with “Good boy” in them and the tone is so different.  
**Her:** I’ve decided only Magnus is allowed to say this to Alec.

_“Well,” Lorenzo simpered, “I suppose I could be convinced to drop this. For the right price.”_

_Involuntarily, Alec remembered Magnus saying those exact same words to him, before they were together, back when he was trying so hard to fend off his advances. Later, he would think that that memory caused him to show his hand too readily._

**Her:** FUCK YOU AND YOUR PARALLELS!  
**Me:** I'm not normally so parallel heavy but this fic just seems to scream for it. :'D

_“Find this funny, Mr Lightwood?”_

_“A little.” Alec replied, fed up. “Not sure how you think runeing a Shadowhunter is going to be better for you.”_

**Her:** STOP THE SASS ALEC! NOW IS NOT THE TIME! GOOD GOD MAN!!!  
**Me:** Defensive sass is my JAMMMMMM!  
**Her:** No because he’s gonna get himself hurt! :(

_“I'm waiting, Alexander.”_

_“No.” Alec rasped, rubbing his throat as if it could ease the strain it had just been under, like a mundane injury._

**Her:** WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME SO MANY OF THESE DAMN FORCED ADMISSIONS?!?!?!??! THEY ARE KILLING ME!!!!  
**Me:** Because Lorenzo is a diiiiiick?

_Alec was scared though, he'd seen Magnus subjected to this. He knew what he had signed up for, it wasn't called an Agony rune for nothing. Lorenzo had expertly manoeuvred him into this action and there was nothing else he could do but lie in the bed that he himself had made._

**Her:** Right, firstly, FUCK YOU LORENZO!!! Little agony rune on his wrist…I don’t know why I’m always like “ahhh my poor sweet child”…he’s a 6”3 man! But the wrist is such a tender little piece of skin so FUCK YOU!!!  


  
**Chapter 15**  
_The fact that Lorenzo was subjecting Alec to it, the fact that he was making Alec do it to himself made his heart physically hurt._

 **Her:** I’m starting to get anxious…and Sleeping at Last is playing as I’m editing…what the fuck do I do?!?!!? What do I do?!?!  
**Me:** Well firstly: YOU SHOULD NEVER LISTEN TO SLEEPING AT LAST WHEN YOU'RE EDITING THIS...ARE YOU MAD?!

_This was glorious, and certainly the most fun he'd had in at least a decade_

**Her:** I FUCKING HATE HIM. I WISH DEATH UPON HIM!!! HIS FUCKING ENJOYMENT IN THIS IS HORRIBLE!!! AND HE KEEPS FUCKING CALLING HIM THAT!!!!! URGHHHH DEATH.DEATH.DEATH.DEATH!

_He was locked in a dark room, unable to get free._

**Her:** FUCKING SATURN IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. THIS HAS BEEN TIMED TERRIBLY… **NO, FUCK NO. I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW EMOTIONAL WITH THIS WHOLE FIRST PARAGRAPH I AM. THIS WILL NEVER NOT GET TO ME!**  
**Me:** I wasn't intending childhood to be so traumatic, but I think Shadowhunter parents are predominantly 'you're warriors, man up' about raising their kids...and the Lightwood's especially won't brook any failure...I know Maryse is making up for it now, but I do not approve of this headcanon. I blame that FanVid with "[Good Enough](https://youtu.be/y56DRCwX75k)".  
**Her:** I’ll just blame you…you’re an easier target for my angst pain.

_They didn't talk, content to offer support through their bond and their proximity._

**Her:** Hands down the most emotionally raw thing you’ve written!  
**Me:** Actually reading this scene back I'm really proud of it, I'm liking the pacing.  
**Her, Edit #2:** ITS AMAZING.  
**Her, Edit #3:** I’m never going to not comment on this!!!! I could read it over and over again!  
**Her, Edit #4:** COMMENTING BECAUSE I HAD TO READ THIS AGAIN!!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!?!

_The threat was implicit in his tone and Alec gritted his teeth, bringing his right hand towards his wrist and towards the pain he knew he was about to suffer._

**Her:** He’s shaking, leave him the fuck alone. I feel exhausted and in pain just reading this!!!  
**Me:** I regret every choice in my life that has led to the moment that I decided that Alec had a tremor in this scene.  
**Her:** We are bad people.

_“Good boy.”_

**Her:** MOTHERFUCKER FUCK OFF!!  
**Me:** That was my favourite one and the one I intended to write...the other ones just happened organically...Have I mentioned how much I hate Lorenzo?  
**Her:** We need to create a new word I can use to vent at him please…  
**Me:** I might just graduate to 'Loathe' because somehow that feels stronger than hate.

_The corner offered him a modicum of safety too. It meant he was protected on two sides and that felt like an achievement, like he had a chance to actually defend himself if he needed to. He knew it was only an illusion, that Lorenzo held all the cards, but it gave him some relief nonetheless. It also meant that he had something to lean on._

**Her:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?! IM SO FAR PAST DEAD HERE!!  


  
**Chapter 16**  
_Magnus wanted to say I might need your strength but he couldn't get the words out, couldn't help but remember when he'd said those same words to Alec a lifetime and a blink of an eye ago._

 **Her:** This bit is so tender…I CANT!! STOP MAKING ME THINK OF MALEC FINDING THEIR WAY TO ONE ANOTHER!!!  
**Me:** Um...sorry?

_Magnus envisaged Alec's smile, Alec's laugh and Alec's soft gasps of arousal when Magnus pulled his hair just right._

**Her:** SMUT REF…I APPROVE MASSIVELY OF THIS KINK BTW  
**Me:** Honestly slight hair pulling eliciting gasps is such a kink. I love it. Plus...IT'S CANON.  
**Her:** I NEED A PARAGRAPH ON THIS IN YOUR NEXT SMUT FIC PLEASE  
(Yes I’m using the notes in one fic to make suggestions for another).

_It was just like Lorenzo to make the decision to keep Alec in Magnus' jurisdiction, to mock him._

**Her:** BECAUSE HE’S A BITCH!!

_He remembered pulling back so that he could stare into those eyes and whisper his adoration into his mouth just before he took his lips and kissed him again._

**Her:** DEAD. HOW DARE YOU?!?! IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS PAIN YOU GIVE ME THIS?!  
**Me:** Running out of ways to say “I'm sorry I killed you, please still love me!”  
**Her:** After this fic is done I’m expecting you to at least send a deepest sympathy card to my family.  


  


**Chapter 17**  
_They'd find Alec, there was no doubt in their minds. They just weren't sure how much of Alec they'd find when they did_  


**Her:** I AM NOT OK WITH THIS SENTENCE.  
**Me:** Look everyone's losing hope! It's not my fault!! 

_“I think I just want to be on my own for a bit.” Magnus replied, leaning in to the back of the sofa with his cheek, making himself as small as possible_

**Her:** NO. JUST NO. THAT IS ALL.  
**Me:** :'D 

_Magnus sighed, scanning his brain for interior design styles that he'd seen. He needed to change it to something that wouldn't trigger a memory of Alec._

**Her:** Ok these memories are going to kill me. A slow painful death.  
**Me:** I love how you knew that before you'd even read them all!  
**Her:** As if they would do anything but!!! 

_Magnus felt tears prick the back of his eyes at that last memory and he threw his arms up in the air and tried again._

**Her:** THIS IS BLOODY PAINFUL!! I DO NOT NEED ADDITIONAL ANGSTY MEMORIES.  
**Me:** But...but 3D CHARACTERS! 

_He remembered Alec pulling him in close and telling him he wasn't a monster, even after he'd told him he'd acted like one, holding him as he cried._

**Her:** THERE IS NOTHING UGLY ABOUT YOU!  
**Me:** I HAD TO REFERENCE IT! I COULDN'T NOT! 

_This décor didn't remind him of Alec, so he was momentarily appeased, only to find that the complete lack of Alec made his chest constrict so hard he genuinely thought his heart might be giving out. Having a décor without Alec was somehow worse, it felt like giving up entirely_

**Her:** Only you could make a room that has nothing to do with Alec angsty!!!  
**Me:** It's a gift. 

_"Well that was pathetic."_

_Magnus turned quickly at Lorenzo's voice, shooting off a fire ball in the direction of the sound_

**Her:** I WASN’T PREPARED FOR THIS BITCH TO TURN UP AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER!  
**Me:** Surprise?

  
**Chapter 18**  
_Alec looked like he hadn't moved since the last time Magnus saw him. He was still sitting, slumped against the wall, his forearms resting on his knees. He seemed to be staring off into space and that was somehow worse. He looked more broken with a vacant look on his face. At least if he was crying, it showed emotion. This blank mask scared Magnus more._

**Her:** NOT OK. NOT OKKKKKK!!!  
**Me:** I just spat my drink out! :D But also what did I do to my son! :'(  
**Her:** You’d better give him some serious fluff at the end of all of this!!

 _“This is pretty pathetic.” Lorenzo said, walking into the room and interrupting Alec's sit-ups_

**Her:** OH FUCK OFF LORENZO!! I FEEL THE NEED TO THROW SOMETHING EVERY TIME HE TURNS UP!!  
**Me:** It's the one liners that get me. Like he's deliberately beating Alec down with every single word. 

_“Yeah that's what I thought,” Lorenzo replied, “I agonised over whether to tell you this or not...”_

**Her:** Didn’t need this agony ref!!!!!! How dare you?!?!  
**Me:** ;) No idea when I became so good at parallels, but here we are I guess! 

_“I guess even your family don't want you anymore. And why would they? If you think about it, you're a huge disappointment. A gay Shadowhunter. How are you going to propagate the species if you aren't taking a wife? It's probably best that they leave you here.”_

_Alec had been sure that Jace and Izzy wouldn't leave him in fate’s hands, no matter what his parents said, and even then he was pretty sure his parents were okay with his sexuality nowadays, and loved him in their own way._

**Her:** OH FUCK OFFFFF!!!!!  
**Me:** Yeah okay, I felt bad for that one. 

_At least he thought they did?_

**Her:** Added another question because I want to drown in pain clearly.  
**Me:** You're a terrible person. 

_Alec waited for a beat, but they'd played this game before and he knew that Lorenzo wouldn't carry on with whatever it was until he answered him, so he did. “Yes.”_

_Lorenzo raised an eyebrow._

_“Yes, I understand.” Alec repeated._

**Her:** I HATE THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE!! LIKE FUCK OFF!! WAS HIS FIRST ANSWER NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!?!?  
**Me:** Lorenzo breaking him down by increments is probably the most painful thing I've ever written (and I once wrote a suicide). 

_“Magnus does so love to do the right thing, but because of that he finds it so hard to make the difficult decisions. I mean, he was instrumental in your coming out, that's a huge weight to put on someone. He felt a great responsibility for that. He would have wanted to let you down incredibly gently. Just because you were a bit of a whim, **someone to occupy his time** , wouldn't have meant that he wanted to hurt you.”_

**Me:** WHAT THE _FUCK_???!!!  
**Her:** I’m helping!!! 

_“How can you not know I love you, Magnus?” Alec said quietly, finally giving up and sliding down the wall, hands over his ears. He hung his head between his pulled up knees, giving him a modicum of privacy and started to cry. The awful part of the situation was that all he wanted in that moment was an embrace from Magnus, and he didn't know whether he'd ever get that again._

**Her:** I NEED A DRESSING GOWN, OR A HOT WATER BOTTLE OR _SOMETHING_ TO HOLD HERE!! THIS IS TOO FUCKING PAINFUL!  
**Me:** *hugs*  


**Chapter 19**  
_When Magnus saw the note tacked to the piece of glass he actually felt his heart skip a beat, thinking of all the things that might mean. The word final made him wonder if he was going to watch Alec die before his eyes and he didn't think he could cope with that. But if this was it, there was no way he was going to let him go through this alone._

**Her:** FIRST PARAGRAPH IN AND WE ARE ON ALEC’S DEATH…REALLY?!?! ARE YOU DOING THIS ON PURPOSE TO HURT ME?!?!  
**Me:** Wouldn't Magnus immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion? It's ICCCCCCC. :P 

_“Good. You're learning.”_

**Her:** Annnnnnnd we are back to Lorenzo being the mastermind of a Saw movie!! A PLAGUE UPON HIS HOUSE!!!!!!  
**Me:** He likes dragging him down slowly and I don't in any way approve. 

_Alec heard Magnus gasp in pain and at the same time he felt his leg twitch. It was an involuntary movement due to wanting to get to Magnus, wanting to help him. He got his muscles back under control but not before he heard Magnus' scream._

_“Alexander!” Magnus cried out. “Please!”_

**Her:** WHYYYY??!?! DID NOT NEED THIS!!!  
**Me:** Sorry?  
**Her:** NOT A VALID RESPONSE. 

_Alec felt a large gash form on his chest and he hissed in pain, knowing that it meant that Magnus' strength was failing. That alone made him want to rail at Lorenzo, shout at him, fight him if it came to it. It made him want to run out of the room and go and find Magnus, rescue him from this. But he couldn't, if he moved he might kill him and he couldn't have that. No, he had to keep himself as still as possible._

**Her:** WHY AM I FUCKING READING THIS AGAIN?!?!?!  
**Me:** Because editing was needed? Maybe you don't quite understand what a 'Beta' is?  
**Her:** :| 

_He had tried every bit of magic he knew but he couldn't get to him, couldn't do anything for him. He was impotent and that thought alone was killing him._

**Her:** THIS CHAPTER IS KILLING ME!!! WHY DO I ALWAYS THINK ANGST MUSIC IS A GOOD IDEA?!?!?!?  
**Me:** Because you are a N00b? 

_He was going to stay on his feet because it would keep Magnus safe and that was all he wanted._

**Her:** I THINK THIS MIGHT EVEN BE WORSE THAN 13?!?! IM SO TORN!!  
**Me:** This chapter is brutal. Re-reading it is so painful!  
**Her:** THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN I REMEMBER!!! 

_Lorenzo appeared and didn't speak. He raised an eyebrow at Magnus after a full minute of them staring at each other._

**Her:** DEAD. THIS CHAPTER KILLED ME. I CANNOT GO INTO 20 LIKE THIS!!!!! YOU’D BETTER START SAVING FOR MY FUNERAL…I HAVE A BIG FAMILY!!  
**Me:** I've already started a collection...  
**Her, Edit #2:** I hope this is still on-going…

  


**Chapter 20**  
_“Come.” Lorenzo said, walking out of the door._

**Her:** I fucking can’t…I need to stop commenting on every line but I swear, this shit is hurting me!! He’s speaking to him like a bloody dog!! He’s so broken. I LITERALLY HATE YOU!  
**Me:** You literally don't. I give you Carte Blanche to shout about Lorenzo as long as you like.  
**Her:** NO IM READING THIS AGAIN AND IM PRETTY SURE I HATE YOU. 

_He wasn't worth all of the worry lines etched into Magnus' face_

**Me:** This is the most heart-breaking sentence I have ever written. #JustSaying  
**Her:** I CANT COPE WITH THIS EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, LIKE I AM REALLY NOT OK HERE.  
**Me:** *passes a tissue* 

_“Don't stop,” Alec replied, starting to cry, “please, don't stop.”_

**Her:** I'M OUT. I’M GONE. BYE.  
**Me:** This was the bit that made me cry.  
**Her:** This was the bit that got me too!!!!! 

_“It's okay, you're okay.” Magnus whispered, as much to convince himself as to convince Alec. He stroked his other hand down his boyfriend's cheek, wiping away the tears. “We're okay, you're safe now.” Magnus promised._

**Her:** Ok, I’m having all kinds of angsty songs going through my head for this!!! I need to go cry!!  
**Me:** Don't you know by now that shouldn't read this and listen to angsty songs at the same time?  
**Her:** I obviously never learn…SYML playing in background… 

_"You BASTARD!" Magnus shouted._

_Alec recoiled from his boyfriend, looking hurt, until he realised that Magnus hadn't stopped holding on to him, hadn't stopped stroking his hand down his cheek. Magnus was glaring at Lorenzo, not him._

_"Aren't we all, us Warlocks?" Lorenzo said laconically._

**Her:** NO JUST YOU BITCHFACE!!!!  
**Me:** I just spat my coke out. 

_Alec, fully cognisant due to the weight of the situation and despite his pain, whispered into Magnus' ear, "I'll find you."_

**Her:** I want it to be known that I’d like to leave my house, my car and the dog to my husband. To my sister, I’d like to leave the remainder of my Netflix subscription for the year and any/all of the decorative cushions in my house. To my parents, my fancy-ass wedding album. And to you, the knowledge that your angsting pain is what KILLED ME!!!!  
**Me:** I feel...strangely proud of this?  
**Her:** You are a horrible person.


	50. Notes from the Beta - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here goes Part 2...

**Chapter 21**  
_Magnus stared at him, wondering what the hold up was. Lorenzo really was dragging this out. Magnus didn't want to turn, didn't want to look at Alec, but it was like a magnet. If this was going to be the last time he saw him, he wasn't going to lose out._

**Her:** I THOUGHT YOU SAID 21 WAS OK?!?!?!?! THAT I WOULD SURVIVE?!?!?!?!?! YOU LIED!!!  
**Me:** Yeah I think I had just finished 22 and so 21 didn't seem anywhere near as bad in comparison. Sorry? 

_The last thing Magnus saw was Alec, bruised, bleeding and broken, attempting to move towards him, tears in his eyes_

**Her:** FUCK! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! YOU TOTALLY LULLED ME INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY WITH THIS CHAPTER!!! I FEEL ATTACKED!! ACTUALLY FEEL SICK HERE… **I DO NOT WANT THIS IMAGE OF ALEC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**  
**Me:** Yeah, I may have undersold how angsty this chapter was. I'm sorry? 

_It wasn't a ball that was made to attack. After a moment it formed into a picture and Magnus' magic dissipated as he saw Alec still beaten and broken on the ground, struggling to stand._

**Her:** THIS IS NOT OK!!! THIS IS NOT OK!!!!! **I NEED A CORNER TO GO ROCK IN!**  
**Me:** *hugs* 

_Before the orb dissipated, he saw, in a small movement, the agony rune, ugly and red against Alec's left wrist as he reached out for his sister. The rune was enough to make the magic in his hands spring back into action. Lorenzo had tortured Alec and that was unforgivable. He had to pay._

**Her:** I feel completely broken by this whole thing…  
**Me:** On reflection, I should have told you how bad this chapter was... 

  
**Chapter 22**  
_There was too much blood, Isabelle thought. There was so much blood._

**Her:** I’ll thank you to NOT DO THIS!!!  
**Me:** Sorry? 

_Isabelle didn't know how she was going to tell their parents. How could she do what Alec had managed to do in his long life? She wasn't a diplomat. She was a warrior. **There was no way she could fill the void he would leave behind**._

**Me:** The FUCK?!  
**Her:** I help! I’m helpful! 

_“Alec,” she whispered reverently, completely bowled over that she was able to look at her brother. Her living, breathing brother._

_“Hi.” Alec replied._

**Her:** I AM DEFINITELY NOT OK HERE! THAT GIF OF THE THREE OF THEM HOLDING ONE ANOTHER HAS MESSED WITH ME!  
**Me:** That gif was my inspiration (and the one of Alec on the floor outside Jocelyn's room). 2x4 has a lot to answer for tbh. 

_At one point Alec realised that mundanes were staring at him and he remembered that they could see him. It had been so long since he'd been outside without runes that the realisation made him feel completely naked, like he really was nothing without his runes. Lorenzo had been right._

**Me:** My poor son, what have we done?  
**Her:** I think we’ve given him permanent damage…I feel like a monster!! 

_Isabelle's heart hurt. Her by the book brother had activated the rune in public without a second thought. He hadn't seemed to care that anyone watching would have just seen him disappear into thin air. It was a punishable offence, telling mundanes about the Shadow world, and he didn't seem to care._

**Her:** DON’T GIVE ME FRAGILE ALEC ANY MORE I CAN'T TAKE IT.  
**Me:** Maybe you shouldn't read the next 20 chapters? :D  
**Her:** I’m scared… 

_When Alec saw all of Magnus' things in the room he lent against the door jamb, unsure whether his legs would continue to support his weight. This was too much. He knew Magnus too well. He knew that Magnus would have moved in here because he had missed him, and he couldn't think of that right now. Especially as he had spent some time in his cell doubting Magnus' love for him. This proof made him feel guilt the likes of which he'd never had before._

**Her:** WTF?!?!  
**Me:** It was an accident! 

_Alec had never been in the centre before. He'd never needed to be, content to be on the outside, the protector of his siblings. The fact that they had done this for him made him ache. He didn't deserve all of this love, not when he'd failed so utterly in looking after someone who was supposed to be the love of his life._

**Her:** FUCK. NO. IM DROWING IN SIBLING ANGST HERE!  
**Me:** Um...sorry? 

_"One day, I'd like to get married."_

**Her:** I'M OUT. TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. RIP ME.  
**Me:** But I need your editing skills!! I love you?  
**Her:** I should be charging to read this pain!!

  
**Chapter 23**  
_Lorenzo looked at him levelly, sizing him up and Magnus had to lock his knees to stop himself from taking a step back under the scrutiny._

**Her:** I'M STARTING TO HATE IT WHEN LORENZO THROWS HIS WEIGHT AROUND!!  
**Me:** I'm starting to hate it when Lorenzo breathes tbh. :'D 

_Lorenzo had never before wanted to thank a Shadowhunter, but he felt like he wanted to thank one now. Thank you Alexander Lightwood. Thank you for beating this warlock down enough for him to be swayed by a single mention of your name. **Thank you for loving him...and damning him.**_

**Me:** WHAT THE HELL? WHY DID I WRITE THIS?  
**Her:** HORRENDOUS SENTENCE!  


  
**Chapter 24**  
_That same day, Magnus forced all of his magic out at once, breaking through Lorenzo's wards and managing to get a fire message to Cat. He was exhausted afterwards and slumped in a chair in his living area, unable to even find the energy to get up and go to bed._

**Her:** No, not ok here. Magnus willingly depleting his own magic is too much! TOO MUCH!  
**Me:** He wants to get the message out...tell me he wouldn't do this?  
**Her:** Of course he would. Ughhh

 _Magnus flinched, but the orb that he had come to love as well as **loathe** didn't appear. _

**Her:** CAN I LEMON THIS WORDIN BECAUSE I LOATHE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH!!!  
**Me:** I adore that you just used 'lemon' as a verb, so yes you can. 

_It was useless. He was as helpless as a babe. He couldn't rescue these warlocks, he couldn't rescue Alec, he couldn't even rescue himself_

**Her:** I need crying face emoji right now.  
**Me:** I did promise despondent Magnus as well as BAMF Magnus *shrugs* 

_Whatever was about to happen was on him._

**Her:** NOT READY. I'M NOT READY!  
**Me:** You know what's going to happen! Is it better or worse to know?  
**Her:** I don’t even know!!!! 

_“I haven't done anything, I didn't even have to do anything. He's having those nightmares all by himself. How pathetic.” Lorenzo sneered._

**Her:** FUCK OFFFFFF I HATE YOU.  
**Me:** This was [Causteek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Causteek)'s idea! I'm absolved of all responsibility. 

_“Magnus,” Alec whispered, the word just falling from his unconscious lips, “Magnus, help me.”_

**Her:** WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?!?!?! I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS!  
**Me:** Because he's reliving what he felt in that cell...sorry?!?!  


  
**Chapter 25**  
_Magnus woke up with the glass clutched to his chest._

**Her:** Ow my heart! 

_As soon as he moved, the fragile object turned to dust. He felt the sand slip through his fingers and he couldn't help but wonder whether this was an omen. He wondered whether it was the sands of time mocking him. **With each grain that slipped through his grasp Alec moved further away, with no hope of ever feeling his embrace again**._

**Me:** I feel fine about hurting your heart if THAT is what you do to mine.  
**Her:** You don’t get to shout at my additions ok?! You do enough of this!!

 _He couldn't keep his thoughts in line with working out how to take Lorenzo down if he was also pining and hurting for his Alexander._

**Her:** DON’T THROW THE FULL NAME AT ME ON TOP OF ALL THAT!!  
**Me:** Um...sorry? 

_He whispered words from Ancient Greek under his breath and he felt like he was letting go of his own impurities._

**Her:** MAGNUS HAS NO IMPURITIES ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!  
**Me:** I just spat my tea out! That was _gold_. 

_A small jar appeared in front of Magnus and on opening the item, he was about to thank Lorenzo, for he was nothing if not polite, when he saw what it was. He saw what Lorenzo had done. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut, he could barely breathe with the knowledge of what he was staring at._

**Her:** DON’T GIVE ME EDOM ANGST TOO!!!  
**Me:** This was [AtraEris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtraEris/pseuds/AtraEris)'s idea! Although in fairness she just suggested it because of the link to Magnus, not the epic amount of angst I created from it :D  
**Her:** STOP BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE! YOU WROTE THIS!! 

_Magnus had only a moments warning before Lorenzo had dropped a dollop of the paste into his hair right on the top of his head. He flinched, but managed not to step back entirely, which is what he wanted to do. When Lorenzo had similarly rubbed the earth into Magnus' palms he stepped back._

_“Now, me.” Lorenzo said._

_“What?” Magnus asked stupidly, not immediately understanding his old friend's meaning._

_“Now you do me.”_

**Her:** URGHHHHHHH LEAVE ALREADY!!  
**Me:** I'm running out of ways to say I hate him. 

_“Good boy.”_

**Her:** YOU CAN FUCK OFF WITH THIS!  
**Me:** I'm also running out of ways to say I'm sorry. 

_“It's time.”_

__**Her:** TIME TO FUCK UP YOUR PLANS DOUCHEBAG!  
**Me:** I adore you.  


  
**Chapter 26**  
_A third of the initial power had built in the circle and the blue light it reflected made Lorenzo look inhuman. He was standing so still that if Magnus hadn't known that he was, unfortunately, a living, breathing warlock, he would have thought he was a statue._

__**Her:** "I’m fighting the urge to BOLD AND CAPS the ‘unfortunately’ here."  
**Me:** "The “not if I have anything to do with it” still breathing warlock?"  
**Her:** "The “oh dear, he is suddenly alight and disintegrating into a pile of ash” warlock?"  
**Me:** "The “whoops, he fell into a woodchipper” warlock?

 _Magnus forced the last ounce of magic out and then collapsed to the floor next to the blinding light._

**Her:** I’M NOT OK WITH HIM DRAINING HIMSELF…AND NEVER WILL BE!!  
**Me:** Yeah I don't know why...but it seemed important that that was in there again. 

_“Right, so what made you think I wouldn't notice if you deliberately withheld your power?” Lorenzo asked, still standing and looking down at Magnus._

**Her:** HATEEEE BURNING PASSIONATE HATEEE!! FUCK OFF!!  
**Me:** I kind of feel like Lorenzo will do something bad in the show and we'll all just be like “meh?”  
**Her:** It will be like a tickle compared to this festering wound!! 

_Lorenzo looked at him over the top of his non-existent glasses._

__**Her:** Oh no you didn’t use the McGonagal look!!!  
**Me:** Mayyyyybe? I was inspired :D  


  
**Chapter 27**  
_Think about what you did._

**Her:** HATE THESE WORDS…HE CAN ROT.  
**Me:** I hate him. I hate him so damn much. Why did he turn out like this? 

_Magnus watched as Alec huffed out a soft 'no', shaking his head as he did so. His jet black hair framing his head on the stark white pillow._

**Her:** DON’T GIVE ME MY CHILD SLEEPING AND BEING RESTLESS!!  
**Me:** Well if you can't cope with this bit, I have news for you... :'D 

_Cupboard._

**Her:** I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE THROWING THIS AT ME!!! I'M EMOTIONAL  
**Me:** I genuinely wasn't intending an in-fic parallel...but here we are. *head desk* 

_Perhaps the joy of that reunion, even though it was cut short, had been an illusion, just a way to lift him up only to make him fall further. **He had never felt this blind before, this untethered to reality**. _

**Me:** WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?!?!?!?!?  
**Her:** :) 

**Me:** I used 'prison' before, another word?  
**Her:** Ok, I can't choose…tomb, casket, crypt, something along the lines of isolation chamber?? Any of those any good?  
**Me:** That's a litany of angst, you know that right?  
**Her:** Isn’t it lovely? Haahahaha  
**Me:** We're very suited as Parabatai methinks. 

_“Please.”_

**Her:** NOT THIS FUCKING WORD!!  
**Me:** You knew I was going to use it! You encouraged it!!  
**Her:** It still hurts though :( 

_"Okay, Lorenzo,” Magnus said tiredly, locking eyes with his old friend, but not getting up, “let's try that spell again."_

**Her:** THIS CAN JOIN 13, 15 AND 20 IN THE HALL OF ANGST!!  
**Me:** Why thank you :D  


  
**Chapter 28**  
_The door opened and it was her brother. Her once tall, brave and solid brother, who now looked both small and scared._

**Her:** NOPE. CAN'T.  
**Me:** You always say this on page one, and then have six more pages to deal with. I probably shouldn't find this as funny as I do. 

_Tonight he'd get to... **Magnus**._

**Her:** This is so cruel…I can't deal with the false hope wake ups!!!  
**Me:** Parallllllllels?  
**Her:** Cruel that’s what it is!! 

_“As if.” Alec said, smiling back at her. It wasn't a real conversation, his heart wasn't really in it, but he loved his sister a lot for trying, and for not bringing up his failings._

**Her:** YOU HAVE NONE YOU BEAUTIFUL GIANT!  
**Me:** This just made me laugh out loud. I love you so much. 

_He didn't think he'd be able to explain why the idea of magic poking at him filled him with horror._

**Her:** Ohhhhh Alec, I need to give him all of the tea.  
**Me:** I need to cover him in blankets and give him chocolate and cuddly toys. 

_“I don't want any magic near me.” He said brokenly._

**Her:** I'M FUCKING BROKE!!  
**Me:** I'm sorry! I wasn't intending this! Alec ran off with the plan again!!  


  
**Chapter 29**  
_Alec flinched backwards away from the magic. As soon as he did, Catarina extinguished the glowing blue orb._

**Her:** Oh god, I can't deal with this chapter. Its chipping away…IT'S LIKE SLOW BURN ANGST AND ITS SUFFOCATING ME!!  
**Me:** 'Slow Burn Angst'. Is it wrong that I'm kind of proud about that? 

_He saw the magic form again and he locked every muscle in his body to stop himself from backing away. This was ridiculous. He knew that Izzy and Jace wouldn't bring him somewhere that would hurt him. He knew Cat, even. He didn't think that Cat would want to hurt him either. But he couldn't stop the almost visceral reaction he had at the sight of the magic._

**Her:** UGHHHHHHH, MUST EDIT…MUST STOP LOSING SELF IN FEELINGS…  
**Me:** I'm pleased it's that compelling, but yes, please edit. Lol. 

_Alec leant against the sink for a moment, his head bowed, taking deep and potentially calming breaths. At least he could get his breath, which was a small mercy._

**Her:** OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GOOD I HATE/LOVE IT… I HATE YOU.  
**Me:** I love you too.  


  
**Chapter 30**  
_“Oh don't give me that look, you saved your pretty Shadowhunter from more pain, and helped the cause whilst you were at it. It's a win all around. Now, go and rest so we can enact Phase Two.”_

**Her:** He’s an actual motherfucker!!! I don’t think I have every passionately hated someone like this before!!  
**Me:** Show!Lorenzo is going to be a Teady Bear in comparison. 

_He slipped into some sweatpants and a t-shirt. It was only after a moment that he realised it was Alec's t-shirt, the one he had been wearing after Alec had been taken. It still vaguely smelt of his boyfriend and he felt his eyes well up with tears. He angrily wiped them away. If he started to cry now, when his magic was depleted, he knew he wouldn't stop._

**Her:** THIS BLOODY CLOTHES WEARING!!! IM NOT OK WITH THIS! THIS WAS A SIDE BLOW I DID NOT EXPECT!  
**Me:** #Helping? 

_Magnus knew that he really needed to get out of this predicament; but he couldn't think of a way to do it. Lorenzo seemed to have thought of everything. Magic aside, perhaps Lorenzo was cleverer than him. **Perhaps there really was no way out of this and Lorenzo had been right when he'd taunted him with that sentence**._

**Her:** NO JUST NO…I WANT TO REJECT THIS ADDITION!  
**Me:** I'm running out of ways to say 'sorry'. 

_Magnus rolled his eyes. “Does it really matter how I'm dressed?”_

_“It does if I have to look at you all day whilst we work.”_

**Her:** SOMEONE PLEASE JUST BURN HIM!!!  
**Me:** To paraphrase [Causteek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Causteek): INTO THE WOODCHIPPER WITH HIM! 

_“You know I really don't think you're as on board with this plan as I am.”_

**Her:** As Magnus once said, DUHHHHHHHH  
**Me:** I actually felt Magnus roll his eyes when I wrote this line. :D 

_“Do whatever you want with the Shadowhunter. You broke him. After seeing him in that glass the other night, I'm not sure I even want him anymore.” Magnus felt sick even saying the words but he hoped that they had the desired effect._

**Her:** WHAT IS THIS FUCKING ADDITION?!?!  
**Me:** In many ways it's not my fault. Magnus did it!!  
**Her:** Magnus did not do this!!

  
**Chapter 31**

**Her:** Hi, I’m Hannah of the million surnames and I never accept changes!  
**Me:** The SASS coming from you, Ms. Pot, is legendary. 

_"You have to know Alec, this might not work. Lorenzo's wards might be too strong."_

**Her:** ITS GONNA WORK GOD DAMMIT!!  
**Me:** One of my favourite things is you commenting as if you're reading this for the first time, as if you don't know where this chapter is going to go. :)  
**Her:** Tbh I live in a constant state of fear that you’ll change it just to play with my feelings!! 

_Alec hesitated for a moment, his newfound fear of magic causing him to stall. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Fixing a picture of Magnus in his mind, he set his shoulders and walked into the circle quickly, before he could change his mind._

**Her:** HE'S FUCKING AFRAID OF MAGIC?! WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!  
**Me:** We broke him. :'( We made a man in love with a warlock afraid of magic. My god even the comfort portion of the hurt/comfort is going to hurt. 

_Alec ran over to him, taking him up in a bruising hug. He'd missed him, so much. Seeing him here in front of him was like getting a present that you didn't know you needed. He was so overcome with emotion he didn't know what to say, so he just held him._

**Her:** DEATH NUMBER ONE OF THIS CHAPTER. YOU KILLED ME.  
**Me:** So noted. 

_“No! I'm not doing this again! I've done what you wanted, Lorenzo! Please. Just please don't let me go through this again.”_

**Her:** UGHHHHHH FUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!?!?!  
**Me:** Magnus can put up with a lot, but 'seeing' Alec, that was too much. 

_“You once told me that emotions were like symptoms,” Alec said slowly, his voice soft, “that they were never black and white. You told me about getting breathless when your love walked into a room, that your heart beat faster when they walked by you, that your skin tingles when you feel their breath. That's how I feel, how I still feel when I see you. Even after all these months, you were right. This is exactly how I feel. I was wrong when you told me all of that, I brushed you off, but you were so right. This is it for me, this is what you do to me.”_

**Her:** I don’t even have words at this point!! Never have I needed a crying emoji face more!!  
**Me:** YOU TOLD ME TO USE THAT SCENE! WHAT THE HELL! WHY AM I BEING DEMONISED LIKE THIS?  
**Her:** YOU WRITE IT!! I JUST THROW UNCORDINATED WORDS AT YOU!! 

_This was the longest time that Lorenzo had allowed him to see Alec, which was both a blessing and a curse. He didn't know whether he wanted to kill or thank Lorenzo in that moment._

**Her:** UGHHH MOTHERFUCK!! I DID NOT NEED ALL THOSE ANGSTY IMAGES FIGHTING WITH ONE ANOTHER!!  
**Me:** If I said I was sorry, would you believe me?  
**Her:** NO. THAT MEANS NOTHING TO ME NOW!! NEVER WILL AGAIN…FOR ALL FUTURE FIC! YOU’VE MADE YOUR BED NOW LIE IN IT! 

**Her:** I'm pretty sure there's every type of angst in this fucking chapter!!! Sibling, Parabatai, physical, emotional, FUCKING MALEC!!

  
**Chapter 32**  
_"No! It was an accident, I promise. I'll be better. You've got me now, I'm not trying to escape anymore. I'll stay with you. You don't have to do this. Lorenzo, please?"_

**Her:** WAY TO KILL ME IN THE FIRST FUCKING LINE!  
**Me:** [Imagine I said sorry, you said you didn't believe me, I said in fairness I was a little sorry, and you just hurrumphed at me.]  
**Her:** You need a new way to apologise to me…and no, accepting the bloody changes for once doesn’t count! 

_"You're pathetic, Magnus." Lorenzo said, conjuring a piece of glass that Magnus had come to loathe and love in equal measure. “Sleep well.”_

**Her:** UGHHHHHHHH IM GOING TO LOSE IT IN THIS CHAPTER I JUST KNOW IT  
**Me:** You know you're less than 250 words in, right? 

_“No. No, Lorenzo. Not this room, please.” Magnus begged, speaking to the room at large._

**Her:** FUCK I'M NOT PREPARED…I SHOULDN’T BE READING THIS SO LATE WITH FUCKING ANGSTY MUSIC ON!  
**Me:** WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO THIS WITH ANGSTY MUSIC ON? ARE YOU MAD? 

_The green colour of Lorenzo's magic was evident around his wrists_

**Her:** YOU ARE QUICKLY RUINING MY FAVOURITE COLOUR HERE!!!  
**Me:** Green is mine too #Parabatai 

_Lorenzo had done him a favour, he thought, until Lorenzo moved away from him and he saw what was in front of him._

**Her:** I'M JUST…I…I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE  
**Me:** *hugs* 

_“Jace.” Alec said quietly, damning them both_

**Her:** I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TYPE OUT A SOBBING SOUND. THIS CHAPTER IS KILLING ME!! 

_“You son of a bitch!” Alec shouted, struggling against his bonds. He had very little movement and that just made him thrash harder, made him want to work harder for it, get free so that he could rescue his siblings from the injustice of it all._

**Her:** I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN…YOU'D BETTER GIVE ME SOME SERIOUS COMFORT CHAPTERS AT THE END OF ALL OF THIS!!  
**Me:** There's going to have to be...because we broke him way more than I intended. :S 

_“Alexander? In.”_

**Her:** WHAT THE FUCK?!?! SHE'S A BITCH AND I HATE HER!!!  
**Me:** THIS IS WHY I SAID THE WOODCHIPPER WAS TOO GOOD FOR HER! 

_“Yes, I'm going to behave.” Alec said, locking eyes with his tormentor._

_“Good boy.”_

**Her:** UGHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK I KNEW THIS CHAPTER WOULD BE MY FUCKING END  
**Me:** I love you?  
**Her:** YOU CLEARLY DON’T!! 

_“Just kill me,” Alec said softly._

**Her:** OMG YOU MOTHERFUCKER…HE'S SO BROKEN…I'M DROWNING HERE. HE'S JUST TRYING TO SAVE THEM…I CAN'T.  
**Me:** He thinks if he's out of the equation, they'll be safe. :'''( 

_“Please.”_

**Her:** JUST DON’T OK?!?!?  
**Me:** Look, Alec knows it works, so he's going to try it. It's not _my_ fault! 

_Magnus just waved a hand at Lorenzo in response, too weary to come up with anything to say. There didn't seem to be anything he could say anyway. All of the excitement he'd had about Cat and Alec possibly rescuing him had gone. He had been a fool to let himself hope like that_

**Her:** Just so you know, I’m holding this chapter against you forever!!  
**Me:** That seems fair.

  
**Chapter 33**  
_Jace opened his mouth to protest but Isabelle took his arm and led him out of the room. They needed to work out how to get through to Alec, but they wouldn't be able to do it head on, they needed to come up with a plan. They needed to get Magnus back._

**Her:** HE'S SO FRAGILE AND BROKEN AND I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.  
**Me:** Sorry?

  
**Chapter 34**  
_Cat looked over at the apparently graceful shadowhunter, who was actually doing a very good impression of an ungainly bird and not someone who looked like they fought demons for a living. She watched the easy way that Isabelle rolled her eyes at her brother and then got up to help. She was reminded of how Ragnor and Magnus interacted, and that thought made her heart hurt a little. The fact that 'immortal' meant long-lived and not truly immortal always seemed like a cruel twist of fate to her, it meant that when they did lose someone, it meant they had known them longer and it ended up hurting more._

**Her:** ARE YOU SERIOUSLY THROWING IMMORTAL ANGST AT ME RIGHT NOW?!?!  
**Me:** I've just got this list where I'm trying to hit all the angst at once :P  
**Her:** THERE CAN'T BE MUCH LEFT ON THIS LIST!! 

_“I see the brute force portion of the duo has turned up. Wish I'd had a chance to break you instead...you'd probably have been far more of a challenge.”_

**Her:** **_FUCK OFFFF LORENZO YOU GIANT DOUCHEBAG!_**  
**Me:** This just made me laugh so much. Lorenzo is such a DICK. 

_Magnus and Alec chuckled weakly into each other’s shoulders; but didn’t let each other go._

**Her:** I can't take the soft hurting boyfriends!!  
**Me:** You might want to stop betaing the fic then... :P  


  
**Chapter 35**  
_“I'm a guest now am I? Great, paper and coffee at 8am please.” Lorenzo drawled and Cat had to throw herself at Jace to stop him entering the room._

**Her:** SHUT UP LORENZO!!  
**Me:** You thought he was going to stop being a passive aggressive sarcy bastard just because he was caught?  
**Her:** I STILL HATE HIM! 

_“I think it's really cute you think you can fix him. He's defective. He's **weak**. I broke him and there's nothing you can do about it!”_

**Her:** FFS SHUT THE FUCK UP!! 

_“Actually there might be a protocol about this, am I even supposed to be out and about? Should I be in a cell in The Gard? I can't remember exactly how this works, it's been so long since this has happened. I've probably only even read the protocol once.”_

**Her:** NOT ANOTHER CELL!! GOD NO!!  
**Me:** The fact that he thinks that might be what is needed broke me a little tbh.  
**Her:** Like that’s just where he belongs now…ughhhh  
**Me:** What the flying _FUCK_??? 

_Neither of them were sure how long they stood there like that, lips pressed together with no passion, but with a depth of love immeasurable by time or space._

**Her:** THE FUCKING COMFORT IS HERE! FINALLY!!!  
**Me:** 85K of FINALLY.

  
**Chapter 36**  
_Would there be another horrendous image that he would never be able to unsee? That would haunt him as soon as he closed his eyes? Was Izzy dying? Was Jace? Was **Magnus**?_

**Her:** WAY TO EASE ME IN!!! NOT!!!  
**Me:** #Helping? 

_“Not this. Anything but this. Please.”_

**Her:** FUCK SAKE…YOU KNOW HOW TO BREAK ME!!  
**Me:** Well you know how much I love a good parallel. :D 

_“Can we just do it by hand?” Alec asked quietly, sounding lost and broken again._

**Her:** He's dating a warlock and we’ve made him fucking afraid of magic ffs…I can't…  
**Me:** Yeah I know, I'm trying not to think about this too much. :S 

_Alec took a few deep breaths but couldn't think of the words to say. How did he explain to Magnus what he was feeling, what he had been feeling for weeks now? How did he explain the utter powerlessness he had felt with Lorenzo? The same powerlessness he felt, even when he was out from under Lorenzo's grasp? How did he explain to Magnus that he was defective now? That he wasn't the person he fell in love with? How did he explain to him that he was broken and no longer whole, no longer brave, no longer worthy of his love?_

**Her:** OH MY GOD DID YOU HAVE TO?!?!?!  
**Me:** Sorry? 

_“It's not okay though, is it?” Alec said, his voice rising in volume. “It's not fucking okay! I'm...he...He **broke** me Magnus, and I don't...I can't...I don't know how to put myself back together again, I don't know if I even can.”_

**Her:** No Alec YOU'RE NOT FUCKING BROKEN OKAY?!?!!? I WILL FIGHT ANYONE THAT SAYS YOU ARE INCLUDING YOU!!  
**Me:** I heard that so clearly in his voice, because Matthew 'stupidly good at nuanced acting' Daddario is very good at the hitching breath and cracking voice.  
**Her:** STOPPPPPP 

_“He had me in a cell, Magnus.”_

**Her:** Oh my Christ my stomach just flipped!!  
**Me:** Seeing it written out just like that made my chest hurt. 

_Magnus waited, not wanting to interrupt lest Alec stop talking, even if he did want to rail and scream about the fact that Lorenzo had put Alec, who couldn't bear to be inside for too long before he got antsy, in a cell with no stimulus at all. It was brilliant in its cruelty, and it made him hate the man he had once called friend more._

**Her:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NEW BIT?!?!?!?! HATEEEEE  
**Me:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!! 

_Alec didn't believe it, and Magnus could see that reflected on his face, but he vowed to tell Alec every day until he did believe it. Lorenzo wasn't going to take this from them._

**Her:** FUCK YOU LORENZO YOU'RE DONE!!!  
**Me:** Legit just spat my drink out. I love you so much.

  
**Chapter 37**  
_Magnus caught the pancake he was making on a plate and put it down in front of Alec, squeezing a bit of lemon juice onto the top and throwing blueberries to finish it off with a flourish._

**Her:** I HOPE THIS WAS AN INTENTIONAL LEMON REF!!!  
**Me:** Yes, yes it was. :D 

_“Pretend I don't know anything.” Alec said quietly. “I haven't really been around much recently.” Deep down, he knew that he'd been falling to pieces without his partner and probably would have been a liability on the mission in any case, but it killed him that he hadn't been there. It killed him that his siblings had known that he wasn't up to such a mission and had left him at home. It killed him that they knew what kind of man he was now. It killed him as he wondered whether or not he had always been that man._

**Her:** FUCK!! THIS FUCKING WHOLE PARAGRAPH HURTS!!!  
**Me:** Good God, reading it back I completely agree. OUCH. 

_time in captivity_

**Me:** Worst phrase I've ever used. My SON :'(  
**Her:** Bloody hell!!! The fucking gravity of what we have done in this fic has just hit me!!!!  
**Me:** IT'S ONLY JUST NOW HIT YOU??? WE'RE 100K IN!!!  
**Her:** It doesn’t hit me until the after effects are settling…He’s going to have issues for life!  
**Me:** They can get through it together, you KNOW they can. 

_“I want everything.” Alec replied, and it sounded like he was saying something else._

**Her:** LOOK!! THERES A HINT OF THAT RARE FLUFFY COMFORT I NEED!!  
**Me:** There's comfort all over the place...this is the Lesser Spotted Fluffy Comfort. :'D 

_“By the Angel, Magnus. I'm so sorry, I...”_

**Her:** UGHHHH OH GOD I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TYPE THE FUCKINH HEART CLENCHES IM FEELING RIGHT NOW I HATE YOU SO SO MUCH!!  
**Me:** Sorry??? 

_“Alexander, please look at me.” Magnus said softly, “please don't hide from me.”_

**Her:** FUCKING ACOUSTIC WAR OF HEARTS JUST CAME ON. THAT’S IT, IM DONE FOR!! AT THIS FUCKING MOMENT I MEAN COME ONNNNN!!!  
**Me:** Wow. Your playlist hates you. 

_“I am. I guess I'm her oldest friend now.” Magnus said, his eyes darkening as he once more remembered all those that he had loved and lost over his long life._

**Her:** MOTHERFUCKER!!!!  
**Me:** #AccidentalImmortalityAngst 

_He wasn't entirely sure that he and Cat hadn't done something completely new, a new branch of magic that he'd have to study in depth with her at a much later date. It was fascinating how they'd managed to transcend a dream and allow her to give him a pinprick of her magic through that subconscious barrier and into his conscious body._

**Her:** It's because they is BFFS 4 LYF  
**Me:** Damn straight. 

_Together they could achieve absolutely anything._

**Her:** In an unforeseen turn of events, I’ve found out it’s the comfort that truly breaks me…not the hurt.  
**Me:** Oh Gods me too.  


  
**Chapter 38**  
_“I'm not going to sugar coat this for you, Alec. This is probably going to hurt. Essentially we're pulling something out of you and it might actually feel like that at times.”_

**Her:** OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO FUCKING HURT…AS IF ANYTHING IS STRAIGHTFORWARD AND PAIN FREE IN THIS FIC!  
**Me:** WE AGREED IT WAS GOING TO HURT!!! 

_“I'm scared.” Alec said into the silence a few minutes later._

**Her:** Dead.  
**Me:** I know, I know. 

_He took a step backwards and Jace, who was the step above him on the staircase, put his hand on his shoulder, steadying him._

**Her:** He backed up into Jace…I can't…don’t touch me…  
**Me:** I didn't intend to do that and now I feel bad because reading it back it just makes my heart hurt! 

_“I hope your little chat was healing, Alexander. I know how fragile you can be.” Lorenzo said, needling at just the right spot to cause maximum hurt, like he always did._

**Her:** I know this was me…but god I hate me sometimes!!!  
**Me:** Yeah I'm taking no responsibility for that.  


  
**Chapter 39**  
_“Just lie down, let your big, strong warlock do the hard work for you. Pathetic.”_

**Her:** FUCK OFFFFFF  
**Me:** :D 

_Alec couldn't take a deep breath. He couldn't take any breaths. All he could feel was the magic fizzling along his skin, and hear the echoing laugh of Lorenzo in his ears._

**Her:** MY CHILD WTF!! I HATE THIS.  
**Me:** You're only on page 1!! 

_He was still scared, scared that he'd be hurt, scared that Magnus would be hurt, scared that this wouldn't work. He didn't think he'd be able to cope with that if it happened, didn't know how he'd live knowing that there was this **thing** inside him that would never go away, this thing that was a reminder of his hellish ordeal_

**Her:** THIS SOUNDS FUCKING HORRENDOUS  
**Me:** Thank you? 

_“Magnus is killing you, Alec. I told you he was bored with you, that you were just a game to him, that you were merely something to pass the time. He deserves to be with someone worthy of him, someone who actually can be with him for centuries, not your weak, Shadowhunter body. A body that can't even function without drawings. You're pathetic...and I think you know that. I think deep down you know I'm right. I know you more than these fools ever will. I know you down to your soul.”_

**Her:** UGHHH MOTHERFUCKER SHUT THE HELL UP!!  
**Me:** What are you going to do when you can't shout at Lorenzo anymore?  
**Her:** Wait till he shows up on my screen and scream at him there?? 

_“Now you're going to get Magnus killed as well! I thought you loved him! What was this all for if it wasn't about keeping him safe? I can't believe you! After everything that I put you through, after everything that you put him through, you're going to kill him? You're going to force him to drain himself? Gasping for breath like a fish on the shore? This is disgusting. I didn't think much of you, but this is too much...even for me.”_

**Her:** THIS IS GIVING ME FUCKING ANXIETYYYY  
**Me:** YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN! 

_"Don't listen to him, Alec. He's desperate. He knows we're almost done. He'll say anything."_

**Her:** THIS IS TOO FUCKING ANGSTYYYY  
**Me:** This was your idea!  
**Her:** Stop listening to me!!! 

_Magnus watched as Cat helped Alec to sit up. Alec was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, his hands shaking slightly as he dropped his head within them. He looked at Catarina and he saw her send in some healing magic and Alec's shaking stopped. She looked up at him and smiled, nodding perfunctorily._

**Her:** I fucking love this…something going right for one…everyone being so together.  
**Me:** *sings* We're all in this together! */sings* 

_“And who knows if he even did it right?” Lorenzo mocked from his prison inside the second pentagram, the one which had not powered down after the ritual._

**Her:** OHHH SHUT UP. YOU LOST. DEAL WITH IT.  
**Me:** I love you. 

_“Good boy.”_

**Her:** YASSSSSSS  
**Me:** Just for you my darling.  
**Her:** This was everything I needed!!

  
**Chapter 40**  
_He got up from his chair and came around the table, kneeling on the floor next to Alec in a mirror image to how Alec had comforted him after his time with the rune and The Clave._

**Her:** FUCKKKKK IM EMOTIONAL  
**Me:** Paralllllels? 

_“I'm going to be next to you the whole time.” Alec promised._

**Her:** AHHHHHHH SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIENDS  
**Me:** Is the comfort killing you worse than the angst? Or is that just me?  
**Her:** This comfort is draining me!!! 

_Magnus dropped his hand on to Alec's thigh and he felt the muscles under his hand that were tensed, relax slightly. He had been so caught up in his own anxiety of being at the Institute that he hadn't even thought about Alec having to venture into one of these tiny rooms. He wished he could have thought of it before hand and then tried to get them to change the venue. It was so like Alec that he hadn't mentioned it, and he kicked himself for being so self-absorbed._

**Her:** THERE'S FUCKING ANGST EVERYWHERE HERE! EVERYWHERE I LOOK!  
**Me:** There's a lot of comfort and therefore a lot of angst! I don't make the rules! 

_Suddenly he realised something. Herondale. Her name was Inquisitor Herondale. He looked up into her eyes and he saw a resolve there that he hadn't expected. She wasn't going to bring him up, and he didn't have to mention him._

**Her:** No thanks. Nope.  
**Me:** I know, I know. 

_Magnus kept his eyes facing forwards, refusing to look at Alec, he didn't think he could do this if he was looking at him. He was already steeling himself for the moment when Alec moved his leg away, maybe even pushed his hand away. **Magnus’ mind was already attempting to protect this last memory of Alec, the last time he would see his face untainted by a look of disgust when he found out what he’d done.**_

**Her:** Any better?  
**Me:** NO THAT IS NOT FUCKING 'BETTER'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Her:** :) 

_This was it. This was where he lost him._

**Her:** NO FUCK OFFFFFFF 

_“Good to have you back, Mr. Lightwood.”_

**Her:** THIS IS TYPICAL SHADOWHUNTER!  
**Me:** Warriors first, mental health second. *headdesk*  


  
**Chapter 41**  
_“I'm fi...”_

**Her:** DON’T EVEN START ALEC!!  
**Me:** Hahahahahha. 

_“Yes,” Jace said worriedly, looking at Alec's clothes and noting that he was in Head of Institute mode, wearing a suit, and not in patrol mode, wearing Gear. He had no Stele in his thigh sheath, he wasn't even wearing a thigh sheath. If Alec jumped off the roof right now, he would die. “Alec?”_

**Her:** ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GIVING ME ROOFTOP ANGST??  
**Me:** No? *angel* 

_He wasn't truly a Shadowhunter, and apparently he was also a piss-poor human as well if his aching body was anything to go by._

**Her:** WTF IS THIS ADDITION?!?!?! REJECTTTT  
**Me:** Whoops?

  
**Chapter 42**  
_“Magnus?” Alec called, his heart constricting when he didn't immediately get an answer._

**Her:** They are so hyper aware of where the other is now. I’m dead.  
**Me:** THAT WAS YOUR IDEA!!!  
**Her:** I TOLD YOU TO STOP LISTENING TO ME! 

_Alec leant in and placed a chaste kiss on Magnus' lips._

_Magnus started to worry more after that. It felt like a goodbye somehow._

**Her:** FELT LIKE A FUCKING GOODBYE?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!  
**Me:** You love me!!!!  
**Me:** Sometimes I really don’t!! 

_Alec, his hands now steadier, placed the Stele down onto the coffee table. He started to think that he might be okay after all._

**Her:** Yayyyyyyyyy Healing!!! I see healing!!!  
**Me:** It's only taken 34 chapters... 

_Alec reached into the top drawer of his bedside table and pulled out a Stele. His Stele. Not the back up one that was at Magnus' loft, but his one, the one he carried around with him, the one that he had used for a decade. Magnus didn't know what this meant, but he knew it was a big deal, so he said nothing as he watched Alec activate his Stamina, Endurance and Agility runes._

**Her:** I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY BUT I KNOW WHAT'S COMING UGHHHHHH  
**Me:** Yeah I can't believe I'm luring people in with the prospect of smut and then hitting them with angst...Wait, actually I can completely believe that.  
**Her:** I can totally believe this! 

_Alec gasped when Magnus licked up the length of his deflect rune and he had a wild thought that if he wasn't a Shadowhunter then that rune wouldn't be there and Magnus wouldn't know exactly how much that drove him crazy. So, it was a damn good job he was and Lorenzo could suck it._

**Her:** YES!!1 FUCK YOU LORENZO! DEFLECT RUNE FTW 

_Alec pulled Magnus up his body again, wanting to kiss him for doing that, wanting to try and explain how much it had meant to him, how **okay** he felt after so long feeling untethered._

**Her:** This is the most fucking emotional smut ever!!!  
**Me:** Thank you? 

_Alec stilled, almost not breathing. He couldn't be held down again, couldn't have this happen, couldn't feel this helpless. He struggled slightly, trying to get free, but couldn't get his body to remember how to move. His body had flooded with cold and he wasn't entirely sure he was breathing properly._

**Her:** NEED. TO. CRY.  
**Me:** *passes a tissue*

  
**Epilogue**  
_Magnus felt like they were getting there_

**Her:** I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS THE LAST ONE!!! I'M SIGHTLY EMOSH NGL  
**Me:** *hugs*  
**Her:** Aaaaand true to form…No change acceptance. Typical.  
**Me:** I wanted you to get that feeling “One last tiiiiiiiime.”  
**Her:** Yeah yeah… 

_“Life imprisonment. Solitary Confinement.” Alec whispered, a disbelieving tone still in his voice._

**Her:** LOVELY LITTLE CELL OF YOUR OWN LORENZO DOUCHEFACE.  
**Me:** I did this for you, I hope you know that.  
**Her:** I FUCKING LOVE THIS. 

_~FIN~_

**Her:** OMG ITS FINISHED DON’T EVEN TOUCH ME!!!!  
**Me:** I know I'm going to cry when this is at 'Ready to Post'.  
**Her, on sending back the last edit:** AHHHH THE END 

~~~ 

One of my favourite things about writing it was the hardwork that [TeachMePatience](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TeachMePatience) put in on this and the ridiculous conversations that we had as a result. I'm glad that we could share this with you :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Spanish Rebellion Trailer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13951266) by [Catastrokey (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Catastrokey)
  * [Artwork for 'A Spanish Rebellion' by Accal1a](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13963500) by [MichelleMisfit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleMisfit/pseuds/MichelleMisfit)




End file.
